Jason Madison
Darius had kissed me. Darius had kissed me and I hadn't returned the kiss. Darius had kissed me? My heart was thumping loud and fast in my chest. I wanted Darius to kiss me. I had been in love with Darius for so long that him kissing me should have been a good thing. Then why hadn't I kissed him back? Was it the shock? It had to be a shock.
And of course, that voice in the back of my head that said get my own guy. But I didn't want my own boyfriend. I wanted Mason's boyfriend. And a selfish part of me was kind of glad he was dead because Darius was too loyal to cheat so I would have never had him otherwise. I immediately felt guilty after having that thought. But I couldn't help it. I wanted Darius and I would do anything to have him.
I had spent all day distracted by the fact that Darius had kissed me. I was trying to watch the new movie 'the thing about harry.' But I couldn't concentrate because I kept on thinking about Darius. It had taken me at least ten minutes to finally come back into the house last night after Darius kissed me. My brain had rebooted for a while as I processed it all.
I started preparing food for the night after giving up on watching the movie. Maybe I could watch it later. After my thoughts settled down. Right now it was too mixed up for any sort of cool or concentration.
"Hey, I am home," Darius said as he walked into the house like he did every day.
I walked to him and hugged him then planted my lips firmly on his. I had not planned it or thought of it. I just acted upon my thoughts without thinking. My lips moved against his still lips and he didn't respond. I was about to move away and apologise when his hands circled my waist and he pulled me closer then he kissed me back. It was a long slow gentle kiss. One you give your lover at the airport just before you are separated or when they come back from the war and you just want to show them that you missed them. It was an I miss you kiss. A long slow I miss your kiss. One that did not feel like it was for me. But I let it happen anyway.
I didn't put much thought into the aftermath of the kiss. After all, I had spent all day wondering why I hadn't kissed him back. So after our lips parted I dipped my head onto the space between Darius' shoulder and neck and I cried silently. The tears all welled up in my eyes because I suddenly thought how I would have told Mason about this kiss then I remembered if Mason was here I wouldn't have a kiss to tell.
Darius' arms tightened just a little more around me. Then he began to whisper it will be okay over and over in my ear. Of course, he probably thought I was just mourning the death of my brother. But I was sad and angry at myself for enjoying the fact that Mason was not here so I could have Darius. I hugged Darius even tighter just to assure myself that he was really here with me and not with Mason.
We stood like that hugging each other for what seemed to be half an hour. Then he finally pulled me out of his grasp and whispered something about ordering take out instead. I was glad he mentioned take out. I hated cooking and any chance to not cook was fine with me. Of course, I would have stopped cooking a long time ago but then I would not have an excuse to sleep over on Darius' couch every night. And I was also sure one of the things Darius loved about Mason was the cooking so I was not going to stop now. Being close to him made me feel protected and safe and in some weird twisted way it made me feel close to my brother and he always shared interesting stories about Mason.
He ordered food then we went and got comfortable on the couch while we waited. The movie I had been trying to watch was still on pause so I just played it and rested my head on Darius' shoulder as we waited for the food to arrive.
He did not say anything but the air seemed a little less relaxed than every day. Almost as if we were both in our own heads. The kiss was special. I felt it. The way Darius had kissed me was not a spur of the moment thing it couldn't be. He had to have been thinking about it too. He kissed me as if he meant it.
The movie played and I missed everything yet again. I decided maybe this was the time for another Mason story. Because if this was how we got here this would be how we progressed. If stories of my dead twin brother were the glue that bound us I was going to talk about every story I had and I had plenty.
"Did Mason ever tell you about Granma's stolen car?" I asked, smiling at the memory. The first time we had ever done something bad it warranted a grounding.
"No, not really tell me about it," he said softly.
"Well, Grandma Angela got this new car from dad. It wasn't a fancy car. It was an ordinary-looking mustard yellow Nissan. But Mason and I were fourteen and stealing a car was probably the number one thing on every fourteen-year-olds bucket list." I said.
Darius let out a grunt that probably meant he didn't agree with me. Anyway, it didn't matter he wasn't in the story anyway. Maybe he was a fourteen-year-old with morals or lack of adventure.
"So we decided..." I was disrupted by the doorbell.
I sat up and let Darius go get our food so he could come back and hear the story of how Mason and I took my grandmother's car for a trip to the zoo. It was one of the best teenage days of my life. Except for the part where Granma Angelo reported the car stolen. That was not fun.