Three months had passed since Hermione left the hospital. News of Draco resurfacing reached her a few days later. He made sure to stay away from the flat or the Ministry and Hermione never looked for him either. She still felt confused and uneasy. The letter Blaise had given her made her feel even more uncertain of her own feelings. At some point she was sure of the hate she had for him, but then she found herself thinking about him with tenderness and regret. Whenever that would happen, Hermione would scold herself for being too weak and sentimental.
He has lied to me. He has scarred me both mentally and physically. I do not care about him... I do not want to see him ever again!
She would chant these thoughts in her head as if they were a mantra meant to protect her.
The only person she trusted enough to share these conflicting thoughts with was Ginny. One day she had worked herself into such a whirl of emotions, that even Ginny barely managed to calm her down.
"Ginny, I am so confused. I don't know what to do and it's scaring the living daylights out of me." Hermione said in a weak voice, her eyes tearing up.
"There, there." Ginny said calmingly, gathering Hermione into a warm hug. "Not knowing what to do can be frightening, but you're Hermione Granger. You always know what to do." She added with a small smile. "Maybe not now, not even tomorrow, but eventually you will know what to do. Just give it a little bit of time."
"You think so?" Hermione asked in a hopeful tone.
"I know so. What you went through is enough to drive anyone mad. It's understandable that it takes you so much time to make sense of it all." Ginny said with a small reassuring nod.
They both remained silent. Hermione buried her head in Ginny's embrace. It felt good to have someone to talk to, someone to trust. After finding out about Draco's lies, she felt scared and unable to trust anyone. Nevertheless, her closest friends, the ones she got through a war with, had always been there for her and she knew that. Therefore, when Harry and Ginny came to talk to her she never acted with bitterness. She understood why they chose to keep Draco's secret, it was after all for her own happiness. Then why couldn't she understand Draco? Why was she harboring such resentment towards him?
"You know Ginny," Hermione began suddenly. "At times I wonder whether it would have been better never to remember the past."
"You don't mean that." Ginny said softly. "You always felt part of you missing. Sure, not knowing certain things might make life easier sometimes..." Ginny stopped, giving Hermione a strange look. "I don't approve or agree with Malfoy's methods, but I know he did it with the best intentions."
Hermione scoffed, looking away from her friend.
"Yes, I know he's an idiot. Everybody knows that. I am sure even he has started to figure that out by now." Ginny said, rolling her eyes with a huff. "Malfoy is an idiot and what he did was wrong. But what if... just what if that was the best he could come up with? You know he's never really been brave or open with his feelings."
"I really would have preferred if he hadn't gone past the slicing curse. If he hadn't Obliviated me then..."
"Would you have believed him?" Ginny cut her off. "Would you have trusted him after that display? Just think about it." She added quickly, seeing Hermione's reluctant expression. "You know what he was. He was a Death Eater, who's family had done every possible wrong until that day. You saw him tormenting you all those years, you know he tried to kill Dumbledore and he even let Death Eaters into the castle. Not to mention that after all that, the idiot still tried to get back at Harry during the Battle of Hogwarts, almost getting himself burnt alive." Ginny finished with an angry huff.
"Are you trying to make me resent him even more, Ginny? Because if you are, then you are doing a splendid job." Hermione said mockingly, though not able to stop a small smile forming on her lips. Seeing Ginny so worked up was always entertaining.
"Well, no." Ginny said flustered. "I am actually trying to make you realize that, at that point in life you may not have been willing to listen to him, to understand him. There was too much history and dislike between you two."
"There still is, Ginny." Hermione said sadly.
"I don't think so, Hermione."
"What do you mean?! That history hasn't disappeared. I remember it now." Hermione cried out in frustration.
"True. You do remember, but now there is something more. Now you know him better. During this entire period you have spent time with him and have seen the man he has become. Can you truly say he is the same prick he used to be during school?" Ginny asked seriously.
Hermione remained silent, looking down at her feet. Ginny's words were slowly sinking in and she had to admit the truth they held. After all, during the time they have spent together she had started to like him, to love him for who he was. Maybe the entire debacle with her memories came as a blessing, allowing her to see past appearances, showing her the man instead of his history.
***
In the meantime, Draco Malfoy made sure to stay away from almost everyone. As soon as he came back from fighting off McKinley he closed himself inside the Manor. The only people he had allowed to see him were his mother, Blaise, and Harry Potter.
The moment he came back, he had sent Harry a letter explaining him what happened. He had chased Robert McKinley away that day and fought with him in the Highlands. The fight had not been easy, and both Draco and McKinley had gotten out of it looking thrashed. Nevertheless, Draco had made sure McKinley was still alive when he brought him to Azkaban.
Despite his mother's numerous entreaties, Draco refused to go to the hospital and his self-healed wounds had started to fester. Narcissa did everything she could but after a week she had finally called Blaise to the Manor. Draco's condition was getting worse and seeing how he refused to go to St. Mungo's made everyone close to him feel anxious about his health.
"What the blazing hell has happened to you?!" Blaise had bellowed upon seeing Draco's condition.
"Would you just shut up and do what you have to do!" Draco had snapped at his friend. He was in pain and didn't feel up for an argument.
"I should just kill you now and be done with it!" Blaise had snapped back, huffing, and rummaging through his bag of potions.
A week later after Blaise's visit, Draco started feeling better. He slowly started going out of the house, but never left the grounds around the Manor. His thoughts though, kept flying towards Hermione. He had heard from Harry that she was feeling better now, at least physically. Emotionally, no one dared to make assumptions.
Every time he closed his eyes, Draco felt the anguish rising in his chest, dripping inside his soul. He could recall her tormented face, her painful expression and he hurt more than he ever hurt before. Despite knowing there was no use for that now, he kept blaming himself for his selfishness. Had he stayed away from her, none of this would have happened. Even if McKinley wanted to get revenge on him, Hermione would not have been involved. If he had just stayed away from her.
But even now he still couldn't. It took everything he had not to go running to her. There were moments when he missed her so much, his heart felt like breaking into a million pieces. Even during his sleep, he was tormented by images of her either getting tortured by his aunt or being hurt by a faceless person. That's when he would wake up gasping and sobbing, unable to breath properly until he would remember she is safe; safe from him and anyone else that might try to harm her because of him. Because he would never try to contact her again. This time he would be strong enough to do it.
This is the manner in which Draco Malfoy spent the three months after his return. He was now fully recovered and was planning to travel again. The day he had made the decision, he called Harry Potter to the Manor to convey his determination. Harry had not been pleased, but he soon realized there was nothing he could do to persuade Draco to change his mind.
"You're doing another foolish thing, I hope you realize that. Leaving her once was alright and understandable, but doing this now, is just plain stupid." Harry had said just before he left the Manor that day.
"She's better without me, Potter. Even you know that, and you're not known for having smart brains." Draco drawled, trying to hide his emotions behind his mask of indifference.
"Whatever you say, Malfoy." Harry had said, shrugging at his now former partner. "One day you will grow tired of that mask of yours. You'll see."
And with that, Harry left not turning to look back. Thus, he did not see the expression of agony on Draco's face.
I already have Potter. It is already starting to feel so heavy that I can barely breathe behind it.
Thank you all for reading this story! One more chapter to go and then an epilogue. I hope you are wishing for a happy end ;) Stay tuned for the last chapter. Until then, have a wonderful day! ^_^ <333