I put on one of Josh's hoodies and his joggers then some vans. I opened the door then me and Emma started walking to another room. We sat and ate along with a bunch of other people, boys and girls. So this palace is for both boys and girls but their sleeping headquarters are on opposite sides of the buildings, just to let you know.
I sat with Emma then some other people named Rosie, Jacob, Maddie, Carson, and Ace. They all seemed really nice and have been really nice to me which I appreciate. After we ate we told Jacob, Carson, and Ace bye since we had to go to our side of the building. The showers was in a big bathroom with a bunch of little rooms for showers then toilets, then there was a bunch of sinks and mirrors.
I grabbed my shower stuff then walked with Emma, Rosie, and Maddie to the shower room. We each got in one of the little shower rooms and showered. Afterwards I put on Josh's shirt and some Nike Pro's, we went to the sinks and brushed our teeth, washed our faces, I dried my hair then put it in a messy bun.
We all grabbed our stuff and went our separate ways to our rooms. I went in and out my stuff to the side then laid in my bed and went to sleep. The next day I woke up and put on Josh's sweatshirt, leggings, and vans. I grabbed my makeup and hair stuff then went to the shower room where I saw the girls also getting ready. I put on light makeup then my hair in a messy bun with two strands out in the front. We all out our stuff up in our rooms then went to the dinning room where we met up with the boys. We all sat and ate some breakfast together then afterwards we went to this room where a bunch of people were just chilling and doing whatever. We sat there and talked for an hour until we had to separate for our gender group talks.
Me and the girls walked to this room where a bunch of girls were sitting in a circle and we joined them. The head lady said "Hello girls I am Lacy and we are here to talk about ourselves, what we feel deep inside, don't be afteaid to hold anything back because some people have probably done worse than you." We then went in a circle saying our names and why we're here, when it got to me I said "Hi I'm JJ, I am here because I was cutting and passed out and diagnosed with depression." We continued until everyone said that then Lacy said "That's good for today ladies, we will all meet up here everyday at 12 for this, and we will say more each day." Then we all got up and left, me and the girls bet the boys abck at the room we were before and we all just hung out.
At around 4 I heard someone say "JJ" I turned around and saw Josh. I hopped up and ran to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso as his wrapped around my waist. He slightly rocked us side to side ten he set me down and kissed me. It's been at least 24 hours since we last kissed, that was too long for me. After that I grabbed his and and said "Babe this is Emma, Rosie, Maddie, Jacob, Carson, and Ace, guys this is my boyfriend Josh." They all smiled and waved then I said "I'll see y'all tonight" they all nodded then me and Josh walked outside. We swung our hands back and forth as he said "How was your first day" I shrugged my shoulders and said "It was Okay I guess?" He sniffled then said "How are you feeling" I shrugged my shoulders and said "I guess I feel fine." He let out a stiffled breath through his nose then said "Well how'd you sleep" I looked around as I said "Good." He stopped walking and I looked at him, he grabbed both of my hands so we were now facing each other.
He looked me in my eyes and said "Are you okay" I was lost, I had no words. I couldn't speak and it was for no reason, I took a second to breath then said "I'm fine." I started walking off and he just followed me, holding my hand. We went inside and to my room he looked around and said "Next time I'm bringing you stuff to decorate." I slightly smiled then sat on my bed cross legged, he laid on my bed with his head in my lap. I played with his hair as I thought, or at least I thought it was only in my head.
I don't feel anything. I don't feel happiness, sadness, nothing. Is it because I'm here, why can't I feel anything, I just feel dead, maybe I'm better off dead.
I should have just died, why did they have to save me, they don't care about me, I need a razor.
Josh POV
JJ started playing with my hair and she started mumbling something. I listened more closely "I just feel dead maybe I'm better off dead" I sat up and looked at her. She kept mumbling and looking at her lap, still moving her fingers like how it was in my hair. I grabbed her hands but she didn't stop then she said a little louder "I need a razor." She started getting up but I wrapped my arms around her so her arms we're stuck to the side of her body. She started crying and saying "Let me go I need to get a razor" I then screamed "Someone help!"
JJ kept repeating that she needed to get a razor and that she needs to die. I even started crying, some ladies came in and grabbed her then stuck a needle in her arm. JJ slowly stopped doing then just like passed out, I looked at her freaked out as they laid her number body on her bed. The lady saw me freaking out then said "She just needed her medicine she's gonna be fine." I nodded my head and calmed down, they left the room and I just laid next to her. She cuddled up into me and I wrapped my arms around her, I just watched her sleep for another hour before she woke up. It was now 6 so I told her I had to go home, she gave me a hug and light peck on the lips then I went home.
Time skip bc I'm lazy. This is gonna be 2 weeks after that just happened, JJ had that same thing happen a few more times and she hasnt really opened up to Josh yet.
JJ POV
I woke up and put on Josh's joggers, a tank top, vans, and Josh's hat backwards. I went to the dinning room and sat with everyone then we ate and hung out then me and the girls went to our daily circle meet with Lacy.
Lacy
JJ
Okay so today ladies I want to hear from someone that we haven't heard of, so let's do JJ, can you tell us about your past
I don't know what to say
How about why you were diagnosed with depression
Well it started with this breakup I had, I was with this boy named Adien and we started dating when I was 13. We were so happy and my family loved him, his family loved me, all that good stuff, it was heaven. I loved him with all my heart, then when we were 15 I was out getting him a present for our 2 year anniversary that was coming up. But when I went to his house afterwards I caught him cheating with my ex best friend, and I was heart broken. I guess that where it's started
Okay has anything else affected it since that
I pushed everyone out, my loved ones, best friends, I didn't let them get to me anymore. I put my guard up and just lost all emotion, I started sleeping around with guys, girls even, then I started drinking and doing drugs. I stopped the drugs when I was caught by police and spent some time in Juvie, but the partying didn't stop. I was such a disappointment to my family, they didn't even bother to care for me anymore, always comparing me to my older brother, because he was perfect and getting somewhere in life. I started fighting to take my anger out on someone since I couldn't on my parents and my brother was moving here so my parents said that if he doesn't take me then they're kicking me out. I wasn't allowed to live there anymore
Were you cutting then
No I didn't start until I moved to LA
Do you know what caused that
Yes, I do
And what was that
This guy named Josh
What did he do
He actually got to me, like didn't give up on me. He actually liked me and we did it, it was like every time he touched he it sparked, Everytime we kissed there were fireworks, everytime I looked into his ocean blue eyes I would drown
Well what was bad about that
I didn't do realtionships, I just slept with one dude then go to the next. So when I actually felt something for Josh I started getting scared, I thought it was because I sleep with people, but it was something else
And what was that
I was falling for him,he was my soft spot. I started freaking out because he was getting to me, and as really close to knocking my guard down. So I started pushing him away, it hurt like hell because I loved him. But tell last time I loved someone like that they broke me
Aiden
Yes
So how long did you push Josh away
Ive done it since the day after I moved. I was scared he would get to me, I would care for him to much. Then he'd break me to a million pieces just like the one before. He said he wouldn't do hat, he said that we wasn't Aiden and that he was Josh. That's when I started cutting, I was breaking razors and sing te blades to cut.
How long did you cut
For a month and I wore long sleeves all the time
Did your personality chang
I started acting all happy and giddy, doing thing since hadn't done since before Aiden
Did anyone notice to change
They noticed but didn't think anything of it, I convinced them I wanted a do over in life and they believed me
Okay has your perspective of Josh changed
Yes, when I was in the hospital we actually talked it out and now we're dating, he's my boyfriend
Congratulations
Thank you
I am super proud of you for having today, that was really good
It felt better to let it out
It does feel good, if you ever feel that old feeling coming back just go to someone you trust and talk about it, that goes for everyone, but that's all for today see you tomorrow
We all nodded our heads then got up and left. I once again stayed with my small group of friends until Josh came. We went on our little daily walk outside and he said "How was your day" I smiled and said "It's been good so far." He nodded his head then said "How are you feeling" I took a deep breath in ten Sid "I Feel good, like I am myself slowly coming back." He smiled and said "How'd you sleep" I nodded my head as I said "Good." He smiled as he just stared at me, I looked at him and smiled as I said "What?"
He continued smiling as he shook his head and said "Nothing, just looking." I blushed then we went to my room, for the rest of the visit we were in my room and he was telling me about everyone at home. He showed me videos and pictures he had then he said "Oh and I have some for you." He handed me an envelope, I opened it and saw all the pictures he showed me printed out. I smile and hugged him then got up and grabbed my magnets then out my pictures on the white board.
Josh has been bring me picture, magnets, fake plants, just little things for my room which I love. I recently have taken up drawing, Appearently I'm really good. So I have all my art stuff in my desk, everyday I draw Josh a picture then he takes it home. This is drawing I gave him today.
He smiled and took it then gave me a kiss. It was now 6 so I gave him a big hug and he left.
Josh POV
When I got home everyone was in the living room like usual, waiting for me to tell them how JJ is doing. I sat down and said "She's changing, she was the slightest bit happy today, like genuinely happy." They all let out a breath of relief.
As much as I hate JJ being away from me, I'm glad that palace is working.