Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Four
He and I were dancing in the moonlight.
His eyes were dark and he was smiling, not broad or anything extravagant, but for someone as hard as him I could see that softness lacing his features. My hair drifted weightlessly around me, flowering out and catching the light as he twirled me, my mind lost in a haze of bliss.
I was extended outwards, and then pulled back in, close to his chest.
Close to his heart, where he held me, swaying back and forth.
"You make me feel whole," he murmured into my ear, nipping it gently. "I love you."
I loved him too, so much.
The world shone in silvers and blues, and my heart sang--
"Ah, ah..." someone sneered, and the vision suddenly rippled. "None of that, Little One."
I was weightless, and the world was different, seamless and beautiful.
In a field of white and blue flowers, I walked.
Barefoot, dressed in white, the beautiful flowers blossoming near and far, their scent fresh and lovely. The field looked as if it never ended, the breeze lifting my long brown hair away from my back and sending it cascading behind me in silken ripples that carried no weight.
The wind was warm soft, the sun shining bright in a light blue sky and passing white clouds. Someone walked beside me, someone I didn't look at, someone who exuded warmth and comfort and safety.
Tired, I lay down in the field, on my back, looking straight up at the sky.
White doves looked down at me from their spot upon the tree branches, a few of them flying down and landing amongst the flowers near me. I felt happiness here, wonder, excitement, relief.
Freedom.
It was a place of freedom. A quiet place where I could be alone with my thoughts and dreams. My memories. My stories. Everything that calmed me. I could spend hours here, days... I could never wake. I did not want to wake.
I stared up at the sun, unblinking. Wondering at it. Confused by it.
I reached out my hand, large and elegant, and saw long white fingers tapering into unfamiliar fingernails. Callouses that were not mine graced them, wrinkles that did not mar my knuckles met my gaze, but before I could wonder at it someone's palm slid against my own and I turned.
A face.
A dark, handsome face, with eyes I knew so well that it almost woke me.
A smile, familiar and arrogant and loving, gazing at me as if I were the only person in the world.
"Jasper," Sebastian murmured, kissing the long white hand "My rose."
And there it came. The ache in my chest that made the soft breeze slowly die away. The realization that somehow made this warm vision turn cold. A dark shadow blocked out the sun. The lovely scent of flowers died away, replaced by the smell of iron and blood.
This wasn't my dream. That smile wasn't mine anymore. My sun, my light, was fading.
I wasn't myself, I wasn't me, and this sight, knowing what it meant...
My heart immediately broke and the pain came.
High above, the sun turned black and the doves sitting in the trees wept as the plants withered--
I jerked awake with a shaken breath, eyes still closed tight even though my head snapped straight; I fought to get my spasming lungs under control by evening out my breathing but I quickly realized my nose was clogged. I tiredly rubbed it, head and neck and back and arm all throbbing madly in a sickening little rhythm that made me regret regaining consciousness.
I swayed to and fro amidst the sound of rushing and the occasional jolt.
It took me a few seconds, but I eventually realized that I was in a car.
"Are you fully conscious?" someone lowly asked.
I knew that voice... Leo. It was Leo.
I was confused for the longest time about why he was asking until it all came rushing back at once, the injury, the memory wipes, the trip to the doctor, and then asking him to choke me out so I wouldn't feel the surgery being done on my body.
"I... I think," I hoarsely croaked, peeling my eyes open and blearily peering around. Sure enough, we were in a car, driving along the highway. I glanced down at my arm to see that my sleeve had been cut off and I was wearing a thick, heavy plaster cast that completely restricted movement from shoulder to wrist. I wriggled my hand, worried since I couldn't bend my limb at all.
I swallowed hard, then looked ahead to see Leo watching me in the rear-view mirror.
"So," he said carefully, and I groggily rubbed my eyes. "What's your plan?"
I looked at him blankly for a second before I stupidly realized he was referring to my confession about everything earlier. "I... I honestly don't know. I'm... not on good terms with anyone thanks to this whole issue, and even though there are videos and pictures that Diana took, I don't know where they are and I definitely can't ask her to check. Cassidy... she left me to die, once."
His face twitched and his eyes, again, flitted to look at my temple.
More accurately, the scar on it.
"I don't fully believe you," he said lowly, and I closed my eyes in defeat, "but I do have legitimate proof that Sebastian brought you here for a concussion and panic attacks. Not just from the paperwork, either. Rogar pulled the security camera footage up when I questioned his integrity."
My heart leapt and my eyes snapped back open, wide and alert.
"There was security footage?" I asked, and he frowned.
"Yes," he confirmed, looking suspicious, but I only sighed in relief.
"I knew it," I breathed, wanting to cry; I patted my chest. "He may have erased everyone's memories but there's still proof that I was with you guys, not Jasper!"
"Things like this are easily fabricated," he skeptically informed me. "I have not seen any proof showing that you were Sebastian's mate, and although I find it weird that I cannot smell you at all, or who bit you, I have been lied to one too many times not to use caution."
My exuberance deflated slightly since he had a point, but then another idea hit me and I froze, eyes growing large with delight.
"MOONIES!" I screamed, and he jerked, wincing. "The mall! We all went to the mall! Malls have security cameras, and since Bash owns the mall with Moonies, maybe we can get the security footage!"
"Why would you need it?" Leo barked. "And for fuck's sake, don't scream! You're shrill as ever! I swear, Dick is crazy if he thinks you can't shatter a winegla--"
He abruptly cut himself off and stared straight ahead, face going slack; I saw his cheek twitch a few times as he swallowed, looking at the road ahead with a startled, displeased expression. I felt a bubble of hope light my heart up and I grinned, eyes filling with tears.
"You remember that conversation?" I asked, already crying again; he looked at me with no expression, watching as I broke down. "Fuck... stop making me hope I can fix this. Please."
"I'm holding my silence until I can verify what I'm experiencing," he sourly told me, tightening his hands on the steering wheel as he pulled into the long plantation house driveway. "Until I do, don't speak to me. Am I making myself clear?"
My face fell and I nodded, wiping my eyes, and then we pulled to a halt. I was dizzy and in pain and completely unstable when I finally opened the car door and stepped outside. The mansion before me was dark and made me uncomfortable, and even worse, I was thirsty.
Every single nerve in my body was electrical, and I could feel each injury as if it were just being inflicted, as if bone and flesh alike were freshly wounded and sprinkled with salt for added unpleasantness. I let loose a sigh and rubbed my eyes, shuddering at the sensation. I was going to need blood soon, from the sensations rushing through me I could tell I was nearing my limit.
I would only last maybe another twenty four hours before I collapsed.
I steeled my resolve and walked forward, heading into the place that made my knees tremble. I walked up the porch steps and into the entry hall, leaving Leo and the faintly rising sun behind. I didn't know where to go once I was inside, however... typically, I would have gone right to Bash's room and flopped down on his bed. We'd have cuddled and...
No.
No, I had to focus, I needed to figure out how I was going to make people realize this was wrong.
Think, Aerin, I scolded, chewing on my lip as I absently headed for the kitchen. Think... he wiped people's memories and replaced the important moments with himself, but doing that wouldn't add up for some things which means there are gaps that can be exploited, like with the scar on my head from the incident with Cassidy. I also know things about everyone that I shouldn't!
Just as I was about to turn the corner into the kitchen, I bumped into Sebastian himself.
My nose smarted and every single nerve in my body jolted, but I froze when I heard the growl. I didn't raise my eyes when he took a step forward and loomed over me.
I was obscured in his shadow, dwarfed by the silhouette of his towering frame. A few days ago, it would have given me a sense of safety... now, it made me want to cry and terrified me to my core all in one, because this was just... wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"What are you doing here?" he uttered, deep, guttural. "Get out of my sight."
I took a deep breath, then lifted my eyes to meet his own.
"Actually... can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, keeping my tone careful. "Please?"
His face was stone and his eyes were flaming neon yellow, full of rage and loathing that made my heart twist sickeningly and my eyes water almost on instinct. My mouth began to tremble so I clenched it, but I knew he saw the motion since his eyes flicked to my mouth and then back up.
He wriggled his jaw from side to side, then sighed through his nose, nostrils flaring.
He was pissed.
"Speak," he grunted, folding his arms and eyeing me in disgust. Actual disgust. "You have one minute."
I opened my mouth to tell him the truth, that this was all wrong and that things weren't right, and that if he thought it about things with Jasper wouldn't add up or match... but for whatever reason, I choked at the last second. Slowly, unsure of myself, I closed my mouth.
What the hell was I hesitating for? I mean, this was the perfect opportunity, wasn't it? I didn't see Jasper anywhere, and I knew everything about everyone—everyone from Richard to Diana to Cassidy, Kyle, Woody, Leo, and even Jun—without ever having been told in his mind, which meant the story about him being hypnotized had valid weight backed up with solid—
Wait.
My brow furrowed and I dropped my eyes to the floor, losing sight of his angry face as something big, as something huge, occurred to me: simply knowing things about Bash and the others was not true proof that everyone had been hypnotized.
My stomach sank with dread and I swallowed hard, chills running down my spine.
Why hadn't I seen it before?
Everything, from the messages to the photos and possibly even the videos, could be explained with some other reason besides reality. CGI, for example, looked real these days and there was literally nothing to distinguish what happened in films any longer. Photos were the same.
Anyone could manipulate anything into looking like something.
Sebastian might think that I was crazy, or perhaps even that I was the one messing with people's memories, so just knowing about everyone wouldn't be enough to convince him of the truth. Just knowing wasn't enough—I needed actual proof.
What if I sang him my own memories? I wondered, frowning. Diana once said that people get flashes of my memories when I use my power on them, and Jasper can do it, too, so...
But no, that wouldn't be enough either, if anything it would make him think I was to blame, that I had planted lies into his head. Nothing would work. He would rant and rave about how I'm a snake and threaten me for daring to mess with Jasper...
My blood ran cold as it finally hit me that getting through to him without getting hurt was going to be exceedingly dangerous. My words... right now, no matter what I told him, were empty. My head jerked up sharply; he pulled back a bit, scowling like a demon, eyes flaring almost white.
He's closeted with his experiences, I recalled, chilled to the bone. If he finds out that I know everything about him, about all the things he's gone through, about his past with the monks, and Jasper, and those long years of searching, and the battles he's fought, and all the horrible things he's done... he would consider me a threat, because in his head he doesn't know me.
I was finding it harder and harder to breathe, panic making his furrowing brows go spotty.
I swore I saw his eyes dim through my blurring vision, but I shook my head, backing off a step.
No, I mentally whimpered, trying to stay calm. No, he'd hate me... if he thought I'd learned about him from an outside party, he would hate me enough to kill me. If I go through with this... if I go through with telling him that I know about the past I swore to accept... I might lose him forever.
I swallowed at the unquestionable realization, nervous and with a lump growing large in my throat. There was no way I could tell him that I knew about his past, no way in hell, which left me the only option of—
He can't know that I know about his past, or anyone's past.
I swallowed again, and found the action a touch more difficult.
I have to play the game Jasper's way... that's the only method. Acting. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
My eyes filled with tears, and I closed my eyes for a second, then steeled my nerves.
He was a walking polygraph test, I couldn't lie to him... I had to be careful and honest. I thought deep inside my head, trying to figure out how to get around lying to him and having him call my bullshit immediately, but in the end I simply decided to try silently speaking the truth as I went.
"I'm sorry," I said, voice quavering and jaw shaking. "I'm sorry for... for yelling at Jasper..."
For failing to protect you... I mentally told him, meaning those silent words from the bottom of my heart. For not being strong enough when you really needed it.
"I just... the incident with knife," I continued, hands shaking; I kept them by my side. "I... I just... I... I was scared. I woke up... in pain, and scared..."
Because you don't know me anymore... because I thought he hurt you... because he was threatening to take away the happiness we found together.
"I just... want you to know... that I... I want... to be part of your family," I said, and this time I didn't have to lie because I meant it; I didn't look up, I couldn't bear to look up, my heart was breaking with fear and pain that I had to do this just to make him listen, that I had to conform to Jasper's twisted ways because I didn't know what else to avoid losing the man I loved forever.
This man. This angry, loathing man, whom I loved... yet no longer loved me. A pang went through me and I fought to breathe as something creepy, something cold, sent a strange little chill through my chest. It pulsed through me like a wave, numbing me and making my tears stop.
Hopelessness flooded my heart, sinking into my body like ice, freezing me out.
"You're only here because Jasper begged me on his knees to let him keep you," Sebastian told me in a tone so acidic that my heart ripped in two. "He loves you. He saved you from a coven by turning you, but you're on thin ice with me, leech."
I looked up at him with stunned eyes, searching his stone-like face, searching rugged and handsome features that had softened over time. Seeing him like this, it really was a huge difference... he was looking at me the way a soldier would an enemy hell-bent on taking his life.
I opened my mouth, wanting to cry out, to scream 'it's me! Remember me! PLEASE!' but nothing came out and I slowly closed it again. He sneered and pushed past me, roughly bumping my shoulder as he lumbered down the hall and walked away.
I turned, looking at his broad back, at the beautiful leather jacket I'd made with everybody in the house, fighting for air.
He was so handsome... even now, when he was hating me, I wanted to hug him, wanted some form of reassurance that things would be all right, but I couldn't. He was right there, but I couldn't reach him... our relationship was nothing now, as if none of it had ever happened.
I sagged, eyes falling to the floor, vision hazing over and going oddly colorless.
I somehow made it into the kitchen, but my stomach squeezed so tight I almost vomited when I saw Jasper smirking at me over a steel bottle, long-lashed brown eyes staring straight into my own. I looked at him, jaw clenched, heart pounding with hate.
"Having fun, Little One?" he crooned, raising an amused eyebrow. "You look like a mess."
I opened my mouth to snarl something vicious, but stopped myself when he made a delighted face, as if he were hoping I would. I stiffened, horrified, realizing that this was his goal: I couldn't lash out because if I did he would play the victim, just like before, and Bash would come running.
He's so fucking sick, I told myself, stunned. I can't even... how could Sebastian ever love a man like him? How did he not see it? Was he manipulated and hypnotized into thinking he loved him or was this relationship of theirs real? Because it sure as hell it isn't real right now.
"You're looking a bit peaky, Dear One," he said in mock concern, waving me over. "You haven't had blood in days, right? Come here."
I looked at him warily, heart in my throat, and didn't move... but when his eyes turned hard and he brought a long, sharp-looking nail to the side of his neck and dug in, my pulse palpitated. He smiled wickedly and gave me a single motion with his head, beckoning me over.
All of a sudden, a presence filled the air behind me and I felt two powerful hands clutch my shoulders and lift me clean off the ground. A face crushed against my neck, vicious and cruel, licking my skin and nearly making me scream in revulsion and fright, but a heavy hand covered my mouth, squeezing it shut as I dangled, kicking and struggling against empty air.
I couldn't see the hand holding me, or the face laughing wickedly in my ear, or the owner of the crushing grip, it was like there were hands touching me everywhere.
My head was jerked forward, and I realized that Jasper's eyes were bright red.
"If you don't come to me," the presence whispered into my ear, "I'll frame you again and watch the pieces fall where they may."
For emphasis, he dug his nail into his own skin a little bit harder and a bead of blood appeared.
Panic suffused me and I shook from head to toe, mouth crushed completely shut; then, the sensation vanished and I dropped to the floor. I gasped and stumbled.
"Oh, my, are you all right, Rin?" Jasper asked, eyes widening. "You're so unsteady! Come here, darling, let me make sure you're doing all right. It's been a rough few weeks for you."
My skin crawled but I still walked over, keeping my eyes on him. I made to sit down in the chair opposite of him, but he shook his head with a bright, evil smile and nodded at the chair directly beside his own. I clenched my jaw, hating this, but reluctantly got up and sat down in it.
An arm came to rest around my shoulder and he let go of the steel bottle to caress my cheek with a long, thin finger. My breath caught and sparks flew behind my eyes, making my mouth come open as my brain nearly self destructed. My hair stood on end, prickles of sensation so strong they were absolutely agonizing flooding through each nerve he stimulated.
"I thought so. You're nearing your limit," he explained with a small, calculating smile. His eyes were detached as he leaned in closer. "You look like a mess. Are you thirsty, Little One? Hm?"
I swallowed hard, staring straight ahead with a tight feeling in my gut.
I leaned away from his hand as he stroked my face, pulse picking up with fear and revulsion.
Bash, I mentally cried, clenching both fists. Bash, please just wake up and get me away from him... please... I can't do this. I can't fucking do this alone. I don't even know where to start.
"I... I am," I allowed when he dug his nail into my jaw, stinging it. "I'm... thirsty."
"Oh?" he cooed, batting his eyes at me. "Then, why not go out to feed?"
"I... I intend to order... syringes and... and blood hunting supplies," I whispered, detaching myself from the sensation of his hand on me, of the fact that he was touching me. "I'll... I'll handle it myself, so... so, yeah."
"Oh, no, no, no, that'll take far too long," he murmured, then smirked and held out the bottle, eyes glinting strangely. "Take this. It's Bash's blood. He let me bite him earlier, and then put some in the fridge for me, but I can share. You are my precious fledgling after all."
I didn't know how many more chinks my heart could take.
I stared at the silver bottle as if it were an alien, trying to wrap my head around this nightmare.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked in a deadened tone. "Why are you so desperate for Bash that you would hypnotize him, and everyone he loves, into believing that he's with you? What are you trying to do, Jasper?"
"Rin, that's a terrible assumption, you really need to snap out of your delusions," Jasper scolded, tone instantly becoming harsh and affronted; nails dug into my neck. "Just take the blood, okay? I only want you to be healthy."
As if to counter those sickening words, the presence took shape behind me and two hands jerked my mouth open; I froze, eyes widening when a third one forcibly grabbed my hand and jerked it towards the bottle, and I felt my fingers being wrapped around it. Horror flooded through me as the cold steel was brought to my lips and tipped back.
Liquid moonlight touched my tongue, soothing it, familiar and wonderful and full of life... I hated myself for it, but I swallowed it down without bothering to let myself think. When I finished, I let out a breath of air and stared at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes.
Fury made my nose twist, but my mouth hung open as I caught my wind.
The hands holding me against my will vanished seconds later.
"Good boy," he murmured, petting my head in a way that disgusted me. My insides writhed and I lunged away from him, unable to stand his hands on me any longer.
"Enough," I said simply, shaking my head. "I'm done."
"You are?" he politely asked. "Retiring for the day, I assume? The sun is coming up, after all, and after going to the hospital to get your arm looked at you must be exhausted."
I stared at him, searching his youthful-looking face, wondering how someone so wide-eyed and innocent-looking could be so vile. Without a word, I turned on my heel and walked out the door, feeling sick to the core of my stomach. My skin was still prickling and jerking.
I was repulsed.
I blindly made my way around the halls and went upstairs, but I had to stop myself before I went towards the room I had once spent days and days in. I turned off at the last second towards my own room, not sure about what to do, not sure who the hell to trust.
I opened the door and stepped inside, looking around the room.
I wanted to wake him up.
Snap him out of this.
I just didn't know how... I didn't know what to do. Leo had been easy, but that was simply because he was hyper-observant. He paid far too much attention to detail so things that weren't normal would definitely stand out in his head. Even if he did remember me, though, Jasper could still just... erase his memory again. He could still... ruin any progress I made.
This was literally a nightmare.
I sat down on the bed, trying to figure out what to do, but just as I buried my face in my hands I heard a knock on my door and flinched.
"Who is it?" I called, hesitant.
The door creaked open and I saw a familiar hooded figure poke its head inside, peer around, and then quickly shut the door before bouncing over to me. I recoiled, but relaxed when I realized it was only Jun. I opened my mouth to ask him what was up, but his eye was wide.
"Hyung," he hissed, shaking me. "Hyung, why didn't you answer my texts?!"
"What texts?" I asked, confused. "I didn't get any texts."
"I sent you like fifty, as did Woody, and Jak, and Horst, and Tiffany!" he seethed, looking around with nervous eyes. "Check your damn phone, you idiot!"
I frowned and pulled it out, but saw nothing in my notification box or my text messages.
"Nothing," I said, showing him. "See?"
He seemed startled and blinked, doing an actual double take, but then something dawned on him and he muttered, "fuck... Jasper must have gotten you off the phone plan. Fuck."
I cringed but said nothing until he snagged my arm and pulled me up. Pain shot through my back at the rough movement and I wheezed, arching. "Ow... hey, easy!"
"No time," he uttered. "Tiffany is downstairs with the biggest bundle of sun proof material we could get our hands on, bigger than the one we used for the trip in Mantua. You need to come down right now. You don't have any time to be wasting."
"What? Why?" I asked, stumbling when he pulled me. "Jun, wait, what's happening?"
"Your human therapist, Louise, is here," he said in a hushed tone. "She's been trying to get in touch with you for a long time, supposedly. It's important. Something to do with an old woman in the hospital, but she says its urgent and that she's taking you back to Michigan."
My blood ran cold and I stopped, jerking him to a halt.
"I can't leave," I breathed, horrified. "I can't leave while Sebastian is like this, Jun, I can't! This place is home to me, where will I go if I go back to Michigan? I don't want to be alone again!"
He seemed confused, but then his eye widened and he let out a soft sound, instantly clutching me with both hands, shaking his head and fretfully floundering over the tears that sprang into my eyes for what felt like the millionth time to date.
"No, no, no," he soothed, instantly hugging me. "No... no, Hyung, we're not abandoning you, or telling you to go back... no. No, never. In fact, Jak and Woody are both going with you. Horst and I will be staying with Tiffany at the cottage. We've managed to get it somewhat protected from Jasper these last few days, we'll be safe for the time being if he tries to get on the property."
"Promise?" I asked, and he nodded.
"You have my word," he muttered, pulling back and gently bumping his forehead against mine. "I promise, Sebastian will eventually remember, he has to. Things are not right in this house, and while I admit he can be a little self-centered sometimes, he is not cruel. Things are... wrong, with all of us, and he'll soon notice the dissonance as well as the fact that that we're missing."
"Then, okay, whatever," I croaked, following him when he waved me on. "Let's go."
We headed back down the stairs and hurried for the front doors; when he pushed them open, I winced since it was bright outside. The sun wasn't even close to being fully up since it was only around six thirty in the morning, but the sky was blindingly blue and bright to my eyes.
I headed outside, squinting, and jumped when I heard a gasp.
"Aerin!" Tiffany whimpered, running towards me with her arms outstretched; I wheezed when she slammed into me, arms closing around my neck. "Thank God... thank God... I've been so worried about you but I haven't had the lady balls to go anywhere near this house or that freak!"
"Tiff," I bawled, instantly breaking down into tears and burying my face in her shirt. "He forgot me... Bash forgot I exist... he forgot everything, everything we were, who I am to him--"
Two more arms came crashing around me and I coughed, looking up to see Woody holding me with a look of sheer heartbreak on his face. His green eyes were swimming with guilt and regret and pain and empathy. He shook his head and reached around the blonde to wipe my tears with a single hand, fighting to get them off my face and looking flustered when more came down.
"This is... not how I was expecting things to turn out," a familiar voice laden with a thick Jamaican accent uttered, and I turned to see a very furious looking father and son duo standing side by side looking ready to commit murder. Behind them, and a little farther away, was Louise.
Oh, Louise... she looked exhausted.
Her curls were in disarray and she was standing against the hood of an expensive car, arms folded and a pissed expression on her face. She was wearing a red cardigan and a black skirt, a look I typically only saw her in during holiday season.
"Come on, there isn't much time, we have to move before someone notices something," Tiffany ushered, finally letting go and looking at me closely; she was wearing no makeup, and her eyes looked almost naked without the thick falsies she usually wore, but she was still beautiful. "You're gonna be riding in a cramped car for nine hours, swaddled like a baby. It's gonna be hot, it's gonna be hell, and you're gonna get through it but this is important. Okay?"
"Why?" I asked, heavily confused. "Why is it important?"
It was here that everyone looked away, and I felt something in my gut turn oddly.
Louise finally took it upon herself to step forward, high heels clacking on the gravel.
"Aerin," she said in a tired, exhausted, very finished tone, "that woman who's been looking for you? She's your little sister, Kimberly Vanderhill. We need to go, now. Right fucking now."
And just like that, my entire world turned completely and one hundred percent upside down.