Saturday 11th May 2019
It was close to 12:25 pm when my soccer game finished, it was a hard game though we won in the end. Now I was tired and wanted to do nothing, but I couldn't because the wedding started at 3 and I had to be there at about 1:30 to oversee the setup. Mum also insisted that her hair stylist do my hair even though it's just a simple french braid I could've done myself.
Normally we would all hang around for a bit after the game, but I had to leave straight away otherwise I wouldn't have enough time to get home and shower. Everyone understood thankfully. Pretty much as soon as I got back home I went to shower quickly, it was already 12:45 so I didn't have much time to enjoy the shower.
After a ten minute shower I put on my dress pants and sports bra before drying my hair a bit then put it in a ponytail to keep it out of the way. Afterwards I put on my freshly ironed white shirt making sure to tuck it into my pants and put on a belt. Then I put on a black tie and dress shoes followed by the black vest and lastly the black suit jacket. Mum wanted me to wear the white shirt otherwise I would have worn all black.
---
I got to the venue 15 minutes later than I was supposed to, everything was running smoothly so it was fine. Once I got there I double checked the seating plan matched the one on the paper mum gave me. Well it was more a table plan then a seating plan, guests are assigned to a particular table then they can sit in any chair at the table. I also checked the area that the ceremony was being held and helped with the flower set up. The ceremony was going to be held outside in the garden. The garden was set up simply with chairs on either side of a white carpet type thing in the middle and at the end was an arch way covered in flowers. The reception was being held inside a large hall that was decorated with twinkle lights and flowers. It had many tables placed around a dance floor in the middle and two large tables on one side of the room for the food.
Once pretty much everything was set up I went to find my mum and get my hair done as well as get the hickey Ash left covered. When I entered the room I was met with my mum wearing a simple wedding dress with a lace front and sleeves. Her hair was done in a messy pinned style with little flower clips and she had a thin layer of make up on. I'd never seen her look so beautiful. Not that I really said anything because Nan was in there. I was a little bit surprised to see her, after everything I didn't know if I expected her to show up but she did and still had a disgusted look on her face that was directed at me. Part of the disgusted look was because I was wearing a suit not a dress, as she says 'girls should dress like a girl', it was something I had heard my whole life.
"I'm going to see how everything is going out there, see you in a few," I told mum and left the room. Instead of actually checking everything I escaped outside, I just needed a minute to mentally prepare myself for being around my Nan for so long. After saying what she did, the thought of being around her causes anxiety to come up as well a kind of numbness feeling I guess. In a way I think the numbness is away of protecting myself from the pain.
"Thought I saw you over here, what's up kiddo?" Ben asked approaching me.
"Nan is here."
Ben rolled his eyes making me laugh slightly, "Don't tell your mother, but I was really hoping she wouldn't show up. Not after the pain she caused you."
"It hurts dad," I admitted quietly.
Ben carefully pulled me into his arms, "I know, I'm sorry kiddo."
"Don't worry about it, now it's time for you to get married."
---
The wedding ceremony started half an hour late because Ben had forgotten to get the rings, aside from that everything went smoothly and the ceremony was finished by 4. After the ceremony there was an hour or so for people to catch up and take pictures. During this time I introduced Ashley, Paige and Dani to my aunts, uncles, cousins and anyone else that came up to us. Thankfully, everyone we talked to were accepting.
Dinner had finished a while ago now Mum and Ben were having their first dance while I was leaning against the wall sipping at the champagne I was holding. It tasted horrible, but mum said it was that or beer and beer was worse so I dealt with it. Mum didn't really care if I drunk alcohol as long as I was responsible about it and especially as long as I didn't drink drive. I wasn't planning on getting drunk, I wasn't even planning on having more than one or two drinks. Also Ash and I were staying in a room at this venue so was the happy couple. All I wanted to do was calm the anxiety that hadn't gone away yet, I don't even really know why it was still here when everyone I had talked to was okay with it. It might be because I was a little worried that Nan or someone would cause a scene about it.
Ashley lent against the wall next to me, "You look very mysterious tonight."
I just glanced at her and offered the glass in my hand instead of replying. She took a drink before handing it back.
"Are you alright Sky?" Ashley asked concern present in her voice.
"I don't want to talk about it right now," I replied quietly.
Ashley nodded in understanding then stood quietly beside me.
"I don't think I told you, but you look really good tonight, like incredibly good," I spoke up still watching the dance floor. Ashley was wearing the blue dress with her hair down and simple make up, it was simple but beautiful. Without looking at her I knew she was blushing and probably biting her lip, that fact made me smile, it wasn't big but it was there.
"Thank you, you look really good as well."
"Dance with me?" Ashley asked as speechless by Dan and Shay began playing. Normally I don't do dancing, but with Ashley looking at me with eyes filled with hope, saying no was not an option. I took her hand and led her to the dance floor, her arms hung loosely around my neck as mine wrapped around her waist pulling her close. As we swayed along, everything seemed to go away and I found myself singing along quietly.
I'm speechless
Staring at you standing there in that dress
What it's doing to me ain't a secret
'Cause watching you is all that I can do
And I'm speechless
You already know that you're my weakness
After all this time I'm just as nervous
Every time you walk into the room
I'm speechless
It started when you said, "Hello."
Just did something to me
And I've been in a daze
Ever since the day that we met
You take the breath out of my lungs
Can't even fight it
And all of the words out of my mouth
Without even trying
And I'm speechless
Staring at you standing there in that dress
What it's doing to me ain't a secret
'Cause watching you is all that I can do
Just before the song ended Ashley kissed me softly. Being with Ashley in this moment, I didn't care that my Nan was here and how disgusted she would feel because kissing Ashley felt right and I was happy with her. Dancing with Ashley like this felt intimate in a way I hadn't experienced. It's hard to explain but I felt a different type of calm, it wasn't a complete calmness more my worries had been pushed away for the moment.
After one more song it was time for the father daughter dance, at first mum danced with pop alone on the dance floor then I joined in with Ben. Feeling everyone's eyes directed in my direction me made me a little bit uncomfortable though I pushed it aside and enjoyed dancing with Ben. Ben even got Paige up to dance with him. Ever since they met he had been a father figure to her as her father wasn't around much and Ben pretty much saw her as a daughter.
Then it was time for cake and speeches. As people took turns saying their speeches I started to get nervous, public speaking has never been my thing and it was worse because it was a little more personal. In no time it was my turn. Squeezing Ashley's hand, I stood up taking the microphone then the paper from my pocket.
"Mum, I want to start by saying I hope you realize just how much I love you. I also hope you realise just how beautiful you look today. Thank you for everything you've done for me and all the sacrifices you have made for Jay and I. You've been through a lot during your life and you deserve this more than anyone I know, you deserve the great man sitting next to you. More than anything you deserve to laugh, smile and be happy everyday for the rest of your life and I expect Ben to make sure that happens."
I paused for a second before continuing, "Now Ben, I've never admitted this to anyone before, but when I first met you I was scared. The idea of having to call someone else "dad." terrified me. Though you never forced a conversation or relationship with me and you let our relationship develop at a pace that I set. You just went with the flow as the relationship developed from hate to friendship then into the father-daughter relationship that it is today. There was no rule saying you had to choose me, but you did anyway and I cannot thank you enough for that because without you I wouldn't be who I am today. I can always count on you to be there for me and accept me for who I am. You have helped me through my life, you have seen me on my happy days and put up with me on my grumpy days, most of all you have loved and supported me throughout it all. "
The tears were threatening to fall now as I held my hand out for Ashley to grab, I needed something to help keep me grounded. She smiled softly up at me and squeezed my hand before I kept going. "I'm not going to call you my step-dad because you're not. You are my dad, and I am happy that you will always be in my life. Most of all I'm happy because of how much love you have for my mum. So thank you for everything you do for me and our family. I love you mum and dad."
As I finished I looked down and noticed mum crying so I lent down to hug her.
"I love you sweetheart," She whispered.
"I love you to Mum."
Then I moved to hug dad before they said their thank you's and the music started again.
Later that night Ashley lent against the wall next to me again, somehow I had found myself back there with the champagne glass in my hand only this time I was watching everyone dance with a small smile on my face. All the feelings that were taking over seemed to have stopped and I just felt calm, for now at least.
"This is what I like to see."
"What?"
"You smiling, even if it is a small one."
"I feel better now," I confessed putting my arm around her shoulders to pull her gently against my side. She sighed happily and relaxed further.
"Should we get out of here?" I asked when she yawned. Ashley nodded and we went to tell my parents. Jay had left after cake and was staying at his friends house so Mum and Ben could have the night and most of the next day to themselves.
---
We were walking hand in hand around the garden of the hotel, it was a nice night so we decided to enjoy it for a bit. Ashley suddenly let go of my hand and ran off to the roses, I just smiled and lent up against a tree watching her smell the flowers. I lost sight of Ash for a second only to have her pop up beside me with a flower in her hand. She looked so adorable as she gave it to me with a kiss on the cheek. I caught her hand before she could get to far away and pulled her against me. We both lent in at the same time meeting in a soft kiss which quickly turned into making out.
"Excuse me, you can't do that here," Someone called out making us stop.
"Sorry," I called out as Ash hid her face against my neck, giggling. We continued our walk back to the room.
When we got back to the hotel room, I took my shoes and jacket off with the intention of getting changed but Ashley pulled me into a kiss using my tie. It slowly turned into fast and needy kisses. Things got heated quickly and she started trailing kisses down my neck. Reluctantly, I gently pushed her away.
"We should stop before things get too heated," I told her breathlessly. I wanted her badly, in every way possible but I didn't want to push the boundaries or pressure her into something she wasn't ready for.
"I don't want to stop, I'm ready, I want you," Ashley told me breathlessly. Hearing her say she wanted me turned me on more then it probably should have.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."