Jung Sowon
I wake up to the smell of grandma and felt someone beside me.
"Grandma?" I opened my eyes and saw that it was lee know.
"Youre awake." Lee know opens his eyes.
He mustve fell asleep while taking care of me. He sits up and looks at me with sad eyes. He was staring at my whole body so i did the same. There were cuts all over my arms and legs even in my fingers. I touched my forehead and felt a bandage, i hissed in pain when i touched it. It mustve been when i pulled the curtains.
"You need to eat." He gets up and leaves me. I checked my clock and it was 2:47 am. He comes back with a tray of food with him.
"Chan made it, you need to eat it since that couple is really worried about you." He fixes the tray on my lap, he just watches me while i watch my food.
I dont wanna eat.
"Sowon, you need to eat your grandma wouldnt like it if you starve yourself."
"But she isnt here anymore." I accidentally spill everything because of my outburst. He just sighed and grabbed the bowl and plate and started to clean it. I felt bad but i cant really eat right now.
He leaves the room perhaps to get this mess cleaned up. I went to the bathroom to take a look at myself. I sat on the toilet and just started to cry again, i locked the door.
"Sowon? Please get out of there." He knocks.
"Please just leave me."
"You know i cant do that, i promised your grandma ill take care of you."
"You dont have to keep that promise anymore." I continue to sob as i remember her being here in my house.
"You dont have to cry in there, just cry in the bed? I wont stop you i swear. Im really not comfortable you locking up yourself. Sowon?" He knocks again.
"You'll leave me alone once i get out?"
"Yes i will, now please open the door." He said softly. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
He took a quick scan making sure i didnt hurt myself.
"Like i promise i will leave you alone, but only if you promise not to hurt yourself or lock your doors?" He stared right into me and i just nodded. "Ill be on the living room, theres food on your bed if youre hungry." He took one last look at me and left my room.
I lay down on my bed, grandma's scarf was still there. I remember the time i had with her. When i cried because of little things she was there, when i cried when i found that dad had an affair, she always comforted me whenever i cried. She would sit me down on her sofa and lull me to sleep whenever i couldnt stop from crying. She was always there to take care of me since my parents were always at work. She takes me to school, buys me food, helps with my home work and teach me how to cook.
I only realised how important those things were. I regretted going to college leaving her all alone. I regretted not talking to her and telling her every little thing. I cried more like wailed. I put the food on my table and decided to just sleep.
I woke up to my sister's voice.
"Sowonniee, wake up." She smiled.
"Youre here." I didnt need to ask why.
"Of course, i know you dont want to see her like that but you'll regret it even more if you dont." She held my hand.
"I need to prepare my stuff."
"Minho already did, though he didnt touch the undergarments he said i should do it." She chuckled lightly and i just smiled.
"Ill take a bath first."
"Okay, ill be outside."
I took a quick bath and put some lifeless clothes on. I went to the living room and saw jung rok and my sister eating.
"You havent had anything since yesterday, i cant let you come home on empty stomach." Sunhee smiled.
"Come on, its really good." Jung rok patted the seat, i sat down.
They were right mom will be worried if i dont start to eat, so i did.
I started to eat but i remember something missing.
"Minho left early. He wanted to join us but he had something important to do." Sunhee spoke.
"Did he eat?" I asked.
"He probably will." She answered.
After that jung rok drove us home. I slept the whole way there.
The next thing i knew mom and dad were both hugging me so tight and everyone started to cry. Later on we started to prepare things for the wake. I had a plain back dress, i accompanied people who were a close friends of grandma, some were relatives, neighbors and some were my mom and dads co workers.
I did everything with a straight face, some tried to talk to me most of them were relatives of mine who knew me ever since i was a kid.
"Sowon, youre so big now." An old lady spoke and i just smiled.
"You must be so devastated." Another old lady added.
"Your grandma always brings you around wherever she goes." An old man spoke.
"It was nice to see you again, excuse me." I went to the table and started to fix anything that will take my mind off.
"Where's minho?" My mom appeared beside me.
I didnt answer, i didnt know where he was or if he is coming. I told him to leave me alone so why would he come?
"Ill help sunhee." I left mom.
I went outside for a walk, the streets were a bit crowded, there must be a sale on the market. I continued to walk around.
"Sowonniee, there's a sale today in the market. How bout we buy you something really pretty?" She pulled my hand and i can see so many pretty dresses.
"I want that one." I pointed a cute little dress with blue ruffles.
"You have a good eye." She brought it next to me. "Blue looks really good on you." She payed the lady. We walked a little and she bought me a blue ribbon to go with my dress.
She also bought vegetables and fruits with her. I skipped my way as she held my hand while she walks.
"They say that blue is a sad color." My grandma spoke.
"Then the sky and the sea are sad?" I asked.
"They arent. Theyre happy to see people and theyre blue because they are contented because of that they became relaxed." I nodded. "Though the color blue isnt really vibrant and happy, you somehow make it alive and colorful when you wear it." She looked at me.
"Then my favorite color is blue starting today!" I cheered and she stoop down to my level.
"Youre my little sky, and ill be the clouds so ill be with you. And because white is my favorite." She caressed my face.
"Cats!" I yelled and ran after them.
"Sowon, be careful." She ran after me.
I didnt know that i stopped walking, tears were running down my face. I received a text from my mom asking where i am. I told them i was in the market buying food for the guests.
I bought a lot of coffee for my excuse then went home.
I sat there staring out in the space, my mind became blank. I saw that there werent a lot of people anymore so i excused myself and went to grandma's house. I scanned her things and started to pack them. I took her stuff and put it neatly in the box, then i saw our photo album. Theyre mostly pictures of our family. I saw another one and it was named after me. The pages were filled with me growing up, i started to cry again... i cant handle it i lie down on the floor. I hugged her pillows and started to scream on it so nobody will hear.
I heard someone call my name and i quickly got up and wiped my tears.
"Youre crying." It was lee know.
"You came." I let out the smallest smile.
"Oh i brought you something." He handed me the scarf. "Do you need some time alone?" He asked.
"Ill be there in a few minutes, i just need to compose myself." He nodded. It was just a nice way of saying leave me alone again and i just sighed.
"I can let you be. But dont forget, youre never alone even if you try." He left and closed the door.
...
The day finally came and we had her cremated. I stayed for a while after that, sowon and chan came and stayed too. I told lee know ill go home with inha, him and chan can go home together.
"See him off at least." Inha spoke beside me. I didnt speak, i didnt want to get up and move. "Minho, has been with you for days, he took care of everything since you dont want to move a muscle. The least you can do is see him off before he goes back." Inha didnt speak softly about it.
"Ill thank him when i go home."
"This isnt you and im sure your grandma will be so disappointed in you."
"Stop bringing her up." I stood up.
Lee know was almost at the gate with chan.
"Hey lee know." I called, chan left first.
"Do you need anything?"
"Take care of ttalgi for me." I looked down.
"No problem, ill see you then." He turned away, i tugged his sleeves.
"Thank you."
"You dont have to thank me." He hugged me. "All you have to do is be strong." He broke the hug.
"Take care." I said.
He smiled sadly and left.
....
Day6 sang a version of sofa its really amazing try listening to it.