My phone alarm went off waking me up from my wonderful sleep. I wanted to sleep longer but I already know the consequences of not waking up early and it is painful. I'm not going to experience that if I can help it.
Today felt strange for some reason. Probably because it's my birthday but that's not it. I just get the feeling today is going to be a great day. I have no evidence on this but I just feel it.
As I was getting my clothes on I heard the door being knocked on rapidly. I quickly rushed to the door and opened it.
The moment I did, I wanted to die right then and there. Bradley was standing there and in my rush to the door I forgot I'm not wearing pants. So I'm wearing my black dress socks, white dress shirt, black tie, and ... my briefs with smiling hearts on them.
Betty got them for me on Valentine's Day saying they were 'cute' and that I would love them. I actually do love them because of the way they feel, but at this very moment I really wish they didn't exist.
Bradley obviously was failing at keeping a straight face with him close to busting out laughing. He shook his head before telling me why he was at my house.
"Well wedgie boy, I'm here to give you your birthday present. I know what your thinking, its too early for birthday present but the Knights give out the presents bright and early." He smiled.
Yeah, just like your ungodly logic behind waking up so early. What a load!
My heart started to race. I'm in an extremely vulnerable position and I can only imagine what his gift is going to be. I don't like my imagination at the moment.
I wanted to close my eyes and wait for it but I didn't dare. I need to see what he's actually going to give me. Even if it is humiliating.
What seemed like hours and finally pulls something from the back of his pants and handed it to me. It was a large ticket. Visible confusion is probably what Bradley saw on my face.
"Read what it says wedgie boy." I looked at the ticket. It was a simple gray ticket with a knight's helmet but it said Wedgie Free Ticket. Still visibly confused.
Bradley finally caught on that I wasn't going to figure it out. "That ticket lets you go 24 hours without getting a single wedgie. Not a single person will wedgie you. Total wedgie immunity. Just turn it in and your time will start then and there. I'm also going to give you a free one now."
All of this blew me away. I have a pass to just say no to the thing I hate most for 24 hours and I'm not getting any wedgies at all for my birthday. Score!
I squinted my eyes at him as an idea popped in my head. "Can i us-" he quickly cut me off saying, "No, you can not use that pass to give me a wedgie." He playfully punched my arm.
I rubbed my arm totally hurt. Not by what he said but by his playful punch. It really did hurt. Now that I think about it, when we were growing up in school, he's never actually physically harmed me aside from wedgies. No punching, kicking, shoving, or tripping at all. Pretty much, he only gave me wedgies. So this is kind of a shock to me.
"Guess I should have known huh? Well thanks for the gift." Once I Bradley left and I shut the door, 10 seconds later there was a knock on my door. I opened it to reveal one of the butlers holding a large silver pan with a lid over it. It's truly amazing how he's able to hold that thing with only one hand while the other is behind his back.
"Mr and Mrs Knight has this arranged as your birthday present. A deluxe birthday breakfast." The Butler removed the lid to reveal almost every breakfast food on the planet. You name it and I bet you it was on that plate. I'm sure I'm going to have leftovers for a couple of days.
Once the butler left, I dug in! It was all so delicious. I ate the stuff I knew first like the bacon, scrambled eggs, sausage, and ham. The started going for the fancy stuff.
While I was eating, I got a text from Johnny. My phone already had all of the Knight's number programmed into it.
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Lil John: Hey Reggie! As your birthday gift, you can keep the genie lamp that you never returned back to me 🤗
P.S. your going to get it next Wedgie War 😡
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Oh shoot. I did forget to return that didn't I? I've been asking it so many questions that I got kinda carried away. It's vague about its answers but once you figure it out, it's almost always right. Creepy really.
I also got to change Johnny's contact name. That name is absolutely the dumbest thing to put as it. Hilarious yes, practical no.
Right after that text, I get another one from a number with a different area code.
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?????: Hey Reggie ✋🏼It's Nicko. I don't know if you remember me but I'm Johnny's friend
Me: Hey Nicko. I do remember you. How could I not? What's up?
Nicko: Well I just wanted to say happy birthday 🎂 and I wanted to tell you that for your birthday present, you can put anything in my underwear and wedgie me! 😱 It will probably be really gross 🤢 🤮 but it all for you 😊
Me: uh... I think I'm gonna have to pass on that one good buddy. I got a wedgie free pass and I think I'm not supposed to give wedgies either.
Nicko: oh, ok. I guess you can get your present during the next wedgie war we're both in. I'll do anything you say then 😃
Me: Thanks, that will be helpful in the future.
Nicko: 👍🏼
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Well that was sweet of him... I guess. But looks like I've got most of my presents early this morning.
Once I stored my birthday breakfast and made my way over to work. Getting through the doors I'm greeted with someone grabbing my briefs through my shirt. It was Kevin.
Very recently, my wedgies have been made public and happens daily. At first everyone at the office thought it was hilarious, but now it's a common thing everyone is used too. In fact I'm not the only one who gets them publicly either.
"Hey birthday boy, I want to give you your present early like everyone else." Kevin said. Dang it, I was really hoping I wouldn't get any wedgies today. I brace myself.
"Let him go Lug nut, he got the pass today, and he got another for a later day." Andrew was coming from the canteen.
Kevin quickly let go as if my briefs were made of fire. "Damn boy! You got immunity and a pass from Bradley. You probably just got the best present anyone will ever give you. Those are extremely rare."
"Rarer than catching Mewtwo with a normal poke ball?" I asked.
Andrew laughed at my comment. "Even rarer than that geek. Looks like Kevin and I got some thinkin to do thanks to the boss."
"Your sh****n me! I bet the whole office has to change their gift." Kevin laughed smacking my butt.
I don't know if I should laugh or be concerned about that comment. Everyone?
Once the two beef guards leave I make my way over to Betty. Shes typing away like she always does and taking phone calls.
"So. Does Boop follow the Knight tradition and have her present for me now?" I ask with some humor. She actually laughs back.
"For your information if you must know, no I'm not following the tradition so you can wait. But I can tell you that it's going to be at the lake behind the main house on the estate. Better be there if you want your gift." She winked at me.
My cheeks heat up at what she was implying. What was she implying really? I don't know, but I'm excited nonetheless.
I made my way up to Bradley's floor where I see him working on his computer with a serious face. That's unusual compared to his usual relaxed carefree attitude. Maybe his dad is pressing him hard today for some reason. Maybe he has a deadline that needs to be met. I'm not to sure really.
I head over to my desk and start on my work. It was the usual stuff but I started to realize something. This is BORING!
Seriously, how was able to do something like this for an entire year. It's like time is stretchy to infinity right now. I look at the clock on my computer and only an hour had passed.
I don't get it! Before time used to fly when I was working and before I could even blink it was time for lunch. Now it feels like time is just stuck and I'm forced to do this work until it decides to start moving again.
It's really quiet too. The only thing you can hear is the typing of keys from both Bradley and I. No words being said at all from either of us. This is like being wedgied with hot sauce down my underwear. EVEN THEN that would be better than this!
Now that I think about it, I'm not receiving wedgies at all today. My job title is Wedgie Assistant. I can't believe I'm saying this but, I don't think I can work without wedgies. That's so weird to say.
Am I going to ask Bradley to give me a wedgie? Hell no! Would it help me? Immensely, but I got a free wedgie pass so dammit I'm going to use it.
With my new determination, I powered through the morning, lunch, and the afternoon to the end of work. I felt like I wanted to die though. At least I can finally see Boop's surprise for me.
"Hey, Reggie. I need you to stay behind and check somethings for me. This is a list of all the things Betty order this morning and they finally came in. I need you to make sure we have everything on the list and report anything we don't have. Betty took an early leave so she can't do it." Bradley then walked to the elevator and left.
What the heck man! You can't just throw that on me like that! Betty is now going to be sitting at the lake waiting possibly an hour for me! Not cool at all!
Of course I didn't say that out loud but instead I did what any good nerd would do. I obeyed the task given to me without question.
Finishing that task took about 45 minutes. And with a 15 minute drive Betty will have been sitting there for like I said, an hour.
I quickly get to the first floor and arm the security system. Leaving the building, the system activated which locked all the doors, turned off all the lights, and turned on the night vision cameras.
The parking lot was deserted except for my car and a van with three guys just hanging around. I ignored them because I'm being recorded by the building and the alarm is set. They'll eventually leave anyway.
I quickly got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot onto the road. Lake here I come.
A thought in my head was nagging and annoying me. I put it in the back of my head dismissing the troubling thought but it seem to keep coming back each time. I really wish it would go away but it wouldn't.
"I really want a wedgie right now."
...
Wait. Did that really come out of my mouth?