"you don't come here often, that it's almost like you don't want to see me." the older woman said on the bed, not taking her eyes off of her book. hoseok huffed, exhaling a breath he didn't know he was holding. well, least she ain't dumb. he thinks before reprimanding himself. she's your mother, hoseok. he bowed once at her, before taking the seat near her bed.
seokjin shook his head before closing the door, standing outside of the room to give the queen and her son some privacy.
"why would you say that?" a fucking hypocrite, that's what you are, he thought to himself, clenching his fists. nothing was working for her anyway, so why should he even come? the older woman closed the book after folding the tip of the page, and then set it down on her lap. hoseok stared at her bald head, swallowing before looking back at her eyes (ones he inherited).
"oh, i don't know. is your upcoming coronation taking most of your time?" she asked, smiling with amusement towards her son. he didn't want her to smile, he wanted her to reprimand him for not visiting her, to scold him, to tell him how bad of a son he really was. her coolness was irritating him, just like an ice pack on a bruise.
he soon realized what she wanted from him, and his eyes softened. "mum, i'm sorry—" he began, but then the woman shook her head, and kept on smiling. stop smiling, i'm not a good person, he wanted to tell her, but he didn't want to ruin her image of him. as selfish as it may seem, he didn't want her to think that her sweet, smiley, innocent boy was different now, and he would like to keep it that way.
he didn't want the sun in her eyes to go down, yet he wanted her to find out about his shenanigans herself without anyone telling her. maybe then, he would still run to her just like when he was a kid, whenever weisoo chased him. he wanted to think that she knew everything—because when that happens, (he was a hundred percent sure it will) he would look up at her as if she was some kind of god, and would never lie, never cheat and would never do anything wrong to her again.
"hoseok, please don't apologize." the woman said, tapping her book with her fingers to attract his attention. hoseok felt extremely privileged, knowing something she didn't. she sat up straighter, wincing slightly. he didn't help her, he didn't want to, because he felt like a bad person. helping her sit up wasn't going to change that. "i know you're busy and i know that you need time for yourself, but a call wouldn't hurt, you know?" she asked. stop smiling. "i'm your mother."
nodding stiffly, he sat back and knew what to do. he would just call her. he knew he shouldn't feel like this, as if he was burdened with her—but cancer is a sickness with a low chance of healing, so why should he care? swallowing, he both hoped she noticed, and didn't notice his distress. the only thing she did, though, was stare at him.
"hoseok, if you want to go, go," she said, looking away from him, and out of the window. no, tell me i'm the bad guy, make me cling to you. mum, i need you. make me behave. come back. he still hadn't said a word in reply, and waited for her to bring him back to earth. come on, mum, do it. he heard her sigh, and for a moment, he felt that she was giving him the silent treatment. "don't forget your veil."
that's it? he blinked at her. she didn't want him to be here? her only son? he still hadn't uttered a word, confused, angry, and scared. he didn't want to lose her. he knew if he stepped out of the door right now, something would happen to their relationship, something would be lost, broken. hoseok clenched his fists on his lap, waiting for her to turn to him. seconds pass as long as minutes, and he keeps staring at her. do something, he thought, watching her gazing at the window.
she didn't turn back to him. so, hoseok wasn't surprised when he got up from the chair, wore the veil, and walked out of the door.
leaning back on the door, alone in the hallway, hoseok felt like he lost a part of him inside—the child him, one who looked up at his mother and father, thinking that they were superior beings who controlled all. it all began to die ever since hoseok's father died, and was "replaced" by daeho. but when she didn't turn to him, didn't look him in the eye, that part died, and hoseok was convinced that he would never get his innocence or his mother back.
"how did it go?" he heard seokjin ask, the older knowing everything about hoseok and his mother. it wasn't that anyone told him, he was just always there to break down the fights and stand beside them during their conversations. he was a very observant man. plus, at some point, hoseok broke down and told him how he felt.
shaking his head, the veiled prince sighed shakily. "well." he replied simply, before power-walking through the hallways towards the exits. seokjin followed anxiously, still not convinced by his reply.
"care to elaborate?" he asked. the prince ignored him, and walked out of the exit, stomping his feet and clenching his fists. hoseok definitely didn't want to talk about it, and seokjin should see it from his nails digging into his palms, or the way of his vigorous walking.
hoseok promised himself he would visit her again, but when? he had no idea. maybe when he decided to, she won't be there. she won't be here to educate him, bust him, tell him that he is a bad person and talk him out of his mischiefs, tell him that this wouldn't be how his father wanted him to be, doing anything.
the prince thanked the heavens that the veil hid his face, because he never wanted the public to see his tears.