A/N:
If you don't get The Zoner slang here's all the words you'll need to know:
The Rooms-The Homestead
The Transformation-The Changing
The Searchers-The Runners
Searching-Running
The Chefs-The Cooks (people like Frypan)
The Eternal Sleepers-The Deadheads
The Searchers Shack-The Map Room
Leaders-Keepers
"Didn't you hear me you dumb shank? Get up!" I hear a voice yell.
I bolt awake, looking around for Newt or Minho. Instead, I am greeted by Kelly with a bemused look on her face.
"Rise n' shine, Zoe. You're Searching with Sophie today apparently." She grumbles.
"Tell her I'll be down in ten minutes." I nod.
She mutters something under her breath but leaves and does as she is told. I take a deep breath as I open my drawers.
I need to put Newt out of my head. I'm never going to see him again, right? I need to stop thinking about Alby struggling to get The Runners up, I need to stop thinking about how vunerable Zack is without my protection. I need to stop wondering is Gally is okay, due to The Ch-I mean The Transformation. There I go again, using Glader Terms, why can't I just get them out of my head?
I pull of Newts bracelet, putting it away and leave the material on only for the sole purpose that it keeps my lyrics out of sight. I pull my hair up in a normal bobble and change into one of my own tank tops and a pair of my shorts.
I yank on my combat boots and quietly exit The Rooms. The Searchers always get up an hour before everyone else, so that we can eat, get some of our supplies together and leave as soon as the doors open.
It's a little better this way.
I tip toe over the sleeping bodies, careful not to step on any fingers or toes. The people who are up the earliest though, are The Chefs. The people who make our food. They are always up at the early hours of the morning and after breakfast they nap a little until they have to prepare quick lunches for the hard workers to pick up. Then they'll nap again a little more until they have to prepare dinner. Then they'll leave and sit with the rest of us and watch the sun go down.
Then the next day, they'll do it all over again.
It's the same with Searching. We get our breakfast, get our supplies, run, have water breaks and lunch break and then come back. If we live then we do it all over again the next day.
I don't even enter the room, I am automatically bombarded by Kelly, Veronica and Sophie. Veronica shoves a tray of porridge into my hands and we make our way to our special spot.
The Leaders have to get up early too, that's why Kelly is up. When I am not in The Zone she is running it instead, she always does a good job of keeping everyone in line. I need to tell her about Zack soon, but I can't. It'll break her heart.
It's not like the one back at The Glade though, but nothing will ever be like The Glade. There's no Newt, no Minho, no Alby, no Gally, No Zack...Stop brain! Stop thinking about them!
I shove spoonfuls of porridge into my mouth, lost in my thoughts of random things.
"Zoe. ZOE. ZOE!" I hear a voice yell.
I snap out of my haze and look up.
"What?" I snap irritably.
Everyone looks a little taken aback at my sudden outburst.
"...I was just saying that we're going to be looking for the place you fell down." Sophie says slowly.
"There's no point! It's not going to be there! The Creators wanted me back here so they've probably closed it off. Even if one of us went down there they'd probably kill you so just slim it and get if our of your shuck brain." I snarl, getting up and leaving.
On my way out I collect a sandwich and a bottle of water from the pile laid out for us Searchers.
I make my way through The Eternal Sleepers to The Searchers Shack, I get a bagpack and slip in my food and water along with one of the notebooks and pencils from the supplies.
When I arrive at The Doors I still have about five minutes to spare so I wait. When the other Searchers turn up we sort out who is running which Section.
"Sophie and I will take Section 8, the one I fell down. Veronica can run Section 7, Mia take Section 5 and 6, you'll need to cover two sections as I'll be with Sophie. Marie you can take Section 4 and 3, until we can find a replacement for Georgia. Janice you can take Section 2 and Ebony you can take Section 1." I order.
They all nod and we split up, the girls heading to the different doors they need to leave out of.
"Okay. We need to head straight up to the back. We should get there by late afternoon. We can't waste time when we get there though, we need to head straight back." I tell her.
She shrugs. "Whatever you say. As long as I ain't stuck in here with the damned Grievers then I'm happy."
We begin to run and a peaceful silence fills the air.
Well, as peaceful as running in a maze with Grievers can be.
Jonas is lying in his metal bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Are you okay, man?" A soft voice calls from below him.
"I'm fine Thomas, I'm fine." Jonas blinks.
"You don't sound it." The voice sighs.
Then, the dark haired boy climbs up the bunk bed ladder. Jonas shifts over a little to make room for the boy.
"I feel like I should be fine." He bites his lip, staring down at his hands.
Thomas says nothing for a few moments, contemplating how to cheer up his acquaintance.
"You did what you had to do." Thomas murmurs.
"I didn't even try to talk to her when she came out, either. I should've. She just wouldn't have known who I was. Now I think about it, maybe I would have triggered something in her. I wouldn't even have to tell her who I was." He rambles.
"You're saying crazy things, you know that?" Thomas shakes his head.
"I feel so guilty. She seemed so happy with that boy, Newt. Now he's slowly slipping into depression and her vitals are slowly but surely dropping. What if she tries to kill herself, Thomas? What do I do then?" He stammers inbetween sobs.
"WICKED is good." Thomas grumbles. "You did what you were told. Everything comes with a reason. If you hadn't done what you had to do then the next step wouldn't have as much of a dramatic effect on the Killzone Patterns, Jonas."
Jonas sighs, rubbing his temples. "Jonas. Funny thing is, that isn't even my real name, right? We have to use these fake names...These labels they give us. If I even use my real name it'll come with consequences."
"You need to calm down a bit, man. Chill." Thomas shrugs.
Jonas's voice cracks a little. "I'll try. I just can't tell him she's dead She's NOT DEAD! Thomas, she's not dead so why do I have to tell him she is?"
"It's all about the variables." He explains. "If we tell him she's dead, even though she isn't, we can see his reactions. Get some new Killzone patterns we didn't have before."
A week later...
~Third Person at The Glade~
The Runners have just left and Newt is on his own at The Glade. Minho told him he needs to take a break from the 'order' for a little while.
Instead, he sits in his room staring at the empty bed beside him.
One of his best friends has left him and then, this morning there was a note.
He chews the inside of his cheek, trying to stop that memory from just...haunting him. That note with his name on that was passed to him, he opened it.
He was partially expecting good news. Though, deep down he knew that if they were talking about WICKED it was very unlikely.
It was a note with two words on it that just shook him.
She's dead.
That's all it said. Those two words. He didn't even cry. He just...stood there. Pretty much emotionless.
He didn't know what he felt.
Minho had requested the day off. Alby had denied it of course, but there is going to be a bonfire tonight, in memory of her.
Newt is considering going.
Maybe he will.
Maybe he won't.
There is an eerie atmosphere over The Glade. Not a single person speaks. Usually The Builders are rowdy, or at least talking throughout their job but today they are silent.
Newt flops back down onto his bed, burying his face under the duvet and sleeps because it's easier than anything else right now.
~Zoe's P.o.v~
Seven days I have been here now. All week everyone has been preparing for tomorrow. Today we get our supplies so tomorrow they can hold a large celebration in thanks of me coming back.
Everyone appears to be excited, it's not often we have events like this. Everyone but me.
At the supplies turn up I hop in.
"Leaders, get your stuff. Make it quick!" I order.
They hop in, on by one, taking their supplies. There is one package left, for me.
I pick it up, raising an eyebrow. I tear it open and there is a note.
Zoe. They've said you are dead.Zoe I'm really worried. I know you aren't dead. You are stronger than that.
Everything is falling apart without you. I had to literally force Newt to hand over a bottle of rat poison. Shuck knows what he was going to do with it. Probably drink it. I'm worried about him.
Then there's Alby. Everyone is asking questions, they all want answers and he can't give them. I need to know what's going on.
Minho
I tuck it into my back pocket. I'll reply. It's probably fake. In fact, it has to be fake. Just The Creators messing with my head.
Then theres something else. Kelly drops in to hunt for anything we've missed and suddenly she is silent.
"What's going on down there?" Veronica calls.
Kelly looks up, sucking in a breath.
"It's for you, Zoe." She shouts.
As she scrambles up a pained look is on her face and she hands it to me. It's a photograph. My head is resting on Newt's chest, under his chin and his arms are lightly wrapped around me.
It's from the night before I left.
A tear splats onto the image, then another. I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand and then slip it up with the material.
Stop it, Zoe.
Stop it.
I suck in my breath and plaster a fake smile on my face.
"No worries. Let's...Get on with our jobs." I swallow the bulge in my throat.
As I slump away I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's Kelly.
In her eyes is something I don't usually see.
Worry and fear.
"Are you sure you are going to be alright?" She murmurs.
I shrug off her hand irritably. "I'm fine!"
"Well you don't look it." Kelly sighs.
Zack, I need to tell her.
"Come with me, to The Eternal Sleepers-we can talk there." I explain.
Silently we walk until we are in a clearing of grass.
"So why'd you bring me out here?" She raises an eyebrow, leaning against the tree trunk.
I shift a little. "I think I might have met your boyfriend."
She starts to laugh hysterically. "What?"
"His names Zack. He went into The Glade with a token of the two names Kelly and Zack with a quote. You are the same age and...I guess he's your boyfriend." I say slowly.
She glares at me, pushing away from the tree trunk.
"And you are tellling me because?...It's not like I'm ever going to meet him, Zoe. " She huffs.
Her eyebrows are tightly drawn together and her mouth is slightly open. Theres something about her expression though...
"Holy klunk! You remember him!" I exclaim, throwing my hands out wide.
She doesn't even try to deny it, she just looks at her nails in an almost bored manner and rolls her eyes.
"Who cares if I remember him? Like I said, until the shuck Creators an be bothered to let us out then it's not like I am gonna meet him, huh? I don't even care. And you shouldn't care about your little loverboy. Don't worry, Veronica told me all about it. Wake up, Zoe! You aren't going back-not on my watch. The Creators want you here. So forget about him and get on with your job as Leader!" She shouts, fists clenched.
"Don't you think I've tried forgetting? I'm currently trying my hardest not to think about him. Or any of The Gladers. It's not easy. It's not easy thinking about someone you used to see every single day. You used to breathe in the same air as them. I can remember everything. Don't you want to remember?" I persist, glaring at her.
She turns away. "What happened to you, Zoe? You used to be all about Order. You used to Value it. You used to keep everyone in line, no matter what the consequence was. You used to not even bat an eyelid at the though of death...Shucking hell you might as well have beaten the shuck out of it!"
"I let my walls be broken down. It's my fault they are now in pieces. It's my fault that I am now injured because I let my guard down. I'm never going to be that girl again. You can only just about glue a wall back together. Even so, it would be so fragile...Anything could break it. So cut me some slack because I am bloody trying!" I bellow.
I take a few breaths and run a hand through my hair.
"I didn't come here to talk about me, in the first place. I came here to tell you about Zack. Clearly you aren't interested so I'll be leaving now. Like you said. You want me to be a Leader." I snort, spinning on my heel and marching away.
_____
I rest my head against the wooden table, grumbling lightly under my breath. It's so late. I should go to sleep for my return party is tomorrow but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I am trying to reply to Minho's note. What am I supposed to say? How I am having such a terrible time and I am just itching to come back? How I'm trying to push them away from my thoughts but little by little it's breaking me more and more?
I glance at the photograph on the table and I let a soft sigh escape my lips.
I press my pen to the crystal white pages of my notebook and write.
I lie. I just lie.
Dear Minho,
Things here are decent. There's nothing new with The Maze though that's to be expected. I can't give details to why I left although I guess Gally would have already told you. Why I told Gally I can't explain. To be honest I don't even know myself. It just felt right.
I'm okay. The Zoners are okay. That's what matters most at the moment. As for Newt, in time he will get over it. We were nothing more than friends anyway, right? I don't think you have anything to worry about. He's probably just feeling a little down.
I should say sorry for making you feel so worried when I am really just back at The Zone doing everything I used to. I am pretty sure I am not dead, unless this is all a dream. I wouldn't put anything past The Creators.
I feel bad for Alby. I'm a Leader too and I know that people can sometimes demand answers. Just give it a little time, Minho. Everything will become better.
From Zoe.
I try to write formally, as if Minho and I are no longer friends. I need him to dislike me. Then maybe it'll be easier.Easier to stop thinking about them all. Easier to forget.
I push back from the rusty metal chair in The Searchers Shack and head towards The Rooms. As soon as I enter my room I dive under the covers and wait for sleep. Maybe even a dream. I wouldn't mind a dream right now.
Anything will do. As long as it's not scary.
~Third Person At The Glade~
"Alby it's not right! Newt's not right!" Minho yells, slamming his hands into the table and glaring at the dark skinned boy.
"Newt's fine. A bit shocked but he'll be okay." Alby replies, not looking up from the ground of The Deadheads.
"Alby are you jacked? Newts going crazy you shuck-face. He's...depressed. He barely talks, he barely eats, when he runs his legs look like they are going to give away, when we try to hang out with him he stares off into space and doesn't realize we are there until about ten minutes later!" Minho counts on his fingers, aggressively holding each one up under Alby's nose.
"Let him grieve. He'll be fine, Minho. You're over thinking things. I get it, you miss her. I miss her too now stop overthinking things." Alby huffs.
Minho shakes his head.
"Did you not hear me? Newt's going crazy!" Minho bellows.
Alby ignores him, staring right through his. Then Minho does the unthinkable. He raises his hand and slaps Alby across the face.
"What was that for?" The boy growls.
"Oh, so you haven't be taken by The Creators and you haven't been replaced by some robot." Minho chuckles to himself. "We need to do something. We can't let the friendships end like this."
"Y-You're right." Alby stammers.
"You don't say? I'm always right." Minho sasses.
_____
"Zoe! Zoe! Zoe!" The Zoners chant, raising their fists in the air.
"Who are we?" I yell.
"The Zoners!" They yell back.
"What are we?" I shout.
"Fighters!" They bellow.
"What are we gonna do?" I scream one last time.
"Celebrate!" They whoop.
Then, the people around the bonfire begin to talk and warm their hands, laughing and poking the fire with sticks. Which is pretty stupid.
Kelly is chasing one of the girls around the place, her hair streaking out behind her and Veronica is getting some food.
I sit by myself and blankly stare at the flames. It's the same type of wood Newt used on the fire the night before I left.
Then, all of a sudden, everyone begins to sing in a low voice. A song that we invented ourselves.
"The smell of ash we shall unite,
We will gather hands,
It will have to be tonight,
Blood sisters we are one,
If we do what we are supposed to do,
WICKED will never have won.
Order, order, order is what we say,
It's what keeps up all together,
Not everyone can have their own way.
The Zoners we are and we are one,
We will find the light and together we will run." The sing, maybe a little flat but it's still the song.
It brings tears to my eyes. I am so selfish. So selfish to wish to go back to The Glade when The Zone is right here, the place where I belong.
I head to bed after everyone else and flop down onto the sheets. I don't undress. I don't even put my hair up so it isn't a frizz ball in the morning.
I just grip the sheets and try not to think about The Glade because it'll only hurt more.
Outside my door is a pair of hushed voices arguing.
"What do you want me to do Kelly? We can't keep her here. Not like this. It's like a prison, we have her trapped here when the place she really wants to be is The Glade. I can run The Zone if I have to, you can run The Zone. You are the rightful second in command!" Veronica hisses.
"I don't care what you say she's staying." Kelly mumbles. "We nearly ended up in some dark days without her."
"Well things are going to get bad. She's depressed, or in the least mortified. She has to go back." Veronica whispers.
There is then a bang, signalling that Kelly hasn't reacted well.
"If she goes to The Glade then we go with her! " She ends up shouting.
Then there is silence and I do not know what they ended up deciding. All I can hope is that they make the right choice because right now, I am incapable of doing so.