JASON
Jason thanked the good Lord when the weather finally gave way to clearer skies halfway to Seattle. The wagon had gotten stuck worse than Clancey to Lottie's bar after a month at sea, costing them an hour on the trail. By the time the horses pulled them into town during the twilight hour, they were both waterlogged and their backsides sore. He halted the wagon in front of his cabin and took a minute to observe Laurie's reaction.
She had been quiet the entire trip, content to hold the umbrella over them both until the rain subsided. Now she was examining the cabin without expression. She had that smooth, unreadable mask in place and he would have given his third of Bridal Veil Mountain to read her mind.
Her eyes stopped scanning the outside of the cabin and settled on him, a tentative smile forming at the corner of her lips. "Home?"
"For now," he answered, certain it was exhaustion and not the cabin's appearance that made her sound hopeful. He hopped down and helped Laurie off the wagon in a single motion, lifting her by her waist and setting her in front of the porch in a single motion. With a light touch to her elbow, Jason guided her inside.
The cabin looked as it always did, although it showed signs of being used more than usual. The beds looked tidy enough, and the dishes were put away. But a sack of dirty laundry sat by the front door in a corner, waiting for Jeremy's fiancé to collect it on a dry morning; the floor looked like it could use a good sweeping; and the fireplace had only coals burning under the soot, though only sweet angels above knew why things that had never bothered him before were bothering him now.
Moving past potential embarrassments, Jason followed her gaze around the room, wanting to give her time to take it all in. The first things that seemed to grab her attention were Jason's bed against the wall and his brothers' set of bunk beds that accompanied the living area. The round table with a yellow tablecloth and a few chairs placed neatly around it was next, along with the green table lamp he'd purchased last year placed in the center. He noticed her gaze moved more quickly over other things as it flickered past the washbasin and shaving mirror near the water pump, a cupboard filled with dishes and his father's journals, the small larder he kept stocked with coffee, and a stove that was probably full of ash.
She slowed her assessment at his old black leather chair that Jason had a habit of using to lounge on while reading the paper next to the fireplace, and she took a long moment to gaze at the large model of a clipper ship he had bought as a splurge for Joshua and Jeremy his first year as their guardian. Next to it sat his father's small clock on the mantel. Last, she seemed to find the Bolt family tintypes along with his father's portrait on the wall interesting.
"Who is the man in the painting?" she asked while fixated on it.
"That was my father."
"You look like him."
"Thank you."
She smiled and moved on to the Indian blankets on the windows, and Jason felt his first marital pang. He and his brothers had never needed much since they spent most of their time at their logging camp. While he secretly chuckled over other men's homes going through a feminine transformation when they got married, it pained him to think Laurie would dress up the cabin with lace and frills as women were wont to do. The Bolt brothers' cabin was no more.
"Ah, I guess I need to explain the sleeping arrangements," he said, thumping his finger against his other hand when her eyes focused on the beds again. She politely nodded, so he continued, not liking the unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Well, I told you my two younger brothers and I live here. That's their beds," he said, gesturing to the bunk beds, "And I sleep in that one over there. But don't worry, it's only for a little while. You'll be more comfortable when we build a cabin for you and me."
"Later, because of the rain," she said, still taking in her surroundings. "And after you get your new contract started."
He nodded even though she wasn't looking at him. He vaguely remembered saying something like that earlier. Blast it, she was saying his own words back to him, which meant he was repeating himself. He pinched his lips together and when she finally turned her head to look at him he said, "I'll bring your trunks in so you can get settled."
She glanced at his bed. "Where will you put them?"
"Oh. Well, there's another bedroom through that door," he said, pointing to the back of the room beyond the bunk beds. "It was my father's before he passed away. I'm putting you in there."
The implication was louder than if he'd said anything more, but he couldn't bring himself to talk about the intimacies of marriage. Not yet.
She faced him and with unspoken implications of her own she said, "I see."
They both stood silently, observing each other. In his mind, he heard a warning bell sounding as loud as the warning bell back at camp, but he couldn't understand what all the clanging was about. "Well, I'll go get your things."
"Thank you," she answered, and smoothed the skirt of her dress. "I'd like to get out of these clothes."
He looked her over and blanched. He hadn't realized she was still in the dress she wore to the wedding ceremony. It was crumpled with mud streaks staining one side. "I suppose I should have had you change before we left Tacoma," he said, his voice apologetic. "It was a nice dress."
She shook her head, dismissive of the subject. "It's nice of you to notice. I'm sure I'll be able to—" She cut her sentence short when outside voices and footsteps broke her concentration. The door opened and both his brothers spilled into the room.
"Jason! We figured you'd wait another day until—oh." Joshua switched his attention from Jason to Laurie and back again.
"Uh, um..." said Jeremy, matching Joshua's confused look. He pulled his gaze away from Laurie to question Jason with his eyes. "Jason?"
On the way home, Jason had mentally rehearsed his story to explain the events that transpired in Tacoma, but he figured he'd need at least four hits of whiskey before he could tell it right. "Josh, Jeremy," he said, gesturing to show Laurie who was who and then took her hand. "Brothers, meet your new sister-in-law, Laurie. Laurie, my brothers."
"Pleased to meet you," she said with a small curtsy.
Neither Joshua nor Jeremy said anything, both gaping at her.
"Well, are you going to just stand there with your mouths open like a women's prayer meeting in a dance hall, or are you going to say hello?"
Usually, his brothers sprang into action when he barked, a habit left over from the days when he was the sole provider and protector for both of them, but this time they dumbly shifted their gaze from her to him. Laurie was looking at him with wide eyes.
Joshua burst out laughing. "Oh boy, Jason, for a second you really had me going there," said Joshua, dismissing Jason's incredulous look. "You know, that's not funny."
"What are you... Josh, I'm serious."
"Right, Jason," said Jeremy, his big apple cheeks more prominent as he tried to hold in his laughter. To Joshua, he said, "I told you he was desperate when he left. Lottie said he might do something drastic."
"Yeah, but aren't you taking this a little too far?" asked Joshua. He looked at Laurie. "I hope you're a good actress. Jason's in deep."
Realization dawned on Jason and he took a step forward so Laurie couldn't see his face. "I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. I would never pretend... not about this. Not about marriage."
"Oh no? One word, Jason," said Jeremy, hooking his thumbs in his belt. "Peggy."
Joshua laughed harder.
"Who's Peggy?" Laurie asked from behind him.
Jason blew out some frustrated air. Still looking at his brothers he said, "She was a girl that lied to us when she said she was of legal age to come to Seattle with the other brides, and lied to her uncle about being married to Josh. She nearly cost us our logging business and property."
"Except she and Josh eloped and brought back a marriage license to convince her uncle they were married," Jeremy explained.
"But a marriage license isn't proof," said Laurie. "A certificate is, but not a license."
"Good thing her uncle didn't think of that," said Jeremy with a chuckle, and Joshua burst out in another round of laughs.
"Josh."
"It was all Jason's idea," said Josh, without attempting to curb his laughter at Jason's warning tone. "He was the one who thought up the whole scheme to get rid of the uncle so Peggy could stay and we could keep our mountain. Things didn't work out like we thought they would, but everything turned out okay. She's even married to a decent man living in Port Townsend."
Jeremy looked at Jason and crossed his arms. "So what do you plan to do with her?"
Jason looked over his shoulder, and compassion flooded through him. Laurie's hands were red from having tangled them in the string that closed around her handbag, squeezing off the circulation. The poor woman must be beside herself. "Nothing different from any other man that gets married."
Laurie's eyes flew to his face and he had a feeling she skipped a breath or two, but her gaze didn't falter.
"Oh, come on, Jason, let it go," Joshua said, shaking his head.
"Yeah, stop fooling with us and save it for Molly and Christopher."
"I'm not..." Jason put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out. "You know, there's one very important part of that story you left out. Peggy's uncle was just visiting, so Josh only had to pretend for a short time. Me pretend?! Who do I have to pretend to?!" his voice boomed. "Oh, if I was as desperate as you think I was, I might have pretended to have a new girlfriend. A fiancé? Fine, less likely, but possible. Those you can always break off. But a wife?! That's a little more permanent." He shook his head to make his point. "And brothers," he added with a dangerous, dark tone. "I wasn't that desperate."
"Here," said Laurie, stepping to Jason's side. She was pulling out a piece of paper from her handbag. "Maybe this will help."
Jason watched her give Jeremy a folded piece of paper and recognized it immediately. "Oh, Laurie, that's not necessary."
"I think maybe it is," she murmured to him, watching Jeremy's face for his reaction.
It came quickly. Jeremy raised his eyes over the paper at her, horror written across his features. "Uh, how... I-I-I mean, w... w-when did this happen, exactly?" Jeremy asked while Joshua took the paper from him.
Jason leaned against a chair, folding his arms. "Date's on the paper, Jeremy."
"Two days ago, in Tacoma. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and your brother tried to help me and..." Laurie paused for a deep breath and eyed Joshua while she let it out. "And here we are."
Jason smiled appreciatively at her. None other than a woman could deliver stark honesty with just the right amount of mystery.
"This is a marriage certificate," Joshua said, looking at Jason like he had lost his mind, and considerably paler. "With your signature."
"That's what I've been saying."
"You got married," said Joshua, as if the idea was absurd. "You're really married?"
"Yes, I got married," said Jason, finally losing his patience. "Now how about we try those introductions again. Laurie, these are my brothers, Jeremy, and the one with a brilliant sense of humor is Joshua. Gentlemen, Laurie. My wife."
Joshua glanced at him, but focused on Laurie, and handed the paper back to her. "I'm sorry, it's just so hard to—Jason's not the type, you know?"
"I know. He's still not," she said gently, taking the paper from him. "I imagine it's quite a shock. I think the two of us are still struggling to believe it ourselves."
"Well," he said, with a smile. "Welcome to the family. I hope you won't think too unkindly of me for laughing."
Her smile was genuine, with a touch of sadness when she locked eyes with Jason. "I don't."
Joshua smiled at Jason and gave him a quick hug with a pat on the back, but his stiffness told Jason how he really felt. "Congratulations, brother. You surprised me this time."
Jason sighed, wanting the entire ordeal to be over. "So it would seem." He looked at Jeremy, who was still examining Laurie with a crease in his forehead. "Jeremy."
"Oh," his youngest brother said as if coming out of a trance, "Uh, yeah. Welcome to the family. You'll be happy here." After giving Laurie a hug he chuckled and said to Jason, "Candy's going to talk my ear off until she meets her."
"Yeah," said Joshua with a dry chuckle. "And I can't wait to hear what certain other people will have to say too."
Jason inwardly groaned, knowing the someone Joshua was referring to. He desperately needed a drink. Not wanting to appear a drunkard, he hadn't had one all day even though he had a bottle packed in his travel bag. "Josh, would you and Jeremy bring in my wife's things, please, while I show her to her room," he said, uncomfortable with how easily the words 'my wife' rolled off his tongue the second time.
"That's very kind of you," said Laurie, turning so she faced his brothers as they walked to the door. "Thank you." They smiled in return.
While Jason's brothers unloaded the wagon, he opened her bedroom door for her. There he made another quick assessment of her new living space, this time taking inventory and looking for inadequacies. He'd never considered how sparsely decorated it was, the only pieces of furniture in the room being his parent's old bundling bed resting against the inside wall, a small nightstand, a wooden chair, a chest of drawers, and the armoire that held his and his brothers' suits.
Well, that wouldn't work. She'd need a mirror and vanity. Women needed something large enough to admire a dress in, so the shaving mirror would be inadequate. And that was probably just the beginning of the list. She'd need other things too. All those domestic things women found useful to run a household that up to now he had hired someone else to do or live without. Not to mention all those feminine things like hairpins and hats and do-dads on their ears. Frills, lace, perfume, it was all fine for enjoying a woman. But living with all of it? He sighed and quickly regretted it when her eyes fell on him. "I didn't mean..." He paused, his head drooping a little. If he started apologizing now where did it end?
"No, I understand," she said, her voice still low. She walked into the compact room and turned a full circle, taking it all in. "It's nice," she said, lifting her eyes to meet his. "Cozy."
Jason looked at the ruined dress and in a fleeting thought wondered what sort of comforts she had lived with before he brushed it aside. There was no use worrying about such things. She was his wife now, and that meant she would have to adjust, eventually. The sooner the better.
Joshua and Jeremy banged her trunks and hat boxes together, creating a loud commotion as they entered the room. Both wore serious expressions as they inched their way past Jason and looked at Laurie expectantly. She glanced at Jason for guidance. He gestured to the farthest wall.
"Jeremy and I thought we'd get a tin tub from Ben," said Joshua putting down a hatbox. When Jason rose his eyebrows he added, "Well, it was Jeremy's idea."
Jeremy threw him a look of disdain and smiled at Laurie. "I know Candy would want to wash up after a trip like that, so we thought you'd like the same. I can borrow some soap from Candy. She and Biddie have tons of sweet-smelling stuff. Not that, uh, not that I'd know."
"Thank you," said Laurie, even though she looked baffled with a little crease between her eyebrows as though she were trying to decipher what was being said. "That sounds lovely."
"Ah, what my brother is trying to tell you is we usually bathe up at camp, so most of our washing up things stay up there," said Jason. "We'll get the cabin better-suited to you as quickly as possible."
"Oh," she said, looking a little relieved. She turned to Jason's brothers, her smile a little more genuine. "Yes, please, I think that sounds wonderful. It's kind of you to offer." There was a lull in the conversation while Jason and his brothers watched her with interest, and she dropped her gaze to the floor, fidgeting with her handbag as she continued, "And I can tell the three of you are itching to have a necessary conversation. Probably one that needs to happen in a saloon," she said, giving Jason a tired smile. When his brow furrowed with an unspoken question, she said with a touch of mischief, "I know you never touched that bottle I saw you pack this morning."
Jason colored a little and averted his eyes.
She took a deep breath and dropped her hands to her sides. Her back straightened, and suddenly Jason was looking at a different woman. "Well, since we're family getting to know one another, let me start by saying that I believe that sometimes the best way through something is to speak plainly to avoid misunderstandings. So please forgive my lack of tact. A bath sounds heavenly, and so does a few moments alone to think. I know we didn't talk a lot on the trail, but it's not the same."
Jason stared, spellbound. This was the version of her that had intrigued him at the hotel; the version of her in complete control of herself, and yet not.
The thought of seeing her bathe was interesting too.
"So, husband, why don't you go get a drink, and rest a bit. And if I may impose on your brothers, after the two of you bring back the tub, go join him. I know how to build fires and heat water. That was a rain barrel I saw outside?"
All three of them nodded in unison.
"Good. Then it'll be easy. You won't even have to show me where a well is." They all stood there a moment, and she sighed. "Really. Go have that conversation. I don't want you to think I intend to cut you off from everyone and everything that you've ever loved. I don't know what Richard told you, but I've been married before, so you don't have to hide your vices from me. I know what a man needs. So please..." She paused long enough to inhale a shuddering breath. "Please, before I cry again, go talk to them, and drink however much you need to drink. Have a drink for me too." Her shoulders deflated. "We'll figure out the rest when you get back."
Her quivering voice and trembling lips at the end of her plea were all the proof he needed to see she was correct; the danger of tears was imminent. Jason jerked his head toward the door, and while his brothers exited the room, he softly touched her unbruised cheek. "Take your time and get comfortable. And don't worry about food. I'll have someone bring some over later so try to relax. This is your home now."
She gave him a brave smile and said, "I know. Thank you."
Jason gave her an affirming touch to her chin and left her in the middle of the room.
Well, he thought, stepping outside. That didn't go too terribly. Heaven knows it could have been worse. He shut the door and without talking, pointed his feet toward Lottie's to make a beeline for that much-needed drink with his brothers.
He had barely made it past Seattle's landmark totem pole when Joshua grabbed Jason's jacket by the shoulder. "All right, we're far enough away now, so out with it. Since when do you marry women on the fly? And what about Hannah, huh? I know you weren't in love with her, but you could have let us know. You made us look like fools. Did you forget how to send a wire?"
Jason removed Joshua's hand with deliberateness, trying not to give in to the hostility bristling against his bones. Joshua was almost as tall as him and challenged him often, but Jason was a good seven years older and more filled out, with broader shoulders and a barrel chest. Even more important, on occasion Jason held onto his old air of parental superiority, making it harder to keep his anger in check.
"Easy. I wanted to tell you in person," he said, folding his arms. "Some news shouldn't be sent over the telegraph. And I didn't make you look like a fool, you did that all on your own. As for Hannah... hmm." He squashed his lips and inspected the top of his boots, trying to find the right words. When he looked directly at Joshua, his brow was wrinkled. "Guess I'll have to be drunk enough for that too."
"Come on, Josh," said Jeremy. "I'm sure Jason couldn't help himself. You saw her."
"Yeah, she's pretty enough."
"More than pretty," said Jeremy. "And she's dressed like, like a, uh... like one of those rich ladies we've seen in San Francisco, only nicer. Jason, she's beautiful."
"Fine, but a woman's beauty is no reason for getting married. It doesn't mean he loves her. Or did you finally cross a line?"
"Jason wouldn't do that," Jeremy reminded him.
"I didn't think so either. But why else would we have a sister-in-law in our cabin? Wrong place, wrong time? I don't care if you were helping her. That's not love."
Jason watched them in stoic silence. He'd expected some backlash, but Jeremy's quick acceptance came as a surprise. He felt grateful. "I swear, I had no intention of getting married. I fought it, and Laurie fought it too. It was... oh, it was a comedy of errors. Hers, mine, her brother's... Look, she's not a bad person," he said when both of them exchanged a glance.
"No?" asked Joshua. "She trapped you, didn't she?"
"She's trapped too, Josh."
"I kinda feel sorry for her," said Jeremy. "Most of the time I couldn't tell how she was feeling, but sometimes she looked sad, and maybe a little scared."
Jason looked back toward the cabin, thinking of the deputy expressing his hope for her happiness. "Apparently she's had a hard life."
Joshua shook his head. "Well, that's just great. So she's divorced then?"
Jason thought about it. "I'm not sure, but I don't think so."
"You're not sure?! Jason, you have a woman in our cabin you have no background on and no interest in!"
"I wouldn't say I don't have any interest in her. From what I can tell, she's... actually, she's kind of fascinating, when she talks, like there at the end," he said with a chuckle, remembering her insistence that he leave his hotel room. And that comment about swearing like Clancey? She had no idea what lumberjacks and sailors sounded like when ladies weren't present. "And no, I didn't cross any lines, but her brother thought I did."
"Oh boy," said Jeremy, shaking his head.
Joshua ran his hand down the length of his face and met Jason's gaze. "How many times have you been accused of something that didn't happen? Even Aaron tried to force you to marry his sister, and you sidestepped that one. You couldn't do that one more time?"
"Not when her brother was wearing a badge."
"A b-b... badge?!"
"Oh Jason," Joshua said with a scoff. "Please tell me that bruise on her face isn't from you."
"Josh, you know me better than that. When have I ever hit a woman?"
"Never, but you might have had an accident."
"No. No accident, at least not with me. She had it before I met her. I—she said her brother didn't do it, but we were in a rush at the time and we haven't talked about it since. I keep wondering if she didn't get it when she jumped off her ship."
"She did what?!" Joshua said, raising his voice loud enough that Jason took a quick look around them.
"Why would she do that?" Jeremy said once he could get past his stammering.
"I'll be glad to explain everything I know," said Jason, putting his hands on each of his brothers' shoulders, "but right now it's been a long day, I'm tired, and I have an appointment with Lottie's finest. And you just promised that new pretty sister a bath," he finished, thankful for the distraction.
"Yeah. We sure did," said Jeremy, using the back of his hand to swipe at Joshua on the arm. "Come on, let's go pull Ben away from his after-dinner beer and get that tub. We better get her a towel too."
Joshua hesitated, and with a smile, clapped Jason on the back with brotherly affection. "All right," he said, and Jason relaxed as he felt his brother's tension release. "Any wife that tells a man to go have a drink with his brothers is all right in my book. But after a few drinks, I want the entire story."
"The whole story," said Jason. "I promise."
"I just hope you know what you're doing."
Jason flashed him a smile he didn't feel. "You know me, Josh. I never know what I'm doing until I do it."
His brothers laughed, and arms over shoulders, the three of them strode the rest of the way to Lottie's, just as they always had. For how much longer, Jason couldn't say, but at that moment, the Bolt brothers remained intact.
It was enough.
LAURIE
Laurie felt water glide over her body as she gently squeezed a new washcloth over her shoulders. Thank heavens for Candy, whoever she was. Later, when they met, she would have to thank her for being a wonderful influence on one of her husband's brothers. She bit her lip and watched a ripple pool around her knees.
The brothers hadn't let her do anything. Joshua got a fire going in both the stove and the fireplace. After escorting her to the privy and showing her where the chamber pots were kept inside the cabin, Jeremy took care of hauling in several buckets of water from the full to overflowing rain barrels outside and put them on the stove for heating before they left, along with a pot of coffee. It was more kindness than she had experienced in a long time.
The tin tub itself was efficient. There wasn't any room to stretch out and soak, but it was enough for Laurie to wash her body. It seemed Jason had built everything in his home for function, not comfort, except in the sitting area around the fire. She sighed. Everything felt so masculine. A burst of homesickness washed over her. She had lived in San Francisco for only two years, but it had quickly become home. Long, leisurely baths, beautiful clothes, oilcloth in the dining room, and a covered buckboard to take a person anywhere to keep their feet dry. She almost missed Kenna, at least the version of her she preferred to remember, but most especially Jenny and Doreen. They had been almost a family until all the trouble at the opera house.
That was when Richard came. She leaned back to stare at the bare wood that made up the roof of the cabin. Best forget all that, she told herself. It was like Sister Maria had told her after Sister Agnes had struck her hands twenty times for defending her homeland. She had helped Laurie bandage her blistered palms and said, "The past is best staying in the past, and other than to teach a lesson, it does a body no good to dwell there."
Perhaps it would have been easier had she been in love with Jason. Right now she couldn't allow herself to feel anything, let alone even dare to hope for love. Nothing weighed more than the awkwardness they were living with. Like the silence between them at breakfast, or on the way to Seattle. He had started out talking about Seattle, but not knowing what he wanted from her she didn't know how to respond, especially when he made it sound like heaven on Earth. The nuns had made Sherman's plantation sound like that too and look how that had turned out. Just when Laurie had summoned up the courage to ask questions, he had already quieted into their sparse conversations. She felt like she was squashing part of him without knowing how she was doing it. It was difficult to take care of his needs when she didn't know what he wanted, and his brief outbursts of emotion left her wondering what would happen if he truly became angry with her if she misstepped.
She had even held that stupid umbrella for hours over his head to protect them both from the rain, and to show him he wasn't sentenced to life with a lazy woman. Her arm still screamed with stiffness from the effort, but it didn't matter. The first few weeks of marriage were crucial. She wouldn't give him any more reason to hate her than she already had, reminding her of the promise she had made earlier in the day. Resolutely, she vowed again to do everything the nuns had taught her to do to make their marriage comfortable for him. It was what men wanted.
Well, men other than Sherman. And who knew what the man in the mask wanted?
Leave him out of it.
Irrational fears loomed over her as she worried that if she cast her eyes around to search for her enemy, he would appear, light glinting off his mask in the shadows. She forced herself to stare at her knees and waited for the shaking of her bones to cease. Perhaps she had finally given him the slip, or perhaps he had waited on the boat and it was too late for him to follow when he realized she wasn't coming back. Or it could be Richard was right; she had invented him in her mind to punish herself. If only she could prove he was real, not just to Richard, but to herself, too.
With that unsatisfactory thought, she dunked herself under the water and swished her hair around with her hands. When she came up, she rubbed the water out of her eyes only to have them settle on Jason standing just inside the room, leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed, watching her. Her initial reaction was to suck in her breath. The second was to flush four shades of pink. Her eyes darted to her night-clothes on the bed and back to him.
"Well, I'm impressed you didn't scream," he said, a smile tugging at his lips.
"I might have, but you and your brothers told me you wouldn't take long." She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard the slight pitter-patter of rain beginning. She looked from the ceiling to Jason, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Again?"
He nodded and chuckled when her shoulders sagged. "You better get used to it. Seattle gets a lot of rain this time of year. But better weather is coming soon, I promise." He brought her a sweet-smelling cake of soap. "From Candy."
She took it from him and sniffed it before giving him a shy smile. Honeysuckle. She murmured a quiet, "Thank you."
Jason waved off her gratitude and took off a pair of work gloves he had worn since they left Tacoma and threw them onto the table. He scraped the only chair in the room against the floor to sit behind her, his clothes reeking of cigar smoke and whiskey, and held his hand out. She frowned, confused for a moment, until he pointed to the washcloth and said, "I'll help you."
She rubbed the soap onto it and handed it to him, trying to keep her anxiety under control. She was sure he saw her hand tremble when he took the cloth from her, though she tried to hide it from him. She dutifully lowered her head.
There was a moment's hesitation before she felt his hands gingerly touch her back. His fingers were warm, but try as she might, she couldn't relax. "I suppose we're both better off if we just plunge into normal life," he said as he worked. "I know it's hard, but I don't know a better way."
"You took so long, I thought you went to see a lawyer about an annulment."
It was an attempt to jest, but she felt his fingers still. "There won't be an annulment, Laurie. Not from me."
His voice was flat and constrained as if someone held him by the throat. Wanting him to understand that she knew how serious this conversation was, she twisted her body in the tub, careful to position her arms to keep from being fully exposed. "I can't annul the marriage, either," she told him, meeting his gaze. His eyes had become icy, piercing in a way that made her hold her breath.
"Your brother is holding something over your head."
"Yes," she whispered.
"What is it?"
Laurie's breathing increased into short, shallow breaths; her eyes wide. If she told him...
"I suppose it would be hard for a woman to confide in a man she's only just met," he said more to himself than her, his eyes softening as they swept over her frigid form. He shook his head. "He's holding a piece of paper over mine," he continued, his voice gaining strength. "A piece of paper that says we were lovers before we met in Tacoma. It's a long stretch, but I'd rather be married than dead. What do you think about that?"
She licked her lips, followed by scraping her top teeth over her bottom lip. A nervous habit, but it gave her time to think carefully about her words. "I had to sign it," she finally said, searching his eyes for signs of anger. "I swear to you, I told him the truth. He made me sign it, no matter what I said. He just wouldn't believe me."
"I know. I was listening." His voice and eyes softened, holding no malice. "I uh, I also know one of the reasons you married me was to save my life, and I thank you for it."
A mental picture of Jason hanging from a tree, his face bloated and tongue sticking out like the slave Sherman had hung flashed through her mind and a violent shiver went through her. "It was my fault," she said, barely lifting one shoulder.
He leaned forward, holding her gaze. "I want to be clear, Laurie. Maybe it was your fault we met the way we did. But our marriage? That's all on him. Don't take the blame for something you didn't want or do. You didn't want it, did you?"
"No." Her voice shook with her body. When did the water get so cold?
He sat back, and Laurie relaxed. "Me neither. Yet, here we are. We'll just have to make the best of it."
She shifted her weight, and Jason's eyes were immediately on her, following her every move. Feeling she must say something, she swallowed and said, "I guess... I guess that means we're stuck with each other."
He nodded, his eyes flitting to the floor. "So it seems. As long as we both shall live."
She felt there was still something he wanted from her, but not sure exactly what, she said, "Normal life. I'll try my best."
A sad smile played on Jason's lips. "I will too."
She faced forward again and waited, her heart pounding. She may not understand what he was saying, but he seemed pleased with her response. She would figure the rest out. After an awkward pause, Jason's hands touched her again to glide over her hair and slowly knead the back of her neck. Laurie closed her eyes. At the wedding ceremony, he had held both her hands in his, and at the time she had marveled at how large, yet gentle they were when he had squeezed her hand. His thumb had brushed over her knuckles, a gesture she knew he had used to console her.
Now she wondered at the kindness of his touch through his long, strong fingers. The closest Sherman helped her with her hair was the time he walked in on her bathing and held her under the water for a frightening few seconds for going to church when he had told her she couldn't go. After that, she never bathed when she knew he was home. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her mind to stay in the present, glad she had given Jason the chance to show that so far, she could trust him.
Jason tilted her head back gently so he could pour water over her hair to trail down her arms. He touched her sore arm, and her eyes flew open to see him examining her. Now she was grateful the tub was small so that the water was high, her arms and knees not enough cover to suit her.
"I know you said your brother didn't hurt you, are you sure he didn't do this to you?" he asked, his thumb tracing the bruise on her elbow. "You can tell me. He can't hurt you anymore."
She didn't want to lie, but the truth was impossible to tell. She breathed in slowly, and when she exhaled, she decided on an omissive truth. "No. Richard and I don't always get along, but he wouldn't hurt me like that. I fell on the deck. It was still wet from the storm, and I slipped. Several times."
"When you jumped ship, you mean. To get away from him."
"Yes."
"So that's what happened there? And here?" He pointed to the bruise on her thigh, followed with a gentle brush of his fingers against the bruise on her face.
She had already almost forgotten, and now she would have to lie. And what did it matter if she did? It had nothing to do with him. Immediately Sister Agnes's voice scolded her, reminding her honesty was the best policy. After being locked up in Stockton, Laurie couldn't agree with her.
"Laurie?"
"Yes. That's how it happened."
He went back to his task, leaving her in troubled silence. After a few uncomfortable beats, she said with her voice cracking, "I'm sorry. About... everything. It's a nightmare."
"Hmm..." Jason picked up the towel she had placed on a chair and held out his hand for her to take. When she hesitated his eyes softened. "There's something you should understand. I'll fight for my family, my freedom, and my business. Oh, I know it didn't seem like much of a fight that night. There just wasn't any way around it. We gave your brother too much ammunition. But... well, what's done is done. We can't, or won't, undo it. So now we have a choice. I choose to go on with my life the best way I know how."
Tears welled up in the bottom of Laurie's eyes. Tears! It seemed they were about as numerous and unstoppable as the rain, and she was tired of crying. She had allowed herself to shed a few tears after he had left with his brothers, and now this. Jason was still speaking in soft tones, as though he knew right now she couldn't even imagine love between them but held hope for their future. He didn't know about things that happened with married couples. Not like she did.
"I'll try," she repeated in a whisper.
He held the towel out to her again. Deciding to be bold, she stood to take it, noticing Jason's eyes dropping. They had scanned half her body with tendrils of water running down her skin before he regained control and snapped his gaze back to her face and wrapped the towel around her. His shuddering breath was a relief to her ears. At least she had that going for her.
"You did that on purpose," he said, an amused smile playing about his lips. "Don't expect it to work every time."
No? The sisters had been right about one thing. If you wanted to change the subject and lighten your husband's mood, remind him of the bedroom. Although experience had taught her that was a gamble all on its own. She finished wrapping the towel around her and tried another attempt at humor. "I don't. Someday you'll be bored with that scenery."
He stared at her, hard. She had to work hard at keeping her face noncommittal. She wasn't unaware of the fire growing in his eyes. But she had to know, regardless of how unladylike it was. Was he like Sherman? Was she forever stuck in a marriage that offered no relief from pain? Or had fate in some twisted way brought her a chance at peace?
"Are you always so forward?" he finally asked, surprise leaking into his voice.
"Only when I'm married to someone," she declared, and then she thought about it. That was probably true. Usually.
He gestured toward her night-clothes on the chair. "Good," he said. "I don't like playing games."
She clutched the towel to her chest and eyed the robe and nightgown she had laid out earlier. In for a penny, Laurie. She met his eyes. "Do you want to watch me dress?" She held her breath, waiting. She saw him pause. Good. For all his talk of normal life, he was just as wary of intimacy as she was.
"No," he finally answered. "I'll take the water out."
"All by yourself? I would think it would be too heavy," she asked, and inwardly winced. She didn't mean to challenge him, but she was curious.
He opened the door and gave the tub a shove with his foot. It slid forward easily with the water threatening to slosh past the rim but stayed inside the tub's confines. Satisfied with his demonstration, he stood with his hands on his hips. "Candy said she'd send something over for dinner tonight, and Lottie, ah, a friend of mine, said she'd handle tomorrow. It'll take a day or two for you to adjust, I'm sure. I don't want you to feel rushed."
The pitter-patter on the roof had grown to a noisy beating on the shingles overhead. Laurie wondered if she were as quick a study as he seemed to think she was. "Who is Candy? That's another 'thank you' I owe her."
His smile was genuine. "Jeremy's fiancé. They've had an understanding for over a year. And she's tickled that she'll have a new sister-in-law."
"Will I meet her soon?"
"Well, I thought you might like for that bruise to heal first. When it's better, I'll start you out slow, meeting a few people at a time."
"Thank you." She involuntarily shivered and watched his smile fade.
"I'll let you get dressed," he said, and with another quick shove against the tub with his boot, firmly closed the door behind him.
Laurie dried herself as fast as she could. She had asked Jason's brothers to put the tub in her room so she would have some privacy, but that meant it was considerably chillier than she would have preferred. She rushed getting dressed before sifting through one of her trunks for her toiletries. Unable to find her brush, she gave up. Richard's men must have left it on the steamboat, and Jason's was in his bag, possibly still in the wagon.
Trying to distract herself from feeling annoyed, Laurie opened the armoire and the chest of drawers to put some things away. Inside the top drawer, she found a woman's silver-plated brush and a hand mirror. She wondered if Jason would mind. She stayed rooted to the floor, her hair dampening her gown, telling herself she was being silly. All she had to do was poke her head outside the door and ask.
But there seemed to be an immovable force keeping her from walking that way. She fingered the engraved thistle on the back of the brush before making up her mind. Brush in hand, she sat on the edge of the bed and worked the tangles out. She could hear Jason in the other room but tried not to imagine what he was doing. Instead, she thought about what he had said regarding the room once belonging to his father. That meant his mother was probably dead too. What sort of people had they been? Strong, she guessed, if her husband was any indication. And kind.
Her hair was halfway dried when the sound of banging followed by Jason's cursing startled her. She gripped the brush and forced it through her hair. It was no worse than Sherman coming home drunk; she told herself firmly. There was nothing to fear. So far, Jason was incomparably attentive. Another bang followed by the sounds of the tub scraping across the floor disrupted her thoughts again. Jason must have taken a bath himself, she realized, and had stayed in the living area to do it. She gulped in a deep breath and resumed attacking the last of the tangles in her hair and tried not to think of the implications. She failed, miserably.
Normal life. He wants to try.
She rolled her eyes at herself. And why not? If he didn't, she would worry. And if she hadn't wanted to, she shouldn't have stood like that in the tub. Naturally, after such a display he would change his plans for their sleeping arrangements. He must think her a hussy! Maybe she was a hussy, acting like that in front of a man she didn't know regardless of their marital status. She should have risen with her back to him. That was proper.
Laurie was almost finished with her hair when the door opened again. She lifted her eyes to see Jason frozen in the doorway. The bottoms of his curls were damp, and he wore his undershirt untucked over his wool, rust-colored pants. The shirt was well worn but white, a tuft of curly brown hair peeking out from where the unbuttoned fabric stretched open. She had noticed his muscular build while she had watched him sleep that morning under the bedclothes, but now she realized just how brawny logging had made him, and let her hand drop by her side. He crossed the room to stand inches from her, his eyes completely focused on the brush.
"I'm sorry," she said, pointing at the brush as he gently took it from her hand. "I seem to have lost mine. I think it got left on the boat, and I figured yours was still in your bag, so I... I know I should have asked. It was wrong. I just couldn't... leave the room."
Jason shook his head. "No," he said, his voice again low and thoughtful. "It's been a long time since anyone's used it." He glanced at the door with a frown on his face.
"Do you mind me using it?"
He averted his eyes and stepped closer to her, motioning for her to turn. "It doesn't matter," she heard him mumble. "You're welcome to it."
She obeyed and sat still while he slowly glided the brush through her hair, smoothing out the last of the tangles. It was an innocent act, yet intimate the way he ran his hands through it after the brush, butterflies stirring in her belly. She felt more exposed than she had in the tub, even though her nightgown efficiently covered her. Searching her mind for something to say to break the tension, she said, "Your brothers are nice. They were very helpful."
"I'm glad to hear it," he said. "I want you to be comfortable here. Happy."
"Why would you have wanted to pretend a marriage?"
"I wouldn't," he said flatly. "They knew I had no intention of getting married, so I guess that made more sense to them than the reality of it all. I've come up with some pretty..." he paused, and she turned to look at him. He had an amused look on his face.
"Some pretty?"
Jason laughed and signaled her to turn around again. "Some pretty outlandish schemes to get the results I want. It's like Josh says. It never works out the way I think it will, but somehow things turn out just fine."
"That is quite a talent."
Jason's chuckle was still low in his throat. "Yeah, I guess it is. Too bad it didn't help us, huh?"
"Too much ammunition, you said."
"Hmm."
He finished and put the brush on the nightstand. "Jeremy brought dinner over a little earlier than I expected," he explained, sounding apologetic. "Since I told Candy you were tired, she heated some stew from lunch so it wouldn't take as long." He chuckled while scratching the back of his neck. "She's so excited, I'm surprised she didn't come with Jeremy to drop it off."
"Oh. I don't think I could... I'm not dressed—" she broke off when Jason's lips pulled together in a straight line. That was a look she understood. "But I'm sure I can eat a little something," she hastened to add. "Your brothers aren't joining us then?"
His eyebrows lifted in surprise. "No. They've given us privacy for the night. Unless you're not, uh... ready?"
"Oh, no, I'm, I'm ready. I was making sure. Um, that's all."
She threw her robe on before taking his offered hand to help her stand. There was a little furrow in his brow, but he said nothing as he guided her through the door.
Laurie quietly studied him as she sat in the chair he held for her at the table. He grabbed his gold shirt to put back on before joining her, and the tentative smile he flashed at her gave her more butterflies. He ladled beef stew out of a lunch pail into her bowl, and when she took it he offered her a thick slice of bread. Strawberry preserves, a small basket of apples, and a bottle of wine completed Candy's generosity. She watched Jason prepare his meal and pour the wine. When he settled beside her, he looked at her with a mute question. She picked at the silverware next to her plate.
"Are you a praying man?"
"Well, that's a good question. Are you a praying woman?"
She thought about it and nodded. Prayer was an erratic addition to her life, but when Laurie had needed him most, God had been there for her. Although this wasn't as bad as before, yet, it probably wouldn't hurt to start old habits back up. Sister Agnes and Father James had worked hard to beat the heathen out of her. It was time to rise to her upbringing.
To her surprise, he smiled.
"Good," he said and grasped her hand.
His prayer was swift, but supper seemed swifter. Jason kept her wine from emptying, and silently she thanked him for it. It was how she wanted it too. The more relaxed she could be, the more he would be pleased, and that was what was important. Whether or not she would remember anything the next morning was immaterial.
When they finished, he cleared the table while she washed the dishes, and walked her to the bedroom, Laurie carrying her third glass of wine. He turned down the covers, and after she polished off her drink, helped her out of her robe to settle into bed before he discarded all of his clothing except his underclothes. She closed her eyes but was careful to face toward the middle of the bed instead of the wall. Don't offend him! Men want to be wanted. Was that her voice hissing at her, or Sister Agnes's instructions on a wife's duty? Did it matter?
Jason joined her between the covers and lay looking at her for a moment, as though she were a curiosity. His fingers lightly traced the bruise on her face and said in a calming voice, "Are you sure you're ready for this? If you're not..."
She shook her head. "I'm fine."
"That was a lot of wine for fine," he said with a light chuckle. Still, his hand dropped to her neck.
She winced and decided the truth was obvious. "I know. I said I was ready, not that it would be easy."
He nodded as if she only confirmed what he suspected. His hand paused. His eyes were soft. "Do you want to wait? Until it's easy?"
She found his concern charming, just like his smile. Too charming, she thought, her chest constricting. A test, she decided, and one she'd better get right. She scooted closer to him, sending the invitation he seemed to need. He wedged his leg in between hers, carefully paying attention to her reaction. She kept her face neutral and willed her muscles to relax. She knew how to do this. It'll be better this time. It is better. Much better.
"I think you were right about embracing normal life," she whispered, tentatively touching his chest before snuggling into it. His hair peeking out of the soft cotton shirt tickled her cheek, and he was warm. Very warm. "I never was one to dip my toe into the water."
"Hmm," said Jason into the top of her hair as he stroked it over her shoulder. "A jumper."
She smiled at the reference to the reason for their first meeting, warm fuzziness beginning to settle in. Sherman had never been gentle like Jason was being. She was sure it had never crossed his mind that marital relations could be something other than painful. Or worse, he knew and didn't care.
Jason pushed back her hair with a knuckle and moved a little to lift her face by her chin to brush a kiss across her lips. It was soft, and the strong scent of whiskey mixed with sweet wine on his breath tingled her senses. The bath had rid him of the cigar smell, but whiskey seemed to be a part of him. She couldn't remember how much wine he had enjoyed, but she was sure he hadn't kept his glass full like hers, either.
Jason leaned back, his manner soothing as his large fingers traced her neck to her collarbone to the pale green ribbons fastened at the top of her nightgown. He loosed them slowly, and she closed her eyes, willing the wine to hurry and relax her. Unable to control her heart, she knew he could feel it beating so hard it hurt.
Regardless, she wrapped her arms around him when he finished, giving him free rein, hoping he would register her terror as passion. He put his arm around her waist and rolled to support their weight on his arm and began giving her small, feathery kisses along the trail his fingertip had made on her skin until he paused at the hollow of her throat.
Laurie let a low moan escape, startling them both. Jason searched her face, and she noticed she had buried her hands in his hair. Am I that drunk? I can't be. What is wrong with me? Her mind whirled. Pleasure had been nonexistent with Sherman, relations based on anything but love. That's why I'm panicking. He's kind, nothing like Sherman at all. Procreation was a duty. Her duty. A man didn't want a hussy for a wife. The wife was there to please the man. Yet this was... this was...
Jason lowered his head and kissed her again, her mind letting go of any cognitive thought when she heard him murmur the right word.
"Exquisite."