Jaxon POV
It had been two weeks. Two godawful weeks since Jasmine miscarried our baby. This was a loss that completely blind sided me; I wasn't prepared for it at all. It was obvious that I wanted that child with every fiber in my being but life had other plans. It was a huge wake up call to remind me that life wasn't fair and it could fuck you over at moment. God, I wished I atleast knew if we were having a boy or girl.
As expected, Jasmine was taking this harder than me. It was painful for me to watch how much she was spiraling into a deep depression all over again. Losing this baby changed her dramatically. You could see the drastic changes in her demeanor and aura. I didn't expect her to be her usual upbeat self right away, but I also didn't expect her to be almost lifeless. She shut her emotions down entirely.
This was much much worse than her last depression cycle. According to Megan, this time she wasn't eating, drinking, or speaking with anyone. All she did was lay around and sleep all day while she locked herself away for hours on end. As her boyfriend, I was trying my best to be her support system during this difficult time but I was also grieving and she wasn't making this easy.
About a week ago, Jasmine stopped answering my phone calls and texts messages. When I tried going over to her house, she would refuse to open her room door. Everyday, her behavior was spiraling more and more out of control and I was becoming endlessly worried for her.
How did our lives end up like this? What was happening to us? I loved this woman so much it hurt. But every chance life got hard, she didn't hesitate to shut me out and I couldn't deal with this anymore. These were times that we should be leaning on each other more than ever but Jasmine seemed to have the opposite thought process.
By the end of week two with no response from Jasmine, I was fed up and enough was enough. I called Megan with an intervention plan. There was no way I could continue to sit by and watch Jasmine spiral out of control. Jasmine wasn't going to simply wake up one day and be Okay. No, Jasmine's depression was real and she needed to get professional help.
After speaking about the best course of action, Megan and I eventually came up with a plan. I camped out at her house while we waited for Jasmine to finally emerge from her room. At some point she needed to come out of her room to eat and drink water. And when that time came, we would implement our intervention.
The fact that it took almost 48 hrs before we finally saw Jasmine emerge from her room spoke volumes. Two freaking days before she ventured out of her cave. That was two days too many. We were downstairs when Jasmine strolled into the kitchen to retrieve water before she planned to head back into her dungeon lair. As soon as I saw her, I got up off of the coach and approached her cautiously. Jasmine stood frozen in the kitchen when she saw me approach. She just stared at me without saying a word.
"Jasmine, can you please come and sit with Megan and I out in the living room. We're worried about you and we just want to talk." Jasmine continued to eye me with a blank stare without saying anything. So I continued.
"Jas, I know this is hard. It's hard on me also. We love and care for you deeply but we're also worried for you. Please can you come and sit with us for a few minutes so that we can talk this out." I could've sworn that I was talking to myself because the only reaction I received from Jasmine was another blank stare. I even thought for a minute that maybe she didn't hear me. But after a long minute of just looking at me, she sighed and walked towards me and then past me into the living room. My heart rejoiced at my small victory. There, Megan was already sitting on the coach when Jasmine walked in and sat down in the love seat across from her.
"What?" She finally asked bluntly without any emotion. Was this even the same woman I fell in love with? Megan spoke up first.
"Jasmine, I know this is a very difficult time for all of us and especially for you. I can't imagine what you're feeling or going through by losing a child."
"I'm fine. I'm not upset." Jasmine stated unconvincingly. I cleared my throat to speak.
"You might say you're fine Jasmine, but your actions are speaking way louder than your words. Locking yourself away and hiding from the issues you're facing will not help solve them." Jasmine stared at me before a vicious smirk curled up on her face.
"What do you guys know? You don't know shit about how I'm feeling right now. I just want to be left alone. Why can't I just be left alone? Is it that bad to want some peace and quiet?"
"Babe, Megan and I were thinking that it would be best that you go into therapy. Maybe therapy can help you cope with your loss." I watched Jasmine's reaction but she kept her face schooled so I continued.
"It can also help you deal with your feelings of betrayal by your mother...." I trailed off in order to look for the right words next. "And maybe you should talk about Darnell and what he put you through all of those years. I think all of these things are contributing factors to your depression." I trailed off and waited patiently as Jasmine sat there quietly for a few minutes absorbing everything that I said. I prayed to god that she would take us up on our advice.
After awhile, I observed as Jasmine shifted in her seat and slowly began to nod her head in aggreeance with my suggestion.
"Ok I'll do it." Once again, my heart rejoiced at the breakthrough we'd just made. Relief began to take over, maybe there was hope for Jasmine after all. Jasmine continued to speak.
"I'll do it on one condition...." Jasmine trailed off and looked at Megan. Instead of using her words, Jasmine just stared at Megan long enough for Megan to realize that Jasmine probably wanted her to leave the room. After Megan left, Jasmine turned her focus back on me. Her voice sounded hesitant. It was the most emotional reaction I've received from her in days. She let out a deep breath.
"I'm fucked up mentally Jaxon. I've had years of mental abuse by a man that claimed to love me. I've dealt with a manipulative mother who only cared about herself and now I've experienced loss that I didn't realize would affect me so greatly....." I could see the tears forming in Jasmine's deep brown eyes as she continued to speak. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath as she spoke.
"In the last month, I've spiraled into two downhill depressions and I know its fucked me up big time. And right now, I'm barely even capable of taking care of myself....." She looked to be thinking about her next words before continuing.
"What I'm trying to say Jaxon is.. If I can't take care of myself, how can I foster and nurture a loving relationship right now?.....A relationship with you..."She trailed off and I gulped hard as my brows creased inwardly with confusion. My voice was merely a whisper as I questioned her.
"What are you saying to me Jasmine?" I asked. "Just fucking say it." I sounded more angry this time. She breathed out heavily before catching my stare. There were pools of tears in her eyes and I couldn't help the tears that began to form in my own eyes as realization of what she was saying began to process.
"What I'm trying to say is...if I'm to get better, I think we need to put our relationship on hold while I take care of myself. I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else." And with those words my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces once again. I reached my hands out to Jasmine but she didn't take them.
"Don't do this Jasmine." I closed my eyes before reopening them again. "If you do this, we are done for good. I promise you that." Jasmine didn't say anything. I began to shake my head over and over in disbelief. I was done.
I was tired of this cat and mouse game. I was tired of putting in my all and only receiving 10%. And finally, I was sick and tired of being the only person who had faith that this could work. I loved Jasmine with all of my heart and yet she either couldn't or wouldn't let me love her properly.
I took Jasmine's silence as my answer. I got up, turned on my heel and began to walk out of that house. Jasmine eventually found her voice and tried calling me back. But when I said I was done, I was done.
Once outside, I shook my head in disbelief. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. I had to let Jasmine go for good. It was the only thing I could do to keep my own sanity.
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