21; black scrunchie
I had a dream about Ryan.
I leaned back against the seat of his car and stared off into the road.
It's just a dream. I tried to trick myself into thinking otherwise. It didn't work very well when my mind started to drift back to the dream.
"Why are you smiling?" Ryan asks, grinning at me amused.
He had his left arm resting on the drivers wheel while his right arm was on the arm rest.
I immediately stopped smiling when I finally got caught. I was smiling?
"What's going on?" he asks again, innocently, "Are you smiling because of Dylan?"
I didn't know what to answer, but I went along anyway, "Yeah."
We reached the red light and Ryan looks over at me, leaning towards me a little bit, "So what happened?" he winks.
I shook my head and looked down at my palms awkwardly, "I'm just happy that I got to see him," I stated in a questionable tone.
He looks at me weirdly before continuing to drive, "You're acting weird, Juniper."
"I know," I rolled my eyes and sighed.
"I have a question," my stubbornness leaked through, "Are you and Kate official?"
He nods without hesitation, "We got back together last night," he smiles.
"I also talked to her about you, I told her she has nothing to worry about. We're good friends, right?" he chuckles, holding out a fist to me.
Hearing those words slightly hurt my feelings, but I brushed it off because it's probably a temporary feeling until I get over this dream.
"Yeah," I let out a fake laugh and fist bumped him.
Could it be possible? No. It can't.
Four years of going to school with Ryan and I've always seen him as annoying.
"Why are you acting weird?" Ryan repeats, laughing through his words.
I shook my head, "I'm not," I let out another fake laugh.
"Whatever you say," he trails off and continues driving.
Ryan drops me off at the front gate of my house. I stood there and waved at him goodbye as he drove away in his car. I turned around and faced the gate, typing in my pin number before the door unlocks.
Why do I feel so sad?
The moment I closed the door behind me, it felt like something slightly hit me in the chest.
He's taken, and he's not interested; I have to make that clear to myself before I actually end up liking him.
I shook the thought out of my head and made my way towards the front door.
"Juniper!" Joseph calls out from the living room, "Why didn't you pick up your phone? Your parents would've killed me if you didn't come home in one piece!"
From afar, I saw the overweight male pushing himself to run towards the front door where I was standing.
I couldn't help but laugh at how pure this man looked.
"I'm sorry, the movie was long," I shook my head.
He sighed and patted me on the shoulder, "Go to bed, I'm about to fall asleep."
He was already dressed in his blue silk pajamas. Joseph sleeps in the basement of our house. It may sound cruel to let our assistant sleep in the basement, but the basement is the equal size of our entire first floor. Imagine it as a bedroom. It is huge.
"Goodnight Joseph," I said to him and made my way to my bedroom.
When I got into my bedroom, I dropped face first into my pillows.
"I can't! I can't! I can't!" I screamed into the decorative pillow.
"I can't have feelings for him," I groaned quietly and looked up at the ceiling.
I took a deep breath and grabbed my phone.
Impulsively, I typed in Dylan's name into my text messages and started a chat.
Dylan
01:32AM
Juniper
dylan
Dylan
Hey, what's up?
Juniper
I miss you.
Read 01:33 AM
I clenched my teeth tightly and toss my phone onto the bed. I combed my hand through my hair and started to overthink the situation. Why did I text Dylan? Do my feelings remain the same towards Dylan?
I don't know.
Just then, my phone dinged.
I snatched the phone and looked at my messages.
Message from Ryan.
I bit my lower lip as a smile crept up onto them. I stopped myself from smiling and mentally told myself to get over it.
I swiped open the text message.
Ryan
01:39 AM
Ryan
hey
you left your scrunchie in my car
i came back, you should grab it
He told me to come back to grab a scrunchie. I scoffed and shook my head in disbelief with a smile. He's such a child.
Juniper
omw
Ryan
hurry
it's cold
Juniper
Just come inside, I'll open the gates
Ryan
okkkkk
I switched to an app that opens the front gate. I peeked out of my bedroom window that had the full view of the front driveway. I saw Ryan jogging towards the front door.
I slipped on my house slippers and made my way down the stairs and towards the front door. Just in time, I opened the door to Ryan about to knock on it.
He smiles sheepishly and holds out the black scrunchie that I have forgotten in his car.
"Here you go," he says, like a child.
I slightly laughed at his attitude and took the scrunchie, putting it back on my wrist.
"Thanks," I smiled.
Ryan stood there awkwardly, looking like he didn't want to leave and go home just yet. I pucker my lips and crossed my arms, staring at his face and wondering what to say.
"I need some advice," he spills.
I lifted my eyebrows and tilted my head, "Advice for what?"
Ryan tries to start explaining until he feels a chilly breeze hitt his back, causing him to shiver.
"Come in," I welcomed, closing the door behind him and turning on the lights into our living room.
We both walked towards the couch and sat next to each other.
Ryan turns to me slightly, with one hand on his knee, the other on the couch behind him.
"So," he started, "Kate wants me to meet her parents and I don't know how I should dress or how I should act. I feel like her family is so perfect and successful with everything. And then there's me, straight C's and suspension from the baseball team for getting in a fight with-" he looks at me and slightly laughs, "Your boyfriend."
The word boyfriend hit me in the chest, but it's okay, I continued to laugh with him anyways.
"Well," I bit my tongue.
Dealing with my sudden and random feelings towards Ryan, and my mixed feelings with Dylan, I tried to give him the best advice that I could.
"The outfit you're wearing right now looks nice," I smiled and pointed at him.
He was wearing a short sleeve collared buttoned up shirt, with black jeans and white shoes. The top two buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, and his pants were cuffed.
"You think so?" he grins and looks down at his outfit.
"Yeah," I nodded.
He sighs and scratches the back of his head, "I don't know," he puckered his lips, "I'm just so nervous. I mean, I've dated girls before and met their parents. But it's so hard this time."
I shrugged, "Maybe you really like her?" I tried to find the most reasonable answer.
"Maybe," he answers with a sigh.
I leaned back against the couch and shook my head at myself. I don't want to stop being friends with Ryan, but being around his made me mentally stressed. What do I want?
I brought my hands up and rubbed the temples of my forehead.
"You okay?" Ryan asks, leaning towards me a little bit.
"Yeah, just a lot on my mind right now," I sighed.
"I'm here," he smiles and scoots closer. He crosses his arms and puts an elbow on the head of the couch, resting his chin on his arm and faced me.
I shook my head, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Come on," he begged, bringing an arm down to grab and shake my knee.
I started laughing a little bit because his hands were so close to my tickle spot; the back of my knee.
"Stop," I said while grinning.
"Come on dude," Ryan whines, shaking my knee harder.
I couldn't stop but start laughing from the ticklish feeling. I turned my body and laid back against the couch, using my feet to push his hand away.
Ryan starts laughing and looks at me weirdly, "What are you doing?"
To his curiosity, he reaches for the back of my other knee and I started giggling. I pulled my knees up to my chest and got in a defensive position, hiding all of my tickle spots.
"Come on," he teases, holding his hands up in the air towards me, "Tell me or I'm going to tickle you."
I denied to fall for it.
He then lunged off the couch and to my side, placing his hands on my neck and started tickling. I started laughing profusely, grabbing his hands in an attempt to stop him from tickling me any further.
Whenever I get tickled, I started to get violent. My legs started flaring everywhere, and my hands started swinging. I got so upset to the point where I was laughing and annoyed at the same time. Through my laughter, I started screaming and grabbed his hands, pushing them away from my body.
Not even a second pass where I suddenly felt his face crashing into the crook of my neck. That's when we both froze.
I felt his warm cheeks resting against the side of my neck. I stopped breathing at that point, not even noticing that I was still holding onto one of his wrists. I felt Ryan's face lifted away from my neck, but not far away enough for us to get back into our sitting position.
Instead, he turned his head, looking at me. Our faces were in the same exact position the day that Kate had walked in on us in the closet. But this time, Ryan didn't move.
It felt like the world had stopped, and time has stopped ticking. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to maintain my new feelings towards Ryan.
But the fact that I could feel his warm breath against my nose and lips didn't help.
Ryan pulls his wrist away from my grip. I didn't hold him back. He blinks a couple of times before bringing his hand up to my face. He rests them on my cheek, turning my face towards him slightly while rubbing his thumb against the edge of my lips.
I swallowed and tried to breathe calmly.
Ryan's gaze went from my eyes and trailed down to my lips; mine did the same.
His lips slightly twitched.
We can't.
Just like he heard my thoughts, he slowly pulled away and sat back on the couch. I pushed myself up and sat with my knees still against my chest, facing him.
We both knew what just had happened, but we both also knew that pretending that it never existed was better off for both of us.
Ryan clears his throat and leans back against the couch, closing his eyes.
"I'm sorry," I apologized.
He opens his eyes and smiles at me softly, "It's fine."
The night ended with him leaving quietly. We didn't talk about anything after the incident, we said our goodbyes and he left.
I dragged myself up the stairs and sat on my bed, thinking about the moment that we just had. I didn't know whether I should feel happy or sad about it. It's confirmed.
I do like Ryan and no matter how much I could deny it; maybe I've developed feelings for him after dreaming about it. If it's just a childish crush, it'll be gone soon.
But I'm sad that I can't be confident in my relationship with anyone anymore; not even my comfort zone: Dylan.
Dylan
03:23 AM
Dylan
Sorry, I fell asleep with my phone on
I just woke up
..
I miss you too
---
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