We woke Bellamy and Clarke up first. The three of us gathered around the screen to watch the video Monty and Harper had left for us. Bellamy rubbed my back soothingly as I tried in vain to hold back my tears.
Then we went for the others. Murphy and Emori, Echo, Abby, Raven and Shaw. I told them I needed a break and left them to watch the video by themselves. Instead I paced the seemingly endless hall of cyropods. I stopped above each familiar face. I wondered what they would think when we woke them up and told them they'd been asleep for a century.
I walked into the mess hall where Murphy, Emori, and Echo had already found a seat. "What's for breakfast?" I called. Emori held up an all too familiar spoonful of green goop. "Lovely." I turned to Jordan who offered me a bowl of Monty's algae with a sheepish smile.
Bellamy joined our friends and me at the table; Raven and Shaw weren't far behind. "We don't know what we're going to find down there," I announced. "Interference from the atmosphere is keeping our tech from working. We won't know if there's anyone down there, or even if it's survivable until we land."
"Sounds familiar," Clarke muttered, joining our circle. "But we don't have much of a choice."
"I trust Monty," Echo said. The rest of us nodded.
"Then it's settled," Bellamy said. "We'll take weapons, guns and nonleathals. This time we're not shooting first."
"My mom is staying here, she might have something that can save Kane," Clarke continued. After I'd seen Kane, he'd been attacked by one of the miners. The idea our last conversation might be a fight loomed like a dark cloud. "We'll take Jackson instead."
"We should take our best fighters," Echo said, glancing toward Bellamy.
"My sister is the last person I trust not to shoot first," Bellamy said. "Octavia stays on ice with everyone else. I'll get Miller."
"Echo has a point," I interjected. Bellamy turned to shoot me an exasperated look. "Not O. You're right, she needs to stay behind. I'm waking up the Shadows." Bell looked as if he wanted to argue, but I didn't give him the chance. "They're too smart to shoot first, but if we have to fight they're the ones I'd bet on. I trust them."
After a moment Bellamy nodded. "Wake them up."
"Cal can't go," Clarke called, as I headed for the door. "He needs to heal."
I let out a sigh and nodded. "Yeah, I know." I was not looking forward to being the one to break that news. "Actually, I think I'll grab Jackson first."
★ ★ ★ ★
Kenna was the first Shadow I pulled out of cryosleep. She stretched her arms dramatically over her head. "Nice nap," she said with a grin. But when she finally looked at me, it was gone. "What's wrong?"
"It was a little more than a nap," I told her with a short sigh. "We were asleep for a hundred and twenty-five years." Kenna froze. I quickly continued, "Also, we're about to land on an alien planet."
Her eyebrows shot up. "You should've led with that."
"Come on, let's get the guys." The two of us continued down the hall. I caught sight of Jackson explaining the situation to Cal. As expected, the latter looked less than enthusiastic at the news he'd be staying behind.
"I'm guessing he's not going?" Kenna confirmed.
I shook my head. "Bullet wounds don't heal overnight." Kenna's eyes went wide and she grabbed my arm. I'd taken off the bandage a few hours after waking up and cleaned it as Kenna had instructed before we'd both gone to sleep. "It looks amazing."
"I know it does," Kenna said with a grin. "I only create masterpieces."
We woke Alex up next. If the news bothered him, he didn't show it. It was like everything just bounced off and never really cut through. "Gav should stay with Cal. He'll need time to process what happened down there." He paused before adding, "I wouldn't tell him that though."
"Cal needs a babysitter," Kenna suggested. Then she laughed. It sounded familiar; the same laugh Octavia used to let out right before she pulled a prank on Bellamy. "Yeah, Cal definitely needs a babysitter."
"I'll wake him up," Alex said, and headed in the opposite direction.
Kenna and I watched him go, and then turned to each other. "Gav needs time but Alex doesn't?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"He does, just..." She trailed off looking for the words. "A different kind of time. The kind with plenty of distractions."
I let out a short sigh. "I guess I get that." The two of us walked back to the Gagarin. "Remember when I asked about the other Eligius missions?"
"Yeah, we thought maybe there were more out there. On shitty planets, or something, right?"
I grinned. "If we meet anyone, we probably shouldn't call their planet shitty."
She laughed. "You're right, bad first impression."
We turned the corner and found most of the group waiting outside the transport ship. Jackson was saying his goodbyes to Abby while Miller hung behind them. I joined Miller, just as Alex turned the corner with Cal and Gav on his heels. I felt caught between two worlds. "Hey, Robin Hood."
"Seems like a long time since anyone called me that."
"A hundred and twenty-five years," he pointed out.
I let out a humorless laugh. Miller looked over my shoulder. I knew Cal was waiting, and if he was, so were the rest of the Shadows. "We'll talk later," Miller suggested.
I nodded. "See you on the ship."
When I turned around, Cal was leaning against the wall. Kenna had Gav and Alex across the hallway, giving us space. "Let me see it," he said. I wiped my arm across my forehead, rubbing away nonexistent sweat and flashing my tattoo. He laughed quietly. "Your Kenna impression is spot on."
"You gonna be okay?" I asked. "There isn't a lot to do up here but think."
"It's only temporary, right? I'll be down there as soon as the doc clears me," he said. "You won't even have a chance to miss me, space girl."
I raised an eyebrow. "Who said I'd miss you?"
Gav joined us, clapping a hand on Cal's shoulder. "Let's go, Malikov. They're rounding these guys up, and you've got a doctor to see." Cal groaned, and Gav gave Kenna a look. "Thanks for the babysitting gig, K. Really appreciate it."
"Rest and relaxation, Cal!" Kenna called after them.
"Ready to go?" Echo asked, slipping up between the Shadows and me. I nodded, and started toward the Gagarin, only to realize Echo was a step behind me. I turned to see her looking at Alex.
"Echo?"
She turned back toward me and closed the distance between us quickly. "Yep. Ready. Let's go." I shook my head and walked into the ship, closing the door behind me.
★ ★ ★ ★
After a rather bumpy ride through Alpha's atmosphere, we emerged through the clouds. Beside me, Kenna gasped at the sight. It was beautiful. Tree-covered mountains stretched as far as we could see. Shaw set the Gagarin down in a clearing, and we made our way to the door.
"Please be breathable, please be breathable," Jackson muttered under his breath.
I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Relax, it's not like we haven't done this before."
Clarke opened the door and I took a deep breath. "It smells like Bali," Kenna said with a sigh.
"No way you ever went to Bali," Alex said with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, it smells the way I imagine Bali would smell." She scowled at him.
"It's like having another little sister," I murmured to Bellamy, as I slid beside him.
He shrugged. "Except Kenna doesn't seem sociopathic."
I pressed my lips together for a moment to prevent myself from launching into a lecture. It was pointless. If Bellamy and Octavia were going to work through this, it would have to be on their own terms, and it was going to take time.
I took his hand and pulled him from the ramp into the grass. "Come on, let's explore."
After a hike we emerged at the water source Shaw was leading us to. The sky was beautiful. The suns were eclipsing and casting a romantic pink tint over the world around us. The water was a beautiful shade of turquoise. It felt like a dream. "We'll camp here," Bellamy announced.
Murphy took a few steps forward, dropping bags as he went. "Murphy, wait!" Bellamy called after him. Murphy pulled his shirt over his head and continued toward the water.
"We haven't tested it yet!" Jackson protested.
Murphy didn't stop for either of them, instead diving head first into the water. We all waited, tension rising the longer he stayed under. Then he popped out of the water. "Whooo!"
Emori took a step toward the water, and Murphy met her halfway. "Come on, the water's fine," he said. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her toward the water.
"John, no. No!" She squealed as he pulled her into the water, fully clothed. Their laughter was a weight off my shoulders. I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard it. But they deserved to have fun, we all did.
I looped my arms through Echo and Kenna's and pulled them forward. It didn't take much convincing, and then they were running alongside me stripping down as they went. "Come on, Bell!" I called. He shook his head. "What, didn't you ever learn how to swim?"
I leapt into the water, diving under and emerging a few feet away with a grin on my face. Bellamy had taken a few steps toward the shore, and after a moment he was following after me.
He caught up with me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. The small waves splashed against us as I looked up at him. "We're going to be okay," I whispered. "Whatever happens, we're going to be okay."
He pressed his forehead to mine. "I know." I closed the gap between us and kissed him.
★ ★ ★ ★
Night fell and Bellamy and Alex built a fire at the center of our campsite. I leaned back against a tree and watched them work. They weren't speaking, but then again Alex didn't seem like a big talker. It was just good to see them working together.
Beside me Kenna was wringing out her hair again. "I have too much goddamn hair," she cursed. She'd already sacrificed a t-shirt as a towel, which was now drying out next to her.
"It's those Irish genes."
She scowled. "Hush. My Irish genes are everything." She raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you proud of being Chinese?"
"By the time I was born China was long gone," I reminded her.
"Sure, but I never lived in Ireland either. Didn't your family tell you about it?"
"My great-grandfather who took a spot on Shenzhen station wasn't even born in China," I explained. "He was British. His parents were immigrants. He didn't pass on their stories, he passed on his own."
"Fuck Britain," Kenna muttered. I laughed softly. "So, what, your people are just from the Ark? You don't claim what came before that?"
"The whole point of the Ark was to create a new world. Twelve stations combined to form the space city of the future. In the end, we're all just Skaikru." It seemed strange to use a Trigedasleng word in retrospect. But we didn't have the vocabulary, we hadn't expected to need it. "My grandmother was the only one in my family who was connected to her past. Her mother's mother was Diné, and she passed on the traditions. I know more about her people than anything else, but she died when I was a kid. Otherwise, yeah, I'm just a space girl."
Kenna hummed. "How long did it take you to learn Trigedasleng? That's what the natives spoke, right?"
"I don't know if they'd like that term," I said, glancing toward Emori and Echo. "Technically speaking you're a native too," I reminded her. "But yeah, that was the clans' language, for the most part. There were dialects, especially up north. I guess it took me six months; I'm pretty good with languages. I speak Mandarin and Diné too. Or at least I used to, it's been awhile."
"Good, you'll need to learn Russian," Kenna informed me. "It's the best way to make sure everyone else is out of the loop."
I raised an eyebrow. "Sure, I'll just pick up a Russian textbook next time I see one..."
"We've got you. Believe it or not, Alex is the best teacher. He taught the Garipovs German and Czech. He didn't even really speak Czech all that well, but it was for Peter's benefit."
"I don't know if he'd want to teach me," I murmured.
"He voted you in," Kenna reminded me. "He'll teach you. You're one of us." She shrugged. "Cal's pretty good too, but that's a lot of time spent with a guy you used fuck." Her eyes snapped over to Bellamy.
"Bell's fine," I insisted. "He knows why I did what I did, and technically we weren't together. For the first time in our entire relationship, I actually feel like we're on the same page."
She shrugged. I scanned the camp, my eyes falling on Miller and Jackson. Miller stood up and took a few steps toward the perimeter. "I'll be back," I told Kenna, before standing up to join Miller. "Hey, you wanna talk now?"
He glanced over at me. I could see on his face just how much he needed to talk. "Yeah, that'd be good." The two of us stepped toward the tree line, and a moment later Alex was on my heels.
I turned around with a frown. "What's up?"
"You shouldn't go into the woods by yourself," he said flatly.
I glanced at Miller out of the corner of my eye. "I'm not alone." He gave me a look that said I knew exactly what he meant. Miller wasn't a Shadow. "I've known him longer than I've known you, Alexander. I trust him to have my back. Cal will understand."
He let out a short, annoyed breath. I had the feeling that I truly didn't understand Alexander Ivanov at all. But Alex returned to camp, and Miller and I continued into the trees. "I love the Shadows, I do. I can't remember the last time I really felt like I belonged somewhere." That wasn't exactly true. I could remember. The last time I'd really left like I belonged was with Azgeda. Even after Roan was gone, and Echo dragged me in front of their people, it felt like I was meant to be there. But Azgeda was gone, just like everything else.
I shook my head and continued. "It seems like I built a moat between myself and the rest of you. The Shadows don't trust any of you, and none of you trust them."
"It's not your fault, Maia. You found a family that has your back."
"In the most unlikely place," I muttered.
"You did what you had to do, and if Bellamy and the rest of your family on the Ring don't see that, that's on them. As for the rest of us..." Miller shook his head. "It's our own problems that have pushed us away from you."
"But what you did in bunker, you had to do that," I reminded him. "You had to stay alive, same as me. I understand that."
"I wish I could," he muttered. "All the things I did down there, I can't forget them. No matter how hard I try."
"Forgetting isn't good for anyone," I told him. "Forgetting leads to making the same mistakes. I know it's hard, but it's acceptance that you need to find."
Miller stopped walking and turned toward me. "I don't know if I can."
I grabbed his hand. "We've all done shitty things. The only thing we can do moving forward is be better. Just like Monty said. That's all you can do." I glanced up; a bug flew centimeters from my face. "Jesus, where did all these bugs come from? Come on, let's get back to the beach."
The two of us made it back toward camp and were almost immediately pushed back into the trees. "Swarm!" Clarke shouted. Miller and I turned, leading the group into the woods.
Shaw was by my side in a few moments, holding out the tracker. "The beacon isn't much further. We'll make it if we hurry."
We sprinted toward the blinking dot. Behind us Bellamy had lit a flare, holding off the bugs for a few moments. Echo cried out. I turned to see Alex helping her to her feet and pushing her forward.
In front of me, Shaw ran ahead. "It's right up here!" I turned back toward him, ready to run, only to see Shaw crumple to ground in pain.
We all came to a stop. "It's a radiation fence," Clarke realized. She ran forward, protected by her nightblood, to pull Shaw to the other side.
After a few moments she yelled for us to run through. We all gathered around Shaw, his face was blistered from radiation. It reminded me of Mount Weather, of the blisters on Maya's skin after the staged containment breach. Only this was much worse. Shaw grabbed my hand. "Tell Raven she deserve happiness," he forced out. "She doesn't think she does...but she does."
I nodded. "Of course. I'll tell her, I promise." He squeezed my hand, and then went slack. With a final breath he was gone.