For Love

Chapter 44

LAURIE

Laurie stood outside of Jeremy and Joshua's cabin, pretending to be engrossed with the bright orange that outlined the puffy white clouds in the pink sky as passersby said hello. She absently nodded back, murmuring greetings and mentioning the beauty of the sunset. She finally faced the cabin and took a deep breath. It's Jason's cabin too, she reminded herself. If they didn't remarry, it was likely that he would return to live with his brothers there. Joshua had reported that after Jason had made arrangements for her to leave, he had holed up in their old cabin with a bottle of whiskey. Thinking, he had said.

"Look, I know it's none of my business, but I thought you should know."

"Joshua, I don't think anything I could say would be helpful right now."

"You don't understand. Women don't normally come back to Seattle, and he's not sure you will either. If you don't, he'll leave, you know he will. I know he told you he'll provide whatever means he can for you wherever he can, even if it means giving up everything he's ever worked for. Maybe you don't believe him, but I do. Talk to him, Laurie, please. Let him know you're coming back. He'll believe you."

That was why Laurie stood in front of the cabin now. She chewed the insides of her cheek and rubbed her hands raw, trying to muster the strength to approach the porch. What could she possibly say to make it better? To say she was coming back was a possible lie, and she didn't want to do that. She wanted honesty in their relationship, didn't she? That meant she had to be honest with herself, and right now she couldn't possibly know what the future looked like. No matter how many times she had prayed these past couple of hours, she couldn't shake the anger she felt. It hurt! Jason wanted her, loved her, he said, but he would go through with an annulment all over again?! He'd been honest about it even though it made no sense to her. At least, according to Richard, she had fought to stay together. Knowing that he had jumped at the first chance to end their marriage pierced her soul.

Oh! It was all so maddening! She had thought she wanted to go to San Francisco, but as time ticked closer to leaving, she found herself unwilling to carry through. How could she change her mind like that? Integrity demanded she take the trip, but she wasn't sure seeing Jenny was good for either of them. Not yet. And Kenna? Her parting words had made it clear Laurie was never welcome in her house again. Well, that's what Laurie got for speaking her mind.

After a quick pat to the soft bun in her hair, she turned away and walked back to the saloon in slow steps. Okay, she could admit her misgivings about seeing Jenny and Kenna were part of her reluctance to return to San Francisco, but admitting those feelings didn't change her mind about remaining in Seattle. Still, she didn't want to be unkind to Jason. He was the father of her child! He had been kind and understanding through so many things that would have driven lesser men away. Richard had told her the facts after Jason left, taking full responsibility for that entire dreadful day, but she wasn't sure he really deserved it. Jason was the one who had demanded she sign the papers. Didn't actions speak louder than words? So even though he was everything she ever wanted, if he didn't want to be a family, then she didn't want to stay.

Well, one thing was certain. She was a coward, and she wouldn't talk to Jason just yet. She still had a few hours to decide what she wanted to do.

No one said anything when she entered the building, although Joshua stood at the bar with Aaron and Jeremy, each stoically studying the liquor in front of them. No sign of Richard. Annoyed, she walked past them into the kitchen and startled Lottie by flinging herself against the wall.

"I've decided I'm done with marriage," Laurie told her. "I'm going to have a baby. So what? A woman doesn't have to get married just because everyone expects her to."