Felix POV:
I start my walk home.
"Hey aren't you gonna hang with us? You've been so distant lately.." Jessi was talking to me.
"Nah. I don't feel so hot right now." I wave her off.
"You sure.. need something to take the edge off?" She holds up a lit cigratte.
"No I think I'm good..." I say.
"Suit yourself." She shrugged and walked away.
"Maybe next time." I lied.
I needed to stop those drugs.
I felt like shit.
Like actual shit.
My body is sore and I feel wasted all the time.
From what I know about drugs...it's addicting..very addicting and I need to stop the habit now.
I know what when you stop you're in pain and you want more...
But no.
I will not continue this.
To keep putting trash inside my body.
I'm going to try to better myself.
I'm already half way home.
I heard honks of a car.
I look next to me, on the street there's a car.
Jay's car.
"Hey babe, hop in..I'll give you a ride." He nudges me to get inside.
I see Blue Pete in the passengers seat.
"Don't worry, I'll kick him out so it can just me you and me." He said closer to me.
"No thanks. I'm just on my way home." I say.
Normally, my heart would be pounding by him but just not right now.
I just don't feel so well.
"Come on, babe." He keeps trying.
"No. Maybe tomorrow?" I say.
"Fine. But it better me tomorrow." He points a finger at me.
I want to laugh it off.
I want to smile at him.
I want to tell him that I...
But I don't love him.
I don't really care right now.
I keep walking.
The car drives off and they pump up the music louder.
I finally make it back home.
I ring the doorbell.
I see the mother walk over from the big windows of the house.
Then, when she sees it's me she walks away.
I ring the doorbell again.
"What the hell?" I'm anxious now.
I see the father run over and open up the door.
"Hey." I looks at the ground and walks off back to wherever he was before.
I sigh.
I close the door then make my way up the stairs.
Giving a good look at all the pictures on there.
Wait.
Something's missing.
Where's that huge frame of Y/N?
It was here this morning I swear!!!
My heart starts beating fast.
They must have took it down.
My heart slows back to its normal pace.
Only the normal pace for it right now is pretty damn slow.
I don't know why.
I walk up to my room and close the door.
I run over to my bed and grab the pillow, bringing it up to my face.
I sob heavily into it.
I can't stop crying.
.....
It's been hours and my cries have started to soften.
I've cried into the pillow and held my breath.
I hurt myself literally trying to make my cries silent.
That is the absolute worse feeling.
The last time I did silent crying was my first night in Korea as a trainee.
Away from my family....
I sit up on my bed and see my reflection through the wall mirror.
My eyes are puffy and I'm a mess.
But yet somehow, I feel better.
I've been holding that in for far too long.
But I still have this aching feeling?
It's in my chest but not quite.
Is it the boobs?
No I don't think so.
It's more like my heart but not really.
And my stomach feels sick.
My lifeless body treads over to the bathroom in the room.
I heave and junk just rips out of my body.
I'm puking for a good 20 minutes when it finally stops.
I walk back over to my bed really slowly.
I almost lost my balance a couple of times.
I lay down flat on my bed.
Arm over my forehead.
I'm going to die.
I'm either going to kill myself or I'm going to pass out from pain.
Either way.
I'm going to die.
But the thing is...
I've already felt dead for so long.