After taking a long hot shower, I walked out into the bedroom wearing only a towel. I jumped, crashing right into Ethan's chest. "Mel, I'm sorry about last night," He held his hands up in defense. I rolled my eyes at him, remembering the events of last night. 'Sorry' won't help, buddy. I clutched the towel wrapped around me, glaring at him.
"Can you leave? I need to get dressed for school" I spoke through gritted teeth.
"Meg sent me videos of last night and...I can't believe I was that wasted" He blocked my path, gently placing his hands on my arms. I quickly shook them off, annoyed.
"Yeah? Well excuse me, but I'm struggling to give a shit!" I snapped back, trying to push him out of my way. He stood his ground, running his hand through his scruffy hair.
"Mel, I didn't mean what I said" He finally choked out, letting me get passed him.
I stopped, spinning around on my heels. He remembers? "What exactly are you talking about?" I asked, proceeding to pick out my clothes for the day.
"I'm not done with your shit" He explained sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding my glare."And it's not um...shit" He added.
I rolled my eyes, going further into the closet so I could change in peace. "I'm surprised you can remember anything, considering the state you were in..." I muttered. By the sound of it, he plopped down onto my bed.
"I wish I couldn't remember...but I can. And I feel really shitty about all of it, seriously" He admitted, sighing. I pulled the khaki-colored biker jeans on, rolling my eyes at his words. He thinks he can just come in looking all embarrassed and regretful, and I'll forgive him? Just like that? When he got mad about Tyler, I had to prance around him like a freaking puppy!
I slipped a black sweatshirt on over my head, tugging at it angrily. Yes, angrily. Fuming inside, I walked out of the closet with a hand on my hip. He looked up at me like a deer in headlights.
"Can we be okay again?" He frowns, sitting up on the bed. I shrugged, grabbing my backpack and phone. "Time will tell," I said, leaving the bedroom without a second thought.
***
I dropped myself onto a seat next to Quinn, ignoring Alisa's invasive stare. The circle was almost full, minus a few people. Guess who isn't here.
Ever since the drive to school, Ethan and I entered the silent-treatment phase. We refused to understand each other, let alone speak to one another. He got mad at my attitude before school and I'm mad he can't take responsibility for his actions. I didn't need an apology. I needed a damn explanation. Why did he say what he said? That's the question. Why was he so upset about Dom being my father? That's also the question.
"Okay, let's give them a few more minutes" Alisa spoke up, looking down at her expensive watch. Must be nice. To have parents who have provided enough stability for you, to last your entire life. I wondered what it was like, to have parents who cared enough to work their asses off so that you'd have a good life. I mean, speaking from my point of view, it must be nice to have proper parents.
"How are you?" Quinn broke the silence between the two of us, as everyone else separated into different conversations.
"Could always be worse" I shrugged, looking away.
"I guess you're right" She snorted.
Before I had the chance to say anything else the door slammed open, hitting the wall. Ethan strolled in, a cigarette between his lips. I watched him take a seat across from me, as always. He was clearly avoiding eye contact and it made me feel strange. Oh, so now you're upset you're not getting his attention?
"Okay, I'm not going to wait any longer. So let's begin," Alisa clapped her hands together, visibly excited about something. She then proceeded to walk around the circle, telling everyone to pull a piece of paper out of the box. I pulled one out, cringing.
Kian
I looked over at the shy, nerdy guy sitting two seats away from Ethan. What now?
"So, you're all probably wondering why you have someone's name staring back at you" Alisa began, taking her seat again."Well, when I call your name, you must go to that person and tell him or her one thing no one here knows about you" She grinned, waiting for everyone to squeal with joy. I raised my eyebrows at her. Where the hell does she get these ideas?
"Then, he or she will write down your confession and we'll put all the confessions into this box!" She pointed at the now empty box in her lap. Everyone nodded, looking at the name they pulled out. "Okay, let's start" Alisa scanned our circle, looking for her first victim.
"Kian" She called.
Kian gulped, clearing his throat before speaking."I got Tracey" He nervously scrunched up the small piece of paper, avoiding Tracey's gaze. Alisa motioned for them to exit the circle so that no one would hear Kian's confession.
They came back shortly, both chuckling about something. I smiled at the sight, noting that Tracey was definitely the girl he always wrote about. This actually might be fun.
"Tracey write the confession but don't write Kian's name" Alisa instructed. Tracey quickly jotted down the confession and brought the piece of paper to Alisa, dropping it into the box.
"Ethan" Alisa called out, expectantly. He looked up, looking more bored than usual."Ok, fine. I got Quinn" He groaned. They walk off and I watched closely as Ethan charmed Quinn's pants off. Well, well, well...what do we have here? Is Melanie Deen jealous?
They made their way back to their seats and Quinn quickly wrote down Ethan's confession. I tried my best not to look at Ethan, despite really wanting to do so.
"Quinn" Alisa smiled.
"I got Melanie" Quinn nudged me, chuckling. I looked at her, startled. Nevertheless, we walked off and she shuffled from one foot to another, clearly uncomfortable.
"So umm...This feels so random but I never want to have kids. Like ever..." She whispered, shrugging. I raised an eyebrow, not expecting that.
"Why are you so embarrassed to say that?" I wondered, keeping my voice quiet so no one would hear us.
"It's not exactly considered as a good thing..." She sighed.
"Well, I don't see it as a bad thing. Sometimes people know what's best for them" I smiled encouragingly. She smiled in return and we walk back to our seats. I jotted down her confession and dropped it into the box, feeling a pair of piercing green eyes on me. I could see him in the corner of my eye. He was constantly looking at me, thinking God only knows what. Not that I cared. I just felt uncomfortable under his stare.
"Rachel" Alisa picked randomly.
"I got Ethan" Rachel grunted, receiving an eye-roll from Ethan. My habits are really rubbing off on him, huh? They go off and I watched them just like I did when he walked off with Quinn. Ugh. Why do I care so much?
He laughed and said something to her, trying to tone the volume down. She rolled her eyes and stormed back to her seat. I watched him plop down and write her confession, an arrogant smirk on his face. Does he know I'm watching him?
"Melanie" Alisa smiled at me.
I looked down at the name, suddenly feeling uncomfortable."Kian" I read out, my eyes meeting his. Ethan scrunched his eyebrows, definitely not appreciating the moment. We walked off and I felt my hands get clammy. We've never talked to each other like this. And now I need to confess something to him...
"Come on, I don't bite," He chuckled, awkwardly.
"No, I know...I know" I assured him, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear."I just don't know what to say" I shrugged, catching Ethan's stare on us. So I'm not the only creep here, huh?
"Anything you're comfortable with sharing" He smiled. Do I ever really comfortable? You do. With Ethan. Jesus Christ...I had officially gone crazy.
"I'm afraid of being forever alone," I spoke, eventually.
He frowned, thinking about it for a while."Really? A girl like you...afraid of being alone?" He wondered out loud, confused. I looked away, nodding. A girl like me. What girl am I?
"That's a really good one, though. No one would think that about you" He approved, leading me back to the circle. I sat back down, drowning out the rest of the kids and the names they got. Am I really afraid of being forever alone? Why have I never thought of that before? Why now?
I looked up to see Ethan staring right back at me, a whole circle of emptiness between us. He sat back in his seat, never letting the eye contact break. "Looks like you guys are having a passionate telepathic fight" Quinn whispered into my ear, startling me a little.
Ethan smirked at me.
"Nope. Just trying to give him the 'fuck off' signal" I whispered back, still not breaking eye contact with Ethan.
Quinn raised an eyebrow, glancing back and forth between us.
"Whatever you say!" She winked.
I rolled my eyes. There's nothing going on here, nothing more than burning hatred for one another. Ethan ran a hand through his hair, letting small strands fall onto his eyes. It just didn't help that he was hotter than any guy I'd ever seen before. Where did my sanity go?
"Okay! Next step" Alisa cheered, grabbing the box and stopping at each person in the circle. She made her way to me, holding the box in front of me.I pulled out a piece of paper, ignoring her creepy smile."If you get the confession you wrote, just tell me and I'll let you get a different one" Alisa explained to everyone.
I looked down, unraveling the scrunched up paper.
My mom has cancer.
I gulped, silently hoping I wouldn't need to say what I felt about the confession. Because then, I'd be screwed. The truth was that I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings. I didn't know what it was like to have a loving mother. I didn't know what it was like to live in constant fear of losing your caring mother. I just wouldn't know what to say.
"Ethan" Alisa picked, smiling as always."Read the confession you got" She encouraged. He looked down at it, cringing. This will be good.
"My mom wants me to wait to have sex until marriage, but she doesn't know I've had 5 partners since I turned 17" He read. My eyes widened, nearly bulging out of their sockets. Jesus Christ.
"Now we're going to play a game of guess who," Alisa looked around. Everyone snapped their head's her way, not expecting that at all. What the hell, Alisa?
"I know, I know" She raised her arms in defense, chuckling."We never do anything like this...but I think we're ready to open up a little more and let others in. This will help us realize that not every book should be judged by its cover" She explained.
I rolled my eyes at the cliche feel to it all."So to learn this lesson, we're going to do exactly that? We're going to openly guess who's confession it is, based on the smallest piece of info we know about them....and their appearance?" I argued.
Alisa made a face, before nodding."As a result, learning to appreciate anyone and everyone. If our assumptions turn out to be wrong, we'll see the confession's real owner...and we will learn not to judge a book by its cover!" She explained further, defending her opinion. Great.
"So...let's start guessing" Alisa encouraged. I looked around until my eyes landed on Linda. A tall, skinny, blonde girl. All I knew was that she had a religious family. I had no idea why she was here, among all of us, but I knew she was religious because her father was a well-known pastor in our area. The whole 'sex after marriage' is a religious thing, right? I wouldn't know, honestly.
"Kian" Ethan shrugged, giving it a go.
Kian's face turned a deep shade of red at the mention of his name."No!" He refused. Ethan muttered profanities as he started scanning the circle again.
"Linda," I said quietly, but loud enough for people to hear. I wasn't sure if we were allowed to guess whenever we wanted. Alisa looked at me, then at Linda.
Linda's eyes met mine, glistening."How...did you know?" She asked. I shrugged, uncomfortably. I thought everyone knew her father is a pastor. Is that not the case?
"I remember seeing your dad. He was the pastor...at Hailey's funeral" I spoke up, catching everyone's attention."So I thought...sex after marriage is a religious thing, right?" I elaborated, shuffling awkwardly in my seat. How awkward can this get?
She nodded, pressing her lips into a thin line."Well, I didn't see you there" She admitted, staring at nothing in particular. I'm not surprised. I'm practically invisible in this school.
"A lot of people didn't go" I sighed, remembering my shock when Trish, Hailey's best friend, was nowhere to be seen. They were literally inseparable. The main bitch duo of Willwood High. Yet Trish didn't even come to her best friend's funeral. The news was spiraling around the school for months. No one knew what happened between the two of them. All we knew was that Hailey killed herself. No one knew why she did it. She was even more popular than Trish was at the time. She always seemed like a happy, bubbly girl...but that was obviously not the case if she took her life. It didn't make sense to me at first, but everything started making sense after Hailey's boyfriend's post. He posted a photo of Hailey on his shoulders, with a long paragraph about how much he loved her and how sorry he was. He said he will never forgive himself for cheating on her...with Trish. Apparently, all those years of friendship were nothing but a filthy lie. For years, Hailey's best friend, Trish, slept with her boyfriend behind her back. Yeah, needless to say, I was in shock. Unfortunately, he quickly deleted it and hardly anyone saw the post. I was one of the lucky ones who got to know the truth about it all.
"Yeah, you mean Trish" Linda chuckled, humourlessly.
I nodded.
"Let's move on" Alisa huffed. Of course she wouldn't like this conversation. Her father is best friends with Trish's father. "Quinn, read out the confession you pulled out" She commanded.
"I was conceived in rape" Quinn choked out as if refusing to voice the sentence written on the piece of paper. My eyes landed on a zoned out Tracey. She had beautiful brown hair, cascading down her back. The famous locks that Kian loved so much. All the things he wrote about her...they were undoubtedly true. He had good taste in girls. She was a nice girl. I could even call her perfect. Too bad she was too broken to notice him.
I wasn't sure how I knew that it was her. I just knew that when the words were said, a face in the circle turned to stone. This time, it was Tracey. Other times, someone's face goes red or they avoid eye contact with everyone. There were many ways a person could react.
"Tracey" Ethan beat me to it. He must've seen me staring at her for so long. I had learned by then that he was rather observant. Giving him one quick look, I turned back to Tracey. I tried to pass as much empathy as I could, through my stare. She looked up, horrified. I could see myself in her, only from a few years ago. When I was much younger and more naive. When I had only started to accept the abuse. When I told myself, 'This is it. This is your life now. Deal with it'. It wasn't a good time, to say the least.
Tracey nodded, finally. Everyone waited for someone to speak but the silence went on. No one knew how to react. It was painful, watching her as she waited for someone to say something. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for words I didn't know I was capable of saying. "I think..." I began, trying to gather the right words. If no one else speaks and at least tries to make this easier for her, then I will. "...I think you definitely have a purpose in life. You're not just a kid conceived in rape, Tracey. I think you'll do great things, despite the rough start. If you're here...if you were born...then you're needed here" I spoke, breathing heavily. Her eyes filled with tears.
I looked at Kian, noticing the shameful look in his eyes. This is the part where you show her how much you care about her, dumbass! She got up and walked out the door, excusing herself. Everyone looked at each other, not knowing what to do.
"Kian!" I groaned loudly.
He looked at me, terrified.
"Go tell her how much she means to you, you dumb thumb!" I exclaimed."My ears bled out for an entire year, listening to all your sappy stories about the girl you love! And now you can't even go be with her when she so desperately needs someone's shoulder to cry on?"
Alisa's eyes widened."Tracey's the girl he has been talking about all along?" She gasped, forgetting to hide her astonishment. I rolled my eyes at her. Was it not obvious?
Kian sprung up from his chair and ran out the door.
Holland Roden as Quinn Anderson in the story