Friday, April 10, 2020
Remember when your biggest problem was remembering your home phone number in kindergarten? When the biggest event was what story recording they played during nap time? When the biggest fight you ever had was with a friend over a toy or book of some kind? When your biggest fear was spiders or snakes or something?
Why is it that now, my biggest problem trying to juggle everything I am and keep it from crumbling? Why is my biggest event of my day getting online and away from my responsibilities, or better yet, going to sleep and escaping everything? Why is my biggest fight the one in my head against myself? Why is my biggest fear failure?
What happened to our childhood?
What made us so damaged?
What changed us to be scared of everything and everyone?
What made us battle ourselves just to "fit in"?
What happened to us?
I used to tell my parents everything, recount everything action and event that happened.
Now I barely say a word about school to them.
I used to spend all my time with my family.
Now I hide away in my room.
I used to create and imagine without barriers, be outspoken and passionate about them with everyone.
Now I hide my works online behind an anonymous profile, only speaking of them with people I trust.
I used to be upfront with my values with my family; they knew all my preferences.
Now they barley know me; they know only a shadow of my opinions.
What made me so scared to tell people stuff? Why am I so terrified to simply talk to someone? Why does the idea of telling people about me and my opinions make me nervous enough to shake and dig my nails into my skin hard enough to leave marks for days? What happened to me? What happened to all of us?
I'm finishing up Week 4 of quarantine. I've been stuck with my family for basically four weeks. This has been on my mind a lot lately.
Anyways kiddos, stay safe! We may not go to the physical building of school until next year, but at least we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel? However faint it may be, we know it is there.
Love y'all platonically! <3
~Ink