"Good morning everybody." The tall red head flashed her usual Wednesday morning smile, bright hazel eyes sparkling with kindness as she took her seat at the top of the circle of full chairs. "I'm glad to see us all here today."
Her eyes moved to a certain brunet man, slouched in his chair and draped in long black clothes to hide the body he loathed. Her expression softened, voice tender as she spoke. "Glad you could make it, Calum."
The man next to Calum pat his shoulder in a an attempt at comfort and pride, the girl on his other side patting his thigh with an encouraging smile.
It hurt. Their smiles and their soft words.
It made him realise how broken and fucked up he was. Helpless, useless, an utter waste of the space he dared to take up.
He tried so hard to get rid of himself, he really wanted to make everyone happy, but it didn't work and he can't understand why the universe still wanted him around.
"Okay, so today we're just going to start off with a little review of how our weeks have gone. Going around in the circle, one person at a time. Okay? Daniel, you can start us off." The red head, Silvia, started their first group activity for the morning.
"Well uh...so earlier this week I actually got back in touch with my wife." He said, a hint of excitement in his voice. "She actually let me spend time with the kids a-and I didn't get angry. Not once. E-Even when Tyler spilt his juice on me." He beamed with pride. "A-And Angel said she's happy that I'm coming here and i-if I make good progress she'll let me come and sleep on the couch."
"That's wonderful news!" Silvia praised. "And you didn't feel any anger at all?"
"I felt irritated but I didn't wanna hurt anyone. It never—It never crossed my mind." He grinned, happy, and the group clapped for him.
"Absolutely wonderful, we are so proud of you!"
Calum stopped listening, instead letting his gaze remain locked on the floor by his feet; fingers fiddling with the long sleeves of his black shirt as he silently let his mind stew in its own thoughts.
God he hated himself so damn much. Why couldn't he have just been normal?
"Calum...?" Silvia's gentle tone was back, snapping Calum from his thoughts. "It's your turn." She met with his lifted gaze. "Would you like to share?"
"I...I didn't make any progress..." He spoke quietly, words shaken and somber as his heart ached unbearably.
"That's okay, hun. Just tell us what happened."
"I...I called Ashton." He dropped his gaze down again, praying the tears that were stinging his eyes didn't fall. "Michael answered. He um... he said not to call them again. W-Which I understand..." he anxiously scratched at his arm through his shirt, only stopping when the girl beside him—Maddison—gently nudged his hand away; getting him to cease hurting himself.
"I just—I just wanted to say sorry. I kn-know it means nothing, what I did was so wrong. And I hate myself for it." He wrapped his arms tightly around his torso, hugging himself to try and stop his shakes. "I was just scared, I-I loved them all but I couldn't choose so I just—I-I-...."
"You tried to act like you didn't love them at all." Silvia helped to keep him talking. "It seemed easier to pretend you didn't care than face the reality... didn't it?" Calum nodded and she carefully kept going. "What did you do after that call?"
"Threw myself off the bridge." Calum mumbled, and a girl across from him started crying. He panicked, looking at the stranger with worried eyes "s-Sorry-"
"No no, it's okay." She forced a smile, and Silvia interrupted again.
"Calum, why did you feel the need to do that?"
"Why wouldn't I?" He exasperated. "I hurt so many people because I was too scared to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. Everyone I love leaves me, and I fucking—I love too many people!"
"Shh shh, it's okay, Calum." Silvia eased.
"No it's not!" Calum snapped before bursting into tears, his hands immediately moved to cover his face as his body shook with sobs. "I miss them, I miss them so much."
"What...um..." Another guy spoke up, curious. "What happened to your girlfriends? Did they visit you in hospital?"
Silvia gave the man a warning stare, telling him not to ask such personal questions with a careless tone. He blushed and quietly apologised.
"They dumped me." Calum mumbled, straining not to fall completely to tears. "They didn't—didn't want a suicidal freak."
"It's going to be okay, Calum."
"No it won't." Calum trembled. "I just wish I couldn't love anymore..."
"We're all here to help you get over this part of your life." Silvia insisted. "We'll help you come to terms with who you are. It'll be okay soon."
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"Mikey... psst... Mikey." Luke poked Michael's cheek, kneeling beside him on the bed. "Mikey. Mikey. Mikey." He pouted, watching Michael tiredly roll his head to the side; waking up but not fast enough.
"Daddy m'sad." Luke sniffled and Michael's eyes opened instantly.
A small giggle came from Luke as Michael wrapped his arms around him and dragged him to lay down on top of him. "My pretty prince." His voice was groggy and tired but his words still made Luke smile.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"I can't find Ashy." Luke mumbled. "And I can't get my stuffie..."
Michael kissed his cheek. "Alright love, how about we get up and sort this out hm?"
"Mmhm!" Luke hopped up with a surge of energy, grabbing Michael's hand as soon as the man had gotten up from the bed. "Come oooonnnn~!" He whined, tugging Michael through the house.
"We find Ashy first!"
"Where was he last, do you remember love?" Michael entwined his fingers with Luke's.
"Ashyyyyyyy!" Luke cried out for his boyfriend before pouting sadly and looking at Michael. "Where is heeee~?!"
He burst into sobs, surprising Michael. "I want Ashy!"
"Oh love." Michael gently caressed his hands over Luke's cheeks. "My sweet baby boy, please don't cry-"
Luke cried louder, covering his face with his hands. "I had scary dream-"
"Did you wanna tell me about your dream?" Michael cautiously asked, worried for his sweet prince.
"NO!" Luke stomped his foot, scowling as tears streamed down his cheeks.
"Okay love, that's okay. You don't have to. We'll go find Ashy, okay?"
Luke didn't say anything or give Michael his hand, and Michael panicked thinking he'd done something wrong.
"Lu? Sweetie?"
"I wan' Ashy... NOW!"
"Okay love, but it's not nice to yell-"
"I don't care!"
Michael sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was split half and half between accepting Luke's behaviour or trying to discipline it.
He had never been more thankful for his boyfriend's wonderful talent when it came to timing the moment Ashton wandered into the hallway with confusion and worry on his face.
"What'sgoin'on?" Ashton rubbed at his tired eyes, having only woken up.
"ASHY!" Luke screamed and hugged him, squeezing him undeniably tight.
"I scared you died!"
"Aw I'm okay Lu." Ashton hugged him back.
"It was scary!" Luke sobbed, burying his face into Ashton's grey pyjama shirt.
"I'm sorry you had a scary dream." Ashton genuinely said, frowning when he looked up to see the almost sad look on Michael's face.
"Lu... did you yell at daddy?" Ashton sternly asked, hands on Luke's shoulders as the male wiped at his eyes.
Luke nodded and Ashton sighed. "Don't you think that's a bit mean?"
Luke whimpered, trying to hide in Ashton's arms.
"Angel... come on. You should apologise to daddy. I'm sure he was only trying to help."
Michael tried to play it off as nothing. "He's tired."
"That's no excuse." Ashton gently persisted "And you know that, don't you Angel? You know that being mean is bad, don't you?"
"Mmhm." Luke rubbed his eye, dismal.
"So why would you hurt Mikey's feelings?"
"I was scared..."
"But wouldn't Mikey have been scared too? I'm sure he was worried as well." Ashton smoothed Luke's hair from his face. "You really hurt his feelings... Made him feel sad. And feeling sad is awful, isn't it?"
Luke peered up at Michael who offered a weak smile; unsure what else he could do.
"Go on... Go say sorry."
Luke burst into tears again, running to Michael and hugging him. "I'm sorry! I wuv you!"
Michael wrapped his arms around the sobbing blond, holding him tight. "It's okay, love. Please don't cry." he gently pulled back. "Did you wanna go with Ashton to find your stuffie, and I'll go get your paci?"
Luke nodded shyly, wiping his eyes. "Yes please, daddy."
"Okay then, go on. Go take Ashton's hand." Michael gently coaxed, smiling when Luke did as he were told.
He looked to Ashton. "It'll probably be in the study. That's where he was with the penguin last."
"C'mon Angel, lets go get Pengy." Ashton offered a bright grin to Luke who was slowly coming back to his shy smiling self.
"Daddy come too?" Luke looked back at Michael, holding a hand out to him.
"I'll be there soon, love. Promise." Michael took his hand and kissed the back of it, causing a childlike squeal of delight to emit from the blond.
"Gah! That was too cute!" Ashton exclaimed, smiling with adoration.
Luke blushed, squealing and flailing around as Ashton wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheeks; peppering kisses across his face whilst Michael snuck away to get Luke's pacifier.
"Lil' paci Princess~!" Ashton teased, tickling Luke and distracting him long enough for Michael to return. "So adorable!"
Luke squealed, giggling with excitement and joy as he tried to playfully nudge Ashton's hands away. "Daddy~!" He squealed, laughing. "It tickles!"
"Does it?" Ashton paused, pretending to be surprised. "Does it really?" He started tickling him again. "Is a certain little angel ticklish?"
Luke squealed, reaching his arms out to Michael when the man returned with Luke's pacifier. "Daddy! Help!"
Michael cooed at how cute their boyfriend was, gently tugging his arms and pulling him free from Ashton's playful wrath.
Luke whined, pawing at Michael's chest until he was given his dummy to suck on; bringing a soft purr of a sound in return.
"I think it's bed time." Michael suggested, watching how quickly Luke became tired with his dummy in his mouth.
"Pengy..." Luke mumbled.
"I'll go get Pengy." Ashton offered. "You put him to bed."
Michael agreed, picking Luke up and carrying him back to the large bedroom the three would share more often than not.
He'd managed to tuck Luke in by the time Ashton came back with the blond's favourite plush teddy. He gently placed it beside Luke who instantly grabbed it and cuddled it to his chest; rolling onto his side and curling up into a tired little ball.
"Aww~" Ashton swooned with adoration. "He's such a cutie."
"Scary when he's mad though." Michael joked and Ashton leaned his head on the man's shoulder.
"I'm sorry he yelled at you." Ashton sighed. "He's probably been out of his littlespace for too long."
"It's fine. Really." Michael dismissed. "I'll just learn to keep his pacifier on me."
"You know, that would be a good idea." Ashton agreed. "It calms him so quickly. We should buy him some new ones and keep one each just in case he needs it."
"See? I have good ideas sometimes." Michael chuckled, ruffling Ashton's hair and nosing at his cheek with a cheesy grin.
"I might have a good idea of my own." Ashton casually said.
"What's that?" Michael questioned, perplexed.
Ashton smirked and Michael's heart skipped a beat.
"Have a guess, daddy."