Ava
"Good morning, the last one for a while," Mr Carter smiled, rolling his chair over to Charlie and I, "How are we feeling?"
"Good,"
"Good? That's a step up from usual,"
"I'm just really thankful for dad, and everything, and excited for the holidays,"
"Did you talk last night?"
"Yeah, and I bought snacks for my sleepover. Dad put me in charge of Christmas snacks too,"
"That's a lot of responsibility," Charlie grinned, "I'm seeing you in the holiday, right?"
"Maybe, Harry invited me but I don't know yet,"
"Is Ashton off?"
"He's off for four days at Christmas, and two weeks for our holiday,"
"Someone has to work ay?"
"I wish he didn't, because I feel like I don't see him much,"
"That's why, when he offers to do something, I think you should say yes. Even if you're feeling a bit pants," sir said.
"I try a lot,"
"I know," he smiled, "What are we doing today then?"
"I don't really want to go to English. They're doing a quiz in teams so I don't want to stop Sam going with his friends, and I wouldn't be very good,"
"I think they could use your brains,"
"No,"
"Come on," Charlie encouraged, "they're fun,"
"I'll walk you down," sir said, "are you going home before the meeting?"
"Yeah, Harry and I are having biscuits and a nap,"
He smiled- he was always smiling- and rolled the char back to his desk. His positivity and my negativity always clashed, but them Charlie evened it out. I thought we were a great team, and it made school bearable.
Perhaps I would miss it over summer- only a little though.
"Sounds like a fun day,"
I went to maths, where we finished the film and then talked with ourselves. Owen seemed a little quiet, but excited too.
"I've bought all the snacks for Saturday,"
"I'm really scared, because my parents don't know what I am doing,"
"Dad said he'd tell them we were shopping or something,"
"Okay, thankyou. Is it just him?"
"And Viola. Calum might come over, but he isn't coming with us, Julie is meeting us there"
"Okay, okay... yeah,"
He sounded like he was preparing himself for this, and it upset me.
"It's gonna be fun, I'm a bit nervous too,"
"I know, I am excited, just nervous too I guess,"
We got dismissed and I followed Owen, wanting to see Amber and Sapphire. They smiled as we came over, moving their bags.
"Are you excited for summer?"
"Yeah," Amber said, "we need to figure out when everyone is free,"
"I'm free all summer," Owen laughed, "apart from Christmas of course,"
"We need to exchange gifts!" Sapphire said.
"Gifts?" I said quietly, "I don't have any money, and I don't know what you want, what do you want?"
"You don't have to get us anything, we just want to get you something,"
"But if you get me something, then I should get you something,"
"Ava," Sapphire said firmly, "don't. Any pocket money you earn should be for you, and we aren't getting anything expensive,"
"Are you sure?"
"Certain,"
I nodded and looked down, swinging my legs against the wall. I still didn't know how things like this worked, really, and I felt excluded from society.
I was learning how everything worked when I was fourteen, and it made me feel stupid.
"If we don't see you before the end of the day, have a good summer. We'll see you soon,"
I nodded and gave them all a hug, before going back to where Mr Carter was. I sat down and flopped onto the desk, taking out my phone.
"Was maths good?"
"Yeah, I guess,"
"You were in such a good mood earlier, did anything happen?"
"I don't get things, like how Christmas works. All my friends are getting gifts, and I didn't even know I needed to get them anything,"
"Did they tell you that you had to?"
"No, but now I feel like I have to. I don't get what's happening,"
"It's just a celebration. It's a religious celebration, but people who aren't religious like yourself can celebrate too. You get people gifts to show them that you love and care about them, and put some thought into them. However, your friends are really nice, and have considered how you're feeling, so you don't have to get them anything,"
"I need to get dad one though,"
"Viola will help you, I'm sure,"
"Should I have brought you a gift?"
"No," he chuckled, "The only people who might expect one are your really close family, but your dad will help you,"
"Oh. I think I will go to English later,"
"That's good. We can end this year on a high. I'm really proud of how much you've achieved Ava, because you didn't want to be here at all, but we've got through that,"
"Sometimes I still don't want to be here,"
"We know," he nodded, "because you make it very clear, but we can't change that. You are incredible Ava, one of the best people I've met. It's been tough, I know it has, for you to come out of your shell and discover who you are, but you've done it as best as you could. All the crying and arguing is a learning process, and you can never cry too much. You've done the school proud,"
"Does dad think that?"
"He definitely does,"
I ate lunch with Harry, then went to English. It turned out to be really fun, even though we came last. Charlie and I listened to music and went on the computers for the last hour, before saying goodbye to sir.
Apparently, you weren't supposed to hug teachers, but I didn't know that when I did it. I couldn't express my thankfulness in words, so I thought a gesture was the right thing to do; he laughed it off, which was good.
I found Grandma's car and sat in the front, much to Harry's dismay when he came out. I just giggled, looking out the window as we drove home.
As promised, she gave us biscuits and we ran upstairs, dumping our school bags on the floor.
"Here's to summer, and you being awesome,"
"It's overwhelming,"
"Why?"
"I don't know, just me being able to go to school. I never thought I'd get this,"
"Well you have it, and you're amazing. All of us love you," he said, pulling me into a hug and making us fall back. We both started laughing, my body falling onto the side.
"I love being with your friends, but can we have days just us two in the summer?"
"Definitely, we need a movie marathon,"
"High School Musical,"
"No way,"
"Yes!" I exclaimed, "What team?"
"Shut up," he said, putting a biscuit in my mouth.
"Wildcats,"
"I'm not watching that, I'm sorry,"
"Yes you are. Dad won't either, you lot are miserable. Viola showed it to me and it's the best thing in the world,"
Our random chatter made me dozy, and so did Harry scratching my head, soI fell asleep.
Then, Harry had to wake me up.
"Come on you sleepy head, you've got a meeting,"
"Get away,"
"It's just Harry,"
"I don't want to wake up," I whined, feeling my eyelids droop shut again. Harry rubbed my back to try and help, but the thought of school had me practically glued to the bed.
I grumbled and sat up, rubbing my eyes. Grandma was waiting by the front door, making me assume we were kind of late.
When we got there, I saw dad and Viola, and ran to them, hugging them both. I thanked grandma and we went into the board room, which was filled with people. My heart thumped against my chest.
"You did have a nap ay?" he said, taking my ponytail out, "your hair is all messy,"
"Yeah, it wasn't for very long,"
"Did you have a good day?"
"Yeah, I did. All my friends are getting me presents though, and I didn't know that was a thing,"
I turned round and hugged him again, not wanting to look at everyone in the room.
"I want to see Michael,"
"Everyone's coming over on Sunday, when Owen is gone,"
"And I'm going to see your Grandma, to try and arrange what food we are making at Christmas, and get to know her a bit better," Viola said.
"I want Michael,"
"And you'll see him, that's what I just said. You need to wake up because we need your input,"
The door clicked shut and I looked up, seeing Mr Carter and Mrs Lockheart. I yawned, rubbing my eyes as dad led us towards the chairs. There actually wasn't loads of people, they must've been going in and out, but there were people I didn't know.
"Thankyou for coming, I'm sorry it's the start of the holidays," Miss said, dad letting me hold his hand. When I didn't speak, Viola assured it was okay.
I started to feel really uncomfortable, wrapping my arm round dad's. I felt anxious, and it was bubbling up inside my stomach.
"This is just about next year, and trying to make arrangements ahead of time. I know school has only just calmed down for you, but you are moving up a year, and it's more important for you to keep going to lessons,"
Again, I didn't say anything, dad squeezing my hand.
"I think that's a reasonable idea, don't you?"
"Yeah,"
"Good, so you know Mr Clark and Miss Markson, and I think you've met Miss Hopes too,"
"That is Ava's maths and English team for next year, which works well because you all know how the other work," Mr Carter said.
"Next year, we start studying different types of texts, and do some more creative writing. If you can try and master some spellings over summer, I think you'll do great,"
"And we are just building up to the next levels of all the skills we've learnt. Even though it's a shared class, our lessons will bounce off each other," Mr Clark said.
"Okay,"
"Great. Now, I believe you're starting drama again?" Miss Lockheart said.
So many people were talking to me, and telling me what to do- I couldn't obtain it all.
"Yeah,"
"Okay. Now is the part we need to discuss properly. We are always going to support you, and you can always tell us when you're not feeling great. We know it's so hard, but we want to move you a little more into the mainstream school,"
"No,"
"Listen to her," dad soothed, "we haven't heard her ideas yet,"
"We want you to start a science, we want you to try history, and sir told me how much you enjoyed art, so you can do that too. If you prefer geography over history then you'll do that, and we were thinking perhaps re,"
"Wait, slow down,"
Dad wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head, waiting for my breathing to slow. My chest ached.
"Four lessons, that's what we want to try,"
"Who will I have? And how often,"
"Twice a week, and they've been really kind and come to see you,"
"Dad,"
"Don't cry, because this will be okay. Just like maths and English, we will work things out,"
"Dad," I choked, starting to cry anyway, "it hurts,"
"Please can they step outside?" Viola asked, "I'll do some talking,"
Dad stood my up and held my back, not letting me fall to the floor. He gave me my inhaler and I desperately took it, failing to press it down; he did it for me, wiping my tears.
"What's the most upsetting part?"
"That's so many classes, and places, and things to remember,"
"It will be mostly the same faces, so don't worry about the people. Yes it's a few more classrooms, but we are going to tell them what we'd prefer your seat to be,"
"I'm embarrassed,"
"Don't be," he shushed, "this is really brave,"
We walked back into the room and sat down, Viola smiling.
"Ava, these are the teachers. It's okay if you don't remember their names," Miss said, "Mr Gold teaches history, Mrs Raymond teaches re, Miss Hart teaches all sciences, and Mr Peak teaches art,"
"I want to do biology,"
"Good choice," she smiled, "and I assume you want to be as close to the desk as possible in all of these,"
"Yeah, maybe. It depends who is in the class,"
"So if I said Amber was in art, you could sit away?"
"A bit away,"
"That's good, that's progress,"
"In fact, I think you have at least one of your friends in each class,"
"Who are your friends?" Mrs Raymond asked, "we've all got new seating plans to make,"
"Sapphire, Amber, Julie, Owen and Sam. Sam isn't in our group but he's my friend. Please can I not sit near Savanna?"
"That's in the system already,"
"Will I look stupid though? Because I've never done any of them,"
"You don't look stupid. If you're really struggling, you can come to any of us at lunchtimes," Mr Gold nodded.
"And although we really, really want to see you succeed and go to lessons, you can come down to our room and unwind. We know it's not possible to go to them if you've perhaps had a bad morning with medication, or are feelings really anxious. You're amazing, but not a super human," sir said.
"Do you have any questions?"
"What does she have to take to get into college I guess, the basics?" Dad asked, rubbing circles on my back
"Maths and English, and three other. They like creative ones, they like science, and they like a humanity. We believe this is the most effective thing we can do without pushing her too overboard,"
"Okay, thankyou so much,"
"Oh, I almost forgot. This isn't some sort of thing to check in on her behaviour- which some people have it for- but we want to give Ava a little card that teachers mark each lesson. We want a part for her to rank how she felt, and a part for the teacher. There will be topics and moments in the term where it's not going well, and at the end of each one we want to discuss why,"
"That is a really good idea," Viola said, "is the homework thing staying the same?"
"Here's what I think. Each week, Maths or English will give one sheet of homework. Nothing big, just some practice questions. If it ever builds up, don't do it, but remember Mr Carter can help you when you're not in lessons,"
"This is a lot,"
"We will ease you into it, don't worry. Have a good summer Ava,"
I shook my head and pushed my chair back, standing up which was quickly copied by dad and Viola.
This was too much.
How could I enjoy summer thinking about this?"