For Love

Chapter 15

LAURIE

A week went by and Jason kept his word. There had been no sign of him anywhere around the cabin or town. The brothers popped in on Laurie with semi-assurances that Jason was well but never stayed longer than a few awkward moments, which suited Laurie just fine. She'd had about all the male companionship she could handle.

She checked the dough that had been rising next to the oven and found it ready to bake. Without Jason's needs to guide her, she felt adrift. Every day she finished her chores quickly since she only had to clean up after herself, and meals were simple affairs without large appetites to cook for. That meant she had hours of empty time to fill.

She slammed the oven door shut and glanced at the clock. A little zing of guilt rippled through her while she told herself it was perfectly fine for her to be baking on ironing day. If Jason wasn't going to take an interest in her life, then she would do as she pleased. Well, perhaps she wasn't able to do exactly as she pleased, because what she wanted was out: out of this marriage and out of Seattle.

She had tried so hard, and for what?! Insults? She still couldn't understand why Jason was so angry. They had already talked about having children! Did he really think winters were warmer than her? Not likely. Granted, they weren't enjoying all the benefits of marriage, so in that respect, he might. But he had seemed to warm up to her, just as she had to him. Was this really how he felt? Usually, he showed her such kindness and treated her with the gentleness she had been brought up to expect. No, there had to be something else bothering him, and only the devil himself knew what it was.

And for Jason to suggest she wanted him to use her like a lady of the evening was preposterous. That was the hardest part to forgive. It was too close to the words Richard had said about the mishap in Jason's hotel room the night they had met. Something about being with whores that had shown better restraint than her. Just the thought that Richard would even admit something like that to her, to show her so little regard and respect, was enough to feel shame. That was one emotion she had hoped to never feel from Jason.

Yet she knew too much about the kind of lovemaking both of them had hinted at. Sherman's attentions had been painful from the start, but it wasn't until she told him he didn't belong in her bed that she learned what women who sold their bodies dealt with. She had caught him with one in her bed and, thinking she couldn't feel any more humiliated than she already did, confronted him right then. Laurie had never been so wrong.

You've got a heart of ice, Laurel. A bonafide, crystallized rock, that's what it is, he had said through the bourbon on his breath, slamming her against the wall and hiking up her skirt. She had screamed at him to stop and tried to twist away until he repeatedly punched her in the back, knocking the breath from her. I'll teach you to please me yet, and she'll help me do it.

She often wondered if he had married someone else if he would have turned out different. She knew she wasn't the woman her late husband had expected. Being a last-minute substitution bride was problematic enough, but when Sherman had agreed to the match, the nuns had assured Laurie that if she did as she was told, and kept herself and the house proper-like, all would work out.

Nice little bald-faced lie.

Laurie scrubbed harder at the flour on the small board she had used for kneading and brushed sweat and tendrils of hair out of her face. She needed to think about something else.

On a whim, she peeked into the men's shaving mirror and noticed a little flour smudged on her cheek. With a grimace, she finished cleaning her work area and retreated to the washbasin to splash water on her face. The cool water seemed to not only soothe her eyes, but her temper as well. What she needed was a bath. She dried her face and stared at the basin. Well, why not? It wasn't as if she had anything else to do.