Onika M.
Queens, NY
Comfort hadn't come easy. As I laid on the half-inflated mattress, I stared up and into the dark. Tomorrow, I'd be forced into the real world, again. There would be no generosity or miracles falling in my lap.
Fortunately, I'd managed to keep eight hundred and fifty dollars, refusing to spend money on anything unnecessary. Yet, as the night continued, I wondered just how much I'd be able to hold on to in the upcoming days.
Tossing my body towards the window, I gazed. More darkness. A replica of what I must've looked like on the inside. There hadn't been any luck in my job search. Tonight was the final night of my extended stay - thanks to Andrew. I'd become hopeless and didn't have a clue what was next for me. Uncertainty was the root of the untamable anxiety that I felt, which had kept me awake through the night.
I reached for my phone, destined for a distraction. The free social media apps were beckoning for my attention, so I logged into my Instagram account. It wasn't frequented. I hardly had anything to post. With my life spiraling, the last thing I cared for was my pain to be on display. The sadness that reflected in my eyes, I was certain that everyone could see. Through pictures. Even through words.
The first post that popped up on my timeline was one of my old roommate's. She'd covered her boyfriend's face with a broken heart. Anger threatened to overcome me as I scrolled to read her caption.
As if I ever needed you.
Without further due, I locked my phone by pressing the button on the side and blackening the screen. Taking deep breaths, I calmed my nerves and tried realigning my mind with more positive thoughts.
If ever in need, call me. Her voice rang loud in my ear as if he was beside me. Lifting a hand to my face, I pressured my temples and rotated my fingers to ease a headache I felt approaching. The tears the swelled in my eyes came crashing onto my cheeks before I could capture them, evidence of my plight.
Thinking about the conversation I'd had with Beyoncé Knowles, I recalled her words. They'd been reassuring and taunting at the same time. She'd insisted that I treat her number as a lifeline. Being that my life was on the line, I figured this was a more suitable time than ever.
Just call her. Gassing myself up, I unlocked my cell and located his contact. My fingers wiggled across the screen, nerves rattling and lip paining from the indention of my teeth I was pressing into it.
The phone began to ring causing me to leap from the mattress as if I'd never heard the ringing of a phone before. Without notice, my feet trod the carpeted floor, pacing back and forward. When I heard the tenor of her voice, my strides discontinued. Snatching the phone from my ear, I realized the time. It was two in the morning, and Beyoncé Knowles probably assumed I was insane, not to mention the fact that she was - more than likely - laying next to her significant other.
"Beyoncé Knowles."
By the second time she'd spoken, my last thoughts flew out of the window, and I became invested in the task of getting her to stay connected on the call with me. The devastation I'd face if she hung up, I wasn't prepared to deal with the remainder of the night. So, my first words rushed out and sounded as desperate as I was.
"Please, don't hang up on me." I pled.
There was a pregnant pause before she continued. "I won't."
More silence ensued, but it was a comforting one. Knowing that the call wouldn't be ended brought solace to me.
"What's the reason for your call?" She stirred.
Honesty was at the tip of my tongue, so I gave in to it. "I... I need you."
"Meet me at my office, tomorrow. The add..." Her words were clearer, and it sounded as if she was no longer in bed.
"No... I mean. I need you, now."
"Now?" She questioned, shuffling happening on the opposite end of the phone.
"I can't sleep."
Another lapse of conversation. An even longer pause. I pulled my phone from my ear to see if she'd disconnected the call. Relief washed over me upon realizing she was still on the line. I was a mess, walking in circles around the mattress.
"Get in bed."
Finally, she pulled me from my misery. I obeyed her orders and lowered myself onto the air mattress.
"Lay down." It was as if she was here, watching me and ordering my steps. Still, I said nothing. I obeyed. Waiting for the next order, I tossed and turned until I found comfort.
"Place your phone on speaker." Another pause.
"Close your eyes." I did that as well. "And, get some rest. I'll stay on until you've fallen asleep."
Would she really? I wanted to ask, but the immediate tranquil I felt was restricting. Tucking my hands between my thighs, I heated them as comfort settled in. I wished she'd continue speaking as her words lead me to slumber like a nursery tune would an agitated toddler. Even in its harshness, it was angelic.
Fortunately, I could still hear each time she inhaled and exhaled. Attempting not to fall victim to greed, I settled for the soothing they brought, rocking me to sleep as the nature station had many nights on end. It wasn't long before I couldn't hear anything or see beyond the back of my eyelids. Sleep had come easy.
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Three hours later and my bladder demanded a release. Stirring from my slumber, I grabbed my phone and headed for the bathroom. On my walk, I noticed the glow on my screen, though I hadn't touched it, yet. The connected call displayed a three-and-a-half-hour timeframe. Confusion covered my face until memories of the previous hours came rushing to the forefront. The name that was sprawled across my screen was a jogger as well.
Removing the speaker feature, I placed my cell up to my ear. Against the wall in front of me, I slid down until I was seated on the floor. The sweetest melody played, causing me to neglect the aching in my stomach from the need relieve my bladder.
It was her, snoring softly and resting as I did the same. A woman of her word, she'd stayed on the line until I'd fallen asleep. To my advantage, she'd done the same, and it was my turn to listen in. For twenty minutes, I sat in the same position with my ear pressed against the phone so that I wouldn't miss a moment.
Suddenly, there was a vibration on the other end along with a whistling noise. Her alarm was going off. Jumping to my feet as I heard shuffling on the phone, fear and embarrassment crept up my veins. Immediately, I disconnected the call. Of course, the urge to use the bathroom returned and pressured me to my feet. As I flipped on the light and emptied my bladder, the thought of Beyoncé Knowles returned.
The thought of returning to sleep was the farthest from my mind. Within an hour, I had packed my things and loaded my truck. The unsettling uncertainty returned with force as I headed out of the gates of my apartments after returning the key to Andrew. From this moment forward, I was on my own.
With nowhere to go, I decided to grab a newspaper, a muffin and a seat at the café so that I could continue my job search. Locating a parking spot was nearly impossible, but I managed. On the way out of the truck, I heard the seams of my jean shorts ripping from being caught on the side of my door. The gush of air that I felt soon after confirmed that I had no other choice but to swap them out and kiss them goodbye.
"My morning is already going to shits." I fussed, slamming my door and heading for my truck.
With the remote, I opened it and grabbed the flannel shirt that had fallen out of one of the bags of clothing I'd sold. It would serve as a cover up until I could find a more suitable bottom. My suitcase was beside the air mattress, in which I'd been much too lazy to repack, and I could easily access it.
My belongings were tossed to the side as I decided on a new pair of short, only these were cloth material. Just as I leaned forward to place my items back inside, I heard my name being said. Turning with caution, I was surprised to see Beyoncé Knowles standing behind me.
"Onika?" She questioned with furrowed brows, judgment sitting at the top of her thoughts and causing me to cringe.
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