I wonder what was happening inside? I just turned away and came here standing listlessly. I lifted my eyes towards the ceiling, I wonder if I would be able to help him get back.
Mr Mayer said Matthew was taking drugs without their knowledge, and the most shocking secret I discovered was that before meeting me he was diagnosed with drugs. But I was more curious to know the reason behind his actions, did he take drugs because of the desire to experience something like pleasure, or was it the influence of his friends?
I didn't even have any clue that he was a drugs addict before our encounter. But strangely I didn't saw any symptoms of him to be counted in that category.
It seems like Matthew have been fooling me for the past years of our friendship. So does it proved that our friendship was built on lies? Just how many lies did he sell me to purchase my trust? Now I wonder how lies he has been comforting me to bring me to smile. Just how many? Now I understand why things always wiggle wrong because he had never been honest with me. He will always smile when things get suspicious to handle and his smile will often set my heart to believe that nothing was wrong. Just why did you all this?
Looking around there was three female maid and two male servants standing at the corridor. Their expression speaks for themselves that they required sleep. But the things that brought a smile to my face was the worry in their eyes for Matthew. I am impressed by the concerns they are giving despite the violent treatment they received.
At least they don't despise Matthew.
But strangely for a while, I had this unpleasant feeling like someone was eying upon me. And there I saw the gazes I am receiving from a maid who was chatting something with her coworker. She looked younger than me, and maybe she was hired in the past two years or recently because I have never seen her around at that time.
I walked up to them.
" Excuse, do you know where the maid is? whose leg was injured." I said.
Their brows twisted and I figured them clenching their jaws. Am I hallucinating that they were against me or something? But I haven't met them in my entire life to give a bad impression of myself.
" What are you planning to do?"
" Oh! Nothing much, just to check up on her health since she was badly hurt."
" And why do you think we let you to her? Surely you want to boast around her on how you handle young master at your first arrival. For the past years, Lily failed to take care of the young master. Don't you ever think of succeeding because the young master will never adore you?"
So her name is Lily.
Hold on. This little brat just insulted me without no reason. How dare she? Young people are surely dumb and reckless, I guess I am letting it slipped away since I am conserving my energy to invest in useful sources, not unnecessary sources such as pointless fights.
" Grena, she is Mr Mayer's guest we can't be rude to her." Another maid said, pulling her friend's arm towards her side.
" So what??? I am not gonna tolerate her."
" Hey, you little brat! You should learn how to keep your temper at the limit if you wish to continue working. You might be dismissed by your employer, caring this much attitude. Aren't you too arrogant to behave when you didn't achieve anything great in your life? " I said, I do mean I will let it slipped. But I didn't plan on tolerating others frustration upon me. I don't have the will of excusing others ill-mannered because they were younger than me or what's so ever.
" Julia did you see that you are asking me to respect this person. Look how quirky she is. Damn bitch. "
I clenched my fist. Do you know how unpleasant it feels when you came for your friends even at sleep hours and you're wronged for your actions?
" Grena, mind your language." Her friend said.
" It's okay. It's not the first time I am being called that."
It's okay, will they believe me? only I know who much okay was I from inside. I was very much fine that I can't feel anything at all.
Having relation with Matthew. I have encountered numberless admirers of his who mistook me for his girlfriend, lover or I don't know what should I add more. When I knew that relationship was just a burden in his eyes.
Well, they weren't exactly to be blamed for the misconception. The adoration I received from Matthew has also given me the idea that he has something for me. And I was floating on the clouds planning for a confession.
But then I realised his attitude has been like that to any girls. It was nothing special for him to be sweet to girls, but it was very special for me.
For some unknown reason, Matthew was very clingy like a monkey of a zoo towards me. Having received unusual attention and affection from Matthew I was often assaulted by girls. Just thinking about those fight made me want to puke.
" What's your relation with Young Master?"
What's your relation? I don't know how many time should I answered? Everywhere I go people will want a clarification out of me between Matthew and me. There is always a question mark in Matthews and my relationship. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to explain the things that you're trying to understand?
" Nothing much, but just a friend."
" Friends???" Both of them raised their brows. Their expression somewhat gets into my nerves.
They looked more interested in my business rather than focusing on themselves. And yet their eyes failed to suppress the astonishing reaction. Is it so hard to believe that we are friends?
" Oh, so you're just friend. Nothing else."
" Do you anticipate the relation to be something based on your expectation? Sorry to disappoint you that it is nothing that you're imagining."
" Eh... I am sorry if I offended you, I am not meaning to say that."
It's exhausting to tolerate people acting nicely in front of you when you realised there was no sincerity in their words. I don't need any casualties, I am sick of lies comforting me. I just need an honest apology without sugar-coating words.
I am tired, I wanna rest. I want to lie on the fresh grass of spring, where the sunlight will warm my body and then enjoying the bliss I wanna sleep forever among the clouds.
Both of the young maids shriek back and walked away as if something dangerous was gesturing into their eyes that they flee away. Positioning my eyes I noticed it was Mr Mayer who was walking out from the room. His eyes were shining blue with not something soothing, with something stressful dilated into his pupil. I was leaning my back to the wall, and hence I just observe the exhaustion over his face.
He walked up to me, taking a sighed. "Kiddo! Are you okay?"
" You should be asking yourself, Mr Mayer. Your face is more devastated than mine."
He slightly nodded his head, so he didn't even deny the fact that he was more exhausted than me. He was the type of man for whom expressing his emotion was commuting a sin. I can not believe that he was still playing calm as ever when he had so many responsibilities to fulfil. He was dying in despair more than my grief and I felt so ashamed of myself to be whining when there was another person whose despair was immeasurable. Hence I was being childish thinking that the world was just only cruel to me when on the other side of the world numberless people are fighting their wars.
Drowned in embarrassment I couldn't gather the courage to communicate with Mr Mayer upfront. And so I just stared at the floor instead.
" How's he?" I asked. What am I asking again? From which angel does he appeared to be fine. Covered in wounds and blood from which perspective will I find him fine.
" Nothing much, we just inject him sleeping potion, he will be able to sleep. He will not wake until the morning."
" Mr Mayer, had he been like this every night?"
" Not particularly often he will scream at night. Today he swirls a bit odd and exhausted, it's been a long time that I had to lose the opportunity to hear his voice."
" What does it mean?"
" It's so frustrating at a time to see my child losing the sensibility of his life. Can you even imagine that he even abandoned the need to speak? He no longer finds it compulsory to communicate with anyone. He would barely talk with his maid, Lily if he required something. He will not even talk to me, even his father. Every day he would lock himself in the room, and my child turned into a living corpse."
" Before departing, he wasn't in this state. What had caused him to be like this? Neither you nor I had imagined things to flipped in this way."
He sighed. " I don't know the cause but that isn't important right now. We should be focused on his future, instead of regretting what happened in the past. Well, Thanks for coming late at night. It must have been a selfish request to drag you here at night."
" Indeed it is a selfish request. But Matthew is no stranger, and so I am considering it."
Lurking late at night at someone's house, wasn't easy for me to consider. First of all, I wasn't Matthew's girlfriend. Not because I give care for the thought of society. Just because it was going to hurt someone else.
He nodded his head as if he was getting the mumbling thoughts eating me alive from inside.
I said." I can't do anything, just watching him in this state screw my determination. I wonder how are you able to say those things when I am not able to believe that I can be of any help? What I have seen today I can never imagine. Instead of him, I am gonna lose my mind if I stay here any longer. "
" I 'll talk to you when you're capable of understanding the circumstances."
" I don't want to understand anything. I just want to go, somewhere afar from here."
" You're exhausted, let's keep the chat for tomorrow. "
And with this Mr Mayer walked away, completely taking me more than a nuisance, he was disappearing into the long corridor and I watched him fade in the light with the highest urge suppressing inside me to grab his collar and begged him to give my answer. And in this manner, my question was left unanswered.
Then a butler approached me to lead me to the room where I would be spending the night. It was on the command of Mr Mayer for me to stay for the night since his morals didn't permit him to send a girl with zero defence to wander around the city. I didn't argue with him since it was dangerous for me to go home alone, even though I prefer to stay away from this place as per my wishes. This house contains many memories of Matthew that it just only pained me to remember that he has changed. He has changed, and so does his feelings.
Will we be able to remain like before? I am more worried about the knot that connecting us, it seems to me that it can be broken at the slight swish of a wind. Just one little incident and everything will be shattered between him and me...
The butler wished me good night, and I also did the same in the honour of ethics. After that, he went away leaving me standing behind the door. I clasped upon the door and pushed it. The room was neat and clean like unusual, and the chandeliers hanging in the centre of the room was quite fancy, even though I wasn't fond of fancy things.
I stepped inside and walked inside the bathroom. A huge oval mirror was hanging inside the room, fabricated by some golden metal at the boundaries. It wasn't my first time enjoying the restroom of a filthy rich family so you can say I wasn't that surprised. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror, just look at my face it's so pitiful that even I wasn't able to ignore this sad face. My eyes were swollen and a little puffy. But more terrifying was the presence of blood coated upon my cheeks, I looked at my palm as well. It was also coated in blood.
It's not my blood, and that's the thing horrifying me. Even though I wasn't the one to shed the blood, I couldn't care less about the one who shed it. He must be in pain. A pain lot deeper than my despair.
My hands were trembling, the faint smells of blood irritated my nostrils. I didn't realise I was covered with his blood. It must be from when I clasped his hand in mine.
Right now I can just tell myself.
Everything will be fine, even though I doubt if it will be.
********
Thank you for reading.