The men sat around the table in silence. They had all read the letter in turn. Each taking in the personal message, that Casie had left for them. But Casie wasn't dead. Well maybe she was, dead inside.
Dutch was the first to speak.
"We can't keep her tied up, we have to find a solution."
"I can't see a solution, she wants to die, we can't let her do that." Micah sighed.
Hosea shook his head, "we have to talk her down, her grief is raw at the moment, she's been hurt, physically and mentally."
"She thinks she's betrayed you Dutch," Arthur said, "You brought her back from the brink before, in the meantime, we need to find a solution to keep an eye on her, so that we don't have to keep her bound, and tied to the bed."
Dutch nodded in agreement. "I'll go and see her, and see what sort of a response I get. Micah, Arthur, I think its best if you avoid her for now."
Arthur nodded, Micah just looked angry, but eventually, nodded in agreement.
Dutch walked into Casie's room. She was laying on the bed, facing the wall. He slammed the door shut, making a loud bang. Casie snapped her head round, to see who was there. As soon as she saw Dutch standing there, she turned to face the wall again.
Dutch walked over to the bed, and threw the letter down in front of her.
"Talk!" He said angrily.
Casie looked at the wall, then closed her eyes, to try and stop a tear rolling down her cheek. It didn't work. She refused to cry properly though, even if she couldn't stop her eyes from producing tears.
Dutch walked over to the bed, and roughly grabbed Casie's shoulders, and sat her up on the bed. He held her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him.
"Then I'll talk, and you listen," He sighed. "You didn't betray me though, did you? If you had, then you would have gone with the Pinkertons, and John, and I would be looking at a hang man's rope. You had to make a choice. That choice meant you got shot, and Sean died. Knowing what you know now, would you make a different choice, would you betray me?" He let go of her face, and dropped his hands back onto her shoulders.
Casie dropped her head, she didn't want to look him in the eye.
Dutch put his finger under her chin, and tilted her head up, forcing her to look him in the eye again.
"Well?" He asked.
Tears now flooded out of Casies eyes.
"No, I'd do the same again, I'd kill the Pinkertons, and Sean would die." She said, her voice quivering. "Which is why I can't go on, knowing that I had to betray someone."
Dutch held her face in his hands again, and wiped the tears away with his thumbs.
"Listen to me. Things don't always turn out the way we want them to. Sometimes you have to make choices, hard choices. If you had chosen to betray me, the Pinkertons would have probably hung Sean anyway, and me as well. Then you would have lost us both, and likely Micah and Arthur too. You wouldn't have wanted that would you?"
"No." she said, as she stifled a sob.
"Casie, we will all help you get through this, do you trust me, and Arthur, Hosea, Micah, and Charles?" he asked.
Casie nodded.
"Then promise me that you wont try and runaway, or hurt yourself."
Casie paused. "Ok."
"No Casie, not Ok, promise?" He repeated.
"I promise," she mumbled.
Dutch reached behind Casie, and untied the ropes, binding her wrists. The ropes had started to cut in, and there was some blood on her wrists, but Casie seemed to be oblivious to the pain. He did the same with the rope around her ankle.
Dutch wrapped his arms round Casie, to hug her. But unlike in the past there was no response, her arms just hung limp at her side, she didn't bury her head in his chest, like she used to, when she was hurting.
Dutch sat back, and looked at Casie, "what are you thinking, feeling right now?" He asked.
Casie looked at him, she frowned. "Empty," she sighed, "I feel empty."
Dutch got up from the edge of the bed, and Casie lay down again, facing the wall.
He sat on a chair on the other side of the room, and just watched her. He wasn't sure if they would be able to get her back, not this time.
Hosea quietly opened the door to Casie's room. Dutch was just sitting on the chair, staring at Casie.
"How long have you been sitting there, old friend?" Hosea asked.
Dutch looked at his pocket watch. "About three hours, she's totally shut down, Hosea, its like she feels nothing. Not even the wounds on her wrist, where the ropes have cut in."
Hosea looked across at Casie. "I'll go and get some food, and some medical supplies, and see how I get on."
Dutch nodded. "Someone needs to be with her all the time, she promised she wouldn't try and hurt herself, but I'm still not sure. Maybe Arthur or Micah can get through to her."
Hosea returned shortly, He walked over, and sat on the edge of Casie's bed.
He put everything on a small table, then motioned at Dutch, for him to leave.
Dutch hesitated, as he reached the doorway, and glanced across at Casie, not sure how it had come to this.
Hosea, gently touched Casie's arm, "let me look at your wrists, and you need to eat something."
Casie sat up, and stared blankly at Hosea. She held her wrists out, staying silent.
Hosea started to bathe the abrasions on Casie's wrists. She winced slightly, but that was the only change that came across her face. He finished bandaging her wrists.
"How is your shoulder?" He asked.
Casie undid her shirt and slid it off her shoulder. Hosea examined the wound.
"We can take the stitches out in a couple of days." He said, putting her shirt back over her shoulder.
Hosea passed Casie the bowl of stew.
Casie ate the stew with a blank face, as though there was no taste to it, almost just going through the motions. She passed the empty bowl to Hosea.
"Casie, talk to me." Hosea said, a concerned look on his face.
"What do you want me to say?" She asked, "I don't want to be here, but I promised I wouldn't hurt myself."
"Why did you promise, Casie?" He asked.
Casie thought for a moment "Because Dutch asked me to."
"And if I had asked you to, you would have done the same? Or Arthur, or Micah?" He questioned.
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I would only promise Dutch, he's my father now."
Hosea Nodded, "I think I understand," he acknowledged.
Casie glanced at him, "no I don't think you do." She lay back down, and rolled over to face the wall.
Josiah Trelawny headed into Blackwater. He was still relatively unknown to the Pinkertons, and as they were looking for Dutch Van Der Linde, and his gang elsewhere, he was able to travel around Blackwater with little issues.
But Blackwater was still their main HQ. Thats why, it made sense to start the search for Abigail and Jack there. If the whole Marston family had been working with the Pinkertons, then they wouldn't want them very far away.
As usual Josiah made up a plausible story, as he asked questions around the town of Blackwater. Dutch had given him an old photograph of Jack, and also one of Abigail and John.
He'd found an old drunk in the saloon, who for the price of a whisky, had said he's seen the woman give the boy over to another woman, similar in looks. For a few more dollars, he found out where they were heading. St Denis.
Now he was making progress, and headed out of Blackwater, he would let Dutch know, what he had found out.
A Few days later, Josiah arrived at Shady Belle. There seemed to be a gloom, hanging over the place.
Josiah Hitched his horse, and walked into the camp.
He saw Arthur, having a mug of coffee, by the main camp fire.
"Arthur!" He waved to the Outlaw. "Whats going on, everyone looks so glum."
"I'll take you to Dutch, he can explain." Arthur sighed.
"Well I have some news on young Jack!"
Arthur nodded, and carried on leading Trelawny, towards Dutch's room.
"Well you could show a little more enthusiasm." The Englishman berated. "By the way, did you find Casie?"
"Sort of," Arthur sighed.
Josiah Trelawny looked confused, perhaps Dutch would explain what was going on.
Arthur opened the door to Dutch's room, and showed Trelawny inside.
Dutch looked up, "Ahh, Josiah." He sighed.
Josiah looked at Dutch, "not you as well, what's going on, why is everyone so miserable?"
Dutch glanced at Arthur, who gently shook his head, and left the room.
"Casie, tried to kill herself." Dutch said, swallowing hard.
"What! Where is she now?" Josiah asked, staring at Dutch, in disbelief.
"Follow me, she's just going through the motions, eating, drinking sleeping. Not talking to anyone, she's completely shut down."
Dutch opened the doors to Casie's room, she lay on the bed, facing the wall, as usual.
Tilly sat in the chair, watching her.
"Any change?" Dutch asked.
Tilly sighed, and shook her head.
Josiah walked over to Casie, "Well Casie, what have you been up to, its been a while, I heard you got shot!"
Casie turned over, and sat up. For the first time in a while, the blank expression on her face had changed. It was a look of surprise.
Dutch tapped Tilly on the shoulder, and they both left the room.
"I heard you got beaten up?" she remarked.
"I heard you didn't care." He countered, as he raised an eyebrow.
"Your not like everyone else," she pressed the palms of her hands to her forehead, then scraped her fingers through her hair.
"Tell me, what am I like?" he asked.
"Josiah, I'm so angry, and filled with hate, if I let it out, I don't know what will happen." She groaned.
"And you can't tell the others?"He probed.
"They make me even more angry! Trying to be soft, and sensitive, just in case they might hurt my feelings, feelings I don't have. I sometimes want to just punch them all in the face, just to make them shut up!" she shouted, angrily
Josiah laughed, "I'd buy tickets to see that!"
For the first time half a smile crossed Casie's face, albeit briefly.
Josiah, looked seriously at Casie, "isn't that similar to how you were, when you first encountered Arthur and Micah? I seem to recall Arthur mentioned something about you biting him, and kicking Micah, in the unmentionables."
"I've learnt to keep my anger under wraps, or cry instead, but I haven't got any tears left Josiah, so now all I have is my anger." She sighed.
Josiah smiled,"Well maybe, Casie, my dear, you need to let it out. I think even that, would make the rest of them feel a bit better."
"You think I should punch one of them on the nose, or kick one of them in the balls?" she smiled properly this time.
Josiah held Casie's hands, "If punching them out, will get you're smile back, then I say go for it."
Josiah got up, and held out his hand, "Miss Van Der Linde, will you walk with me?"
Casie stood up, she wobbled, she hadn't been on her feet for quite a few days. She took Josiah's hand, and steadied herself.
"I don't think I've ever punched anyone before, Josiah. What if its weak and pathetic?" She asked.
Josiah smiled, "from past experience, Casie, you never do anything, that's weak or pathetic. You handle a rifle really well, ride a horse faultlessly. You have strength. I'm beginning to feel sorry for whoever is on the receiving end of your right hook!"
Josiah, and Casie went down the stairs, and out the front door. The whole camp was milling around, looking generally miserable.
Dutch saw the pair, and immediately headed across. He put his hand on Casie's shoulder. As he did, Josiah let go of Casie's hand, and took a step behind her. Casie shrugged away from Dutch's touch, and as she did, she clenched her fist, all her anger powered through the punch, as she hit Dutch on the face, splitting his lip, then a second punch, with the other fist, on the nose. The force of the second blow, sent him staggering back, but he kept on his feet. His nose started to bleed. There was already blood, coming from his lip.
Casie bit her bottom lip, and brought her hands to cover her mouth. With the realisation of what she had just done. She looked round at Josiah, and behind her hands, she stifled a giggle.
"Oh fuck Josiah, do you think i'm in trouble?" She asked, giggling.
"Oh Casie, there was nothing weak or pathetic about that." He said, as he put his hand on her shoulder.
Miss Grimshaw, rushed over to Dutch, and gave him a cloth to wipe the blood from his nose, and lip.
The rest of the camp just looked open mouthed at the scene before them, wondering what would happen next. No one had ever punched Dutch Van Der Linde on the nose before, least of all in his own camp.
Casie stopped giggling, and rubbed her fist, that had actually hurt, more than she thought it would.
"I'm sorry," she huffed, "But I can't cope with all this pathetic, is Casie OK shit. What is she feeling, don't say, this don't say that, you might upset her. I'm so filled up with anger, and rage, I can't explain it. I cant cry, there are no tears left."
Dutch felt his face, then touched his nose, and winced slightly.
He looked angrily at Casie, and stormed towards her, face like thunder.
Josiah, went to step in front of Casie, but Casie pushed him to one side. "No Josiah, if he wants to hit me, thats fine." She glared back at Dutch, whilst talking to Josiah, "he can try!"
Dutch grabbed Casie by the throat, and pushed her backwards, into one of the stone pillars of the house.
"If you ever do that again, I will personally beat you within an inch of your life, do you understand?" He growled.
Casie tried to speak, but the grip that Dutch had on her throat was too tight, and it just came out as a gurgle, her vision was starting to blur.
"Dutch!" Josiah yelled, "your strangling her!"
Dutch released his grip, and Casie collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath, then she started coughing. When she finally stopped coughing, she looked up at Dutch.
"I understand," she croaked.
Dutch looked at Casie, the anger slowly dissipating from his face. He held out his hand, and she took it.
Dutch pulled her back onto her feet.
"Aren't you gonnato offer me ten dollars?" She asked, half a smile on her face.
Dutch smiled "C'mon," he gently put his hand on the back of Casie's neck, and shepherded her towards the house "Lets talk."
Dutch glanced round at Josiah. "Thank you," he mouthed towards the Englishman, as they entered the house.