Requested by babyboypan Thanks for requesting!
"Why do you love her?"
"What?"
"Why do you love her?"
As soon as the words rolled off your lips, you instantly regretted asking the question. But it was out there now, and you couldn't take it back, another reason why you wish you hadn't said anything at all.
The words hung over the both of you as John's eyes flashed down to his feet, processing how he would reply to the question. You stared directly at his head of black hair and fidgeted with your fingers resting in front of your upper thighs while he said nothing.
"You don't know why, do you?" You were the first to break the silence that was being shared, prompting John to look up, his eyes meeting yours. Confusion was very apparent in each of the two.
"Of course I do," He insisted, but never told you any reasons.
"Then tell me," You responded. "Do you even love her?"
"(Y/N), why would you say that?" The confusion that was shown had turned into anger, and you honestly weren't that surprised.
"Because it doesn't seem like it," You had been vague and to the point, but knew he'd be asking for more clarification. "You don't act like yourself when you're with her!"
"How would you know that?! It's not like you were ever my girlfriend or anything!"
You fell quiet after he'd said that, for that was the entire reason you were coming to John and confronting him about this whole thing. He had a girlfriend, he had for a couple months now. But your feelings had only just become a recent thing.
But what had referred to were his feelings for you. The pair of you had been best friends since you were in middle school, now having just turned eighteen. John had confessed how he felt multiple times in your lives but you had always turned him down.
And now, when you actually wanted him, he wasn't available.
This situation of you trying to get him to fall in love back now seemed selfish and desperate, but that's what you were. You left for university in New York tomorrow, and were trying anything, everything, just to get him to be with you. Stealing him from his own girlfriend, that's how selfish and desperate you felt. That's how much you were in love with him.
"Oh come on, John," You said after my long pause. "You know it was different back then. We were different people."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked and you could see him take a deep breath.
"That I was young and stupid. And I know I'm still young and stupid, but I mean I was really stupid back then. For rejecting you." Now, your thoughts were really out there. It was just a matter of how he would react. And you didn't think it would be in a drop-everything-and-love-you sort of way.
The man across from you stayed quiet while and after you spoke your words, again not surprising you. It was as if you knew everything John was going to do, not just because he was probably the most predictable person on the planet, but because the two of you had been close for so long. Neither of the pair needed to even mutter a single word, and you'd somehow know exactly what the other one needed.
Except, this situation had been different in terms of what he was going to say, for the both of you had never been through anything like this before. However, there was a first for everything. You could only hope that this event would be the first and last.
"(Y/N)," Was all he said at first. "(Y/N)" He repeated my name and ran a hand through his hair.
"What?" You whispered, starting to grow impatient from waiting for so long.
"You can't-" He started. "You can't just do that!"
"Do what?" You questioned. "All I'm doing is trying to tell you how I feel!"
"No, all you're doing is ruining my life!" John counteracted.
"What?" You acted in disbelief, shocked that your best friend would say something like that.
"I finally get a girlfriend," He began to explain himself. "I finally get over you, and now you're telling me that you just now have feelings for me?!"
"John, I don't just have feelings for you," You stated. "I love you."
"No," John spoke. "No! You can't do that!" He began pacing the small room he was in and refused to have his eyes make contact with mine.
"But it's the truth," You said. "I had to tell you before I leave!"
"I loved you almost my entire life, (Y/N), John's head snapped up to look at how disheveled I must've been. "I wanted you almost my entire life and you didn't feel the same!"
"It's alright!" You insisted. "We can-"
"I respected that," He spoke. "I stayed your best friend and did everything else you wanted. And then I got over you! I finally got over you, got a girlfriend, and still remained your best friend! And now that my life is actually falling back into place, you tell me you're in love with me?!"
You nodded along with his sentences.
"What is this, some sort of jealousy thing?!"
"No, John," You cried. "This is how I really feel!"
"Well, you picked the wrong time, (Y/N)," He chuckled a bit, but you could tell it was out of bewilderment and not humor. "God, this couldn't be a worse time."
"I'm sorry, John," Tears clouded your vision as you slowly began to realize he wasn't feeling the same way. "But I had to get it off my chest before I left! It's how I truly feel and if I didn't, I would feel such a sense of regret for the rest of my life!"
"Well, I bet you already feel regretful enough that we didn't feel the same way at the same time, huh?"
You nodded yet again, being too worked up to talk, the tears now falling freely from your eyes. John could do nothing except stare at you, feeling helpless and hopeless for everything that had happened at the wrong time.
For once since the pair of you had met, you didn't know what he was going to do next. You could only hope that he would stay. You wanted him to be here now, and not leave you alone.
"(Y/N), I should go," He said like he read your thoughts. "Please, enjoy yourself at university and don't worry about me, okay?"
He smiled right as he walked out of the room and out of your house. It was the last time you saw that smile. It was the last time you saw him.
A/n: I think this really sucked. Thanks for reading. -Liz :)