Ava
Luke bounded into the office, a smile on his face when he saw me. It had been a boring day, so I didn't have that energy.
"You ready to go?"
"No,"
"Why?"
"I'm... scared,"
He pulled me off the sofa and wrapped his arm round my shoulder, grabbing his bag.
"It's a family changing room, so we can go in the cubicle next to each other. I'll make sure you're okay,"
When we got in his car, I plugged my headphones in and fought the urge to bite my nails. It was a bad habit of mine when I was anxious, and I wanted nice nails.
Instead of biting my nails, I often clicked my fingers, or twisted a ring on my finger. Lucy had told me if a repetitive movement helped me calm down, then I should use it.
"How have you been finding this all since it started?"
"It was tiring at first,"
"Is it getting easier?"
"Yeah,"
"Good. That's really good,"
"I thought it might fix my body," I said honestly, "but I don't like how I look yet,"
"I am insecure too, Ava, but this is the body you've got, and it works hard, so why not love it?"
"But you look fine, and have nice teeth and are always so cheerful,"
"But when I look at you, that's what I see too. We all have our upset moments, and even through those you are beautiful- raw emotion can be beautiful. You're just being yourself and that's all you can do,"
"I am really scared of other people's opinions,"
"I used to be too. Being a teenager is hard, but it's not impossible,"
We got to the gym and went to the changing room, where I got into my swimming costume. I wrapped my towel around my body and then packed my bag so that Luke could put it in the locker.
He helped me get my goggles on, then led me to the pool; a few people were swimming laps, but as promised it was quite empty.
"If you get in, I'll hang your towel up okay?"
"No, I need your help,"
"Hang your towel up then," he said, starting to get in the pool. I did as he said and wrapped my arms around my body, quickly following him.
"Look, no one can even see your body now,"
"I know,"
"How much swimming can you do?"
"I can do the frog leg one,"
"That's good. If you do a lap and I walk beside you incase, would that be okay?"
I nodded and put my goggles on, kicking off the floor. Swimming was hard for me, because it needed lots of coordination and strength I didn't really have. However, it was a way to exercise without getting hot and sweaty, so I liked it.
Towards the end, I swallowed some water, starting to splutter. Luke grabbed waist because we were in the deep end, and held me above the water.
"Well that wasn't a good idea,"
"My chest," I gasped, coughing.
"Deep breaths,"
I wrapped my arms round his neck and took deep breaths, desperate to not fall back in the water.
"Swimming isn't for you huh?"
"It is," I said stubbornly.
"Because it's not hot?"
I nodded and held onto the side of the pool instead, sighing sadly.
"We can try swimming again,"
"I'm sorry I let you down,"
"You didn't, you've made me so proud,"
"Swimming is sometimes hard,"
"We can take it at your pace, I'll swim with you,"
For a few laps, I was silent, but then I remembered I had to see his family this weekend- I wanted to know about them before.
I hated new people.
"Luke, who will be there this weekend?"
"My brother Jack and my parents. Ben can't make it until Christmas,"
"Are they nice?"
"I'm a little biased I guess, but they're the best,"
"I don't want to talk to your brother,"
"Well that's not a decision to make before you've met him,"
"I'm tired,"
"We should probably get changed anyway. How does yoga sound next week? There's a session on that we can join,"
"Okay,"
"I'll try and come over in the week as well, because I don't want you to see me as the one who just exercises with you,"
"That's not how I see you,"
"I've also not seen Ash for a while ages, I'll see what I can do,"
He helped me out the pool and passed me my towel, the two of us going back to the changing room. I'd only worn leggings and an oversized top, so it was easy to get back into.
Once I heard Luke's door unlock, I unlocked mine and we got back in the car.
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
"I'm going round to Sam's house,"
"Is that your newest friend?"
"Yeah. Will your new friend Sierra be at your flat everyday?"
"A lot of days, not all,"
"Oh. She seems nice, and I think she will be nice to you. What about next week?"
"I've forgotten which days you're coming, but she does work in the day,"
"What as?"
"She designs fashion,"
"That's really cool,"
"It is. You'll find something you love eventually. I never pictured myself as a doctor at your age,"
"What did you picture yourself as?"
"I wanted to be famous, but I don't think I could handle it. The paparazzi would make me so anxious,"
"I would only enjoy it for the fans, because you would always have people who wanted to talk and support you,"
"And you have that already,"
"Oh, yeah,"
When we got home, Luke took me up to the flat and we went in, Viola and dad cuddling in the kitchen.
"Hello," Luke called, shuffling us through.
"We were just about to cook," Viola smiled, "good timing,"
"Do you want to shower poppet?" Dad chuckled, giving me a hug, "you look worn out,"
"I am. I want to sleep,"
"You're more than welcome to after tea,"
Tiredly, I rubbed my eyes and leant into Viola, feeling like I missed out on a lot of hugs while she was sick. When she went to let go, I held her tighter, Luke and dad hugging from the corner of my eye.
"Are you staying for tea?"
"I should get home, Sierra is on her way,"
"Well you're welcome whenever,"
"Ava, I really need to cook," Viola said quietly, Luke saying goodbye. I let go and looked down, moping to the bathroom for my shower.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw how tattered my hair looked, and how exhausted I looked. I even had two spots, which I hadn't really got before. Some of my face was a little red, but I assumed that was from swimming.
I got in the shower, but I wanted to be with dad, so I did my best to be quick. My confidence had been knocked a little in the pool.
Once I was changed, I went through to his room and started using me hairdryer; Viola came through and took over for me. She did it a lot better.
She did a lot of things better than me, and I was starting to feel upset by how much I couldn't do. I hadn't achieved anything today.
Once she was finished, she sat infront of me and tucked my hair behind me ear, rubbing my shoulder.
"Are you excited to see your friend tomorrow?"
"Yeah, and Lucy,"
"I think it's really good that you get on with her, and want to see her,"
"What happens when I can't anymore?"
"You'll be ready. Eventually we will have to lower it to once a week, then perhaps a call a week, then you'll be ready,"
"Okay. I'm kind of annoyed at the people in charge- not Georgia- but I got no help,"
"Then it's a good job you've got dad," she said, pulling me into a hug.
"The orphanage was hell. Everything there reminded me of something,"
"Ava, I know this is a personal question, and you won't be in trouble... but have you told your dad everything that happened?"
No.
He got so angry everytime, and it was probably at me.
"I don't know,"
"Aren't you ever scared of if he doesn't know, something could panic you?"
"I'm often scared,"
"Then you are very good at acting,"
"I guess I didn't win the drama award for no reason,"