Sequoia; a redwood tree, especially the California redwood, it symbolizes forgiveness, gratefulness, wisdom, strength, endurance.
C H A P T E R T H I R T Y - S I X
"What?" Matt voiced, his nonchalance being expressed to the highest degree.
"What do you mean, what? What the hell just happened?" Scar asked, running out of patience for an answer.
"Oh, y'all saw that?" Matt bit his lip to stop the blush from taking over his face. I didn't know what to feel right now. I felt like a baseball that Matt had happily managed to beat the shit out of.
"If we had gotten a warning, we would've definitely closed our eyes because believe me, we have no interest in gawking at you playing tongue squash or gawking at you at all actually," Noah said, raising his eyebrows and I slapped his arm lightly.
"Why didn't you tell us you're bi?" Ally asked. She was more upset than shocked by the fact that Matt did not tell us.
"I didn't know when to," Matt defended with the thinnest argument.
I nodded in agreement, sarcastically. "Right, because we only met two days ago," This is the most we had conversed in the past three weeks, but I felt so unresolved that I didn't care how rude my tone was coming off.
"Okay, look, it's not a big deal. Lots of people are bisexual, it's not something new to the world, so can we please not make a big deal out of it?" Matt requested.
"We don't care about lots of people because we didn't hang out with those lots of people for almost the entire semester," Ally said, extreme disappointment visible in her tone. She went out before any of us could utter another word. If there was anyone as close to Matt as me, it was Ally, so this was bound to happen. I sighed at Chase as he ran out after her along with Matt.
"Who is that guy, anyway?" Jay asked, referring to the guy Matt was kissing.
"It's the same guy he's been hanging out with these days. Caleb told me his name is Will, and apparently he's brilliant," I told them.
"Oh, good! Caleb, the know-it-all to the rescue," Noah rolled his eyes.
Scar scoffed. "Dude, he's in a committed relationship, you can stop hating him."
"Hey! Just because he's gay doesn't mean I have a reason not to hate him!" Noah exclaimed.
His best friend put his hand on Noah's shoulder. "Do you have any proper reason to hate him?"
"Whose side are you on?" Noah glared at him.
Jay patted his shoulder. "Always on the right one, bro."
Noah gave him the middle finger, and Scar groaned. "Guys, can we please concentrate on the issue on hand? What are we gonna do about it?"
"Besides enjoy watching Winston blush embarrassingly, I don't think there's much we can do," Noah said, stretching his arms.
"Yeah, he's bi, not an alien. It's not a big deal. I mean, I understand that Ally's upset that he didn't tell us, but it's his choice. I don't see why you girls have to make such a big deal about that too, I mean, we know now anyway," Jay replied, shrugging his shoulders.
Scar gave him a look, and he picked his books up. "I have class and this conversation is not leading anywhere that proves to be beneficial for myself so, I'm gonna get going, see you later," he hoisted himself up from his seat and placed a chaste kiss on Scar's lips.
The three of us dispersed a few minutes later to carry on with the rest of our day. As my feet worked against the ground, I wondered if things would ever go back to how they used to be between Matt and I. It seemed unnecessary to fight over something so trivial. I quietly chuckled to myself as I recalled him calling me by a different city in Australia every day. Things were rushing by so quickly that I didn't even have the time to realize how much I craved our dumb conversations that brought a smile to my face on the toughest days.
But even so, with all the missing of Matt's annoying habits, I don't think I would ever go back to being how things were because that would mean I wouldn't get to experience this with Noah. Noah. It was absolutely bizarre how I had no idea who this person was until a year ago, and now he's most of my day. Noah had made it his mission to pull me deeper into this pit called relationship, and honestly, it terrified me to death.
I had never been a very dependent person, but after Cassie passed away, emotional independence was engraved into my life. As much as I had heartily grown accustomed to having Noah in my life as more than just a friend, I wasn't delighted about how severely I was becoming attached to him. Call me a hypocrite, but the deep fear of inevitable breakups was unwantedly instilled in me. The commitment that came along didn't scare me; the maintenance of it did. I genuinely hoped with all my might that this irrational fuckin' fear of mine wouldn't spoil anything between the two of us.
I ran towards Matt as I saw him walking alone. He turned around as I called him but only walked further after sparing me a glance.
"Matt! Matt! Can you please stop?" my yells managed to halt his movements.
He sighed dramatically as a hard look took over his face. "What's up?"
'What's up?' Was he actually being serious right now? He had barely survived to sustain ten seconds of eye contact with me for the past three weeks, and this is what he replied with.
"Is Ally okay now? What happened?" I said, shrugging off his absolutely irrelevant reply.
He looked incredibly dull like he wouldn't mind being anywhere but here, speaking with me. "Yeah, she's fine with me now."
"Great, I'm glad!" I answered, and he showed me a thumbs up. I closed my eyes, wondering how things had gotten so awkward between us that I had to think about what to say to him next.
"Matt? What about us? When are things going to be fine with us?" I asked irrespective of the fact that there was a very high probability of this conversation ending on a non-affirmative note. He didn't attempt to answer. "You can't just ignore me; you have to talk to me sometime."
"I've been doing it for the past few weeks; I'll manage to do it ahead as well."
"Just drop the cocky act in front of me, I'm sick of this," I exclaimed, not being able to hold up with his comments. "What have I done? Hell, what has Noah done except annoying you a few times that you resent him so much?"
"Look, Sydney. I don't wanna talk about this, okay?"
"Too bad because I do."
"I don't want you to get hurt, okay?" I rolled my eyes at him. "He doesn't deserve you."
"You don't know him, and right now, the only person hurting me is you, not him, Matt. Why don't cut out the bullshit and straight-up tell me what the hell it is that's bothering you?"
"You really wanna know? He gets away with everything, so easily. Noah's rude? Oh, the coach is pressuring him. Noah's not civil? He must be having a bad day. Everyone has excuses lined up for him; it's so easy for him to get anything he wants. Just like he got you even though he was borderline rude with you!" Matt yelled.
"Matt, for the last time, you do not know a thing about him. He hasn't gotten anything easily, alright? He lost his mom when he was eight; he barely talks to his dad, his grams was the only family he had, who he also lost if you don't remember! He has his problems just like each and every other person, and you would know that if you ever had a proper conversation with him!" I supported Noah, tired of hearing Matt horrendously trying to slander him.
"And by the way, if this is all you have a problem with, then what's my fault in it? Why are you behaving as if I am the one who betrayed you?" I questioned.
"Because it didn't even take you a split second to decide who you would choose between the two of us before I even asked the question, you'd already chosen him," he replied, his eyes filled with sorrow. "You didn't mind screwing your friend over for your boyfriend."
"It was wrong of you to ask me to choose in the first place. Noah never did that even though he's not your biggest fan," I said.
"Well, I'm not Noah, so don't expect me to do what he would!"
"Matt, you're being extremely unreasonable right now. Can we please go back to being friends? This whole fight is senseless, and it's not making anything easier," I pleaded, convincing myself for the thousandth time that it was okay to be the bigger person.
"Easier or not, I don't care. I am happy, alright?" He looked at the screen of his phone that lit up. "I've people that actually care about me. Don't make this worse than it already is, Sydney," he shrugged his shoulders lightly and took off.
I wiped off the tears that fell, blaming myself for being stupid enough to talk to him. But the worst part was, I would still try and make things right, even though I was thoroughly aware that he wouldn't do the same. I don't regret choosing Noah; I never will, that I could bet my life for, but Matt did mean something to me, and it wasn't something so trivial that I could ignore it. I chose to not go to Noah's apartment as my inner conflict seemed to be hugely unsettling.
Sleep. That's all I needed right now; I could deal with boys later, I managed to convince myself. A peaceful sleep would prove to be the most exceptional blessing in my life right now. I knew Scar wouldn't be in the dorm room right now; she was out with Jay. Honestly, when was the girl not out?
I sighed deeply to myself as I opened the room to my dorm, ready to throw my bag on my bed and drift off. Instead of being greeted by the sight of an empty room, I saw my green-eyed boy sitting on the bed. A heart-wrenching smile was displayed on his beautifully radiant face that sent eddies of gladness to the most bottomless pit of my stomach.
"Hiii," he greeted, removing my coat and placing a swift kiss on my temple which instantly created shivers.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked as the satisfaction of his arms around me took over my body.
"I had to drop off Scar's gym bag, so I thought I would wait for you here," he gave me the biggest of smiles and faced me. "How was your-- you were crying!" he stopped mid-sentence and suddenly jolted up, concern evident on his face.
"What? No, I wasn't!" Really, Sydney? Your four-year-old cousin can lie better than that!
"S, we can argue on this for however long you want, but you know I'm gonna win because I'm right. So why don't you just tell me what happened?" he asked in the sweetest tone, almost as if he was scared to ruin things more.
There was no point in arguing with him any further. "I talked to Matt."
"Gee, what a huge shock it is to know that Winston managed to make you cry again!" Noah jeered at me, loathing the fact that this was about Matt.
"Yeah, it didn't go well," I lamented, tired of repeating the same thing over again.
"Why did you try and talk to him in the first place when you know no one can ever knock sense into that piece of shit?" he asked, utterly annoyed.
"Because I can't just not try!"
"You did try, more than enough times! Stop overworking yourself behind him, precious. Stop wasting your effort where it's not gonna matter!" Noah replied, the volume of his voice rising by the second.
"Noah, he's my friend," I tried to stand up for whatever I did.
"Right, yeah. He made, in no way, any attempt to understand your decision and instead he let his anger fuel him because of the fact that he didn't get you and I did. His head is soo far up his own ass that he can't even try to be happy for you, but no, you're right. He is definitely your friend," he gave me that bitchy fake smile of his, and I exhaled a deep breath.
"He had feelings for me. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were in his place!"
"Yes, you're right. I would've done the same thing, I would probably be worse than he is right now, but you know what, S? I think you should stop excusing him by saying 'he had feelings for you' because I think that boy has managed to move on and find himself someone else just fine," Noah explained, not calming down at all.
"So, what would you like me to do? Not talk to him at all? Not even try?" I screamed back, sufficiently achieving to raise my voice as much as his.
"Yes, actually, that's exactly what I would like!" he deadpanned, and I groaned, wanting to pull out my hair.
"I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to do that. I care too damn much!"
"Then, fuck it. Stop caring, stop spending your energy on people who are upset with you because they can't find anyone else to channel their frustration on. You have to let things go. Fix this in your mind, precious, no matter how hard you try; you can't make everybody happy at once, you just cannot," he said, running his hand through his freshly set hair as his green eyes shut themselves out of disappointment.
"Well, I'm not you. I can't just let things go so easily. I can't give up without attempting," I yelled. I felt like if I used the word try or attempt one more time, Noah would explode right there and then.
He balled up his fists, and his jaw clenched. "Your attempts are leading you nowhere at all. Who are you trying for? Winston? That fucker found himself a boyfriend while you were feeling guilty about hurting him, which by the way, you didn't actually do. Do you really still want to try for him?"
"Yes, I do! Why can't you be okay with it?"
"Because I'm done seeing my girl getting upset over useless things!" he exclaimed, and tears rushed down my cheeks. "And tell me honestly that you would be okay with it if you were in my place!"
"No, but Noah--"
He cut me off, and I bit my tongue, scared of the place this argument was leading us to. "Then don't. Don't ask me to be okay with something you clearly wouldn't be with, had I been the one doing it."
I didn't have a reply back because he was absolutely right. It was wrong of me to ask something like this from him. Before I could continue the conversation further, Noah's hand reached for the doorknob.
"I can't believe this. The guy's not even speaking to you, but he's managed to make us fight. Keep trying, who knows what else he's capable of," he said in a very distasteful tone. His face was devoid of any emotion. He slammed the door shut while I was scarcely able to envision what the hell went down today.
Soo much for a peaceful night's sleep.
Author's Note:
So yeah! That happened! Thoughts?
Be expressive as always, vote, and comment! I hope you liked the chapter!
PS- Young Leo is a sight for sore eyes!!
Keep eating, F x