"What.."
Utterly in disbelief I stared on the screen wearing an incredulous look. I don't even know why I feel so offended when I shouldn't.
He never said I was ugly but the thought I look just okay doesn't sit well with me. I don't even know why and it's making me crazy how I am so worked up with my feelings with a simple text!
I've been called pretty a lot of times. Been praise for my body and my face, although it's far from if compared to the standard to us Koreans, still I know I'm pretty on my own way.
I am Jennie Kim and being okay is not okay with me. I'm already close to replying him to have a eyecheck or better go straight he's blind.
And I'm not supposed to be this mad or irritated whatever is this feeling because it's not a big deal! I can't force someone to say that I'm pretty just because everybody else has been telling me I'm pretty!
"The hell is wrong with me.." I stared on my reflection and sigh even more, Krystal Jung's face flashing in my head didn't offer any help at all.
I could feel the acids slowly burning my stomach. I bit my lip trying to wash off that idea but it feel so fucking real I can't bring myself to smile in the mirror.
Fuck that standard, so what if he didn't find me as pretty as his girlfriend or whatsoever! Or was she still his girlfriend? Well, the hell I care!
But wae wae wae! Why would it bother me? I'm not supposed to be fucking bothered at all!
Furious, I glared on my own reflection completely disappointed working up to something that should be less of my concern.
He said I look okay, so what could be so wrong about that? He didn't even said I was ugly for me to be this frustrated af.
Or maybe.. deep inside me I was expecting he would say it because..
"Seolma.." Slowly my face contoured with disbelief. "You're kidding, right? No way.."
There is no way. Andwae. Maldo andwae. Even if I'm not, I'll make sure it will never happen.
I couldn't possibly..
"That's crazy."
Wearing a cap I went back to our table still dazed after giving so much thought about something I shouldn't allow myself to think more.
I let off a sigh seeing the two RV members seated far from the rest of the boys.
Irene eonni immediately spotted me and quickly stood up and held my arm. I smiled meekly and never dared look at the guys. I could still feel their stares but I'm too worked up to fake a smile.
Seulgi eonni excuse herself as soon Baekhyun sunbae approach us. I've noticed they're actually close and comfortable talking around each other. I could see how Seulgi eonni would laugh so hard from whatever Baekhyun sunbae is saying.
"They've been friends since we're trainees.." Irene eonni whispered noticing my glances towards the two.
Irene eonni on her white tees and black leather pants still manage to slay her looks even with the simplest outfit. Her beauty is ethereal and it's something wonderful about her. It reflects her heart and soul. Cold and old.
Cold for she never warms up so easily to anyone. In my case, it was different and I couldn't be anymore near glad about it. Old for a fact she's a homebody which I could relate to.
I smiled thinking of something to talk about when I caught Kai sunbae's eyes on me but he immediately withdrawn and act as if it was nothing.. I do not know. I'm not sure and don't have plans guessing around.
"Eonni.."
"Ne?"
"Geunde," I scrunched my nose absentmindedly after feeling a pang of irritation reminded about earlier.
"What is it?" She chuckled as if finding something funny, but when I look at her she looks rather empty even with her lips stretching into a smile.
I hope my hunch is wrong there's something wrong with her because I'm close to believe that given the fact her face is gaving her away.
I licked my lips and showed her my selfie earlier before the performance. I bit my lip once again before pursing it for another question.
She held the phone and giggled. "You look so pretty!"
"Really? You're pretty too."
"Jinjja?" There she is forcing herself to laugh.
"I guess you got a lot that, huh." I smirked and sip on my drink.
It's not that hard to say I look pretty but why would he even say that I just look okay? I don't get it and I don't get it either why I'm still pissed about it.
"Well, you look so pretty on this. I've watched your performance earlier and you never failed to did great on your craft. I don't remember I blink once but sure is, I couldn't take my eyes off to you!" She laughed again. "Wae? Did someone tell you that you look just okay?"
Suspended in the air, I couldn't bring myself to take the drink that literally hanging in my hand I pouted even more and look somewhere else to avoid her question.
"Ne.." I sigh, trying to rid off that idea and it's starting to make me feel sick at this moment.
"Aigoo. You're such a baby.." She giggled. "But either case that person might be lying or.. that person won't admit that he finds you pretty."
Might. Pretty much convincing but I chose not to.
"It's supposed not to be a big deal, right?" In my small voice I said to her still my eyes glued to the glass I've been holding.
"No, it's not but," She smirked and momentarily took another sip. "It becomes something that doesn't sit well with your feelings if his or her opinion started to matter."
"You think so?"
Why would his opinion matter to me? I don't even like him!
Reminded with my frustration from earlier I took the shot glass with and emptied it up in one go.
"Woah. Slow down you're not catching some feelings.." Realizing she hit the spot she automatically grinned guiltily. "I'm just kidding."
I frown and look at her. Her smile gives me so much more feeling and on top of that is frustration. I hate that she's making sense on this.
I looked away and accidentally landed to where Kai sunbae is.
I don't like him. If I did, I would know it right away. Plus he's not my type! Okay he's sexy and I have fetish for sexy guys rather than cute guys but it's not enough for me to like him. Not in any way!
But what if I like him? Since when and how did it happen? I don't remember spending much time with him or talk to him with stuffs I like. Okay, we bumped into each other occasionally but still.. the possibility of me liking him would be next to impossible. Maybe I'm just.. a tiny bit attracted to him for some weird reason I don't want to know. Judging with his physics but other than that it's all nothing.
He's definitely not my cup of tea.
As much as I want to look at him out of curiosity but my wounded ego says no.
"Eonni. How do you even know if you like someone?"
My first and only first at hand experience was with Jack. I never even did once fall for another guy other than Jack. So most likely I have no one to compare the feeling. I want to even know if it was really love I felt back then or if I was just in love with the idea of being in love.
"Hmm. You can't stop thinking of him? I guess. You just.. know it once you feel it. Of course, we wouldn't know until we do the crazy stuffs you never imagine you would do to get that person's attention.." She chuckled as if she remembered something. "Crazy isn't it?"
Our talk cut off shortly after Suho sunbae called us to join. I was hesitant to join since my plan is to go home right after a few drinks and chat with Irene eonni. But it'll be rude of me to say no.
"Woah. You two really have been close in just a short time?" Baekhyun sunbae asked right away after we sat in front of them.
I smiled to everyone except for him. I can't bring myself to smile at him scared the idea of liking him would come true.
Because the thing is, I easily fall in love. Another thing I don't want to end up getting my heart broken. It's like a cycle already. We fell and broke our own heart. It wouldn't be love if it's all rainbows and colors. There is always pain. And I already had enough.
"Ne."
"Since when?"
Irene eonni looked at me. "Sometimes in May?"
"Beginning of June? No, I think it was May."
"Ne. We met at the hair salon," Irene eonni curtly conluded.
"I think when I saw her up close, 'Omo! Yeppeuda!' Because she was jinjja jinjja pretty that day.." I can't help to sound excited reminiscing that day.
"Irene noona is really pretty. Even the staffs in YG admired her beauty because she really remind us of Dara noona." Hoony commented.
"I thought I look like Taeyon eonni.." Irene was about to laugh but got stopped realizing everyone's eyes landed on Baekhyun sunbae. "Oh, sorry bout that. My bad."
Feeling offended, Baekhyun sunbae glared to his memberd. "Wae?"
"Ani. Just.. just don't mind us," Sehun tried to tap his back which he dodged quickly.
"Wae!"
"You move on already. There's no reason to get mad to us so chill!"
The frustrated Baekhyun glared at Sehun even more. "I mean wae! Every time we talk about something and mentioned her name geundae wae!"
"You're just guilty. Stop being unreasonable or else we would think you're clearly not over her."
"Ya!"
Before the two Baekhyun and Sehun riot, Suho sunbae immediately block them both. "Arrasseo. Arrasseo. Ya, Baekhyun-ah, are you drunk already?"
"Who's drunk? I can even clearly recall we're talking about how Joohyun noona and Jennie-ssi met at the salon! Aish!"
Irene smiled awkwardly.
"Well, uh, I look silly with my bangs as a result. But Jennie-ssi hair that day was pretty cool. I kinda like it to be honest. What do you call it again? I can't remember."
"It's ombre." I reached for my own glass of beer and on my peripheral view, despite the glaring fiasco with the two EXO members I can see Kai sunbae watching intently behind his glass. "I thought it would look really cool on me because I've been dreaming to dye my hair into ombre."
"You look cool with that hair, by the way." Suho sunbae commented. "Come to think of it, I've never seen you once dyed your hair ever since your debut."
"Really? Of course you've seen better so mine might look just okay." I don't know if it was the alcohol speaking but I felt relieve after saying those.
A sudden cough emerge and everyone gathered their gazes to Kai sunbae. He smiled awkwardly gesturing his hand to excuse himself.
I almost burst off in laughter I even have to bite the inside of my cheek keeping my resting bitch face on.
The things we do we didn't even realize at all.
"What does he even think, beers ain't fucking water."
We all fell in silent after Baekhyun sunbae blurted a curse. "What? Can't I curse? My friend has been acting stupid."
Sehun chuckled while shaking his head as if finding his whining hyung talking about funny. We all laugh along with Baekhyun's weirded look to where Kai sunbae disappear to God knows where.
"He was never a text person but lately I would find him grinning like an idiot while texting which I don't even know with whom. I would find out soon once he lost his phone but it's really hard this days he never left his phone out of his sight. Isn't it weird?"
I wonder who is he texting with but I quickly erase the thought before I couldn't stop myself to think even more.
"Probably it's a girl?" Yoon oppa suggested out of amusement it made my inside drip another more acids.
"If it is a girl, you should stay out your butt on his love life, hyung. That guy already had enough."
Suho sunbae chuckled and agreed to Sehun. It made me think I didn't even realize Sehun sunbae's stares directing to me with that silly grin on his face.
"Nevermind."
Mino oppa seems closed already with Sehun from what I can see. I wonder since when did they became friends. Maybe through Seungri sunbae or during any Award Shows previously. The two leaders of both group joined their chat. I tried to over hear their conversation but all I could hear was their laughter. I wonder if they're actually gossiping right now.
Hoony, Baekhyun and Seulgi have their own world. Kai sunbae rather listening to their jokes and would sometimes laugh at it.
Irene eonni became quiet while I was telling her our predebut evaluation. I noticed she would sometimes steal a glance at Mino oppa's direction much to my curiosity.
"Eonni.."
"Ne? I'm listening."
I hesitated at first but I manage to ask her. "Do you know Mino oppa?"
Come to think of it, Mino oppa on his Chanel fit today doesn't sit well with me. If you asked me, there's something fishy in there and I'm slowly getting in there. It's like a puzzle I'm starting to connect all the pieces in the picture.
"Doesn't everyone know him?" She frowned. "He's from YG."
"I mean.. like friends or something? Did you once hangout with him before?" I asked curiously.
"No?" Her brows furrowed with no intention of continuing her answer.
Suho sunbae stood up and excuse himself for a bit. Irene eonni's gaze followed where he disappeared and it was after a minute or two when she decided to excuse herself.
The guys were still busy chatting now that Hoony and Baekhyun team up with their antics. The only two left quiet were Mino and Kai with Mino oppa staring at his shot glass and would time to time glance from where Irene eonni and Suho sunbae disappear. Kai sunbae on the other hand staring at his phone as if anytime it would talk to him.
"Junmyeon-ssi?"
A man in his mid thirties approach the EXO members. I think he's the owner of the said bar I supposed since I saw him talking with Suho sunbae earlier when we arrived.
"Where is he? Something came up." He looks rather worried about something which he tried to conceal over a smile and I'm sensing something serious might be going on.
I hope it wasn't bad this time. There are so many things happened to me in one day and I can't afford to add more one.
"Is there any problem?" It was Sehun.
"Well, uh, I don't want to make a fuss that will cause you panic but, it has been an hour already a white van has been parking in front of the bar. We checked the CCTV and one of them just entered the bar while the other one is waiting outside on the window.."
Huh?
"Ahjussi, you're telling us it might be one of those paparazzi?" Yoon oppa butt in.
"I'm not sure but to ensure your safety I think it's best to left the bar unnoticed.."
"Not again," Baekhyun oppa fell on his seat massaging his head dramatically.
"I'll go find Irene eonni—"
"What's happening?" Suho sunbae appeared just in time with a slight frown on his face.
I noticed his eyes were bloodshot and when I looked at Irene eonni she's rather cold and indifferent. Seulgi rushed to her side and whispered something. Seulgi's phone started ringing and it was their manager I supposed.
Mino oppa won't even budge looking at Irene eonni Hoony oppa and I have to call him twice before he turn to us. I've no time to think what's going on with him but we have a much bigger problem now since one of those paparazzi would anytime caught us.
My face fell hard realizing the risk of getting caught. Although we haven't done anything wrong but the fact those paparazzis would means a bad news made me anxious.
"You can take the exit at the basement instead in front of the bar.. I already assembled few of my men to assist you."
Suho sunbae whispered something to their maknae. Sehun then turn to Mino oppa and Yoon oppa and discuss something.
"Sehun and Kai will drive my car while I'll take care of Seulgi and—"
"Manager eonni will come to pick us. I can manage." Irene eonni cut him off.
"Oh. I see." Suho sunbae seems has a lot to say but he chose not to say anything anymore.
"I will take care of myself from now on. Do me a favor and don't start worrying about us.." Realizing all eyes on them, Irene eonni took a step back but it was evident on her face how she tried to stop those tears pooling on the corner of her eyes. "I'm sorry. Seulgi let's go."
Irene did not wait up for an answer and immediately turn her back from us. Seulgi bowed apologetically before following Irene.
"What's going on?" Baekhyun sunbae asked.
Their hyung gulped and smiled reassuringly. "Nothing. No-nothing happened."
"You can drive my car, Junmyeon-ah. You need two cars to accommodate all of you."
Everything went so fast, and before I realized I was inside Suho sunbae's car with still dazzled Mino beside me.
"Gwaenchana?" I whispered until I heard a sound of clearing their throat.
Kai sunbae look away immediately as if he was caught red handed.
"Mino-ya, Jennie-ssi.. are you okay there?" It was Sehun sunbae who asked.
Too embarrassed to answer him I turn to Mino oppa but the latter still in dazed from whatever is going on his head.
"Ne."
One more glance at Mino before I let off a long sigh. I wonder what is happening in the other car. Suho, Yoon, Hoony and Baekhyun were all gathered there. That left me and Mino with the EXO maknaes.
Even without telling me, I know there's a lot of things running on Mino's mind after seeing Suho and Irene left at the same time and went back together after out of nowhere.
"I guess they really end things for good.." Sehun mumbled absentmindedly and stared outside through the car's window.
"Gukjangma. You should worry yourself you're supposed to drive this instead of me." It was Kai.
"I'm tired." Sehun yawned, maybe it was the alcohol kicking his senses. "This is the first time I saw noona being this serious."
"Ya. It's not our business so let's stay out of it. Maybe it's what they think would be the best for both of them.."
So, it's true? Suho and Irene eonni has a thing? Even though I'm still processing the truth between my dizzy state there's something between them but the thought they ended things broke my heart a bit.
Because I've been there and I know that feeling very well.
Mino shifted on his sit and begin talking with Sehun. Kai would also join when needed. Tired from the whole day event I closed my eyes and begin to relax. Sensing my exhaustion theyl three of them didn't try to bother me anymore.
"Geundae.." I mumbled groggily, although I'm supposed not to pry and should stay out of it but I couldn't help to wonder. "Andwae. Forget it."
"Are you sure you want to sleep in your dorm instead of going home? Your members will wonder." Mino asked.
"I'll be fine, oppa. No need to worry about me."
"You sure?"
"Mm! Geundae.." My eyes opened and it automatically landed on the rearview mirror and met Kai sunbae's eyes. "Naneun, yeppeun aniji? Uri chingu anijji?" [Am I not pretty? Aren't we friends?]
Mino flick my forehead and smirked. "Ya. You should sleep. You're drunk."
"Ani.." I whined in protest. "I know I'm pretty. But wae! My eyes are pretty anniji? Oppang, I'm pretty aniji?"
"Why do you ask me what is obvious? You're pretty. Even those KHH rappers I knew finds you pretty."
"Really?" I opened one of my eyes to peek at Mino before smiling cheekily.
Maybe if I wasn't drunk or something I would definitely regret acting this way. I didn't even drink that much but the exhaustion for today and all that happens got me.
"Do you have bottled water?"
"Yes. Here."
"Jennie, drink this and go to sleep. We'll wake you up once we arrive."
Truth is, both WINNER and BLACKPINK live at the same apartment complex near the Han river although we rarely bump into each other since they're situated far from us. I don't even have any idea which floor their dorm was because the last time I knew they used to live in 2NE1's old dorm. They just move recently that explains everything.
"Ani. I'm sleepy. Jaljja."
"Drink this."
"Shiro!" I pouted.
"Aish, jinjja. You want me to call that jerk Park Jaegum?"
I almost hit my head at the headrest of the seat in front after a sudden break.
"Ah, wae?"
"Jennie, are you okay?" Mino carefully check my head and after seeing I was fine he then sigh in relief.
I heard Sehun nagging until I heard a car's door clicking. I didn't paid much more attention because my drunk ass finally came back to it's senses and drank the water straight up.
Who wouldn't sober up when I almost inch died earlier?!
"Hey, are you okay?"
"I'm okay."
"Are you sure you didn't hit your head?"
"Ne."
"Are you still drunk?"
"I was.." I swallowed hard before resting my back on the seat.
The whole ride didn't took us long. It was a smooth travel until we arrived in Myeongdong. There are few cars and passerby walking around. Myeongdong streets still busy even this late. I smiled unknowingly before closing my eyes.
"I'll walk you to your dorm. Kajja." Mino helped me come out, just in time the two EXO members went out of the car.
"I'll be fine. Your dorm is in that building. Mine is here.." I pointed at the direction opposite to him.
"But you're drunk.."
"I was. It's because I was exhausted from earlier. Ga." I waved and shooed him wearing a smile.
He nodded before turning to Sehun.
"It's upstairs. Want to check it out? I might not be able to show it to you since we might be very busy after this.." Mino looked back to his building and chuckled.
"Sure. Kai, are you coming?"
"I can wait here. You guys should get going.." He nodded and before he received any protest the two disappeared still chatting about the thing they like and Mino wanted to show to Sehun.
"Uh.."
"I'll be fine here. You should go. It's getting late." He smiled but it didn't even reach his eyes.
"Kalge.." I bowed curtly and took my cue to leave. [I'll get going.]
"Hoksi.." He trailed off and it made me stop for some reason. For some reason curiousity got me. [Perhaps.]
I readied a smile when I decided to turn and face him. "Yes, sunbaenim?"
"Do you still love him?" He gulped.
I frowned. "Ne?"
"Nevermind," He then turn his back on me and started walking away.
It's as if my feet has it's own mind, I found myself following him.
"Can I ask also you a question?"
He stopped walking. The yellow streetlight illuminating his body looks so dramatically good to look at. The way his shirt was blown by the wind, it was still perfectly good to see.
"I know this would may sound childish which I very much hated and to think I have to ask you this question I may have no choice but to blame it to the alcohol," I tried to chuckle but I ended up laughing alone, he won't even move an inch from where he's standing.
"Why did you follow me?"
"Uh, are we friends?"
My face heated, my heart beating wildly I could even feel something flipping in my stomach.
--
It's been a while, guys! Leave lots and lots of comments to motivate my lazy ass juseyo. Lols.