Dear Future Husband...

Sleep Heals Wounds I Refuse to Lose

Dear Future Husband...
I hate falling asleep.  People think I'm crazy.  You're tired, and you can sleep.  Why do you purposefully try not to for as long as possible?  Especially since the longer you lay there awake, the more emotional you get and eventually you start crying.  But for me, sleep is like a gag.  Every time I go to sleep, my body patched up the pain I felt the day before, and the next day, I start right back where I was the day before.  And every day, people tell me, "you'll be fine, just go to sleep and it will be better the next day."  I hate that, because it's true.  No one takes responsibility for my pain, because if I simply erase small parts of my life each night, I'm not quite bad enough for them to feel responsible to help.  I hate living that way.  So I stay up at night to feel the pain.  And at night I cry out to the darkness, because at night I'm not ok.  And I pray and beg myself to believe that I deserve help.  Maybe tomorrow, will I find someone who sees the pain that gets buried each night when I close my eyes.