Marcus
"Good morning," mum said, rubbing my shoulder, "why didn't you get up like dad said? Ay?"
I hummed and pulled the cover over my head, rubbing my eyes tiredly. Having to wake up early to go somewhere I didn't want to be sucked.
Plus, I hated facing my family in the morning. I felt like an intruder- still. They always said goodmorning, and made me breakfast when they could, and I thought it was because they felt like they had to.
"Are you feeling okay?"
I could lie, but I knew she felt like shit and was still going to work.
"Yeah,"
"I'm gonna make you some eggs, can you get dressed and come down?"
"Yeah,"
I heard the door click shut and sighed, rolling to get out of bed. What I didn't want to do was disappoint mum, because I had grown really close to her and I wanted to keep it that way.
My school bag wasn't packed so I quickly did that, then headed downstairs.
"Goodmorning," Ava said, "I like your top,"
"Thankyou,"
"Do you like my dress?"
"I do,"
Dad smiled at me and pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back.
"Mum and you are setting off in about half an hour. Ava, brush your teeth before Sam arrives,"
I didn't mind going to school with mum or dad, because it calmed me down a little. People expected school to be something I hated and didnt care about judging my past, but it actually made me anxious and struggle to focus.
I tried my best, and failed. I hadn't had good grades for years, and lied so casually that I gave myself excuses to not work.
"Here you go. You don't mind me taking you right?"
"No, thankyou,"
"If we leave a little early, we could stop off and get you some cookies to share with your friends,"
I shrugged and looked down, dad patting my back.
"If you want to walk to the gym afterschool I can pick you up at about quarter to five,"
"I can?"
"I have a good feeling it lets you get your emotions out. On Saturday, do you want me to perhaps come in and see Kian with you for a bit? Or mum can. He's quite young, and Ava asked Lucy about him so you could speak to her,"
"Can mum come in with me?"
"Of course," she smiled, taking my hand, "it can be scary, I get it,"
Ava came back downstairs in one of dad's jackets, giggling when he scoffed.
"It looks better on you," I laughed, "shall I start wearing yours?"
"No!"
"Let's get going,"
"I'm going to a club at lunchtime, dad. Owen and I are going to a creative writing club,"
"When did you decide that?"
"Last night,"
"When you were supposed to be sleeping?"
"I think that's amazing," mum encouraged, "just don't do that again,"
Ava made me laugh a lot. I loved how excited she got over little things, and how she had no sense of things that she probably shouldn't have said. If that was me, I would've said yesterday at school.
She was stubborn over useless arguments like what colour lead to use for Milo, and was generally in her own little bubble.
They left for school and mum and I finished getting ready, getting in the car in good time.
"Dad spoke to me last night. I know it probably doesn't help much, but I love you, and I don't do anything just because you live here. I really care about you,"
I smiled and looked down, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist.
"Dad and Ava have such a good relationship, and I don't want to intrude. I feel like he is always mad at me,"
"He isn't mad at you. I think he comes across tense because he is stressed. He doesn't know you well enough to help you, which annoys him,"
"I'm going to disappoint him with school,"
"You're not,"
"School makes me really anxious,"
"Well if you need the support like Ava, we can get you that. Even just an email to your teachers so they don't pick on you,"
"Yeah,"
"Tomorrow, I'll come into school. Does that sound good?" she asked, parking up at the coffee shop, "or today, or not at all,"
"I don't know, I like being independent,"
"I know. What if we just let the teacher know it stresses you out though, because they truly care at that school. If they know, they can come over and help before you get frustrated,"
"I don't want people to know,"
"No one else but the teachers have to know. Marcus, bud, you've had to live your whole life on edge because you weren't sure when you'd move next. This town and this place is where you can settle and let your guard down,"
"I don't know,"
"Think about it. If you want, you could even speak to Mr Carter yourself,"
"Can we just get the cookies?"
She nodded and we got out the car, heading into the shop. We picked out enough cookies and she bought herself a water, then we had to head towards school.
"Have a good day, okay? Here is money for the gym- you know where it is right?"
"Yeah, we've driven past it,"
"Okay, just try your best. I love you," she said, kissing my cheek before I climbed out the car.
Immediately, I headed towards my form room, sitting down at the desk I shared with Ella.
"Hey," she smiled, "how are you today?"
"Okay,"
"Only okay?"
"We're in school," I shrugged, avoiding eye contact.
"It's not that bad. Not if you're with your friends,"
"I guess,"
"That's the other people you go to at lunch- right? I get it, I have friends outside my group too,"
Other people.
Nope.
"I think I'll be staying with you guys from now on,"
"There's always space at our table. What have you got first?"
"Maths, Mr Clark,"
"Doesn't Ava have him too?"
"Yeah. He likes her more than me though, I shouted at him yesterday,"
"Well I suggest not doing that," she smiled, "see you at break?"
"I'm seeing Ava, but definitely lunch,"
The bell rang and we left to first lesson, which I made sure to be early to. I walked into the almost empty classroom and dumped my bag at my seat, hesitantly approaching sir's desk.
"Hey Marcus,"
"Sorry for shouting at you. You don't come to school to be shouted at,"
"It's okay," he said calmly, "maths is tough ay? I can always give you help,"
"School is tough," I mumbled, "I didn't mean to shout,"
"I know, you've just got to think a bit more carefully because other teachers could take it more seriously, okay? I'll come and help you in a bit,"
I nodded and went back to my seat, clicking my pen on and off. Charlie came in and sat beside me, twisting his bracelet wildly, and gave me a small smile.
"I don't want to be here," he said with a shaky voice, "Miss Lockheart does,"
"Sorry if I put you off,"
"No," he laughed, "I just generally feel like I could throw everything up at the thought of school,"
Sir got the class' attention and we shut up, taking notes down. I kind of got it, but when it came to the practice questions I was clueless again.
I just wanted it to be easy. I wanted school to be easy.
"Marcus, can you try the work for me?"
"I'm stuck,"
"Okay... which part? You've got lovely notes to get help from,"
"The whole thing," Charlie moaned, his head hitting the table. He was so close to tears.
"We don't say that, do we Charlie?" sir smiled, "I know both of you will be able to, it just takes a bit of time,"
"Sir, please can I go back to the office," he whispered, "please,"
"You can do this. No one here except Marcus and I are even paying attention to you bud. Let's work through some questions together,"
He pulled up a chair and explained it again, doing some questions with us. For me, it was helpful. To not be shouted at for not completing the work, and instead get help, it was nice.
Perhaps this place really wasn't like the rest.
I walked to the office with Charlie because I would've had gym next, and slumped down at the table. My brain felt like mush.
"Sorry if I annoyed you that lesson," Charlie said, "it just- I'm not feeling good today, or this week,"
"You didn't. I'm more worried about not annoying you guys anyway,"
"Then I guess that should cancel each other's worry out. We want to be friends, and are stressing the other doesn't,"
"I see you invited yourself in here," Mr Carter smiled, entering with his laptop, "How was maths?"
"Okay,"
"I can settle with okay, Charlie. Do you want to call your mum?"
"She's at work. Can I listen to music?"
"Go ahead. What about you, Marcus?"
"Maths was good, because when I couldn't do the work, sir helped me instead of shouting at me. It made me a lot less anxious,"
"Has a teacher shouted at you before?"
"In my old schools, I used to not get the work and not do it, but they never helped,"
"What you have got to do is try the work, but of course. Every teacher will help you, even if it has to be at lunch,"
"Is Ava not here?"
"She's coming at break. What's stressing you out ay?"
"What?"
"Your knee is shaking, and you're fiddling,"
"Oh,"
I didn't like opening up, really. I encouraged Ava to, but was a huge hypocrite.
"Just...school,"
"Why?" sir said, sitting down next to me instead, "we will find a solution,"
"I have a bad record and I've never meant to mess up so bad,"
"What made you?"
"Teachers gave up on me so I gave up on myself. I didn't get good grades, and I was shamed for that. I don't work as fast as everyone else seems to,"
"You are fully capable of getting the grades you deserve. School can be stressful with work, but also the people around you and the teachers you have. I know all your teachers are lovely, but what if I emailed them about your concerns?"
"What would you say?"
"That you're worried about being behind, and struggle sometimes with grasping the topic, so an extra bit of help and encouragement in lesson would help?"
"Yes, please,"
"Would that make coming to school a little easier? You still have to do the work Marcus,"
"I will, I do try, but I'm still very good at giving up,"