Tw. Abuse
Ava
I sat next to Marcus at the table, opposite Harry. The food smelt amazing, and everyone was dishing it up for themselves. Dad sat the other side of me at the top of the table, and took my plate to get my food.
"What are these?" I asked, holding up what looked like a cardboard tube.
"A cracker," Harry smiled, "they make a loud pop,"
"Oh," I frowned, "no thankyou ,"
"Watch Harry and I do one," dad said, "and we will wait until you're in the shower to do it if you don't like it,"
They both pulled at the cracker and there was a bang, a small whimper escaping. However, inside there wad a party hat and a joke.
"But I want a hat,"
"Then pull a cracker, you know it's okay that,"
Marcus held one out to me and I hesitantly took it, feeling him pull. Then I did mine with dad and got a red party hat, putting it on my head. Marcus took a photo with me, then everyone started eating- with their hats.
Grandma started to pour drinks out, all of us having wine glasses.
"I don't want wine. I don't want you to have wine,"
"It's not real," dad assured, "you can have some water instead if you'd like?"
"Yes please,"
I swapped glasses and got myself water, tucking into my food again. It tasted so good, and I didn't want it to end.
"Leave room for pudding," grandma said, Harry immediately slowing down. Lauren gagged at him, but Marcus laughed. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react.
"What is pudding?"
"She means dessert," dad said, handing me a napkin, "you enjoyed that ay?"
"Yeah,"
"Well done for eating all your vegetables too,"
"I liked it,"
"Room for a crumble?" Grandma asked, collecting plates as she earned a nod from us all.
"You four are washing up," das said, a simultaneous groan coming from us all. I hated washing up, the soggy food making me gag and feel sick. Hopefully I could just dry the plates.
Grandma brought over a crumble with custard and ice cream- I opted for custard.
"Grandma, please can you teach me to bake?"
"I can teach you a few bits one day, of course,"
"It's really hot," Harry warned, making me blow on it to cool it down.
It was really nice to be with my family. All of us were happy, all of us were like a team. I think that's what I enjoyed most about them, because if one person was down we made sure they weren't so that they could grow with everyone else.
Das had once put it as a journey. I'd started the journey later than everyone else, but they all came back to where I was and learnt again with me. They learnt how to calm me down while I learnt how to do that too.
Now we would go back for Marcus, and learn what he liked and what he wanted to achieve. In my eyes, all of the paths were wobbly, but some less than others. Mine even had roundabouts in that I went round and round, trying to figure out the same thing, while dad's had a few smooth turns in.
I didn't know his head, but I knew it wasn't a straight line. No one had a straight line.
"So what does everyone want to do later?" Dad said, passing me a napkin.
"Monopoly," I said.
"I'll play monopoly," Lauren agreed.
"Monopoly it is,"
Once we were all finished, we starting to wash up. I dried the plates that Harry and Marcus had washed, and Lauren put them away. We did it quickly then put rubbish in the bin, heading upstairs for a nap.
I dragged my feet behind me aimlessly walking into Harry's room and crawling into his bed.
"Ava, you're with your dad," he said softly, following me into the room.
"No,"
"Come on, we can cuddle later,"
I folded my arms and pushed past him, going to the other room where dad already was.
Angrily, I crawled into the bed and bundled under the duvet, feeling dad shift next to me.
"Whats up poppet?"
"I wanted to sleep in Harry's bed," I whined, turning to face him which sent pain through my back. I started to cry, my new dress feeling tight, and everything feeling uncomfortable.
"You can sleep over another time hun,"
"I want this dress off," I said, starting to pull it over my head, "get it off,"
"Ava," he said sternly, "that's enough. Go and take a shower then get in your pyjamas. If I'm asleep just wake me up,"
"My back hurts,"
"I'll help after your shower. If you had taken that dress off, you would feel really uncomfortable because you'd only be in your underwear. It's hard, I know, but do the techniques you know,"
He kissed my head and I went to the bathroom, getting myself a new towel and turning on the shower.
Why had my happiness just snapped?
I hated myself for getting so upset when I didn't get my way, because I knew that situations that would make me comfortable weren't always what others wanted.
I took a quick shower and used grandma's hairdryer, everyone else's snores seeming to still be louder. Then, I put my almost dry hair into a bun and climbed back into the bed where dad was asleep.
There was no point waking him up.
I woke up to the sound of laughter downstairs, wincing as I sat up and pain shot through my head. Dad's laughter was really clear, so when I turned and saw someone in the bed, I almost freaked out.
It was Lauren.
"Hey," she mumbled, "everyone else left, and I didn't want you to freak out- plus I wanted more sleep,"
I turned and hugged her, realising how little I saw her. It upset me because she was so kind and... empathetic. That was a new word I had learnt.
Earlier, we had talked about school, and how they would help. She made me remember how important school was, and that it was okay not to get things, because she still didn't and she was in university.
I'd always assumed I'd never get to go, but things had changed.
We spent the night playing board games, getting to know Marcus more and more. I adored him. We cuddled while watching a film and then brushed our teeth; he even waited as I fiddled with the elastics to try and put them in.
I needed him to stay.
The thought of him not being fostered tugged at my heart, and made me panic a bit.
A lot.
"I didn't know you had a coil on your braces. I didn't have them,"
"Maybe it's because I had teeth taken out, but not for the braces, so maybe they were the wrong teeth,"
"Well, whatever the reason, it's worked out,"
"Do your teeth hurt you? Before I was adopted by dad, my teeth hurt me,"
He shrugged, and I leant on the counter. This was the only chance I had before he left.
"And do your parents now feed you? Before I came to dad's, mine didn't, and maybe because we had the same braces, and we have the same hair, maybe you aren't being fed, but don't worry, because dad feeds us,"
"Ava, not everything is,"-
But I carried on. I wanted him to know everything would be fixed here, and I wanted, needed , him to stay. Lots of things were the same about us, which must include this.
I didn't want him to be scared of dad like I was.
"And you have a bruise. I had lots of bruises, I had some on my arm from a pipe- is your one from that? But now I have none. You have to stay Marcus, please, dad is really good at making all the things go away, please,"
"Ava, my family right now are really nice to me, okay? You don't need to worry,"
"Don't stay with them," I stressed, "stay with dad. He makes good food, and we have soft duvets, and a tv! We have a tv Marcus, and there are no puddles on the floor or pipes up the wall. He doesn't get mad if you are hurt, and his friends are good doctors,"
"Ava?" I heard dad shout, "time for bed,"
"He gives really good hugs, and he doesn't do anything inappropriate to us that hurts. Viola is super nice, and both of them make teeth stop hurting, they don't embarrass you either. They let you have haircuts, and clean clothes which you can change into in private. Please stay,"
I squeezed him tightly, dad appearing at the doorway.
"Oh, you're just saying goodnight ay?"
Marcus let go and turned to the door, dad frowning.
"I was telling him why he should stay,"
"What sort of things did you say poppet? Did you say something mean about his old home, because he looks a bit upset doesn't he?"
"No, I promise. But we have the same likes, and he had braces, and hair like mine, so I thought our lives would be similar. I needed him to know there aren't any pipes or puddles, or shouts at our house,"
"That was very kind to tell him poppet, it was, but Marcus hasn't been through that as far as I know. You know how I get a bit angry sometimes when you tell me things that used to happen?"
I nodded, realising what I had done. I had made him listen to all the bad things that happened in my life, knowing he already felt guilty about not being there to help.
"Im sorry Marcus. I know you wished you had been able to help, but I am okay now,"
"I know you meant good," dad continued, "but if someone came and listed lots of ways that I had been hurt, you would be upset or angry, wouldn't you?"
"I was trying to be smart, and think,"
"You know what Ava," he said, taking my hand, "you have convinced me to stay. Yes I get a family, yes your dad can fix my teeth and give great cuddles, but most of all because I want to help you, and see you grow and heal. I am pushing past the guilt, because I can be here now, and I can help now,"