Walking on the streets, wind caresses my skin and blows my hair. I hold the plastic bag tighter as my mind keeps drowning in thoughts. I barely slept last night due to the pain in my injured hand and my stupid broken heart, however, Soobin seemed to sleep peacefully.
Since all I could do was turn and turn on my bed, I woke up early and took a shower before I fed Eggbert and placed all the hatching stuff in boxes. I got hungry when I finished and Soobin was still asleep, so I decided to go to the convenience store and buy something for breakfast.
I let out a sigh, rummaging inside my pocket and grabbing my keys, opening the door and finding a very confused Soobin standing in the middle of the hall with his hand pressed against his forehead.
I walk inside, closing the door behind me and placing the keys on the counter. Soobin turns his head and looks at me, his brows knitted together in confusion and I can't help but giggle at his evident hangover.
"Good morning." I greet, walking towards the kitchen and placing the plastic bag on the dining table. Soobin follows me, still rubbing his temples before he leans against the doorframe.
"Good morning" He responds, blinking a couple of times "I-I um... I can't remember what I'm doing here. All I know is that my head is killing me." He admits, looking confused and concerned.
I smile, folding my arms over my chest and leaning against the counter.
"You got drunk and appeared at my front door, remember?"
He sighs.
"God, that's embarrassing."
I chuckle.
"You really lost it."
"I barely remember. I think I remember you scolding me, but that's it. What happened after that?" He asks, looking at me. His eyes sadden when he sees my bandaged hand, and I quickly hide it behind my back. He steps forward, a hint of guilt plastered on his face "Did I hurt you?"
I smile, shaking my head.
"You didn't, the bottle just broke and I cut myself when I picked up the broken pieces."
He looks at me with a pained expression, grabbing my hand gently and checking on it.
"Are you okay?" He asks, his voice soft and kind filled with genuine concern. His touch hurts even more than the wound itself, but I nod.
"I am."
He releases the grip on my hand, nodding.
"What did I do? Did I say stupid things? I become a loose mouth when I drink." He asks, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
I keep quiet for a couple of seconds, remembering every word he said to me when he opened up his heart. I feel the sting in my heart once again, diverting my eyes from him and looking at my hands. I see him tilting his head in confusion with my peripheral vision, so I look up and lock eyes with him, forcing a smile.
"No, you just came here and fell asleep right away."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
He sighs, probably relieved.
"I guess that's better then." He says, with a slight smile on his face.
He frowns, scrunching his face in pain and letting out a grunt.
"I'll give you something for the headache." I say, rummaging on the drawers as I search for medical supplies. When I find the painkillers, I hand him one of the pills, pouring cold water in a glass and handing it to him. "Take this." I smile.
He takes the pill and swallows it rapidly, bowing at me when he empties the glass of water.
"Thank you, y/n. I'm sorry I made a fool of myself like this in front of you. I don't know what the hell I was thinking."
I giggle, grabbing the empty glass and placing it on the sink.
"It's nothing."
He smiles.
"I... I better go home now." He says, turning his body to walk towards the door, but I step forward and grab his arm, stopping him. He turns to face me, looking confused.
I smile at him.
"Stay, I bought some chocolate bread for breakfast."
He stays still for a second, but then his eyes light up. He bites his lip trying to suppress his smile, but his dimples pop up and make it more than evident.
"Chocolate bread? How did you know I love bread?"
I chuckle, placing the warm bread in clean plates. The sweet smell of chocolate fills the room, and Soobin looks at it as if it was the love of his life.
"I think I've started to get to know you better. Besides, I love it too." I confess, sitting in front of the table, looking at him. "Will you join?"
He looks at me, his lips slightly parted as his gaze diverts from me to the bread and vice versa. But then, he sighs.
"Okay, but just because it's bread."
We have a good time eating breakfast together. Seeing him enjoying the chocolate bread so much makes me happy, and we use the time to talk about trivial things, but we never mention anything about last night, or anything about us. When we finish, he leaves to Yeonjun's house, promising he would meet me at the lake, so we could say goodbye to Eggbert together.
SOOBIN'S POV:
The ride on this taxi is more than enough to make me think about a few things. How's that I've been messing up things this much lately? It feels like everything I say, think or do is completely wrong. Suddenly it feels like I don't know who I am anymore, or what I want. I don't know when everything became so weird and uncomfortable in my life.
My phone starts buzzing with a new text message. I unblock it and check to see what it is, letting out a sigh and blocking it again. I'm not in the mood for this, I don't need to add more shit on my shoulders.
The taxi parks in front of the house, I pay him and jump out of the car walking towards the door. I let out a sigh, lifting my hand and knocking on the door.
The door swings open, showing Yeonjun hyung in front of me, who frowns instantly when our eyes lock. He doesn't say anything, but moves aside so I can enter the house. I don't dare to look at him, but when I hear the door closing behind us I know what's about to happen, so I keep walking until I plop on his couch. He leans against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at me as he waits for an explanation.
"So you decided to come back, huh?" He asks sarcastically, annoyance plastered on his face. I sigh, finally looking up to meet his gaze.
"I'm sorry, hyung."
He raises an eyebrow.
"What you did was completely unacceptable, Soobin. Not only leaving without saying anything, but also not picking up my calls and stealing a bottle of Soju from here. What's wrong with you? You're lucky my mom didn't notice, or you'd be in serious trouble." He says, scolding me. His tone is firm and his face completely serious.
I rub the back of my neck, embarrassed. I know I messed up in many levels and I can't even excuse myself for that.
"I know, hyung. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened to me."
He sighs, stepping forward and sitting in front of the couch in an empty seat. He crosses his legs, still with his arms folded.
"What's wrong with you? You're not like this and I am starting to worry."
"I don't know, hyung. I've been dealing with some shit inside my head lately. I'm confused and troubled, and I just wanted to stop thinking for a while." I admit, my head hanging down as I fidget my fingers.
"You know that's not the way. Getting drunk? Where did you learn that? It's okay if you like to drink, but not like this. Besides, if you have problems, why don't you talk to me? Am I painted on the wall?" He asks, leaning forward and resting his arms over his knees, hurt in his eyes.
Great, now it seems like I only hurt people.
"I'm sorry hyung. I'm not really comfortable with the idea of bothering others with my problems."
He shakes his head.
"Soobin, you're my cousin, practically my brother. What are you saying? I'm here to listen to you whenever you need, don't be dumb."
I look up at him, and I smile. We end up chuckling.
"Okay... I'll talk to you next time. I don't really want to embarrass myself like I did last night."
"Ah... Yeah, you went to y/n's place" He says, scratching his neck. "I still don't understand why. I mean, I know you've become closer, but why going there after getting drunk?"
I run my fingers through my hair, sighing.
"Just to hurt her all over again."
He frowns, tilting his head, confused.
"Hurt her? What do you mean? What did you do?"
I look at him dead in the eye, biting the insides of my cheeks as a nauseous feeling fills me in the pitch of my stomach. My heart feels heavy, and a lump forms on my throat.
"Hyung... There are some things you don't know."
Y/N'S POV:
I make my way to the lake, with the now not so little duck in my arms. I pet it gently, thinking about how much I'm gonna miss him and how empty the house will feel without him and his cute noises following me all around. I really love this little animal, and I feel as if it was my own child. Thinking that I took care of him since he was a little egg, and now I'm about to set him free where he really belongs.
I sigh, holding him against my chest to keep him warm. When I arrive at the lake, the sky is already tinted in different shades of orange, pink and purple, indicating that the sun is going to set soon. As I come closer, I see a tall figure standing in front of the clear water, with his hands in his pockets and his head hanging down, the tip of his shoes touching the water filled with other ducks like a little kid. His reddish brown hair glows under the sunlight, making it look soft. I feel my heart tighten and my heart race as I witness his beauty, there he is, so perfectly yet so hard to reach. He looks up at the sky, scrunching face when the light hits his eyes, and I suddenly feel my stomach flip and my breath heavy, because he looks like an angel.
He feels my presence approaching, so he turns his face and looks at me. A slight warm smile appears on his face, still with his hands in his pockets. I smile at him, biting my lip nervously until I reach him, standing next to him.
"Hey."
"Hey." I smile, stroking the duckling softly.
He looks at me, and I look up back at him. Our eyes locking and my heart beating so loud I can feel it in my ears.
"Can I?" He asks, pointing at Eggbert. I nod with a smile, handing it to him. He smiles, his dimples popping up as he cutely interacts with the duckling, petting it and looking at it lovingly.
I swear he's an angel.
I admire him as he says goodbye to the duck we raised together. It feels like time is stopping and I'm starting to feel a knot on my throat. Here comes the sensitive girl again.
Soobin smiles at me, nodding. I nod back at him and sigh, caressing once again Eggbert's head before he places it on the shore. We both look at him as he naturally starts to make its way inside the water, following his instincts and following the horde of ducks.
Memories of the past months start flashing in my head. How everything changed until our professor assigned us to hatch an egg, when the duckling was born, and the fact that I got closer with Soobin thanks to that.
I bite my lip trying to hold back my tears, but I fail terribly. I think about how lonely I'm going to feel, how he was a reason for us to see each other, how things changed. It hurts me to see him go, cause I took care of him, he gave me company, and now he's free.
I sniffle, feeling dumb because I'm crying over a duckling. I wipe my tears rapidly with the back of my hand, but Soobin notices and I see him staring at me in my peripheral vision. He doesn't say anything, but he places his arm around my neck and pulls me into his chest, with his hand on the side of my head. Somehow his comfort makes me let loose and cry more. He rests his cheek on the top of my head, and I wrap my arms around his waist snuggling my face on his chest, breathing him in.
"Crybaby." He teases, letting out a breathy chuckle.
"Don't make fun of me drunkboy." I respond, pulling back and drying my tears again. A slight smile appears on my face.
He smiles wider, his eyes going smaller.
"That was a dirty move." He says, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You started. Let me cry my child's departure." I respond, chuckling as a few tears still stream down my face.
He giggles and pulls me into him again, hugging me and stroking the top of my head, fingers running through my scalp gently.
"There, there. He's going to be okay, mommy."
I chuckle, pulling back and smacking him lightly on the chest. He lifts his hands in surrender and laughs.
I cross my arms over my chest, trying to stop myself from laughing. I momentarily forget about the pain, and I decide to enjoy his company for a little while.
When the sun already sets, we keep walking side by side in the park. The night is a little cold and starry, but even when I know it shouldn't feel like this, when I'm with him I feel warm. I'm overwhelmed with so many mixed emotions, and every once in a while I still shed a tear.
"Y/N..." He calls out, looking ahead with his hands in his pockets. I look at him, admiring his beautiful features under the moonlight this time.
My name sounds so beautiful on his lips.
"Yeah?"
"I want to apologize."
I frown.
"Why?"
He stops in his tracks, turning his body so he can face me, making me look up because of the height difference.
"I've been a burden for you lately and I'm sorry. I don't know why you keep opening your arms to my idioticy, or why you keep handling me, I really don't deserve it." He admits, lowering his head and sighing. "But thank you." He adds, looking into my eyes and grabbing my injured hand, caressing my fingers with his thumb and sending sparks all over my body.
I look at his hand holding mine and my heart is about to jump out of my chest.
I can't believe how in love I am.
"I... Don't say you don't deserve it. I promised I wouldn't leave you alone, remember?" I stutter, finally locking eyes with him. His expression softens, and then smiles.
"You're... A great friend, a great girl... Please don't cry, even though your eyes turn into a beautiful blue color, it's hard to see you like that."
We look at each other, keeping silent for a couple of minutes. His eyes burn into my soul as he smiles and gently wipes away a single tear that's about to fall from the corner of my eye with the back of his finger, I close my eyes at the warm touch, my heart screaming. I open my eyes, smiling slightly back at him, and I can't help but divert my gaze to his lips. When I notice what I'm doing, I quickly look away just to notice he was doing the same.
He licks his lips, making me shiver. But then, he releases the grip on my hand and steps back, scratching the back of his head.
"Let me walk you home, okay?"
I nod, faking a smile. A sudden disappointment fills me entirely, I don't know what was I expecting.
The way to my house is quiet but comfortable. Still, my heart aches at how much I need him, but he doesn't seem to notice, or care.
When we arrive at my front door, I walk to the door and look back, he waves at me and so do I.
"If you feel lonely, just call me. You don't have to be alone all the time."
I look at him in disbelief. He clears his throat and chuckles.
"Or you can call Suri, or Yeonjun hyung." He shrugs.
I chuckle, noticing the pink on his cheeks. I nod.
"Goodnight, Soobin."
He smiles.
"Goodnight, y/n."
I close the door behind me, pressing my back against it and letting my body fall until I'm sitting on the floor and hugging my legs. I look around, everything being too quiet and dark, I'm alone again, and all I can think about is how much I want him to be here and hug me like he did at the park.
But he won't.
Tears stream down my face, picturing him as he touched my hands, as he held me close, as he looked at me and how unreal and stunning he was.
Why, why did I have to fall in love with you?
Soobin, why do you have to be so warm if you don't want me? You push me away, but then you hold me. It's like you don't really wanna stay, but you don't really wanna go.
I fucking love you so much and it's destroying me.