Insecure Bill Williamson X Female Reader
Summary: Bill can't help but think that you are too good for him, you need to remind him that he is the only man for you.
Word Count: 2450
You and Bill had been together for a little while but he still wasn't sure how he managed to win you over. You were always so kind to him, even when he was acting like a drunken dumbass or a hotheaded fool.
When he first asked you to go in to town with him, he was completely sober, which was a rare sight. He as nervous and stumbled over his words, you thought it was really sweet. You had a soft spot for Bill despite his sometimes abrasive behaviour because you knew that he was a good man deep down.
After you started dating him you soon learnt that he was a big softy. He would do anything to protect you and he was so sweet around you, especially when you were both alone. He was softer and gentler than you first expected him to be. It was fair to say that you were falling in love with Bill, not that either of you had said it yet.
Bill still didn't know how he managed to get the courage to ask you out and he still didn't understand why you said yes, he couldn't believe that you liked him back. He considered himself the luckiest man in the world but he couldn't help the insecurities he had.
Bill sat at the camp fire with a beer in his hands, watching you as you did your chores with the other women. You were absolutely beautiful as you worked under the sun, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. He watched the small smile on you face as you spoke to the other women, the playful roll of your eyes or the light pink tint to your cheeks when one of the women said something. Unfortunately Bill couldn't hear what any of you were saying.
He got lost in his own thoughts so Bill didn't notice when you finish your chores and began to walk over to him. "Bill? You in there?" You asked playfully as you waved your hand in front of his face.
Bill snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at you. You chuckled and shook your head before kissing his cheek and sitting down beside him. "What are you thinking about?" You asked, resting your chin on his shoulder while you looked up at him with a smile.
"Nothin'" Bill shrugged as he took a sip from his beer. You just nodded slightly with a small frown, you knew that something wasn't right. "Grimshaw being hard on you?" He asked, feeling bad for being short with you.
"Eh, not much more than usual. I could use a break though" you smiled, resting your head on his shoulder.
"You wanna drink?" Bill asked, holding his bottle out to you.
"More than anything" you grinned as you took his bottle from him, taking a sip before handing it back to him. "Thank you, you're a gentleman" you chuckled to yourself as you relaxed against his shoulder again. Bill frowned slightly as he looked down at you, he knew that he was far from a gentleman...
-----
You had been worried about Bill, by now you were certain that something was wrong. He seems to have been avoiding you and acting distant, he adverted his gaze from you whenever you talked to him, he tensed whenever you touched him. You were beginning to really worry about him, you were worried that he didn't feel the same way about you anymore.
Bill couldn't help it, he just couldn't. He wished that he could forget about all of his insecurities but that just didn't seem possible. He just couldn't understand how somebody like you could be with somebody like him. You were intelligent, kind, beautiful. You were absolutely perfect and what was he? He was nothing. He was nothing but a stupid hotheaded drunk who couldn't do anything right.
What annoyed Bill the most was that he knew he was pushing you away. He saw every frown that he put on your face and every hesitation you made when you wanted to ask him about his behaviour. Why was he such an asshole?
He had noticed that you had been acting more shy and nervous around him then usual, like you were worried about him. God, you are too good for him.
-----
You were sleeping in your tent, you were one of the lucky few who got your own tent. You were just about to fall asleep when you heard somebody stumble into your tent, you already knew who it was but you thought it would be best to just check it was your boyfriend.
You turned around to face the intruder but Bill was already claiming into your bed with you, and you let him of course. You chuckled slightly as Bill wrapped his arms around you and buried his face into the crook of your neck.
Of course you were confused by Bill's actions but from the smell of whiskey you figured he was drunk. You combed your fingers through his hair as he cuddled into you. You loved cuddling with Bill, he is just so damn comfortable and emits so much warmth. You were about to fall asleep again, this time with Bill attached to you, but you opened your eyes when you heard Bill starting to talk.
"I'm sorry I'm awful, I'm sorry t-that I'm such a damn fool and that you c-can do so much better than me. You're so perfect, you're too good for me. I love you, I'm sorry, I love you" Bill mumbled and slurred against your skin, making your stop your movements. That was the first time that either of you had said 'I love you' so it definitely surprised you. But the rest of his confession surprised you as well. Was this why he had been acting so strangely around you? Because he thought that he didn't deserve you?
You were about to tell him how wrong he was but Bill had already fallen asleep, holding you against him. You just sighed as you ran your fingers through his hair again, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as you fell asleep with him.
-----
Most of the gang was out of the camp so it was pretty quiet, maybe this was a good time to talk to Bill?
You walked over to Bill, who was sitting at a table in the camp. You fiddled with your fingers a little bit, not sure how to approach the conversation. You knew that Bill could be a little difficult to get to open up.
"Bill, I need to talk to you" you spoke as you reached where he was sitting. Bill looked up at you and paused for a moment, like he was trying to figure out what you wanted to say to him before you said it. He just nodded silently before standing up.
You gave him a small smile before you both wandered into the forest, away from the camp so that you could talk more privately.
Bill followed behind you silently, his mind running a mile an hour. He knew that 'we need to talk' wasn't a good way to start a conversation, he wasn't the best with people but he could tell that you were nervous about something. He couldn't help but expect the worst, he couldn't help but think that you wanted to end things between the two of you.
You finally came to an end of the trees and took a seat at the edge of the lake. You looked up at Bill and patted the space side you, encouraging him to sit down with you. Bill hesitated slightly before sitting down beside you, looking into the water instead of looking at you.
"Why have you been acting so strange recently? I'm worried about you" you asked with a small sigh.
"There ain't nothing wrong and I ain't been acting strange" Bill shrugged, wanting to avoid the conversation for as long as possible.
"Bill...come on, I know you better than anyone. You have been acting differently, you've been distant, barely looking at me, getting all uncomfortable when I touch you. If something is wrong...please just tell me" you pleaded, turning to look at him. You weren't stupid, of course you knew that he was lying. You were just worried about why he was lying and what he didn't want to tell you.
"There ain't nothin' wrong" he denied t again and you knew that you weren't going to get anywhere with him like this.
"Bill...I...okay..." you sighed, hanging your head. Bill looked at you and frowned, you had tears in your eyes and it was his fault. This was the opposite of what he wanted. He knew that he had to open up to you or he might just lose you, he couldn't risk that.
"No, no, nothing's wrong. I mean nothing's wrong with you, you're perfect but...I...I mean, I guess that's the problem. Not that you are a problem, you're the opposite...I'm making things worse, aren't I?" Bill asked, realising that his rambling and stumbling was probably making things worse rather than better. Now he couldn't even speak coherently.
"Bill...it's okay, relax" you spoke softly as you placed your hand on top of his, hoping to calm his nerves a little.
"You're too good for me, Y/N..." Bill sighed, still looking into the water instead of at you.
"What are you talking about?" you asked with a frown, how could he think that?
"You're wonderful, Y/N. You're clever and funny, you're so kind to me and everyone else, and you're so damn beautiful" Bill listed just a handful of reasons that he thought that you were too good for him, but he never moved his hand away from yours.
"Well...thank you but...I'm not 'too good' for you" you told him with a small shake of your head, you only wanted him, how could he not see that?
"Yes you are...you're perfect and I'm nothing. I'm not a good man, I drink far too much, I get drunk and make a fool out of myself. I'm hotheaded and starts fights over nothing...mainly because I'm drunk...I say stupid shit and get in trouble for it...you deserve better than that. Pretty much any of the other men would be better for ya, just not Micah...please don't get involved with Micah" Bill started rambling again, his words definitely leaving you speechless. He actually thought that you would leave him for somebody else and that hurt you.
Bill thought that pretty much any other man in the gang would be better for you. But the one person that he didn't want you to get involved with was Micah, he was even worse than himself. He just wanted you to be happy.
"Bill, I'm not going to get involved with Micah or any other member of the gang, or anyone outside of the gang. Because I'm staying with you" you told him like it was obvious, because it was obvious to you. You wrapped your hand around his, picking it up and holding it in your lap, brushing your thumb against his knuckles.
"You deserve better than me..." Bill repeated as he looked down at his lap.
"Can I at least tell you why I am with you?" you asked as you reached over with your other hand, brushing your fingers against his cheek and making him look at you.
"Alright" he nodded, his voice a little quiet compared to how he normally talks.
"I might not be able to describe you as a 'good man' but you are good to me, and I know that you have a good heart even if you don't show it too often. Yes, sometimes you drink too much but you always make me laugh when you do, you never let it get in the way of anything important. You are always sober when you want to spend time with me, it doesn't get in the way. You make me feel safe and I know that you would do anything to protect me. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for. And there is no way in Hell that I would rather be with some one else" you began to tell him only a few of the things that you loved about him, that he seemed to feel insecure about.
Bill just looked at you in silent awe, how could somebody like you think that about him? Even though he couldn't understand why you thought so highly of him, he was beginning to accept it.
"Bill...you are wonderful and I love you. Not anybody else. I think that you are completely amazing, I wouldn't change anything about you because I love everything about you. I love you" you told him with a soft smile.
"I love you too" Bill smiled back, feeling a million times lighter. Maybe he just needed some sort of reminder or confirmation about your feelings towards him.
You smiled before picking yourself up off of the floor and straddling Bill's lap, loosely wrapping your arms around his neck. You used one hand to run your fingers through his hair while you used your other hand to brush your thumb over his cheek.
"If you ever think any of those thoughts again, you come and find me and I will make sure you know how much I love you" you smiled as you peppered kisses over his cheeks.
"Too good to me" Bill hummed as his eyes fluttered closed as he turned his head, burying his face in the crook of you neck. You laughed softly as you ran your fingers through his hair.
"Only because you deserve it" you assured him as you pulled away. Bill opened his eyes and looked up at you, running his hands up your waist. He was so lucky to have you.
You cupped Bill's face in your hands as you lent down and kissed him, he instantly kissed you back. You were just glad to have Bill back, the real Bill, not the one that has been acting so strangely for the past couple of days.
This felt right, things were going back to normal. You were sitting beside a lake, kissing the man that you loved and everything was perfect.
"I'm taking you out tonight" Bill told you with a small smile, his fingers brushing against your cheek before tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.
"See, you are good" you smiled, quickly kissing him before pulling him into a hug. Bill chuckled to himself as he wrapped his arms around you and planted a kiss on your temple. He knew that no matter what he thought about himself, you belonged in his arms.
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