WARNING: BEWARE! There is some seriously disturbing content in this chapter. No spoilers here, but you have been warned! It will either enrage you or make you cry. Trust me.
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Chapter One Hundred and Forty Eight
I woke up to the sound of a baby crying.
I slowly sat up, dazed and confused, staring at the wall.
Some hours must have passed since the last time my eyes had popped open because my head hurt a hell of a lot less. Everyone was still sleeping soundly since a quick glance around the dark room revealed that nobody had really moved from their places.
Everything was at it should be, so who was making noise? Who had a baby here? I didn't know what it was, but for some reason, it stirred something in my memory... something important, something I couldn't ignore. Sebastian was by my side and yet... he was calling me?
Why was he calling me if he was asleep right beside me?
Who's baby was crying?
Still half asleep, I rubbed my eyes as a silvery melody full of love filled the air.
It was like I was underwater when the door itself finally opened. A spear of light passed over my dazed face and I saw a dark shape peering through the six-inch crack with eyes deeper than any shadow I had ever seen.
They seemed to suck in all the light and kill it mercilessly, chilling me to the core and making my skin ripple and jerk.
I opened my mouth to scream, but the figure held a very human finger to its lips and a pair of eyes.... kind eyes of ocean blue, rippling eyes that were no longer forged of unforgiving black... smiled at me. Familiar eyes.
Why were those eyes so familiar?
Who was that?
I closed my mouth, heart quieting as the hand's fingers curled in the universal gesture of 'come here.'
The figure disappeared.
Slowly sliding off the pillows, I stood up with shaking knees, but when I opened the door and stepped into the hallway the figure was nowhere. I twisted, arms hanging limply as I stared off down the hall just as all of the electrically powered chandeliers went out at the same time.
I slowly looked up, unafraid, mostly just confused.
"S'dark," I groggily whispered. "Wha's... going on?"
I slowly looked down the stretch of hallway leading to the kitchen where the crying baby was echoing and blinked again, since the mysterious figure was looming near the corner. I opened my mouth to call out to the stranger but they raised a hand and motioned for me to follow, which I did. I swayed past countless closed doors that flickered lile an old movie, stretched farther, came closer, and then warped until I reached the turn. With hesitation born of unfamiliarity, I unsteadily walked down a set of stairs after the shadow, trying to get to the kitchen.
I couldn't figure out why I was on the stairs, though, this wasn't the staircase to the kitchen but all I saw at the end was the open door with the table. I couldn't stop walking. I had a feeling I needed to stop, but I couldn't, my body wouldn't respond and I wasn't afraid.
Dressed only in a pink sweatshirt and some white polka-dotted underpants, I walked, hands hanging limply, mind glazed over. The figure was standing near the entrance to the kitchen and it continued to motion for me... continued to beckon me, inside.
Thoughtless, I followed the figure down the stairs, down the hall, and into the kitchen past the stretching tables and counters, not even feeling the freezing air. Everything was blurred over... time had no depth, no sense of meaning... and it wasn't long before the one leading me stopped, turned, and pointed through an open door. The kitchen, my destination, where the sound of the baby wailing was coming from.
Who's baby was that? Nobody in the house had kids so why--
There was a crunch and the crying suddenly stopped. I blinked blearily, confused and only half conscious, as I heard a sneer.
"This is the third one I've had to put down," a sickeningly familiar voice sighed, and the clicking of a tongue met my ears as I swayed forward, stopping in front of the open door. Before me lay a kitchen, but instead of the room I was used to it was like I'd gone back in time to a completely different home. The room was much smaller and wooden with an old-fashioned cement bread oven and a small fireplace.
Sebastian, to my horror, lay unconscious on the floor with a bronze cup of spilled red fluid beside him, breathing raggedly.
Jasper stood over him, completely naked save for an unbuttoned dress shirt, hair hanging down to his shoulder blades, and in his hands...
No.
A pulse of horror swept through me, making me lucid, making me realize what was happening, what I was seeing before me.
"No..." I wanted to whisper but I only stared, unable to move, as my mind clicked into place. In his hands was the body of an infant with an unmistakable caramel complexion, the youngest of babies, dangling by a neck that was clearly broken. My stomach overturned and I vomited then and there, watching in horror as he discarded the corpse on the floor of the primitive kitchen.
After tossing the dead child aside as if it were little more than an empty sack, he wiped streaks of blood off on his white shirt before squatting down before Sebastian. There was a twisted form of sympathy in his eyes as he trailed a long, thin finger through my man's extremely long hair.
It lay around him in gorgeously sleek curls that stretched to the middle of his back, beautifully.
"You're far too easy to force into a rut," he crooned. "I just can't stop myself, though... seeing how you get, begging me like a filthy whore, like a depraved animal... so pitiful, Pet. Pitiful and sinfully delightful. Such a pity you won't remember those experiences. I can't have you knowing the truth, but God, do I look forward to the next one..."
He sighed dreamily, caressing his handsome, clean-shaven cheek. Hate bubbled up inside me.
I opened my mouth to scream at him but nothing came out.
"I love it when you're pregnant," Jasper murmured, moving and caressing my unconscious lover's stomach. "You become so clingy and obedient... but it can't last, so just rest now, my handsome bitch. Rest and forget it all, forget everything, forget the child."
My jaw dropped open in horror and I stood there, already crying, as he began to sing in Latin.
He sang, and sang, and sang... and then he stopped.
Turned.
Looked at the discarded infant.
He sneered coldly and grabbed the corpse by the leg, slinging it over his shoulder like a bag and walking towards me. My heart leapt and I tried to move, to run, but he came right at me and... walked... through me?
I looked down at myself, then turned around, but Jasper was gone. I heard a wheeze behind me, a wheeze of pain, and froze.
I whipped around to look at the kitchen, but it wasn't a kitchen, it was a living room.
"Why?!" Sebastian wheezed, holding his gut as he coughed up blood; I clutched my mouth, horrified, realizing that he was gripping a sword that had been buried to the hilt in his stomach.
"BABY!" I screamed, and the world flickered violently, freezing me in place. The blade had gone clean through his body and was sticking out of his back, trickling with fresh blood that stained his clothes and skin with huge red spots. He looked up at Jasper with shock and horror and agony, Jasper, who was gazing down at him with regretful but somehow cold brown eyes.
"How could you do this?!" he choked out. "Why, Jasper?! Why would you... stab me?!"
"We're over," the vampire said softly. "We've been over for a long time, Sebastian. This was the final straw, the final step, and I am done. Don't bother looking for me. You will never, ever find me."
"You... killed... our child," he croaked, blood bubbling out of his mouth as a gush of tears burst from his blinding yellow eyes; he shuddered, in obvious agony, and jerked the insanely sharp and long weapon out of his stomach with a cry of raw-throated pain. He fell over, curling up, holding himself as blood gushed from the wounds. "I... I gave you... everything! WHY?!"
"Oh? Everything?" Jasper asked, tilting his head. "Really now?"
"Everything I could give," he wept, broad shoulders shaking as he crumbled to pieces, clutching his stomach with shaking hands, feeling his belly as if he couldn't believe it. "I gave you my love, my blood, my body, my virginity, a beautiful dream home, everything you have ever wanted and asked for I have given you or at the very least tried to! I gave it all! We've walked through life together as lovers for so long... how could you do this?! How could you hurt me with no hesitation?!"
"I fell out of love with you and your boring, unchanging attitude years and years ago, you filthy little mongrel," Jasper said in a pleasant tone that mismatched the words he was speaking almost grotesquely; Sebastian looked up at him, and I fell to my knees because I could see his heart breaking, could see it in his eyes how bad those words hurt.
"You lie," he whispered, hairless mouth trembling. "You lie. It can't be so. You have told me, every day, that you love me until now... you can't--"
"I lied," Jasper said sweetly, and he froze before he broke down sobbing; the vampire clucked his tongue again and sighed. "There there. Don't cry, you'll get over it. I admit, the game was cute at first. Your behavior was cute, and new, and different, but over time your reticence grew boring, your sexual nature got old, and your possessiveness wasn't nearly as cute as I thought it was. I am not your property. You don't own me. You can't just think I'm yours because you sowed your seed on me. I am not a filthy beast like you. Your behavior is ghastly."
"But you asked me to mark you as my own!" he cried, reaching out with a shaking hand as he wept. "You ASKED ME! YOU TOLD ME, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, TO DO IT! YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU TRULY WANTED TO BECOME MINE IN THE WAY WE WEREWOLVES LAY CLAIM TO OUR LIFE MATES!"
"Because I thought such things held a deeper meaning. You're really just marking your territory, Mongrel," Jasper sneered, and with viciousness he stepped on Sebastian's bloody hand, keeping it against the floor, watching as he bled out and wept into the concrete surface. "You're as bad as the stray dogs that piss all over everything in a nervous frenzy. It's disgusting, how you behave. I am done with you. Keep your mark. Keep your seed. Keep your scents and your bites and your animal. I never liked that ghastly side of you anyway."
"Jasper! Please!" Sebastian begged, struggling to crawl across the floor; he gripped the man's pant leg, looking up at him, shattering to pieces. "Please..."
My heart broke and I lunged forward, speedily crawling across the floor towards him, to comfort him, to erase that expression and get rid of Jasper but I couldn't get any closer than I was. No matter how far I went they stayed the same distance away.
I could only watch, helpless, as the young-looking vampire smiled down at his trembling, bloody fingers.
"These pants are new," he said pleasantly, kicking his bloody hand away. "Don't soil them with your filth. If you survive the wound, do yourself a favor and remain among your own kind if you ever decide to mate with someone again. All parties involved will be much happier that way."
"Jasper!" Sebastian screamed, trying to follow him when he walked out of the room. "BELOVED, PLEASE! PLEASE!"
He screamed for so long and so loudly that his voice actually gave out and I heard it break.
He coughed past the blood, sobbing on the floor, still trying to scream but his voice wasn't working right any longer and when it did he tried to scream and it broke again, damaged by the volume. Every time it healed, his voice sounded rougher, raspier, gravelly and torn apart.
In the end, he stopped screaming, unconscious, streaming blood and tears. I, on the other hand, was sobbing hysterically wanting to reach him and hold him and tell him everything would be okay, that he wasn't alone, that it wasn't his fault and that he was going to be happy, I would make him happy, I would do everything in my power to save him from this--
"When time comes," a female voice whispered into my ear, and I froze as two oddly familiar hands touched my shoulders from behind, "accept seemingly hard and unnatural path. Do not take easy way. Do not wait. Take the plunge... and all will be well. We are watching, la."
I snapped awake with a violent start, breathing hard and fast, eyes blurry with hot tears that stung and burned. I felt a hand touching my face and twisted with a jerk to see sleep-addled and very hung-over amber eyes squinting at me in extreme concern.
"Beloved," Sebastian rasped, and my heart leapt in agony. "What--"
I immediately threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his thick neck. He grunted, catching me and wrapping me up in surprise as I squeezed him as tight as I could, petting his head and crying even though I wanted to be the one soothing him.
"It's okay," I whispered, kissing his cheeks with my mouth quivering. "You're okay now... you're okay, Baby, I promise you're okay, you won't ever have a reason to cry like that again, I swear to God and all of his angels that I will never, ever hurt you! I'll k-k-kill whoever tries to hurt you and--"
"Whoa, whoa, calm down," he said, eyes widening in shock; he sat up and held me back, looking at me in concern. "What are you talking about? When was I... crying? I have... never shed tears of pain before your eyes. Not once since we've met. Did you... have another nightmare?"
I simply looked at him, not wanting to say a word, not wanting to risk bringing those awful memories of his up.
I knew it was more than a nightmare. I knew instinctively. I knew because the one who'd led me right to it had been none other than Feng-Feng. Why or how was beyond my grasp of comprehension but it was her voice I'd heard at the end.
"Yeah," I whimpered, trying to force a smile and feeling it break as the realization of what he'd actually gone through all those years ago hit me. "Y-yeah, I had a really bad nightmare. It just... it made me realize how good of a place you and I are in right now and that I need to fight harder to keep what I have. You... you're wonderful, Baby, you deserve the entire fucking world."
"But I already have it," he sleepily told me, letting loose a yawn and smacking his lips with a gentle-eyed expression; he smiled at me, then leaned close and his tongue snaked out.
I twitched, eyes fluttering closed when he kissed and gently brushed my tears away, tasting them, taking them in, giving me love in the most basic and animal of ways.
I didn't understand how Jasper could be that sick.
Four innocent babies.
Sebastian's babies, his babies.
Four times, that monster had killed his own children.
From what I could recall of the fading visions, Jasper had erased Sebastian's memories of all the pregnancies but the last.
Did my man even know he'd had kids three times before the one he could recall? I didn't know, and I sure as hell was not going to bring it up. I wasn't going to be the cause of him remembering something like that, something so painful.
I would never let anything make him cry the way he'd been crying in that vision. Four times... but never again, not if I had my way.
I pulled back and clutched his cheeks, startling him. I glared deep into those molten pools.
"Let me love you," I whispered. "I've made my decision, Bash... let me make love to you."
He blinked, startled, then smiled and kissed my nose.
"Later, Beloved," he breathed, smiling into my eyes. "Louise will be arriving in a few hours and I'd very much prefer it if we could take our sweet time. I want your first experience topping me to be a special one, because it certainly will not be the last."
My eyebrows shot up and I stared at him in surprise.
"What do you mean?" I asked, keeping my voice low.
"I mean... I am willing to bend for you," he grumbled, turning somewhat hesitant. "I have lowered... all boundaries between us. I am in this for forever, if you'll have me, and thus I want you to be happy. I will give you whatever it is that you seek from me. I will always be the dominant in this relationship. During lovemaking you will have to deal with me ravishing you the way I normally do after you've had your way with me should you choose to do so, but I will only ever submit myself to you."
I looked at him, breath coming out shaken.
"You with the sad eyes... don't be discouraged, oh I realize, it's hard to take courage," I sang softly, watching as he stared at me, completely transfixed. "In a world... full of people, you can lose sight of it all and the darkness inside you can make you feel so small... but I see your true colors shining through... I see your true colors, and that's why I love you! So don't be afraid... to let them show. Your true colors... true colors... are beautiful...."
I stopped because his eyes had crinkled.
I leaned in to kiss him, hating the knowledge I now had, hating that Jasper's actions all those years ago towards Bash held visual weight that I could fully comprehend. I hated it, but God, I loved him so badly that part of me was glad he couldn't really remember what I'd seen.
I was glad that pain had been wiped away and I knew I would carry those memories with me to the grave unless he remembered himself.
"Like a rainbow," I whispered, resting my forehead against his shoulder. "Sebastian, I can't... explain my feelings for you with words. I want you to be happy with me, too, okay? I love it when you make yourself vulnerable for me, and show me all sides of you, and I very much love your wolf. All sides of you are beautiful and worthy of loving and I am willing to bend, too. I am yours in every way. I will never, ever regret that."
"I am here," was all he said, rocking me back and forth, petting my head. "I am here, my Sunflower... my Sunshine."
We held each other for a long time after that, and his heat lulled me. I ended up curled on top of his chest, cradled amidst mountains of pillows, and I felt him caressing my head even as he sank back into the depths of sleep himself.
His hand fell still and he began to snore, loud and obnoxious and perfectly wonderful. I smiled, listening to it, and closed my eyes.
Falling asleep was hard though.
I listened through my pounding headache to the house's noises, to the clock ticking away somewhere, to the breathing of the sleeping werewolves lying all around me through his hearty snores, and the rustling of the leaves outside and the whistling of the wind around, against, and above the house.
I'd listened hard but heard nothing despite my unease.
I breathed in and out, nose suffused with the ever-present blend of mate and pack and home. Nothing was different, nothing was dangerous, we were safe. Louise would be arriving in a few hours with her little brother, and then... well, I didn't want to think about that.
I was afraid for her, terribly so.
I knew, deep down, that my troubles weren't over but so much was happening. I still had to visit my nephew and talk to him, I still had to go through the box from my sister which had sat completely untouched in my old room, and I still had to check up on Steve. I just wanted to make sure he was doing okay, bad attitude or not.
I sighed, then squirmed a bit, trying to get comfortable. My headache wasn't helping, but I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next time I opened my eyes the lights were on and I heard the sound of gaming and quiet murmurs.
I took a minute to orient myself, head pounding and mouth dry and muzzy. Luxuriously loud snores filled my ears and I raised myself a bit, looking up to see Bash lying sprawled out beneath me, legs and arms spread, head back across the pillows, literally drooling across his own beard as he sawed logs.
I blinked, then giggled despite myself since it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen him do.
I rubbed my aching eyes and peered around.
Tiffany and Woody were up and sitting curled together with a tray full of breakfast dishes over their laps, computers on hand, eating together while they played Atlas Chronicles and cuddled amidst their nest of pillows.
Richard and Kyle were still buried and presumably fast asleep, as was Diana, who was lying on the couch with her bob cut fanned out across her cheeks and her skirt bunched up around her pale legs from a night of heavy tossing and turning. Cassidy was eating a stack of at least fifteen slices of buttered toast, Leo was drinking coffee at the game table with bloodshot eyes, and Jun was chugging heavy amounts of water while he clacked away on his computer.
"Good morning," I quietly called out, hating the cracking sound of my own voice and already wincing at the light streaming down from the dim fixture above.
"He awakens," Cassidy said from the couch, voice wry as she took another hearty bite of the toast in her hand. "About time. I was beginning to worry you had alcohol poisoning."
"Is that possible?" I sleepily asked.
"Well, you do smell like a distillery," Leo snorted, not looking up from his mug. "Its enough to overpower Bash's already overpowering claim."
"Is it that strong?" I asked, mortified.
"Let me clarify," he said dryly, casting me a bloodshot glare, "you smell like a bucket of werewolf cum being carried through a distillery."
I flinched and cringed and wriggled a bit, wanting to take a shower almost immediately.
"I'm so sorry."
Jun shook his head without looking up and stoically uttered, "better to be marked with ejaculate than piss. Some couples who are more in tune with their animal actually do that. I'm glad he is not one of them, terribly glad."
"True enough," Leo muttered. "That shit's disgusting. At least this way its tolerable."
"Can we not talk about this?" I complained, setting my head on his chest. "I get that its probably strong but I wanted it and he needed it. I wanted him to mark me the way he did. Don't blame him, blame me. Anyway, I'll take a shower right away. I'm up. You can't see it happening but I'm actively exerting effort to get out of this bed and into the shower."
Cassidy, to my surprise, laughed. "Do you even remember what happened last night?"
I thought back on the night before and tried to put the pieces together. I was pretty sure that there was beer and tequila involved and I was definitely sure that games were played and many things were talked about and discussed.
That alone definitely explained my horrible hangover.
"Me and beer and tequila are a nightmare combination," I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose and hoping like hell that it would force the headache away.
It didn't.
I finally decided to get up and go shower, but Sebastian snorted and woke up the moment I attempted to roll off his chest. His arm came up and barred me from going anywhere, bumping my cast, and I turned when his eyes came open. He blinked blearily, then rubbed the drool off his mouth and lifted his head to stare at me. He squinted, hand touching my bare thigh.
"What time is it?" he rumbled, voice gruff with sleep. "How long was I out?"
"It's currently five in the evening on Thursday, November twenty first," Jun said quietly, not looking at us. "The full moon is the day after tomorrow, and Thanksgiving is next week."
"That soon?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "Has it already been three months since the first time you guys ever went full-blown werewolf on me?"
"Yes," Tiffany called, giving me a grin. "Wolf Time will be over once we go back to being human in form. You haven't even experienced the best part of this room yet, and I'm pretty sure everyone here will be happy to show you."
My gut prickled pleasantly but I still rolled off of Sebastian's stomach and flopped in the soft pillows, murmuring a sound of pleasure at the softness. I sat up and pushed my overly long sleeves back to rub at my sleep-covered eyes. I shifted slightly, yawing, trying to wake myself up enough to go take a shower.
I suddenly heard a growl beside me and turned just as Sebastian pounced. Literally pounced.
I squeaked as he landed on top of me, his massive weight pinning me against the pillows with his arms on either side of my head and his legs on either side of my waist. To my shock, the sweatshirt rode up beneath his actions, completely exposing my underwear--hello polkadots!
I stared at him, wide-eyed, cheeks flushing when he growled and started lapping at my neck, nosing and nuzzling and cuddling up to me.
"Pretty. Gorgeous. Adorable. Perfect," he hissed, and I blinked rapidly as he started peppering my face with kisses. "Stop. Being. So. Fucking. Cute."
"Um... I'm not? I'm hung over and in dire need of a shower," I said weakly, still stunned.
"You're sitting in a nest of pillows in a fluffy pink shirt that's way too big for you, hair going everywhere, rubbing your sleepy eyes and its driving me absolutely fucking nuts," he grumbled, giving me a glare. "Everything you do, you do so cutely, so irresistibly cute. When you smile. When you look at me. Generally just when you breathe."
"When I breathe?" I scoffed.
"When you anything," he huffed. "And you... just... sitting here in your little nest, being a cute little dork... fuck."
I immediately made a show of giving a series of old man wheezes and squinted at him in a way I knew would look hideously ugly; his eyes snapped open as I forcibly heaved and said an overly dramatic whiny, shrill voice, "am I still cute now? Hmmmm? Am I still cute?"
"Yes," he grunted, and to my surprise he was smirking. "You are hideously adorable."
I snickered up and rolled my eyes, swatting him off me and sitting up with a sigh.
"Love you," I playfully muttered, then yawned again; I smacked my lips. "Want to take a shower with me?"
"You need one," Leo unhelpfully called. "You honestly smell like alcohol-flavored jizz."
I made a sour face and Woody, across the room, wheezed and covered his mouth to hide his grin. Tiffany, on the other hand, cracked up at the admission.
"Holy shit!" she cackled. "Accurate, but still--gross!"
My skin crawled and I resisted the urge to brush myself off.
"I'm gonna go shower now," I muttered, but Sebastian merely smirked and rose to his feet, taking me by the hand and tugging me upright.
"Don't worry everyone," he said smoothly, leaning down and swatting my ass. "I'll be sure to bring him back with a fresh scent."
I heard a collective groan mixed with snickers and laughter.
"You're gonna give him bowel problems," Cassidy said flatly.
"No, I'm typically very careful about healing him whenever I wreck him," he said, making a wicked show of licking his fangs suggestively. She rolled her eyes and went back to eating as I was pulled out of the Comfort Zone.
However, I was confused since his teasing demeanor vanished the moment we were away.
"I thought next time I would be making love to you," I said, and he turned to look at me with a gentleness I wasn't used to.
"I am not going back on my word in that regard," he told me. "I will not touch you intimately until Louise is settled in with her sibling and we have enough time to take things at our own pace without interruptions. I intend for you to take me before the full moon."
"Then what was all that?" I sorted, jerking my thumb back at the room we were leaving behind.
"Playful banter," he said simply, if not smugly. "That is all."
"Oh."
We were silent for a time.
My mind wandered back to the dream and I took a breath before letting it out.
If Jasper ever shows up again, I'll actually lose it, I silently muttered. He had better never show his face here again. Because I swear, after what I saw... I'll either end up killing him or... dead.
I could only hope he stayed away, but deep down I knew something was brewing.
There was a cloud lingering over me, a cloud that I could feel even if I couldn't see it. I was gonna be prepared if and when something happened, I had to be.
I just had to, for Sebastian's sake.
Nobody would ever hurt him again.
Not with me around.
Not ever.