Tw. Mentions abuse
Ava
After we'd left, dad took us to a new neighbourhood, parking outside of a house.
"This is our favourite house, and our hearts are really set on it," he said, "but I want to know what you think,"
"How did you choose that quick?"
"Well Viola has been looking a lot more than me, and she found it. I know it's quick, but there's not that many places round here anyway,"
A man in a suit introduced himself, and let us inside the house, taking us round each room. There were four bedrooms, a big one for dad and Viola , as well as two bathrooms, a large kitchen and a living room. There was a conservatory, a large garden, and a basement that'd been converted to a room.
I loved it too.
"So what do you think?" dad asked quietly, "it's even better seeing it,"
"I love it,"
"You do?" he said excitedly, "shall I put a deposit down?"
"I don't know what that means,"
"It means we get the house as long as we pay,"
"But you don't have that much money,"
"Well Viola and I will get a mortgage,"
"Okay," I shrugged, making him laugh. I didn't know why he was asking me.
We ended up sat down with the man, and lots of paper. Dad was really focused, and read things closely, but I knew he just wanted to get it right.
It seemed really sudden to me, but I didn't understand adults anyway.
The two of them talked for a bit, and laughed, before dad ruffled my hair to grab my attention.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah,"
"We are all gonna watch a film, then you have your phone to text and call your friends,"
I nodded and we got back in the car, where I plugged in my headphones in.
"It's a really nice house," I said, "Marcus would like it I think,"
"I'm sure he would. Can you shower when we get back? I'll sort Viola and the film out,"
"Yeah. Have you already bought my Christmas present?"
"Maybe, what were you thinking?"
"A polaroid camera,"
"They're the ones that print it straight away, aren't they?"
"Yeah,"
"Well we can see. A few people might get together because that can be expensive,"
"I probably won't earn any money when I'm older,"
"Don't say that poppet, you're really smart, and can be determined,"
"But I have no social skills, do I?"
"They'll get better over time,"
I nodded and he parked the car; I unbuckled my seatbelt and followed him to the flat, going to the lift. Sometimes I went by the stairs, but I was quite exhausted today. Talking to people I didn't know drained me a lot.
When we got home, dad told Viola the news and she seemed really happy. Dad had made Viola happier and happier each day, and I hoped I made Julie happier each day.
I grabbed my towel and pyjamas then took them to the bathroom, getting in the shower. Despite being here for almost a year, I still felt wary in the shower. It was when I was the most exposed, and vulnerable.
Before, a shower wouldn't have been my most vulnerable point- if I was allowed them. Before, stood undressed behind a curtain would've been a privilege. It was almost a relief that it was now, when I had privacy, that I felt most scared. There was never going to be anything like before, again.
It turned out dad had cooked us tea while I was showering, but I had stayed to think and let the water run down my back for a moment of peace. Then, it took my a while to change into pyjamas and do my hair, because suddenly I felt exhausted.
Viola had chosen a film called 'Wonder' for us to watch, so we all sat with out food on trays again. It was unlike dad to not make us sit at the table.
Dad wouldn't let me sit with Viola because he didn't want me to get sick, even though I didn't get sick or hurt as easily anymore. It made me realise how much I did miss her company, and that she must really care about me if I felt like that.
It was a really good film, and I liked it a lot; it was a good end to the day. By the time I got my phone, I wanted to sleep, so I got ready for bed and said goodnight.
"Try and have a lie in tomorrow," dad said, gently feeling my cheeks. I was really hot, and it had been cooler for a while so I wasn't used to the heat.
"Aren't we going out?"
"Yeah, but I think Viola will be well enough if she gets enough sleep, so we can all sleep in,"
I didn't think I could have a lie in, but it turned out I could. Mornings could either be really intense, or really peaceful, and it was nice to wake up at my own pace.
Another nice thing was that I could hear Viola and dad laughing, as well as a sweet smell drifting through the house.
I got up and went to the kitchen, seeing them both cooking pancakes. Viola looked a lot less sick, which I was glad about, because being sick was horrible. Dad also looked happier, and more at ease.
Human relationships were so complex, I thought, and the feeling of one could change the actions of several.
"Good morning poppet,"
"You're better," I mumbled, giving Viola a hug.
"The two of you looked after me so well,"
"I did?"
"Yeah,"
Dad served us up pancakes- with strawberries and banana- and we sat down. I was wary to eat the strawberries, but dad assured me he had bought them safely.
As I was getting ready to go out, the exhaustion really hit me. I got a rest tomorrow, then I saw Sam, then another break. This week had been challenging to cope with.
I didn't put makeup on because I'd rub it off, and it felt heavy on my face. My outfit was just a pair of mom jeans that Lauren picked out, and a striped top, paired with my trainers. Dad came and plaited my hair, although I could usually do it myself.
"I'm ready for bed again,"
"We've not even gone out yet,"
It confused me a little, because from my perspective, it didn't sound like he wanted to understand.
Sometimes it came back, and I felt cold. Lucy had worked with me a lot, and I was so thankful, but there would always be a little part of me that couldn't escape.
The slurs, or the hurt, or the fear. It mixed up in my head and I didn't understand if dad was being dad or like them. In the back of my mind, I knew he was dad, but it was hard to reach that when I remembered some really horrific things that I hadn't even told him. I thought perhaps... I could maybe tell Marcus. I'd never told anyone, but he was my brother, he could understand.
"I will try to be good for you,"
"I can't stop you feel tired, and being tired isn't misbehaving sweetheart," he said, wiping toothpaste off my cheek.
"I'm sorry, I'm struggling and it's a bit blurry between what you tell me and what they tell me,"
"They don't tell you anymore,"
"Sometimes they are in my dreams or daydreams,"
He crouched infront of me and took my hands, rubbing small circles on them.
"Do we need to set it all straight again?"
"Yes," I said quickly, avoiding eye contact, "if that's what you want,"
"Poppet," he said quietly, "it's okay, I'm not telling you off,"
"We need to go out,"
"We can still go out, but sometimes there are things we have to take care of first. Your thoughts are more important,"
"I'm okay, I'm just a bit wary,"
"You sure?"
"You won't hurt me, ever?"
"I won't,"
"You won't make my shoulder move and nose bleed?"
"Never,"
"Okay, because that hurt,"
He wrapped his arms round me, Viola looking at me in shock from the doorway.
"Why do you look like that?"
Dad turned round and she stopped, grabbing her handbag.
"It's hard for us to hear what you've been through, because we love you," dad soothed.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Of course not," he said, standing up and hugging me, "why don't you listen to some music in the car and calm down?"
"Can Harry come?"
"This went from a trip for us two, to a whole gathering," he chuckled, "take your medicine while I ask,"
I got it all out of the cupboard and got a glass of water, taking the tablets and vitamins. It felt like it was working, because I felt more awake and my body hurt less. My new inhaler helped a lot too, and I'd barely needed the cream.
"He can come, you two can go shopping a bit before lunch if you want,"
"I don't have any money,"
"I'm sure I can give you a little bit, ay? You'll be okay,"
He gently rubbed my shoulder, placing another kiss on my head.
"Let get going, I know it's been tough,"
"At least I rest tomorrow,"
"You're not seeing Luke?"
"Oh," I groaned, completely forgetting about that.
He pat my back and held hands with Viola, the three of us leaving. On our way, we picked up Harry, who sat in the middle seat next to me.
I leant into him and he wrapped his arm round me, letting me hold his hand.
"Thankyou for coming,"
"That's okay, I could help you pick a gift for Marcus anyway,"
"Dad said we can go round on our own,"
"You'll be okay?"
"Yeah, I'm with you anyway,"
Harry was one of the best people dad had brought into my life. He tried to understand, and he made sure everything was okay with me. He was older, so was in charge, but it felt like a group decision anyway.
He was always there for me to go to, and hugged me when I was too upset with everyone else. That was the thing- I could be scared and upset of everyone in the world, but for some reason never of him.
I had my friends at school, but Harry was my best friend.
When we got to town, dad made sure I was okay and gave me some money. I had to buy Marcus a gift, and he told Harry to choose something too because I had no idea what to buy. Harry was in charge of making sure we got to the restaurant on time, and then we left.
"So, what were you thinking?"
"I don't know, dad said aftershave,"
"I guess we don't really know him well enough. What about your dad?"
"I'm asking Calum for help,"
"Okay, any ideas?"
"I had some, but I've forgotten them,"
"Write them down next time," he said, wrapping his arm around me as we got onto the high street.
"I just want something to show him I am thankful,"
"Christmas is going to be really special this year, because you and Marcus will be together, and it's your first one,"
"Yeah,"
He took me into a huge store, and went over to where lots of sprays were stood. I smelt some of them, looking up to Harry, unsure.
"What about this one?"
"Okay,"
"I don't know what you want," I said quietly.
"What if I just keep the money?"
"Yeah,"
"You're not talking much," he frowned, "is everything okay?"
"Yeah," I said, watching his eyebrow raise, "I'm just tired,"
We paid for the spray and left the shop- this time I took the lead. I had spotted the book shop and really wanted to look, just in case I had enough money.
I had started reading a new series, but I needed the next book. Keeping Harry close, I made my way to the young adult section and looked at the large array of books.
"What's the authors name?"
"I don't know,"
"The letter of their last name?"
" 'J' I think,"
He found the section, then I found the book, handing it and the money to him. Thankfully, he bought it for me, and I got a little bag to carry it around in. I liked having bags for my shopping, because it reminded me that this was something special.
"Harry, will Jordan be at Sam's house on Tuesday?"
"He might be, why?"
"I know him more than I know Sam,"
"Well you should stick with Sam, because the reason he invited you over was to get to know you more,"
"Oh, okay,"
"His parents are super nice,"
"I'm a bit nervous because I've never been to a friends house before,"
"Just be polite, and open, and it'll be fine,"
"Open?"
"Speak to them, Ava. They'll expect a reply, but they're honestly lovely. You're lucky you've got Sam,"