Chapter 18
Grace's POV
My worst fears were confirmed as soon as Harry didn't reply. I knew it; Harry isn't capable of loving me. He just doesn't want me so why do I keep making a fool of myself? Why do I keep wanting more with him when he just isn't able to be what I want him to be? Compatibility is what it boils down to. We just don't want the same things and I fear that it will always be this way. Liam already loves me...or did. I have no idea what I said to him to make him so angry while I was drunk. I can't even remember. I remember crying and I only drank to get my mind off Harry but I have no clue what I said. It had to be bad to cause him to leave me all alone at that party drunk. I'm still a little drunk I think but not like I was. Harry's anger somehow sobered me up a bit.
Harry pulled me closer, burying his head into my neck.
"Is this really what you felt like when I got drunk?" he asked, his lips brushing up against my skin.
"Yes."
"Well then I'm sorry."
"We're even now."
"Not even close Grace. I've put you through so much shit."
I could see Harry's sister, Gemma glancing back at us in the rear-view mirror. Harry didn't seem to care. His lips pressed gentle kisses all down my neck and my stomach muscles clenched in response. I really just wanted those lips all over me kissing every part of my body.
"Grace, I was so worried. If something happened to you..."
But you don't love me.
"I'm okay Harry. Sam and Calum were there."
"Yeah making out in a corner while you're a drunken emotional mess on the bathroom floor."
"I was fine."
"The door wasn't even locked. Somebody could have..."
"Stop. Your argument goes both ways. At least I wasn't in a brawl."
He let out an elongated sigh, knowing I was right.
"I feel so protective over you. I want you to come to my house and eat something before I take you home."
"I'm not meeting your mom like this." I whispered.
Even though the alcohol was wearing off, he was right; I was still a drunken emotional mess.
"Grace trust me; I have given her a great deal of shit, coming home drunk off my ass."
"Still." I muttered.
"Grace, don't worry. Our mum will love you. Trust me." Gemma interrupted, glancing back at me.
"But out Gem." Harry snapped but I could see a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
She looked back to the road and Harry grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tightly.
"I can't stay away from you Grace. I'm not strong enough."
"Then don't stay away." I whispered, trying to hide my face from him.
"No, look at me."
I looked up into his emerald eyes and frowned.
"You can't be with me. You don't want this. I will hurt you. Do you hear me? I will hurt you."
"I don't care. Please." I said, not caring about my whiney tone.
"I can't resist you any longer. I have to be with you."
"Please."
"I want you to be mine Grace. I want you to only be mine."
"Yes."
Yes. Yes. Yes. A million times yes.
I let out a sigh of relief as Harry pulled me in closer.
"I hate to interrupt but what do you guys want to eat?"
Harry looked down at me, his gaze intense.
"What would you like baby?"
"I don't mind."
Harry sighed and looked up at Gemma.
"Whatever you want is fine Gem."
"In that case, pizza."
"Sure." He muttered.
When we pulled into a Dominos parking lot, Gem climbed out to go get the pizza and Harry and I stayed in the back seat wrapped up in each other. He was so confusing but I didn't care anymore. By this point, I only wanted him and I didn't care what the consequences were. I felt like I could give almost anything up for him in this moment. I felt so drawn to him.
"You are going to have to help me with this, us being together. I haven't had a real relationship. I only fucked girls for the thrill of it. None of them were mine."
A visible shudder ran through my body and I winced at his words. It pained me to know that Harry had been with other girls. Of course he has. I shouldn't have surprised me in the least.
"You've never fucked...I mean slept with anyone, have you?"
"No Harry."
He looked down at my hand, playing with my fingers.
"I like that." He whispered.
"Like that I'm a virgin?"
"I've never been with a virgin. Grace this is going to sound bad but I want you to know the truth, okay?"
I nodded, urging him to continue.
"I went through a really hard time back in England and I used to sleep with a lot of girls. I had moved out of my mum's place during this time. I would bring them to my apartment, fuck them and then they would leave me. There was nothing romantic involved. I would always ask them if they were a virgin because I didn't want to put up with the emotional burden of taking someone's virginity as a one night stand. One girl admitted that she was a virgin and I made her leave."
Harry carefully looked into my eyes, very slowly.
"That was a while back Grace. I moved back in with my mum who made me get tested for every disease under the sun and she started putting me into therapy. Nothing worked at first. I was still a ball of anger but then I met Dr. Rollins and she helped me so much. I think it was me that changed though. I give Dr. Rollins all of the credit because she's amazing but I think that it was me that was finally ready to get better. I didn't want that life anymore. Dr. Rollins encouraged the move here because she wanted me to get away from the bad influences I had in England."
"Bad influences?"
"Yes Grace. The people I hung out with had a direct connection to drugs, alcohol, parties, you name it."
"You were on drugs?" I asked, shocked.
"Yes Grace I was. Not for long. I tried a few different kinds but I didn't like the feeling. So then I started smoking cigarettes. I'm still kind of trying to stop those. I would never do drugs again."
"You're an alcoholic, aren't you?"
"Yes. Recovering, but yes Grace, I am."
I sighed, shaking my head at this beautiful broken boy.
"Are you ready to run for the hills?" he asked.
"Do you not understand that I love you?" I asked, irritated.
"You shouldn't love me."
I cringed, taking a deep breath. Why won't he say it back? I guess he's just not feeling what I'm feeling.
"Why do you like that I'm a virgin if you didn't want to be with one?"
"I can't even think about you being with someone else. I've never been jealous in my life over a girl. Ever. I don't want to think about someone else's hands on you. I can't think about that. I don't understand what you're doing to me."
"But you said you didn't want me."
"I was trying to protect you from my fucked up self."
"But I don't understand. You said you were getting better."
"Grace my life is always going to be fucked up even if I'm not. I don't want you around this. My father will come back. It could be tomorrow, next week, or fifteen years from now but I don't want you around me when he does. I wish you didn't love me. I wish you appalled me even. If you hated me, you would be safe but you're not safe when you're with me. He will never stop and if something happened to you because of me..."
"Nothing's going to happen."
'You don't know that."
"Harry plenty could happen to me even if I wasn't around you. I could get cancer or get into an accident or get raped..."
"Stop. Don't fucking say that."
"It's true Harry. This is the real world. Things happen and you can't just let fear run your life. I want you. I'm a mess without you and don't you think that hurts me? Being without you hurts me Harry!"
"Baby, come here. Please come here."
Somehow, he pulled my body even closer, kissing my forehead.
"Don't you ever talk like that again. Don't ever say those things to me. I am never going to let anybody hurt you, do you hear me?"
"Yes Harry."
He tilted my chin up to look at my face before forcefully kissing me, all desperation and need. His tongue pushed past my lips, claiming my mouth and exploring every part.
"Grace..." he moaned.
I began to kiss him back, wrapping my legs around his waist and grabbing the material of his T-shirt in my fist.
"I want you."
I moaned against his lips in response, this sensation so new to me. I'd never felt so much need for a person. I let go of his shirt, bringing my hands up to his hair, loving the feeling of his curls between my fingers. Another moan escaped from his lips as I tugged at his roots.
"Baby."
He pulled away from our kiss only to suck and bite at my neck. He could do this all day. In this moment, I didn't care one bit.
"You're mine now." He assured, biting and sucking at the skin just below my ear.
I could feel his growing erection press against me and my heart rate steadily increased with each passing second. Gemma would be back any second but I couldn't stop myself. I reached down, palming him through his jeans as our kiss deepened.
"Fuck I want you."
The sound of the front door opening caused me to jump out of Harry's lap and straighten myself out in the seat beside Harry. As I fastened my seatbelt, I stole a glance over at Harry. He looked down at his erection and then over to me.
"Tease." He muttered, causing my face to heat in embarrassment.
I shrugged and looked out the window.
"Did you two have a nice talk?" Gem asked glancing back in the rear-view, a smirk spread across her lips.
"Shut up Gem." Harry demanded but smiled to himself.
My cheeks had to be a hundred different shades of red by now.
Harry's POV
That was just it. I couldn't stop. I wanted her so badly. I needed her so badly. No girl had ever made me feel the way I was feeling. I reached over, grasping her hand in mine. I wanted to at least feel her skin against mine. How could she love someone like me? The thought made me want to be sick and jump for joy at the same time. How could she love me? She shouldn't but just the thought made me want to fuck her right here in this car...okay not the car. No, her first time shouldn't be with me even if I really wanted it to be. Why was I so attracted to her? Maybe because she's hot and the sweetest girl you've ever laid eyes on.
"What are you thinking?"
"Huh? Oh...n..nothing." I lied, kissing her cheek.
She seemed to like it when I did that. Maybe I could start doing that more often. She giggled and the sound was the most comforting and beautiful melody. God, I've got it so bad.
"Harry, my mom is going to literally kill me. I'm going to be in so much trouble."
"Have you called her?"
"No."
The last thing I wanted was for Grace to get into trouble.
"Okay, call her right now and tell her that you're safe with me and that my mum invited you over and that you'll call as soon as you leave."
"Okay." She whispered, seeming a bit nervous.
I studied her facial features closely as she talked to her mum, only able to hear one side of the conversation.
"Yes....mom I am safe...I'm sorry I worried you...Yes Harry, Harry Styles."
She glanced over at me and then nodded even though her mum couldn't see her
"We've...actually worked things out...I hope. Okay I'll call you when I leave Harry's place....Love you too."
She hung up and looked over to me.
"You talked to your mom about us?"
"Yeah she wanted to know why I've been so upset and I told her about us."
"Everything?"
"Yes."
"She probably hates me because I told you that I didn't want you. God, Grace she probably thinks I'm a dick."
"Calm down. She doesn't think that. She's actually very fond of you. She knows how I feel about you. I'm sorry for telling her but she's really the only person I can talk to about this. I can't talk to Liam for obvious reasons and Sammy is so hung up on Cal these days and without you I've just felt so alone." She said, her voice quiet.
I looked into her captivating blue eyes. She felt lonely? Shit. I felt horrible knowing that I caused her pain.
"It's not your fault Harry." She assured, reading my mind.
"It is though. I made you feel like you weren't good enough but the truth is; I've never felt this way. I need you to see this from my perspective. I just don't want you getting hurt."
"Harry I can't do this on and off thing with you anymore. I really can't. I don't want to do this if you're going to tell me tomorrow that I can't be with you. Please don't do that."
"I won't as long as you promise me something."
"What?"
I shook my head, trying to get myself together. I didn't understand why I was so nervous about asking her this.
"Don't see Liam again. Please don't."
"You mean don't go on a date with him?"
"Yes but honestly I would rather you didn't talk to the guy ever again."
"Not going to happen Harry. He's my friend."
"I know but it was worth a try." I smiled.
"I'm not so sure you'll have to worry about it because I doubt Liam will ever talk to me again. Whatever I said had to be bad for him to leave me drunk at a party."
"There's no excuse. I would never ever leave you at a party, drunk or not."
I looked up at Gemma, noticing that we were outside of my house.
"You guys we've been sitting outside the house for five minutes. Are you two done talking?"
"Yeah Gem. Sorry I didn't even realize."
I looked over to find Grace blushing a deep shade of crimson. I shook my head and smiled at her adorable shyness. It was quite attractive.
"What Harry?"
"Nothing." I replied, unable to wipe the stupid grin off my face as I climbed out of my car.
"It's so funny."
"What?" I asked, confused.
"I used to live here."
"Oh yeah I forgot about that. I'll still find an excuse to take you on the tour."
"I'm sure you will Styles."
I chuckled, throwing my arm around her while balancing the pizza on the palm of my other hand.
"Oh my goodness, I was starting to worry. Who's...Who's this?"
"Mum this is Grace Absure. Grace this is my mum, Anne."
"Oh it's so lovely to meet you. Harry's never brought a girl home."
I rolled my eyes, glaring at my mum. She returned my scowl and turned back to Grace.
"It's nice to meet you too Ms....Anne."
"Please honey, call me Anne. I would love it if you'd join us for dinner. I know it's late but I've made lasagna."
"Mum we got pizza."
"Oh honey you can put that in the refrigerator. I've prepared a nice meal."
I shrugged and made my way into the kitchen as my mum started bombarding Grace with questions. I was glad to see that she didn't look overwhelmed at all. Grace had probably been taken home to 'meet the family' tons of times. This probably wasn't new to her at all. Some part of me hoped that it was though. I set the pizza down in the fridge before flipping through the unopened mail on the counter. I ripped open a letter addressed to me, not taking my eyes off Grace the entire time. I loved how her smile was reaching her eyes. She looked happy. I shook my head, knowing that I was in deep and pulled out the letter. No return address. Weird.
My loving family,
I meant it when I said don't tell a fucking soul. Not even your new little rich girlfriend. Too bad Gem left her rich boy all the way in England. Funny you all turned into a bunch of gold diggers. Be careful, I'm never too far. See you all soon.
My heart stopped as I fisted the paper in my fist. I couldn't fucking breathe. I folded up the letter, stuffing it deep into my jean pocket. No, this can't be happening. Why is he fucking with us now and shit, how does he know about Grace? I wanted to throw up all over the kitchen floor but I was trying to remain calm. The last thing I needed was to freak out.
"Gem! Can I talk to you?"
"Sure thing Haz. Hold on just a second." My sister called.
I had to tell her. She was involved too. How could he know about Gem's new boyfriend? That means he's been to England. Holy fuck.
"Gem! Now!" I screamed.
She appeared at the bottom of the stairs and I grabbed her elbow, leading her out onto the back porch, flipping the light switch before closing the door behind us. Once we were alone, I pulled out the letter, handing it over to her. I watched as her expression shifted from calm and collected to completely anxious, fear filling her eyes.
"Oh my god! Ashton!"
Before I could say anything, she pulled out her cell, dialing his number.
"Ashton...are you okay?...oh thank god...it's my dad....no he sent a letter to Harry...he said to not tell a single soul. He said that he knew about you and Harry's new girlfriend and that we better be careful...and he said he would be seeing us soon."
"What the fuck!" I heard the Ashton guy scream into the phone.
"Ashton that means he's been watching us...what you're coming?...no I'll be okay I promise...we don't need to both miss classes...okay if you're sure....I love you too."
Gem hung up and immediately pulled me into her embrace. I immediately calmed down a little. Not much but slightly.
"Ashton's coming. He's booking a flight. He should be here tomorrow."
"Gem, what are we going to do?"
"We're going to do anything to protect our family. Don't tell mum. She will just freak out about this. I think you should tell Grace though."
"No fucking way. I am not having her worried about this. She'll worry about it all of the time if I tell her that my dad knows about her. That'll freak her out and I'm not losing her now. I just fucking got her back. From now on, we stick together. No leaving mum home alone. We just need to stay together."
"Okay."
"We'll be fine Gem. I don't suspect he'll come around. I mean, he hasn't contacted us in years before this last time. I'm sure he's just trying to keep us scared. I'll protect us Gem."
"For now Harry but what happens when I have to go back to England and it's just you and mum? He won't try anything when Ashton and I are here. He'll wait until we leave. How are you going to protect mum and Grace, Harry?"
"I don't know. We'll figure that out when the time comes Gem."
"Okay. I trust you."
As Gem and I walked back into the living room, Grace immediately looked at me and frowned. It's like she knew something was up or like she could read me. I forced a smile and surprisingly, it seemed to work. She smiled back and then turned to my mum once again.
"Gem's boyfriend Ashton called. He misses her so he will be here tomorrow."
"Oh how wonderful Gem. I can't wait to meet him!"
I stepped closer and Grace grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer to her.
"Harry is something wrong. You look like something is bothering you."
"No I'm absolutely perfect babe. I promise."
"Are you sure? You can tell me."
"I'm absolutely positive. I just don't know how I feel about Gem having a boyfriend." I laughed, trying to distract her.
No way was I telling her this shit.