Lady K
It was a cold night.
Really cold. So cold that Natalie had a blanket over her shoulders and a mug of hot coffee in her hands to keep them warm while she looked outside the window. The heater wasn't doing any justice to how cold the whole house was. She was worried. You could see how worried she was even if you were standing far from her in the living room. She slowly raised her wrist so she could have a quick glance at her wrist watch. It was really late. She was used to him coming home late sometimes, but this time, it time was different.
"Here's your tea."
She quickly turned around so she could see the aged woman in a white apron behind her who had just kept another mug of coffee on the table.
"Nanny." She called her. "Nanny, has he called yet?"
By he, she was referring to her husband. Referring to Christian. She had barely seen him all day and that was what really scared her. She always knew of his whereabouts but this time, it was like she didn't know anything anymore. She looked into the woman's eyes, hoping the woman was going to say the words "yes" but instead, she just smiled.
"If you're worried about him so much, why don't you just call him?" She asked her. Natalie's frown got worse as she exhaled. "You've been standing in front of the window for over an hour now, looking outside and looking into your phone many times than I can count. If you're really worried about him, then call him."
"It's not that easy Nanny."
The woman looked at her for a short while and then exhaled. She stretched her hands and took her arms slowly, pulling her to one of the chairs so they could sit for the talk she was dying to have with her. Natalie just followed her lead.
"Ozioma." She still had a wide smile on her face as she stared into Natalie's eyes while Natalie stared right back. Her anxiety becoming obvious especially since the woman had referred to her first in her African name. "My child." She continued. "I've known you almost all your life. I've been with you since you learned how to walk. I know how you look when you're anxious, the look on your face when you really care about something, when you're really worried about something you truly care about. That's the look on your face right now."
Natalie exhaled.
"I know you are fighting so hard within yourself to hide how you really feel, to make it less obvious but sometimes, it shouldn't have to be like that. Sometimes, you have to know that it's okay to feel the way you feel. It's okay to accept certain truths. It's okay to tell yourself that you care about your husband. He might not have been your choice partner initially but you've grown to like him, a lot. A lot to always wait for him to get home before you sleep."
Natalie rubbed her mug gently. In as much as she tried to deny it within herself, The woman's words were true. She had began to notice how she had become so drawn to the man she married unintentionally. How her heart always broke for him every time, and how worried she always was at nights like this. Nights when he wasn't home at almost midnight.
"It's not as easy as you think it is Nanny." She looked at the woman. "I'm not even sure about my feelings. I can't have those feelings for him, for Christian."
"Why not?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"I- I don't know. It just doesn't feel right."
"Because you fell for him first? Shortly after you got married to him? Because no matter how he ignores you and treats you, you can't hate him?"
"I can't have feelings for a man that can't reciprocate them Nanny. I'm going to end up getting hurt in the end and getting tied to him and when he realizes that, he's going to just walk on me. It's not right. I can't let it happen."
"What's more hurting than being in a marriage you don't want to be in?" She asked her. "How can having feelings for a man you married hurt you? Like it or not my child, it's forever. You just have to find a way to make things work between the both of you. Sooner or later, you both are going to need to expand your family. You'd have to give him a child."
Natalie chuckled faintly and it made the woman sit up in surprise.
"What?"
Natalie had her hand on her mouth, trying to stop herself from laughing.
"A child?" She asked her.
"Of course." The lady nodded once. "Sooner or later it's going to happen."
"I don't think that's ever going to be possible nanny. A child for Christian is the last thing on my mind, or his. I'm the last person Christian would ever want to have a child with. He hates me. He always has. Even back then, when we went to school together and the news about our engagement got spread around. He had to break up with that girl he was dating, the one he really liked and everyone thought it was for me but it wasn't. It was for the company. Everything he does is for the company. Getting married to me, giving up on his live story with her, everything and that's what scares me Nanny. The amount of sacrifice he's willing to make just to have Benoil in his hands one day. He doesn't think or care about anything else except that. I get really scared when I think about it."
She exhaled.
"When I think about how much more sacrifice he's willing to make because of it. He might get hurt in The end or even worse and admitting the fact that I have grown to have such feelings for him, automatically means I have to support all his choices because he's going to make them either ways and that's something I can't do Nanny. I can't do anything that's going to hurt my family instead. It's not just about me or Christian, it's about both our families. This family is filled with a lot of drama Nanny, Christian's family. There are a lot of crazy things happening trust me. Sometimes, I wish I didn't know. I wish father Benjamin didn't tell me at that table on the night I got married to Christian and made me swear not to tell anyone. Not that I can anyway, I'm a part of their family now. A blow on them is a blow on me, and a blow on my father. Sometimes, I wish I could just run away from everything, I'm not used to this. I don't think I ever would be able to. I smile and act like I'm okay but it gets too much sometimes. A husband that can never love me, siblings that can never bring themselves to accept me, a father in law that is only concerned about preserving his family's name and a mother in law that pretends to like me."
She turned to the mug.
"She even buys me expensive tea from Asia." A little smile appeared on her face. "Really good tea."
The lady scoffed.
"You really like this tea don't you?"
Natalie took another sip from the cup and then nodded.
"It's surprisingly really good. I actually thought it was going to be horrible because I felt it was her kind of way to remind me that I was a threat to her just as much as Christian is but it's good. It helps me sleep well too. You know how I used to battle with insomnia in the past."
"It's a good thing then." She said. "I'd just have to ask her to get you a few more packs. You're running out."
She frowned and then raised her head to her.
"Really?"
The lady nodded
"You're on the last one."
Natalie turned back to her mug quickly.
"I had no idea it finished so fast."
"Of course it did. You take it almost everyday."
"Oh." She scoffed playfully. "I'd be having breakfast and playing golf with Dad tomorrow. I'd ask her if I could get some more. Or better still, I'd just ask her for the store she got them from so I could get them myself. I don't want to be a bother."
They both froze when they heard the front door get shut.
"Welcome home sir."
She had heard one of the maids say from the hallway. It was him. He was back. Finally.
"Christian." She whispered softly, dropping her mug on the table and gluing her eyes to the door as his footsteps got closer. It only took a few seconds till Christian walked into the large sitting room, trying to undo the button on his shirt's collar while a maid hurriedly walked past him with his jacket and bag.
He froze when his eyes met Natalie. Probably because he was surprised she was still up. Surprised she was in the sitting room. He had no idea she was going to be up at that time. She never was. She never waited for him. Not like he knew anything. Natalie always waited for him. Every night she stood in front of the window as her Nanny had said and when his car drove in, she ran back to her room and pretended to be asleep. Not like he knew. Whenever he passed by her room to get to his, her door was always locked and sometimes, he didn't see her again till the next morning. She always got up early before him. She was always at the breakfast table before him.
Natalie always wanted to see him everyday so she always woke up first and was always at the dining, forcing food into her mouth even when she wasn't hungry because she knew breakfast was the only chance she had to see him. He never came home early and he never left his study in the weekends. Some type of marriage innit?
But he didn't know any of this.
Christian exhaled after taking a short look at her and then turned to leave. He wasn't going to make the room uncomfortable for either of them. He walked to the door again and she got up quickly.
"Christian!" She called him and it made him halt. He hesitated for a while and then slowly turned back to her, narrowing his brows. He was obviously wasn't expecting that. She had her hands clasped together on her thighs like she was nervous. The older woman got up slowly and then picked the mug.
"I'd just take this away." She told Natalie and walked away even before Natalie could say anything else to her. Christian waited. He watched the Nanny walk towards him. She stoped right in front of him and smiled brightly.
"I'd get the table ready for you." She told him. He nodded slowly right before she walked away then he took a few more steps into the room so he could give Natalie his attention.
"Jeremiah was rushed to the hospital today." She told him and he refrained from taking another step. His jaw line stiffened as he stared at her. Natalie smiled nervously. "Of course you'd know. You brought him in and then left immediately."
"What do you want to say?" He raised a brow at her, hoping she had got to the point already.
"The operation was successful." She could see how he stoped breathing for a while. How did he feel about it? She really wanted to know. She could see him draw a faint but deep breath but it didn't look like he was surprised . "He woke up three hours ago. Thankfully you got to him when you did. His wound was infected and he had a minor internal bleeding from the cut. Apparently, It affected an artery."
Christian shrugged his shoulders.
"So?" He asked her reluctantly. His expression didn't falter for a second. "Did you stop me to say all that thinking it's good news to me? That I'd care?" He asked her. "He's alive. Why is that good news?"
Natalie exhaled softly.
"I don't have the time for this. I'm exhausted." He tried to turn right before-
"I saw you." Natalie blurted out. She needed to make him stay put. She saw how he slowly turned back to her, fixing his cold gaze at her. "Outside the hospital." She continued. "At the parking lot, after the operation ended."
He scoffed.
"You never left did you?" She continued. "You wanted us to believe that you did. To believe you didn't care about what happened to him but you waited for him all through the operation. You wanted to know he was okay. You were worried just like the rest of us."
"You have no idea what you're talking about, neither do I."
"I think I do." She stared at him. "You know I do. You still care about him. I know you have to act like you don't. I know you want to hate him for what happened but a part of you still cares about what happens to him. He used to be very important to you in the past. More like a younger brother even when you didn't know who he truly was. A part of you always wants to make sure he's doing okay. Same way you hurried to the states after the accident under false pretense that you had a conference meeting when you didn't."
"I did have a conference meeting."
"In Washington, not in New York." She corrected him. "You went to New York, for him."
He took quick steps towards her. His frown getting worse.
"Have you been having someone follow me?" He glared at her. "Did you have me followed Natalie?"
She held her breath.
He was really close to her now. Closer than he had ever been. She could feel his cold mint breath on her.
"I- I-" she was starting to stammer now. "I- I didn't. A friend saw you. Sharon."
He took a step back.
"Sharon?" He asked her.
"You don't have to believe me if you don't want to." She told him. "All I'm trying to say is, he needs you. Jeremiah needs you and you need him too. Whatever it is you think you need to punish him for, to make him pay for, you really don't have to. This is a chance to make things right between the both of you. You should at least pay him a visit at the hospital like every older brother would. He would like that a lot."
Christian began to chuckle. What the hell was she even talking about? Natalie just watched him. She had all the time in the world. All the time to wait till he was done.
"You're a real clown." He told her, trying to stop himself. "Does anyone ever tell you that?"
Natalie exhaled.
"God, you're so funny."
"Am I?"
He nodded.
"Big time." He paused and then frowned. "Don't do it." He told her. "Just because we are married and you know a few things about my family, don't try to involve yourself in our business. Nothing I do, should concern you. All you have to focus on is be perfect at what you do. Go out with your friends, buy yourself the latest cars, designers, jewelry and brag about having my last name. Stay out of everything else that doesn't concern you. My relationship with Jerry for one."
Natalie scoffed.
She shook her head. She couldn't believe it.
She couldn't believe she had actually thought of talking to him the way she did. She was starting to
regret it.
She took a walk towards him and then stopped right beside him. She kept her eyes focused on the door.
"Keep acting like this and one day you're going to lose everyone, starting with Jeremiah. He's going to stop trying to please you, to get your acceptance. You'd lose everything and I'd be all you have. I'd be the only thing you'd see in front of you and you know why?"
She asked him.
"It's because we are married. Because I'm your wife and I'm your family. That makes everything my business." She slowly turned turned her face to look at him. "Have a nice night."
Natalie turned back and then walked away. Sashaying all the way down the hallway while her slippers made little noises with every footstep. She left him standing right there, too shocked by what he had just heard and he sure did deserve it.