Chapter Seventy Nine
I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep again until I woke up.
The first thing that surprised me was that I actually felt rested--which wasn't exactly a normal thing for me, anymore. The next thing that surprised me was that I was actually incredibly warm, and a lot of the ache in my bones and muscles had faded away.
The last thing that surprised me was the fact that I was lying on the chilly wooden floor of the cabin living room instead of in the bedroom where I'd initially fallen asleep. Sebastian was behind me, lying on his side. My back was nestled into the curve of his very naked, very human body, those massive caramel arms holding me close, sharing a bit of his crazy werewolf body heat with me.
I raised my head, sleepily looking around to see that all of the windows had been shut and the blackout curtains were drawn, wondering why we were back in the living room.
Didn't we fall asleep in my room? I fuzzily wondered, shaking my head in confusion. Why are we lying down out here again?
As I was wondering it, Sebastian's right hand slid from where it had come to rest on my lower belly to my chin, thick fingers stroking my jaw and sending tingles running down my scalp and back. I swallowed hard, mouth and throat drier than they'd been in weeks, and shuddered at the sensations burning me since every touch or movement he made sent a jerk through my hypersensitive skin.
He buried his face in my hair, seeming completely content to lie there naked on the cool wooden floor of the cabin's living room in front of the window leading into the hallway, inhaling my scent all while his thumb rubbed maddening little circles on my neck.
I carefully pushed myself up and rolled over so I was facing him after a moment, disheveled hair sliding across my cheeks as I raised my eyes to his. One massive leg came over me, holding mine between his thighs and keeping me tight against his groin. His eyes were sleepy and languid, but they still regarded me with interest through a fringe of long, chocolate lashes.
He inhaled again, mouth parting, and I saw him lick his teeth.
"You have no idea," he muttered, stroking my tingling cheek, "what it was like to be away from you last night... do you?"
"No," I said honestly, glancing at the front door to see that it was sunny out; it hurt my eyes to look at and I winced, flinching back and immediately snapping my head away. I blinked my stinging and watering eyes rapidly, but Sebastian simply brushed my lips with his thumb.
I jumped when he forcibly tilted my head back and pressed his lips against mine.
His other arm squeezed my back and held me tight against his stomach, and my toes curled as stars of pleasure rocketed through my body. I trembled slightly, every nerve electrified by his actions intermingling with my increased need for blood.
When he pulled away, he was looking at me so gently that my breath was suddenly just... gone.
I had never, not once, seen him make that face. It made my heart pound, made my face heat up, made me... feel.
The softness in his expression was simple and sweet... I recognized that sort of stare.
It was the softness of love, the softness I'd always seen on William's face before he said--
"I love you," Sebastian purred, and my heart skipped a beat or three; without a pause, he leaned down and kissed me again, gently rolling me over on my back and settling down on top of me right there on the floor. He was heavy, but not unbearably so, especially when he situated himself so he could caress my cheeks and throat while he kissed the hell out of me.
My arms came around his neck and I held on for dear life, sparks shooting behind my eyes.
Just as things were heating up, he pulled his mouth away and looked me dead in the eyes.
"Last night," he grunted, cupping the back of my neck and cradling my head in his hand, "was one of the best I've had. I remember everything when I transform... when I am in that form, the memories of everything I see, experience, and feel are much clearer than the ones I make when I am in this form. The sight of you singing... fuck..."
I twitched, eyes widening slightly.
"You saw that?" I asked in a small voice. "Wait... so, why were you just... watching the cabin?"
Sebastian's face fell and he averted his eyes, brows furrowing heavily as he uttered, "Woody and Tiffany believed it would be for the best if we let you be since it was the full moon. I am wild and uncontrolled in that form... if you had... behaved incorrectly, it could have... turned dangerous."
A chill ran through me when his eyes found mine.
"I trust you," I said after a moment, and he blinked. "I... well, it's something that you can't control, and because of that I don't like the idea of leaving you alone. Even if you do become a big ass monster of a wolf. Just... tell me what to do during future full moons and I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" he deadpanned, raising an eyebrow; he pinned my legs together with his knees and arched his body so it loomed higher over mine, shoulders and chest puffing slightly. "Last night... you nearly fainted when you saw me. If I hadn't bust through the door when I did you would have hit your head against the corner of the wall on your way down."
"That's your fault for leaving all the windows in the damn cabin open with the curtains drawn back out of nowhere," I scoffed, swatting his shoulder; he hissed past his teeth and looked at me with a savage, toothy grin, but I simply pouted at him. "Not to mention, I got a scare since you set off Woody's perimeter alarm when you showed up."
His smile vanished and his eyes snapped open wide, staring at me oddly.
"I didn't set off his alarm," he said lowly, narrowing his eyes. "I'm the one who installed it for him when he first moved up here. I know where every sensory trigger is."
I frowned. "You mean, you didn't set off the alarm last night?"
"No," he hissed, face turning serious. "Explain. Now."
The tone in his voice alarmed me so I quickly told him about how I'd heard the beeping in Woody's room after I'd finished singing and had gone in there to figure out what it was. I'd seen the alert on the computer explaining that there had been a perimeter breach, and then proceeded to explain that I'd looked outside every single window. His eyes stared at me without blinking when I proceeded to tell him the reason I'd almost fainted was because he'd scared me.
"--and it was worse because I couldn't make out who you were," I finished, bringing my experience to a close. "If it wasn't you, who was it? And also, why are we out here on the floor? Didn't we both go to sleep in my bedroom last night?"
He didn't say anything. His eyes were narrowed, looking through me rather than at me and I saw wheels turning in his mind until, with a flash, his eyes found mine and sharpened. Something in him seemed to relax, his shoulders not as tight as they'd been, his expression almost amused.
"Don't worry about it," he murmured, leaning down and nipping my nose. "Believe me when I say it's nothing important or anything you need to be afraid of."
"Are you sure?" I asked, and his face sank into a deadpan stare. "Really... I mean it. Are sure?"
"Yes," he said quietly, leaning down and bumping our noses together; I had a mental flash of the big wolf doing the same thing and my heart fluttered wildly for a second, and I knew he could hear it happening because his eyes crinkled and grew darker almost instantly. "Plus... even if there was someone out there, do you really think they'd be foolish enough to try breaking in?"
"Maybe?" I proffered, shrugging. "I mean, I was singing out the window like a Disney princess, so if a psycho really was hanging around outside I'd probably be his rape bait or murder bait."
"With a wild wolf my size prowling around the entire building?" he drawled, raising a cocky eyebrow in my direction. "I'm afraid that nobody's that stupid. Not even a psychopathic serial killer would dare to attack such a pretty little thing singing gorgeously out of an open window with a monster guarding it."
It hit me, then, that the whole scenario was literally like a Disney movie.
"Oh, wow," I scoffed, bursting into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. "Oh, wow, I really was doing a Disney last night! Holy shit! I was singing and everything with a big ass werewolf guarding my tower of wood, keeping me protected and safe. Or... well, you know. Like a dragon."
"I'll never understand your childish love for Disney films," he snorted, nuzzling my nose with his; then his eyes softened and his face relaxed a bit more. "I'm glad that you slept as long as you did... given how poorly you've been sleeping lately, I truly believe you needed it."
The amusement left his face and a glint of worry took its place, his smile fading. I stared at him through lowered lashes, finding his shifts in expression to be fascinating. I couldn't look away... seeing him see me and the way his emotions had been changing, the way they came out more and more as his inner walls lowered one by one was enchanting.
I... I was in love with him.
I was still in the process of falling in love, of course, even with everything we'd done so far, even with every problem we'd worked on, even with all of our intimate conversations... I hadn't been fully in love with him. I had been in the process of it, but with every new moment I went deeper.
This feeling was connecting us... connecting me to him. It made me want to hold him, to kiss him, to love him and make love to him, to give him my all and verbally express how he made me feel. I wanted him to know how badly he'd burned my heart, scalding it with every second that passed, with every touch, and kiss, and lovemaking... welding the broken pieces back together, one shattered fragment at a time.
He made my heart sing.
I wanted to sing the formless, blooming music in my heart to him, I felt the need to communicate through song fluttering around in my stomach.
"Words can't explain how I feel about you," I said softly, bringing my hands up so I could hold the back of his head and dig my fingers into his soft hair. "I... love you. I really do. I want... to start saying it out loud all the time, this feeling just... it wells up and... I can't keep it in."
"Then don't," he lowly rumbled, closing his eyes and pressing our foreheads together. "Don't hold it in... be open. Let us both be... open. I want that. I want to know how you're feeling, and I... love... the fact that you're always curious about the way I feel. This... is new. Jasper was not vocal with his emotions, he never... openly expressed himself."
"Never?" I asked, surprised. "Really?"
"He knew I could smell his emotions and typically let them do the talking," he grunted, eyes flitting open again. "We were together for so long that... I'd felt like we'd become an extension of each other. I thought... he knew how much I loved him. I thought... words weren't necessary. I thought... actions spoke louder than words. I guess after so long... I simply forgot... that sometimes, words matter to people too. I won't... make that mistake, ever again."
My mind went blank when I saw the hurt and repressed pain twinging behind his eyes.
To my horror, they actually filled with tears and his jaw clenched as he fought it.
He failed.
His eyes slid closed as the tears trickled off his eyelashes and landed on my face, some of them running across his cheeks and nose. My heart squeezed and my face screwed up at the sight, and I swallowed hard as I leaned forward and kissed beneath his eyelids.
His body twitched slightly, and I felt his eyelid jerk, but I ignored it and kissed his tears away.
"You're not alone anymore," I whispered, my own eyes watering as I brushed my lips against the proof of his pain. "I know... how much it hurts. It probably hurt you way worse than my own experience with it because of how long you were together and how hard you loved him... but I promise you, I'll never, ever do that to you. I'll never... abandon you. Ever. I'll never just walk out of your life for no reason, without saying anything, and I'll do my best to never hurt you."
He didn't say anything as I continued kissing his tears away, trying not to cry myself.
It was hard... this was the first time I'd ever seen him look so sad. He'd officially cried in front of me, this was... vulnerability at its finest. He couldn't be more open. I didn't want him to hurt, seeing him hurting messed me up, I hadn't even realized his own pain could have that powerful of an effect on me.
"This is why you're so beautiful," he huffed, finally opening his eyes; I noticed with a jolt they were almost coal black, glistening wetly and looking somewhat bloodshot. "Not your words... not your promises... not your looks, or your body, or the sex... it's this. The empathy. I did terrible things to you... and yet, the moment you see me break down even a little, you end up crying for me... you shed tears on my behalf like its nothing because your heart is so... so..."
He trailed off, but he didn't need to finish for me to understand.
I sniffed, forcing a sad, watery-eyed smile at him.
We were both broken people.
I knew that better than anyone after getting to know him.
I was hoping, however, that maybe we could try to fix each other... or at least be the band-aid. I pulled one of my hands back so I could rub my knuckles across his tears, brushing them away. I did so gently and with great care, refusing to look away from those dark, glazed eyes.
"You haven't had blood in days," he suddenly said, and I paused when he tilted his head to the side and exposed the juncture between his shoulder and throat. "Bite me."
At the thought of having blood, my teeth admittedly ached.
I shifted my body up a bit so I could pull myself forward, but it was impossible to miss the fact that his rigid junk scraped across my waist and hoodie as I did so. The fact that he was turned on by me was a little emboldening. I pressed my lips against his throat, tenderly kissing his pulsing carotid vein, and I felt him shiver ever so slightly as I placed feather-light kisses down the curve.
When I made it to the same spot he'd left his mark on me, I tightened my fingers in his hair and sucked on his skin harshly before gently soothing his flesh with my tongue, and then I did so again, and again, and again, until I'd left a very dark, very big, very visible mark.
"Enjoying yourself?" he whispered, and I noticed that his breathing was harsh.
"I want to mark you the way you did to me," I murmured against his skin. "I don't know how... tell me how to do it..."
His legs snapped together, snaring mine, and he let out a low, rumbling growl.
The hand on the back of my neck squeezed slightly in response to my statement.
"After you sate yourself," he gruffly informed me, "bury your tongue in the punctures to widen them slightly and then force your saliva into the wounds. When it closes... your scent will be embedded into my skin and will last for at least a year or two."
"That long?" I asked, surprised. "Really?"
"Indeed," he confirmed, running his fingers through my hair. "Now... claim me, Aerin."
Something about the demand, the husky way he'd ordered me to officially make him mine, set my insides on fire and I had a hard time keeping myself calm and collected. I had to resist the urge to bite him quickly, to take his blood like a starving animal so I could be done with it and get to that moment where I could make him my own... to leave a piece of me in his skin.
To show the world that he was mine just as much as I was his, that even though we weren't equal people, we treated each other equally, that we'd willingly given ourselves to one another.
I pressed my lips against the dark and swollen hickey I'd left on him again, kissing it gently before pressing my aching fangs against his skin. I felt him let out a breath and he relaxed, skin and muscles loosening as I rubbed my sharp teeth against his handsome body.
I held onto his hair and used it to keep his head locked in one place with a crushing grip as I bit down, puncturing into him and sinking all the way up to my gums. I felt him flinch a little, but he simply sighed quietly into my ear and kneaded the back of my neck.
"You're so gentle with me," he murmured, remaining still. "God... it barely hurts at all. Having your teeth digging in right there... it feels far more pleasant than painful. Drink until you're full, my beloved... and then, once you're sated, claim me the way I've claimed you. I want your true mark on me, not just lovemaking, not just simple hickeys... I want your scent in my neck."
I flushed hotly as I swallowed down the liquid moonlight, basking in the unreal sweetness of his blood. The fact that he was letting me do this, that I no longer had to go around in circles and try to take blood from people, that the two of us were here, now... it made me emotional.
I gently prodded the wounds with my tongue, knowing in my head that this was a disgusting thing to do even though my body was screaming at me that this was right, that this was what I had to do, that this was good, that it tasted like everything sweet I had ever had combined.
I drank his blood until I felt full, until I couldn't swallow anymore for fear of getting a cramp, and then I pulled my teeth out of his skin. I kept my tongue on the puncture wounds and worked up a bunch of saliva as he'd instructed before forcibly pushing it out of my mouth and into the bite.
He grunted when I pulled back, lips and mouth covered in red, but I clamped my palm over his injury and he smirked in amusement. His eyes glimmered as I crushed my palm against the wound, barring it from gushing the way I usually did, and I held it there until it healed.
When I pulled my hand back and saw that the wound had closed, I leaned forward and licked the blood off his skin, then did the same to my hand and tried to get it off my mouth; in the process, I got it on my sleeve and scowled in dismay since I knew it was going to stain.
"Dammit," I muttered. "This was my favorite hoodie, too."
"I'll buy you a new one," he whispered, leaning down and kissing me. My body shuddered as his hot lips brushed against mine, shaping me. Then he pulled back in a rush and he nosed at my chin, forcing it to tilt backwards. Teeth nipped at my neck, just grazing the skin, light enough to send a shiver through me.
"Why are you so fascinated with my throat?" I breathed; I heard a low rumble before teeth nipped playfully at my neck again. He pulled back and those amber eyes were bright with amusement, no longer dark and vulnerable, back to their former familiar glow.
The longer I looked at them, the calmer and safer I felt.
"Two reasons," he quietly informed me. "It's a zone full of glans that strongly give off a person's scent, and it is also a power zone. Your precious veins... seeing you expose them, watching you literally put your life in my hands, willingly... it's the highest display of trust. Not to mention its a huge fucking turn-on for me, personally, since I'm a power freak... watching you submit drives me up the wall sometimes, I can't and won't deny it."
So saying, he leaned in and gently bit my throat, teeth grazing my jugular and digging in. I remained still save for tilting my head back a little more.
I trusted him.
It was a little scary, true, since I knew he did have the power to end me. The strength of his jaw could probably break my neck in half if he really wanted to.
But again, I trusted him and I didn't regret giving him this moment. His tongue grazed my veins, sliding against his sharp teeth, soothing the pricks.
"Smell so good..." he hissed out. "Fuck..."
I didn't respond. I remained still, dreamy eyes on the ceiling and neck widely exposed, my most vulnerable area being teased by his teeth. We stayed like that for a long time, until both of our heartbeats finally calmed and our breathing slowed.
"You have my all," I said after an extremely long time. "I trust you."
"I would take you here and now if I could," he whispered against my skin. "I want to... I want to rip your clothes off and rut you, but Woodrow and Tiffany will be coming back here soon. She's moving in with you and he for a while."
"Wait, Tiffany is moving in?" I asked, startled. "So... she's not going to--"
"She needs space, as you did," he grumped, and I could see the displeasure on his face. "I told Leo from the very beginning that keeping her in the dark about things would end badly. He is a hard man to understand, but I believe that based on his behavior, he truly loves her and wants her to be happy."
"Then, why did he treat her so poorly?" I demanded, scowling. "He led her on for three---"
"In his own words, he doesn't deserve to be with her," he quietly interrupted. "He truly blames himself for what happened to her and her family as a result of the bite he gave her. He knew from the moment he first saw her that he wanted her, just as I did when I first saw you... but he lost himself in the throes of passion and bit her. He wanted to give her a happy life, to make up for his wrongdoings, so... he asked me to go get her. He tried to keep his distance."
"But... she ended up liking him," I finished, closing my eyes. "That doesn't excuse what he did, and it doesn't make the fact that he never came clean about shit okay. Things might have ended up very differently if he hadn't left her alone after sleeping with her... they might have ended up differently if he'd just been open about the truth. Instead, he hid it... and it blew up."
"I told him it would happen," Sebastian grunted, "and I carry a share of that blame since I knew but said nothing. Leo begged me not to, and I respect his freedom to make his own choices even if I don't agree with them at all. It is a shame that she got hurt... I admit, I rather like her."
I blinked, surprised by the admittance. "You like Tiffany?"
"She is naive and quite annoying with her habits and constant prying," he snorted, rolling his eyes, but then that look softened, "but yes... I admit I... love her. She is a very big part of this ragtag pack of emotionally scarred and damaged werewolves. We are all... survivors, Aerin. I may not act like it, but I love every single member of my pack regardless of their mistakes."
I wouldn't begrudge him that.
When I felt his nose dragging along my jugular, I froze; after a moment, when I hadn't moved, Sebastian dragged his nose back along my skin. My emotions conflicted violently inside of me as he inhaled, trying to stay focused, but I couldn't help but shiver as he touched the vulnerable skin of my throat. The urge to lift my chin and present it to him hit me strong.
My fingers twitched as he nosed behind my ear.
With a sharp nip of his teeth, the spell was broken and he leapt to his feet, standing over me with his naked body on full display, eyes burning into my own, massive chest heaving.
"Tonight," he said through his fangs, "before we leave for my home. Run with me."
"Run?" I whispered, finding it hard to breath because of how damn hot he was. He stood over me, looking down into my eyes, completely hard and unashamed but not focused on it, and I watched as he grinned widely, eyes crinkling gorgeously as he smiled from within.
"Run with me," he breathlessly hissed. "Run with me. Run beside me as my wolves do."
I lay there on the ground, dazed, staring into that mind-melting smile. My skin tingled where his lips and nose and teeth had all been, and my body felt empty, light without the weight of him on top of me. He wanted me to run with him... did he mean supernatural sprinting?
He wanted to run through the woods with me, like a wild man?
Believe it or not, the idea struck me as a fun one, and I had absolutely no issue with it.
"Of course!" I chimed, beaming at him in delight. "I'd love to go running with you!"
He instantly wheezed, thick neck bulging as he clenched his fists and raised his eyes to the ceiling.
"God... damn it!" he spat, hands shaking; I watched as claws extended from his nails, but when I heard scratching on either side of me I turned to see that his toenails had also turned into long claws and were presently curled up and gouging long scratches into the wood.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned, but he merely stepped over me and stiffly walked down the hall towards my bedroom. He vanished for a second and I heard a heavy thud and a curse, and then there was more silence followed by slow, methodical shuffling. Within five minutes, he came back out into the hall dressed only in a pair of jeans that did little to hide his arousal.
He looked at me, jaw locked tight, breathing hard.
"I... am fine," he managed to say, wriggling his jaw as he eyed me. "More than fine. I am simply... frustrated... because I want you but cannot have you right now as there are things that need to be done. It is... difficult... to reign myself in. It isn't just my metabolism that's abnormal, but also my libido... and my sexual stamina. It... can be a little maddening and... painful sometimes."
I sat up and rubbed my face, letting out a yawn before I swiveled and looked at him.
I grinned, showing off my sharp teeth.
"There's always later," I playfully reminded him, taking a second to stand up. "I have to tell you, though, we can't go fast if we're going at a supernatural speed. If I hit something or if I so much as trip, I could... well, die. I'm... pretty frail."
His grin widened and he stalked forward, each stride full of self-assured intent.
He gripped me by the waist and lifted me clean into the air, looking up at me in a wicked way.
"I'll be right beside you the entire time," he chuckled darkly, flashing me a deliciously sinful smile that made me wonder if this running thing had a deeper meaning. "You have nothing to fear as long as I am with you. Not even fear of yourself or your own bumbling clumsiness."
I flushed from embarrassment and mild offense.
"I'm not clumsy," I muttered, folding my arms and looking away even though my legs were dangling about five feet off the ground. "I'm just impulsive and make dumb decisions in the heat of the moment... that's usually what gets me into trouble."
"Same thing," he snorted, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tight; I wheezed as I was given a hard bear-hug and then set back down on my feet. "It's almost noon but you've slept far longer than you should have. I'm fairly certain you'll be awake for the rest of the day and possibly half the night, too. We leave at twilight."
"What do we do until then?" I asked, cocking my head. "Any suggestions?"
"Well, Tiffany and Woodrow, as I said, will be here at any moment," Sebastian muttered, casting a glance at the busted door where sunlight was spilling in. "I'll have to make sure his front door is repaired. I'll pay for any damages I may have done to the walls or frame when I crashed in here, but before and after that is taken care of, you should head up to the loft."
"The loft?"
"Yes. Start up some games or get a movie going. I'll join you once I've taken care of everything."
I nodded and patted his arm, but the moment I tried to walk past him and head for the ladder he swatted my ass with an unexpected slap and I jumped, clamping both hands to my butt. I cast an indignant look over my shoulder only to see him already breaking into a deep chuckle.
He licked his teeth and bobbed his bushy eyebrows suggestively before walking towards the door and vanishing into the wall of blinding light. He disappeared completely, the light was too bright for me to see past, a threshold I could never cross even if I'd wanted to.
The thought of that made me feel sad, all of a sudden.
I wished, abruptly, that I had been turned into a werewolf instead of a vampire because then I could walk out into the warm sun. Then, I could hold his hand in mine no matter where we were. Then, we could be equal in power... and I could protect him the way he did me.
I shook the thoughts away, however, and steadied my resolve.
I was who I was, and what I was didn't define me. I had always been allergic to sunlight, so even if I had been a werewolf there was a chance that I'd be weak and still have health problems. My wishful thinking was a byproduct of my own self loathing.
I had limits, I had flaws, and I had many, many imperfections... but he loved me regardless. He wanted me regardless. He got turned on so bad that he had to fight with his own inner demons to not fuck me silly at every hour of the day, regardless.
Vampire or not, locked in the world of the night or not, I had Sebastian.
His scent meant safety, his arms meant home, and at the moment that was all I really knew.
That was all that mattered.