**The Next Day**:
Dean sighed; as he watched the others work on the moves Zander was showing them. It was late afternoon and all of them had been training since after breakfast. Dean was feeling more confident than he had ever felt now that he was truly at full power and their training was going well. Despite his new confidence though, he was still bothered by something, something that had shown up with his full powers, something he hasn't told anyone about. It wasn't something obvious or something he couldn't control, but it was there inside of him and it made him uneasy. What it was is a desire...no, a need for bloodshed, it was like his mind and body focused on the need to not only end Vassago's life, but to end it bloody and painfully. It wasn't like he couldn't control himself like when he had gone through the bloodlust, no, this was something entirely new and different.
When he first transformed back in the woods, he had felt it as soon as he opened his eyes and saw Keeper and Zander arguing. He had felt the desire for bloodshed and his body had transformed on its own from mortal to his Vamp side and then quickly back to mortal. He brushed it off though as just his usual thoughts of revenge, it didn't feel any different to him at the time, so he didn't think anything of it. The fact that it disappeared as quickly as it came only made him even more sure that that was what it had been. It wasn't until later that night after Roman slept, that the feeling returned, it was like someone had turned off everything else in his brain leaving only thoughts of bloody revenge turned on. He not only had the desire for it, but there were images too. Not wanting to disturb or worry Roman, Dean had managed to gently untangle himself from Roman and left the room. The thoughts of evil only intensified and so he decided to go for a run to see if he could forget them.
It wasn't until he had returned from his run this morning and found everyone awake and eating breakfast together that his thoughts returned to normal. Honestly, it wasn't the thoughts and images themselves that bothered him; being what he was blood and violence were both apart of him and they had stopped affecting him a long time ago. What did affect him though was the pure evil behind them and worst of all...how much he enjoyed it. He was tempted to question Keeper about it, but he didn't knowing that even though the asshole did know a lot, there was a limit to even his knowledge. Dean sighed, as he ran his hands over his face, sensing his unease, his Raven who had been silently keeping watch in a nearby tree became restless too. It flew to him and landed on his shoulder and began to pace back and forth, crying out softly.
"Oh, calm down, you feathered pain in my ass, I'm fine." Dean said sighing, instantly the Raven stopped its pacing and sat silently on his shoulder. "You know, I think you need a name, don't you?" He added smiling, as he pet the Raven.
"A name?" Keeper said confused, as he joined him again after being sent by Dean to check on the other's training. "Don't be ridiculous, he already has one, the Raven Of Mourning."
"Yeah, I know what he's called, Keeper, but I think he needs a new name and he belongs to me, right?" Dean said annoyed.
"I suppose in theory, yes." Keeper answered. "But, what name could you possibly give it that would invoke as much fear and dread in others just by hearing its name that the Raven Of Mourning does?"
"Why does it have to do that?" Dean demanded confused. "It's just a name, dammit."
"Why would you not want it to?" Keeper replied confused.
"Look, if I'm the Chosen One and I'm going to end Vassago and everything to do with him, then that's the first damn thing I'm changing." Dean said bitterly, he was so damn tired of Vassago and all the bullshit that comes with him.
"Come now, Deano, that's a little...petty and childish, don't you think? That's something a mortal would do, not a Chosen One."
"Keeper, tell me, are you, have you ever been, or will you ever be a Chosen One?" Dean asked smirking, as he crossed his arms.
"Well, no, I..."
"Then don't fucking lecture me on what the hell a Chosen One would or would not do!" Dean said angrily, as images of hurting Keeper flashed in his head, he quickly shut his eyes tight and shook his head to get rid of them.
"Are you alright?" Keeper asked concerned.
"I'm fine, dammit!" Dean answered, as he opened his eyes again.
"Something happened just then, Dean, I could feel it." Keeper stated. "I can't help you if you won't let me."
"Dammit, Keeper, I said I was fine, there's nothing to help me with!" Dean said angrily, as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
"Calm down, Dean, I meant no harm; I was only trying to help you as I've sworn I would." Keeper said quickly, seeing the anger in Dean's eyes.
"Whatever, I...I need to clear my damn head, I'll be back soon." Dean said, before he walked away.
Keeper watched him leave in silence, a small smile on his face; something was definitely going on with Dean, something different from his usual brooding Vampire crap that he always had going on. Whatever it was it was very interesting and if he could just figure out what it was, maybe he could use it to his advantage?
"Where's Dean going?" Zander's voice spoke from behind him breaking into his thoughts.
"Oh, you know Dean; he's not one for sharing his feelings." Keeper replied smiling, as he turned to look at Zander. "We all know how our brother tends to get lost in his head, so I suggested he go for a walk to clear it."
"Oh."
"Have you noticed anything...different about Dean since he came into his full powers?"
"Different?" Zander repeated confused. "What do you mean by different?"
"I guess you don't see it either then." Keeper replied sighing. "I haven't noticed anything, but I've heard little whispers from the others about something being different about Dean. So, I was just curious if you had, brother." He lied.
"Whispers? Like what?" Zander asked, as he looked over at the others who were talking to each other. "Should we talk to them about it?" He asked, as he looked back at Keeper.
"No need, I managed to ease their minds already, but I was just curious if you had noticed anything?"
"No, but...should we have?"
"No, no, that's a good thing, I promise." Keeper lied again reassuring him.
"Okay, if you're sure?"
"I' am." Keeper answered smiling. "Shouldn't you be leading the others through their training?"
"Yeah, I' am actually, that's why I came over here." Zander replied. "I need a sparring partner."
"Well, then, let's go, brother." Keeper replied still smiling.
**Later**:
Dean lay on his back on the roof alone, his arms under his head, and his eyes shut tight as the horrible visions invaded his mind. His Raven sat silently on the ledge of the roof beside him and feeling Dean's struggle he became restless. Dean had hoped that as the day went on the images would stop or at the very least slow down, but he had been wrong. They now came to him every damn time he let his mind become unfocused and whenever he closed his damn eyes, the worst part about it was that they weren't just about Vassago or Keeper anymore, they were now also about his entire family! They felt so damn real, like he was actually doing it to them and it got so bad that he's begun distancing himself from his family out of fear.
He wondered if the visions would stop once he had gotten rid of Vassago. Of course, he also feared that they would never go away and instead they'd just get worse, until he acted upon them. He wouldn't let that happen though; he'd leave and completely disappear before he hurt any of them. Maybe, he should tell someone, if not Keeper, then Zander maybe, then they could help him.
"Dean?" Father O'Conner's gentle voice spoke, breaking into his thoughts.
"Father?" Dean said confused, as he opened his eyes and sat up. "What are you doing out here?"
"I just came to check on you, child." He answered, as he sat beside Dean.
"Wait...check on me?" Dean asked confused.
"It's alright, Dean, no one asked me to do this, I just noticed you seemed to be distancing yourself from us and I was concerned."
"Oh, well, I'm...I'm fine, I just have a lot on my mind with the upcoming battle, you know." Dean lied, relieved to know his secret wasn't discovered.
"Really, Dean, has that ever worked?" Father O'Conner asked smiling. "I may not be able to read your thoughts and feelings like Zander and Keeper, but I do know when you're trying to lie to me."
"Look, Father, I don't know what you want to hear from me." Dean replied sighing, as he ran his hands over his face.
"The truth."
"That is the truth, dammit." Dean said frustrated.
"Dean, do you remember the talk we had a while ago?"
"Uh, wanna be a little more specific, Father?"
"The conversation we had about why you were fighting this battle with Vassago?"
"Yeah." Dean answered honestly, not knowing where this conversation was going. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"My point in bringing that up is that your family has always been the one constant in your life. You push us away to keep us safe, but by doing that you, in turn, get hurt." Father O'Conner said gently.
"I understand what you're saying, Father, I really do, but sometimes I need to go through shi...crap on my own."
"Has that worked well for you in the past?"
"Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, so I can't answer that, Father." Dean replied honestly, as he sighed again.
Suddenly, visions of hurting Father O'Conner flashed through his mind again. He knew Father was still talking to him completely unaware of Dean's struggle, he tried to force the images out of his mind, but it didn't work. He squeezed his eyes shut tight trying to block them out, as his hands clenched into fists in his lap. Father O'Conner finally noticed something was wrong and touched his shoulder.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Dean yelled, as he opened his eyes and stood quickly, putting distance between them, scaring Father O'Conner.
"Dean?" Father O'Conner said nervously, as he stood too.
"Please, Father, just...just stay away from me and leave me alone, it's...it's safer that way, please." Dean begged upset, before he ran to the edge of the roof and jumped off it and continued running into the forest without looking back; his Raven had flown into the air and flew off after him.
After leaving the monastery, Dean ran until he made it to a clearing; he had run to the same spot that he always came to, he hadn't done it on purpose though, it was like his body had led him here on its own. He stopped running and still upset by what happened he looked at the sky and screamed out in anger and fear, before he fell to his knees and hung his head sadly. What the hell was wrong with him, dammit? His Raven landed in a nearby tree and watched over him silently.
"You're not going crazy, brother." Keeper's voice spoke from behind him, Dean didn't move or look at him.
"Go the fuck away, Keeper!" Dean demanded angrily.
"I'm here to help you, to guide you." Keeper said ignoring him, as he walked closer to Dean.
Without saying anything and before Keeper knew what was happening and could react, Dean in the blink of an eye, got up from the ground and grabbed Keeper. He held him against a tree, breathing heavily, his face inches from Keeper's.
"I told you to go away, dammit!" Dean said angrily, as suddenly visions of hurting Keeper flashed through his head, he closed his eyes and still holding Keeper, he hung his head.
As he fought against the visions, he didn't see the smirk on Keeper's face or notice him raise his hand and touch Dean's forehead, until it was there. He opened his eyes quickly and looked into Keeper's, he gasped as suddenly he felt something like an electric shock flow through his entire body. He felt like he was paralyzed, unable to move or speak, as Keeper kept his hand on Dean's forehead and closed his eyes too still smiling. Keeper finally opened his eyes again after a few seconds and removed his hand. As soon as he did, Dean could move again and he quickly let him go and moved away putting distance between them, as he gasped for air.
"What...what the hell was that?" Dean demanded.
"I had to see what you were seeing." Keeper replied.
"Wait...what?" Dean asked confused. "Does...does that mean you...you were in my damn..."
"Head?" Keeper said smiling, cutting him off. "Yes."
"Stay. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Damn. Head!" Dean ordered angrily, as he leaned against a tree. "I warned you before to never do that, dammit!"
"Yes, yes, I know, but what if I told you that I could help you?"
"I'd tell you to stay the hell out of my damn head and then I'd want to know how." Dean answered.
"Simply put, you're at war with yourself."
"That's just fucking great, another damn battle I have to go through." Dean said upset, as he sat on a rock sighing.
"Allow me to explain." Keeper said, Dean motioned with his hand for him to continue, as he began to rub his head. "You are the only one of your kind; a Chosen One who is also a Vamp. You have rebelled against your Vamp side for so long because you have held onto your humanity from your mortal life. And that was your choice...until now."
"What? Why now? What the hell is going on?" Dean demanded frustrated.
"You're full powers." Keeper replied. "Unlike past Chosen Ones, they never had to worry about their Vamp side, because they never had one. So, now that your full powers have come in, your body and mind are split into two sides; your mortal half and your Vamp half. Both sides are fighting for control over your powers, but in the end only one side will take complete control.
"So, if I give into my mortal side will I still be a Vamp?" Dean asked confused.
"Yes, that will never change. Giving in to your mortal side will only cause things to remain the same as they've always been. Giving in to your Vamp side however, will cause you to experience things you never felt before. Everything that makes you a Vampire will become 100...no, 1000 times greater!" Keeper replied smiling, imaging the power Dean would possess if he gave into his Vamp instincts. "Just think of all the possibilities, Dean, by letting your Vamp side..."
"No!" Dean said angrily, cutting him off, as he stood. "Don't finish that sentence, Keeper! You already know that I will never let my Vamp side take control, dammit!"
"It was merely a..."
"I don't give a shit what it was, it ain't happening, got it?" Dean said angrily, cutting him off again.
"Okay, okay." Keeper said sighing. "As I said though, your two sides are battling each other for control."
"So, how...how do I make sure the right side wins?" Dean asked.
"That...I don't know." Keeper replied sighing. "As I've said many times before, I'm no expert and you are the only one of your kind."
"So, what you're saying is basically...I'm fucked?" Dean said sighing, as he ran his hands over his face.
"I didn't say that, Dean."
"You might not have said it, but you implied it, Keeper."
"Oh, Dean, don't sound so defeated. Where's that never give up Ambrose attitude?"
"Shut it, Keeper." Dean said annoyed. "All I have to do is keep my damn Vamp side buried long enough for my mortal side to take full control."
"Right." Keeper said sarcastically. "Easy."
"You're damn right it'll be easy." Dean replied confidently. "I've been doing it for decades, dammit."
"Yes, that is true, but you're forgetting one major difference, Deano."
"What?" Dean asked confused.
"You didn't have to worry about your full powers." Keeper reminded him.
"Yeah, but it...it shouldn't be too hard, right?" Dean questioned, as he began to pace. "I...I mean, so far all I've had to deal with are these damn visions and I've managed to ignore them."
"If you only had your visions to deal with then I'd agree."
"What are you talking about, Keeper?"
"Look, Dean, none of us know what to expect, it may start with these visions and then things could progress from there."
"Dammit!" Dean yelled frustrated realizing Keeper was right, he stopped pacing and looked at him. "Alright, so your job is to help me, right?" He asked, Keeper nodded unsure where Dean was going. "Then you're going to help me keep my Vamp side buried, dammit."
"Uh, I think you have the wrong Vamp for that job, Deano." Keeper stated shaking his head. "Did you forget that I'm loyal to Vamps, I have no idea how to help you stay mortal." He added disgust heavy in his voice when he said the word mortal. "Our brother, Zander, would be a better choice to..."
"No!" Dean said firmly, cutting him off.
"What? Why?" Keeper questioned confused.
"No one, but the two of us is to know anything about what's going on with me, dammit!"
"Dean, that's incredibly stupid!" Keeper said annoyed. "You would rather take the chance of having me help you stay mortal; which let me remind you I know absolutely nothing about, and fail, than have Zander help you and actually succeed?"
"Yep." Dean answered. "It's a risk I'm willing to take."
"Why?"
"Dammit, Keeper, look, I don't expect you to understand." Dean said sighing, as he ran his hands over his face. "I just got everyone's focus off of me and back onto the fight with Vassago, where it should be. If I tell them about this, they'll worry about me again and this close to the battle I can't risk them losing focus."
"You know I couldn't care less about mortals or family, but even I know that what you're asking me to do is not only stupid, but dangerous."
"You're not telling them, dammit."
"Alright, then how do you expect me to help you with your humanity, huh? I know nothing about it and we have no idea what's going to happen next! How are we...no, how are you going to explain it your precious family if...if you attack one of them?" Keeper asked frustrated.
"I...I don't know."
"And what happens if I can't help you, huh?" Keeper questioned.
"I don't know."
"What about..."
"I DON'T KNOW!" Dean yelled angrily, cutting him off. "I don't fucking know, alright?"
"Then you agree that you should tell them or at the very least tell Zander?"
"Nope." Dean answered.
"For shit's sake, Dean, you need to think about this logically and not..."
"Enough!" Dean said, cutting him off again. "This stays between us, dammit! I know this is risky..."
"Not the word I would use, it's more like stupid or dangerous." Keeper said bitterly, cutting him off.
"I know this is risky, but I...I need to do it." Dean said ignoring Keeper's words, Keeper sighed dramatically.
"Even though I believe this is incredibly stupid and unnecessarily dangerous...I have sworn to help you." Keeper stated sighing again.
"So...so, you'll help me?"
"Against my better judgment...yes." Keeper replied sighing for the third time.
"Okay, this...this is good." Dean said smiling.
"If you say so." Keeper agreed.
"I do say so." Dean replied smiling still. "We're going to make it work, dammit!"
"What do you suggest we do?" Keeper questioned.
"I...I don't know." Dean replied.
"Well, that's reassuring, isn't it?" Keeper said sarcastically. "We're off to a great start."
"I don't know what the hell I'm doing any more, than you do, asshole." Dean said annoyed.
"Well, brother, you're the one who wants to keep this from the others."
"Fine, I'll take charge." Dean stated taking a deep breath. "I guess for now since I'm only having visions, I'll just keep doing what I'm already doing."
"And that is?"
"Ignoring them."
"That will only get you so far, Deano." Keeper reminded him.
"Yeah, yeah, I don't need you to keep reminding me of that, dammit." Dean said frustrated.
"Relax, brother, I'm not trying to start anything." Keeper said sighing. "All I'm saying is that we need to start thinking farther ahead. We don't know what's going to happen next or when it will happen and we sure as hell don't know what the next thing will be. I mean we might not be able to stop it from happening."
"You're right, I'm sorry, it's just I'm..."
"Never mind all that mushy mortal crap; I don't want or need it, and besides it makes you look pathetic!" Keeper said bitterly, cutting Dean off. "Since I'm the only one thinking straight between the two of us, I suggest for now that you stay close to me so I can run interference if necessary."
"You mean I have to always be with...you?" Dean questioned hating the thought of never being away from the asshole. "Like...always?"
"Yep." Keeper replied smiling, knowing how Dean felt about it. "I mean if you don't want to, we could always tell the..."
"Nope!" Dean said quickly, cutting him off. "I'll...I'll do it, dammit."
"I knew you'd see it my way." Keeper said smiling. "This will be fun, brother, you'll see." He mocked, still smiling, before he began walking away. "Come on, we should get back."
"Yay, this is going to be literal Hell." Dean stated bitterly, as he sighed defeated, before he quickly caught up to a still smiling Keeper.
TBC...