I stare at the blank inbox on Instagram. Sending a message to the theater profile was probably way out of line, but I did it and it's done. At least I'll be distracted today. I'll be working all day at the park for Monica's brother. I'm looking forward to the extra cash.
Setting the phone next to me on the bed, I lean over, grab my sneakers, and start putting them on.
"Max?" Uncle Rob taps on the door.
"Come in," I say as I slip on my last shoe.
"Hey. The truck is yours today. I'm taking the lady out."
He throws me a set of keys and I catch it with one hand while still leaning over.
"Nice catch," he grins.
I'm relieved to have a car to drive to the park. I was expecting to have to walk. At least I'll have the AC blasting to keep cool. It's a hot one out there today. The app on my phone has been flashing all day with a UV index warning. Summer is in full swing.
"Have you spoken to your mom?" he asks.
I nod. "Yes, she's doing surprisingly well."
Even when I'm not here with Rob, he's always checking in on Mom. He calls at least once a week and I honestly think that's Mom's favorite part of the week.
"I'm glad. I feel bad I haven't talked to her all week, been a little busy."
"I'm sure she understands. Thanks for the keys."
"No prob."
As he turns for the door, I feel an itch to talk to him. The phone call with Dad has been on my mind and I can't tell Mom, not yet anyway. I know if I say something to Rob, he won't spill it to Mom. Anything he and I talk about remains between us. He's told me several times that if I needed someone to confide in, he'll be there, but if it's something life threatening, he won't hesitate to tell her, but this isn't that, so I think I'm safe.
"Dad texted me."
He stops short in his tracks and spins back around to me. His fists are clenched at his side. Dad and uncle Rob, although civil, never saw eye to eye. Things between them went astray after the divorce.
"What did he say?"
I've got Rob's full attention. Uncle Rob has been there through all of it, and I know his advice will make me feel better.
"Just hi, and that he was sorry. I haven't decided if I should respond or not," I say.
He takes a seat next to me on the bed.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes — no — maybe — okay, no. Not really."
It's easy to be honest with him. A little too easy, but I think that's a good thing. I hang my head and stare at my sneakers waiting for him to say something.
"I can't tell you what to do or what not to do, but I can give you a bit of advice. Towards the end of your grandpa's life, I was angry with him. He was the worst out of everyone. He was always disappointed in me never thinking I was good enough. I stopped talking to him for a long time, and then it was too late."
Rob stops for a minute, glances up and stares at the wall across from us, like he's trying to keep it together. I know their relationship was bad. It affected him, a lot, especially when he was growing up.
"I'm not saying your dad is going to die tomorrow. I'm saying think about hearing him out before one day you wake up and that option is no longer available. I regret it every day. The man made me feel like I wasn't good enough, but I regret the last words I ever said to him."
I fidget with my hands and pick at my nails. The overwhelming anxiety of this is consuming my every thought.
"I don't want that either, but won't Mom think I'm taking sides if I talk to him?"
He shakes his head. "No, Max. Your mom will understand. Has she given any indication she doesn't want you to speak with him?"
"No, she hasn't — she's just been through so much and I — I just don't want to upset her."
He places a hand on my knee.
"He's your dad and she would never want to take your relationship with him away. She nor I want you living with any regrets. Okay? I know she'll be understanding."
He's right. I'm not sure when the right time to tell Mom is or when to talk to Dad but talking it out with Rob has made me feel a little better.
***
Peconic park is huge. It's got a grassy knoll, park benches, and trees for miles. It's a beautiful place, but not on this hot summer day. Under a group of trees sits some park benches. People have already gathered around. Party balloons float up tied down to the table with anchored centerpieces. Behind the tables is a large orange and yellow bouncy house. Some kids have already started jumping. Their screaming carries through the park.
The excitement about helping returns when I spot the video game truck two rows over from where I've parked. A few men are gathered around and I'm assuming that's where I need to go to meet with Monica's brother.
I'm not sure what Monica's brother looks like, but I'm hoping it's somewhat like her to make this easier. I head over to the truck and spot a man with short curly blonde hair. He's giving the other guy's directions, and I think its safe to assume it's him.
He spots me coming over and nods his head at me.
"Hi, are you Brian?" I ask.
"Yes, Max?"
"That's me. Nice to meet you."
He's a little distracted, a distant look in his dark eyes.
"I know I said you'd be working video games, but my character guy bailed, and I need a Mr. Incredible. Are you any good at acting?" he asks.
Well, that is not how I expected today to go. I glance over his shoulder at the gaming truck, then back at him. Money is money though and I need to save up what I can, so I guess I'd dress up as a clown if they needed.
"It's only for a short time. An hour tops. I'll throw in an extra fifty dollars."
"I'm in."
Less than ten minutes later, I'm standing in the park in a red jumpsuit. It could be worse. I could pass out from heat exhaustion. God damn I'm sweating in places that I probably never have before.
The party goers are all hanging out by the tables. I find the birthday boy right away with his Mr. Incredible birthday shirt on. His name is Tyler and he's a huge fan. I've never acted a day in my life, but I guess its never too late to start.
He spots me first and points. "Mommy!"
She turns with a smile on her face.
"Hi Mr. Incredible," he says.
"Hi Tyler."
I'm no Mr. Incredible, but I try my hardest to stay in character and make my voice sound somewhat like his.
"He knows my name!" he squeals. "Mr. Incredible knows my name!"
He shouts so loud that the other kids start to line up behind him. Meeting them and taking pictures isn't as bad as I imagined. Before the next one steps up something urges me to look up. When I do my eyes find Lennox. I don't know how we keep finding each other, but we do.
Someone tugs on my costume. I return my attention back to the line. I'm taken back a bit, because the little girl standing at my feet with platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes reminds me so much of my sister. I feel a twinge in my heart and a small ache. It takes me a moment to get myself together. The sound of the tire's squeals in my head along with the gut-wrenching scream from my mom. I close my eyes for a brief second to try and work through the memories, which haven't haunted me for a long time. When my eyes open the little girl is staring up at me with a sparkle in her eye.
"I'm Julie, and I'm this many," she says, holding up four fingers.
I feel like someone has just knocked the wind out of me. My sister was four when she ran out of the house and was killed on impact by a car who didn't see her. It wasn't anyone's fault, but it's the reason Mom blames herself. She says if only she had realized that the door was not locked, but no one blamed her, not even my father.
"Hi Julie," I say when I find my voice again. "It's so nice to meet you."
She smiles happily not even noticing my hesitation. "Is Dash or Violet here?" she asks.
"No, they couldn't make it today. They had to finish their chores, and help their mom with Jack Jack, he's going through some crazy changes lately."
She giggles, like she's happy with my response. The parents capture a picture and it's on to the next kid. I don't know why, but something urges me to look for Lennox again. She's staring down at a young boy clinging to her legs. She's talking to him, reaching down, but the boy doesn't seem to want to let go.
After I take one last picture, I head towards them without hesitation. She lifts her head, and her eyes meet mine before I even get there. Tears slide down her bright red cheeks.
"Mr. Incredible, huh?" she asks, wiping at her face. She tries to smile, but it comes out lopsided, but even so, she still manages to somehow look good.
"You know it."
I throw in a teasing stare, and then turn my attention back on the boy. He let's go and flaps his hands, then holds Lennox again. The familiar wave of his arms, him seeking sensory input, brings me back to my sister. This boy, like her, is Autistic. Of all days, my sister seems to be everywhere. Maybe she's looking out for me because I've had such a hard time lately. I take a quick peek at the sky, like I'm thanking her for being here for me.
"Name?" I mouth to her.
"Elli," she whispers.
I nod and get down to his level. "Hey Elli, isn't this park so cool?"
Elli tilts his chin towards me. I'm aware that it's hard for him to concentrate on me as his eyes gaze over my shoulder. His attention is caught on something in the far distance.
"You know what else is cool? You get to celebrate Tyler's birthday today, and you want to know the best part? You get to have cake. I'm so jealous," I stand. "I've got to watch my figure," I say, patting my stomach.
Elli lets out a small giggle.
"Look, Elli I have to go back over and play with the other kids, but I have a friend that would love to play some games with you later in that big game truck, if you like games."
Elli stims and nods, and I can tell he's excited about that.
"Have fun buddy, okay?"
Elli nods, and I look over at Lennox. He grabs a hold of her hand and starts pointing over to where the other kids are. She looks at me and mouths, "thank you."
***
I was in the suit exactly and hour and I'm so grateful to be back in my regular clothes again. At the game trailer there's a guy maybe a few years older leaning against the frame of the trailer, staring up at the sky. He runs a hand through his dark curly hair and looks over in my direction.
"You must be Max," he says as I approach.
I nod. "Yeah."
He extends a hand to me, and I take his. "I'm Marc. This is the easiest gig ever, we stand here and wait until someone needs help, or to make sure the kids don't break anything. It's a little kids' party, so the games are like Mario Kart and Pokemon, so not much trouble they can get into," Marc says.
Marc's right, it's the easiest two hours of my life. I occasionally have to go inside and help out some of the younger kids, but it's not bad. I don't mind getting paid to play video games, even if it is so hot, I could melt.
Marc and I are standing outside the truck hanging out and talking. With the party winding down there's not many kids hanging around anymore. A scream echoes across the park. I find the source right away. It's coming from Elli. Lennox is standing frozen and terrified unsure of what to do. The scene is all too familiar. My sister had a lot of meltdowns from over stimulation.
I don't want to intrude, but I hate the worried look on Lennox's face. Just like that it's Max to the rescue again.
"Hey, Marc, can I take five?"
There's only one kid inside the truck, so he nods, "No problem, dude. It's almost time to pack it up anyway."
I thank him and start jogging over to Lennox. She's trying so hard to calm him down, but she's overwhelmed and unsure how. Even though I was young, I still remember a few tricks that Mom used for my sister, and I just hope it works on Elli.
I stop for a quick second to make something on my phone for him. As I finish up Elli lets out an ear-piercing scream. I rush over to find Lennox crying. She's crouched down next to him rubbing his back to try and soothe him.
"Hey," I say softly.
Lennox glances up, her eyes filled to the brim with tears. I don't like seeing her this way. Her lips tremble as she attempts to form words, but nothing comes out.
"Mind if I try something?"
She wipes some more of the tears and takes a step back. I kneel next to Elli.
"Hey buddy, can you show me how you're feeling?"
It takes him a minute before he sits up with his legs crossed. He checks out the pictures I've put onto my phone for him. With his small pointer he touches the sad face on my screen. Mom always had visuals around the house and brought them out with us when we weren't home.
"Elli, can you look at me for a second?"
Hesitantly his eyes focus on my face, but his stare doesn't reach my eyes. That's okay, I get it. I show him more pictures. There's a picture of the playground, the gaming truck, food, and the last one is of the bathroom.
"Elli, would you like to play on the playground?" I ask softly.
He shakes his head, so I try again. I ask if he's hungry, he shakes his head for a second time. The potty is a no go as well.
"Games?" I ask, pointing to the picture of the truck.
He nods, a small smile forming on his face.
"Okay, that's cool buddy. You and me? I did promise you a game. Can I play a game with you?" I ask.
He nods again. Lennox sniffles. I haven't forgotten about her. I turn back to Elli. "Give me a second buddy," I whisper.
He says nothing, but stays seated, and is calmer than he was moments ago. I get to my feet. She refuses to look at me, so I reach out and touch her arm. She shivers, a reaction I wasn't expecting.
"You didn't have to..."
"It's cool," I say with a smile. "Is he your brother?"
Something in me wants to keep touching her, but I pull away in case she doesn't want me to. She's vulnerable and I don't want her to think I'm taking advantage of her sad state.
"Kind of, my dad's adopted him. They were supposed to be here an hour into the party but got caught up. I've never taken care of him before. We just met when I arrived. I — I thought he liked me."
She starts to cry all over again. I take a chance, pulling her hand into mine. She gasps, and stares down at our fingers intertwined. Her skin is soft and warm. After a few seconds she squeezes and holds onto my touch.
"He does like you. You have to see it through his eyes. For someone like him this whole thing, the park, the party, it's sensory overload. It's a lot to take in when your mind sees things differently."
Her hand is still in mine and she's calming down slightly, so I don't let go yet. Her grip tightens like I'm her rock. I've only known her a short time, but something inside me likes the idea of being someone she can lean on.
"How did you know?"
"My sister."
I don't dive in further and I'm grateful when she doesn't ask. I'm not ready to talk about it yet with her.
"So, is he okay now? I feel like I'm doing everything wrong."
Her eyes glaze over. A tear almost falls, but I catch it with my freehand instead. Her lip's part and she hums softly while leaning into my touch.
"Nah, you're doing okay." I give her a reassuring smile.
She tries to smile back, but it doesn't reach her eyes. I get it. She let's go of my hand and it suddenly feels as if something is missing. We help Elli to his feet. She takes his left hand, I take his right, and we head to the gaming truck together. As we walk, I feel her eyes on me. I try not to look, but when she turns away, I find myself doing the same. Lennox Taylor, what are you doing to me?