"I had everything...everything! And I lost it all...because of you! If I had never found out that I was pregnant, I-I never...." I watched Mama silently while gripping the old stuffed turtle that has come to be my lifelong friend.
She was doing it again. Drowning herself in alcohol that she couldn't even afford yet she still bought it. I didn't know what I was feeling as I watched Mama take another huge gulp from the beer bottle in her hand. Several other ones she had emptied previously laid around her in a circle as she sat on the floor in the kitchen.
I was tempted to leave and go back into my room, but the other side of me didn't want to. I wanted to make sure that she got to bed alright without falling or hurting herself in the process. I knew she was upset, she was upset at the life she previously had but threw away for someone she thought she loved.
She always cried about it and had one night drunkenly explained some of it to me.
Mama was previously married to someone but she didn't love the man. It was an arranged marriage between the two but my mother had fallen in love with another man and had decided to leave her husband for the man she thought she loved.
I don't know what happened after that but it was all she said before passing out on the couch.
"I-I can't...I just..." Mama's incoherent grumbles grabbed my attention and my eyes fluttered to her form as she stood up shakily, with the beer bottle in hand but upside down. The contents of the bottle spilled onto the floor as she walked over to the counter.
She used her right hand to keep herself up and dropped the beer bottle in her left, the glass shattering upon contact with the floor.
Her hand reached over for something and I didn't know what it was but I soon found out as my eyes widened as in her hand was now a knife.
"M-Mama...?" I muttered wearily and she glared at me while pointing the knife at me.
"Shut up! This is your fault! Everything is your fault! E-Even this...this too" Mama had turned the knife point away from me and towards herself before driving it into her stomach. My eyes widened as I stood their frozen.
Mama fell to the ground in a heap with the knife still lodged in her stomach and blood began to trickle out the corner of her lips.
"You did this to me you know? He wouldn't have left me...I'm sure he wouldn't have" Her words trailed off as she started breaking into a blood filled cough.
All the while, I had stood there frozen, my stuffed turtle had long fallen out of my arms. I didn't know why I couldn't move, or say anything. I wanted to help Mama, I know she needed to get to a hospital, but I was just frozen.
Her eyes held such coldness as they gazed upon me. There was nothing in them. No more sadness, anger, loneliness, resentment, regret. None of it because it had all flooded from her as the life drained out of her body and spilled onto the kitchen floor.
As I stood there that day, I had come to the realization that Mama was never really my Mama. I had just called her that because I wanted it to feel like I had a Mama since I didn't have a Papa.
But now I had no one.
"Ceres?"
My eyes turned up at the sound of my voice being called and I saw one of the police officers who had come to my house to help me. His name was Officer Waters, and he had been with me the entire process as they investigated everything that was happening.
Mama didn't make it, she had bled out long before the ambulance arrived and was declared dead once they arrived at our house.
"Are you alright?" He asked and I had just noticed that he had a steaming cup of something in his hand and he was holding it out to me. I gingerly took it and the steam from the cup rose into my nostrils and the smell of hot chocolate hit me. My stomach churned at the smell; I didn't like chocolate but I also didn't want to be rude so I took a sip from it anyways. I tried to keep my face as blank as possible as the thick liquid met my taste buds.
"Thank you" I said and Officer Waters smiled at me before sitting next to me, being careful not to sit on my stuffed turtle which I always carried with me.
"I have some good news for you" He said keeping up his smile and I chose to stay silent since not a lot of things could be considered good news to me right now.
Now that I had no Mama, they would probably send me to an orphanage where I'll eventually be adopted by some strangers. I hated meeting new people, I always grew uncomfortable and never knew what to say or do around them. Living with strangers would never be something that I considered good news.
"We found out that you have some more family and when we contacted them, they were more than willing to take you in" He said and I stared at him, trying to process the words that came out of his mouth.
I had more family? And they wanted to take care of me? I wasn't so sure if I was on board with it. I didn't want to get excited only for those people to just be people that would hurt me. They were also strangers to me, people I didn't know and that was what I wasn't looking forward to the most.
"Aren't you happy?" He asked peering into my face to which I just shrugged my shoulders. I knew that even if I couldn't seem to be happy, I should at least be grateful which I was but I guess with the way I was acting, it didn't look that way.
"You have brothers and a father! I know I would be excited especially after-...." I realized that Officer Waters was trying to steer away from the subject of my Mama and I was grateful that he didn't want to mention her, but I hated the sense of pity I could feel from him.
He didn't need to do that. I was just another unfortunate case that he was working on, amongst hundreds of others.
"Well, one of your brothers will be coming to pick you up tomorrow" he said and I slowly nodded.
I hoped tomorrow never came.
But sadly it did. Too quick for my liking if anything. I was now standing outside the police station with my tiny suitcase and turtle plush under my arm waiting for my so called brother to arrive. Officer Waters had wanted to wait with me but his chief called him away and now I was stuck waiting with some officer whose name I couldn't be bothered to remember since she didn't even seem to want to know mine.
A sleek black car had pulled up to the station and I watched as a tall man clad in a sharp suit stepped out. The female officer next to me had her jaw dropped as the man continued to approach us and I had to crane my neck up eventually in order to see his face.
"Ceres, it's so nice to finally meet you" He said bending down to my height and I took a quick moment to assess the stranger. His appearance was very well kept, not a single chestnut brown hair out of place as it rested neatly on his head. It actually looked pretty soft and I kind of wanted to touch it...
His green eyes that matched my own peered into my face as he was waiting for a response from me to which I just nodded, not exactly feeling comfortable with speaking to him.
A smile graced his lips and he held his hand out to me to which again, I stared at. I didn't feel comfortable taking his hand either, even if it was just a small gesture. Seeing that I wasn't going to grab his hand, I saw a look of hurt flash in his eyes before he masked it with that kind and polite look.
"I'm Lancelot, but feel free to call me whatever you like" He said before noticing the other person standing next to me.
"Thank you for watching over my sister until I arrived" He said turning to the female cop. She blushed and tried to say something to him, but Lancelot's focus was already back on me.
"Let's go shall we? Our father and brothers are very eager to meet you" My eyes widened a little when I heard that but quickly put my face back into it's normal expressionless form. I wanted to trust it, I really did, but I was better safe than sorry.
I followed Lancelot to his car where he held the door open for me and closed it behind me once he made sure that my seat belt was on.
Once he got into the driver's seat, we were on the road.
"You can take a nap if you want. The trip is a bit long and I am sure you must be tired from these past few days" Lancelot said as he looked at me through the mirror and I nodded but just continued to look out the window at the passing scenery.
I was a little surprised that he wasn't asking me any questions. Maybe he was being considerate? Or maybe he just didn't care...
A little long was the understatement of the century. It felt like we were in the car for hours and at some point, I couldn't even try to stay up anymore and used my bag as a pillow before closing my eyes and letting a dreamless dream consume me.
When I had begun to wake up, I felt like I was floating and the sounds of voices arguing had flooded my ears.
"It's not fair, why does Lance get to hold her?!"
"Shut up, Kade. Can't you see she's sleeping?"
"Yeah, besides, it's not like he can help it. He didn't want to wake her up"
Well, it's too late for that now because I was already up though I felt a little too shy to open my eyes and let them know that I was. Deciding to just rip off the band aid and get it over with, I slowly opened my eyes and just like that all the hushed voices from before ceased.
"I guess it's too late for that..." one of the voices whispered once more.
I turned my head to the side to be greeted with the sight of three curious faces and there was two other ones standing a little ways away from the rest of them.
"Ceres, you can go back to sleep if you wish" I looked up at Lancelot who was staring down kindly at me and I shook my head. I was already up and once I was up, it was kind of hard to get back to sleep.
Lancelot nodded before bending down and seating me on the couch. Now that I was in front of all six men, I felt more uncomfortable than ever. At times like this, I would clutch my turtle tightly but seeing as she wasn't with me, I settled for clasping my hands together in my lap.
I didn't let my eyes wonder and just kept them focused on my hands.
"Ceres, please look at me" I could see Lancelot bending down from my peripheral as he tried to grab my attention. Slowly, I looked up and he offered me a kind smile.
"It would be rude to not greet your other brothers properly like you did with me. I understand you may be nervous, but they are really eager to meet you" He said.
"Yeah, this guy looks like he's about to piss his pants" One of them said while jabbing a thumb to the man next to him who whined.
"I can't help it..." he said with a pout. I could practically see the excitement coming off of him, it was strange but I also felt kind of relieved that Lancelot's earlier words were not a lie. They truly did want to take care of me and for that I decided to open up a little and nodded my head at Lancelot's request.
Lancelot smiled thankfully before standing back up to his full height.
"Ceres, this is Kadence" Lancelot started and pointed to the man who was visibly more excited than the rest of his brothers. He also had green eyes just like me and the same chestnut hair that went til the nape of his neck. There was a small beauty mark that rested at the corner of his left eye that was now scrunched up because of his eyes smiling.
"Roman" he said moving on. Roman didn't resemble either Lancelot or Kadence that much, his hair was black and short with blue eyes to accompany. His face held no beauty marks of the sort and his skin was a bit more tanned. Though I could see the resemblance once he gave me a kind smile. I guess all of them really looked alike when they smiled.
"Ares" Ares took after Roman with the short black hair and blue eyes. His muscles were on show in a black tank top, something that told me he was someone who worked out and enjoyed showing the results. He had tattoos on his arms, a lot of them and I just couldn't help but think of how much they must have hurt.
"Lucas" Lancelot pointed to one of the two guys who were standing in their own spots away from the rest of us. He didn't seem as welcoming as his other brothers with the way he stared at me with no expression but I couldn't really say anything since I was doing the same. He had green eyes and black hair, a mix of everyone.
My observation was quickly proven wrong as he gave me a small smile and a nod.
"and lastly, our youngest brother Maximilian" Lancelot said and Maximilian glared at Lancelot before setting it on to me. His blue eyes bore into my own and I stiffened a little.
"Don't you dare call me that. Just Max is fine" He said.
"Or you can call him Maxi pad since he's always on his period as you can see" Ares said joking, but Maximilian...I mean, Max didn't find it funny.
"I will murder you" He said darkly and Ares laughed loudly at his disturbing comment. I'm guessing Max wasn't the joking type...
"I'm out of here" Max grumbled but not before sending another glare at his brothers and headed up the stairs.
Roman sighed.
"Must you rile him up like that?" He asked and Ares chuckled some more.
"It's fun" He said shooting Roman a wolfish grin. Now it was Lancelot's turn to sigh before he turned to me.
"I wish that we were able to have your room prepared in time but it's still in the works and will be finished by tomorrow. I hope you don't mind but for now, you'll have to room with one of us" Lancelot said.
"Would you like to choose or should I choose for you?" He said and I paused.
I was rarely ever given a say in anything that happened to me. Not with Mama, not with those police officers, not ever. So it felt strange when Lancelot asked me if I wanted to choose. I looked behind Lance at the rest of my...brothers.
It felt weird saying that.
As I gazed upon each one of them, I found myself at a loss. What if the others felt hurt after I picked? I certainly didn't want that. I wanted to get along with everyone.
I shook my head and Lancelot took that as initiative for him to choose.
"Alright, you'll room with Roman tonight" he said and I nodded.
"So not fair...." I heard Kadence mutter and Ares gave him a pat on the back.
"Since you'll be rooming with Roman, he'll see to it that you've been fed, showered, and put to bed at a reasonable hour. Isn't that right, Roman?" Lancelot said giving a look to Roman who just nodded with a smile.
And thus, my first night at my new home had started.