♪I've lived my life the lonely
A soul that cries of shame
And handicapped emotions
Save me now, from what still remains.... ♪
*****
Temple City, California
Annalisa Green -- April 30th, 1991
Location: 1341 Evergreen St
Semaij stared intently as she lifted the tweezers up - I could feel a piece of my brow hair being pulled. It hurt so bad.
I tried my hardest not to furrow my eyebrows to keep her from messing up. It was getting hard to do after while. The plucking left my skin tingling and twitching as if I was electrocuted.
So the next time she plucked my eyebrow, I jerked away and rubbed the spot. Of course that made Semaij sigh irratibly, as I've been doing it for the time she's been plucking my eyebrows.
"Girl, I swear if you flinch again.."
"How can I stay still? It hurts and its making my arm itch." I frowned and sat back against the headboard. "I told you I didn't need them plucked anyway."
Semaij scoffed and laid at the foot of my bed, facing me.. "Oh, you needed em' plucked. Your unibrow was threatening to show, and you were starting to look like a little boy."
Rolling my eyes, I threw one of my pillows at her. "Whatever Semaij."
She giggled and caught the pillow, tossing it back before sitting up straight. I couldn't help but to let out a little laugh of my own. Her laugh was so contagious.
When our laughter died down, she sighed happily and shook her head.
"Mental health check?" She asked, raising her eyebrow with a nice subtle smile on her face.
It was my turn to sigh, but it wasn't happy like hers. It was more like a are you really going to make me answer kind of sigh.
I hated when she did her 'mental health checks'. I've always felt exposed after being forced to tell her how I feel. She said its good to let my feelings out and to never hold them in. If I held them in, I would be pressing the 'self destruct' button on my brain basically.
Her words, not mine.
"You already know that I won't leave until I hear what's going through your mind," she stated still smiling, but her voice was firm.
My eyes dropped down to my lap. Lately, I haven't had a clue of what's going through my mind. Everything was just a big fog. I didn't know how to feel or what to say about certain things. It's gotten worse since taking my pills.
So what do I say in response to a question like that?
"...I'm fine."
She smacked her lips and proceeded to toss my pillow back at me. I let the soft cushion hit my face before it fell to my lap. "You know that I don't believe that bullshit, Ana. I can see that everything's not fine."
"So why ask?" I wanted to say, but I just stared at her awaiting face.
I wanted so badly to tell her everything. How I feel, what I feel, but I just didn't know where to start. I also didn't want to burden her with my problems so the best option for me was to suffer in silence.
So without another ounce of hesitation, I mustered up the most believable, convincing smile I could do and said in the most chippiest tone: "I swear I'm fine, Semaij. I've never been better."
"Mmmm." She hummed half convinced. But to my luck, she left it at that and said no more about it.
The subject was changed, and we went back into the two goofy friends we were known to be. It felt good to laugh for once, even if it was fake.
But sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.
Later that night, I sat in bed writing in my journal while the nightly news played at a medium tone. It was odd of how I could concentrate on writing while an ounce of noise surrounded me.
Ana's Diary April 30th, 1991
Why was it so hard to tell someone how I felt?
I choked and my words were stuck in my throat once again during Semaij's monthly mental health check. You had one job, Annalisa. Thanks for fucking up again.
No one understands me though. So why would I waste my breath telling Semaij what I always told her? "I'm sad." "I'm depressed." "I want to die." "I don't belong on this Earth." I'm tired of it.
She asked me the same thing in hopes that something would change, but will it ever?
Will I be happy someday?
What did I need to do to have it?
Did I have to get on my knees and beg, huh?
What. Is. It???
My soul needs saving - I know that - but who could save it?
Who could save me?
- Ana 💋
*****
Los Angeles, California
Michael Jackson -- July 26th, 1991
Location: 4828 Crenshaw Blvd, Community Youth Sports & Arts Foundation
Nothing makes me more happy than seeing the adorable smiles and innocent faces of the children.
I donated close to four hundred thousand dollars to the Youth Sports & Arts Foundation and also gifted them a wide-screen tv. The looks on their faces - happiness - warmed my heart tremendously.
Children were the lights of the world - the future. They deserved the best and more, especially children who were less fortunate and/or ill.
On my free time, if I have any, or anytime during my world tours, I would travel to local hospitals to see the children. Sometimes I buy them toys, sometimes I would read to them. We'd play and the day usually ends with me singing to them. Anything that would make them happy, I did it.
I feel like the biggest problem in the world today, besides world hunger, are the troubling things kids face in their lives. Some have abusive parents, or they're going another night without eating dinner. Children were sick and dying as well.
If I could do anything I can to help, I would. Which is why I started opening up the gates to Neverland for the children. I open them to every kid who feels like there's no more hope, those who are living their last days, and those who didn't have the best childhood. I know how it felt to not be able to do what most children did, and that was to have fun. Neverland was created merely based on the things that I wanted but couldn't have growing up, and the things I wanted to do, but couldn't do so due to working at a young age. I wanted Neverland to be a safe haven for all of the children, and to any adult who has felt how I felt once in their life. I feel like everyone deserves one day to feel like a child again. It's the most magical thing ever.
There was a small group of paparazzi, taking pictures of me with the little kids. I gently smiled as I held a little girl. I learned that her name was Kayleigh. She was too adorable.
"Big smiles," one of the staff of the foundation said, smiling widely.
Bill stood to my right, behind me, giving his normal nonchalant security guard look into the camera. Nate was to my left. The kids were standing in front of me not paying attention to the cameras. The founder of the foundation stood beside me with the check I signed in his hands, smiling widely.
We took dozens of pictures before it was time to go. As I sat in the back of the car I couldn't help but to smile. Seeing the kid's faces left me feeling accomplished. It made me feel like everything was worth it. My career was worth it.
"Ms. Taylor is on the phone, Mike," Bill said, holding the car's phone to his ear.
I held out my hand to take the phone. After it was placed in my palm, I held the phone up to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hi Michael!" My good friend, Elizabeth Taylor said happily into the phone. Her voice was so rich and elegant.
"Hi Liz.." I giggled. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
I knew she was smiling and rolling her eyes. "Well as you know, Larry and I are getting married" I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "we both talked it over, and we would really love to have you as our 'best man'."
My eyes widened in happiness. "I'd love to! That's good!"
"I knew you'd say yes!" She clapped her hands. "can we discuss everything over lunch soon?"
"Of course. You two are welcome anytime." My head nodded.
"Okay, see you soon, Michael." She made a kiss sound before she hung up.
I chuckled and let my thumb and index finger glide across my bottom lip. Bill looked at me with a questionable, but knowing look.
Before he could ask, I replied, "Yes, I'm a best man again."
He chuckled in response and shook his head. "You're the best man at everyone's weddings. Maybe you should retire and create a career out of that. What should we call it?" Bill look ahead in thought for a while before speaking. "'Rent A Best Man'."
I giggled and tossed a small balled up napkin at him. "Shut it, Bill."
*****
I know, these chapters are boring, but I don't want them to move so fast. 😭
Luckily for you guys, their run in will come soon again. 😌
Thank you a lot for being patient. And thank you for 500+ reads. We're moving to 1k again and I love it!
I hope that you guys are enjoying this book so far. ❤
Until next time though!
- nae 💋