Chapter Seventy Six
The television was off. The room was silent. And I was content.
All I could hear and wanted to hear was Sebastian.
I focused on his breathing and heartbeat, the slow, rhythmic sounds and feelings of his life rushing against my right eardrum as I lay snuggled against his side. Proof of him. Proof that he was real, that I was real, that we were really there. His warm palm cupped the side of my face, fingers occasionally fiddling with a strand of my long hair, but for the most part he sat still.
He didn't say anything and he didn't need to, he seemed to know that right then what I needed the most was to do what I was doing: seeking comfort in his presence. Having someone to lean on, to feel against me, to hold when I was sad or lonely was a blessing.
Having him there helped me face my inner turmoil.
In the end, though, the stillness was broken when Woody returned later in the night to find me completely curled up on his living room couch with Sebastian's arm draped over me. In his hands were bags full of what looked to me like groceries.
I turned my head to look at him and saw a small smile grace his lips.
"Where did you go off to?" I hoarsely asked, following his path with my eyes; I twisted to peer behind the couch when he trotted right past us and moved into his kitchen to set the bags down on the island counter. "Did you show Tiffany your new look?"
Woody paused, glancing up at me with those striking features and a wide, easy-going grin that made his whole face light up. He politely shook his head and shyly signed, 'later' before putting whatever he'd bought away. Sebastian watched me eye him curiously.
"Do you mind if I spend the day here again, Red?" he lowly inquired, not even bothering to look over his shoulder to see the answer. "Aerin and I have something we need to do shortly... something that we both forgot until now. After we finish that, I want to take him to bed... and then I want to put him to bed."
His choice of words momentarily confused me, but when the meaning hit I flushed hotly. I recalled only a moment after the wave of embarrassment had passed that he'd also said we'd forgotten something and I drew back, puzzled, wondering what he could possibly mean.
"What did we forget?" I asked, frowning in confusion. "I can't think of anything."
He instantly leaned close to my face, bumping our noses together, eyes half-lidded.
"Couples therapy," he reminded me, raising an eyebrow when I balked in horror. "We're a few days late for it as it is since the scheduled Thursday was almost four days ago."
"Holy shit!" I cried, scrambling around for my phone and glancing at the screen. I was mortified to realize that Louise had called me seven times that Thursday. "Fuck. She's gonna kill me."
"Not with me sitting right here, she won't," Sebastian snorted, putting his arm around me and tugging my cheek against his armpit; I glanced up at him when he wriggled a little, but even though the gesture could easily be misread as him trying to get comfortable I knew better.
He was scenting me again.
I mentally shrugged and focused my attention on trying to call Louise.
I dialed her contact number and waited, watching as a holographic square came up and hovered in the air directly in front of us. I swallowed hard as another smaller square featuring Sebastian and I side by side popped up, my large blue betraying just how nervous I was.
He, seeing my apprehension, cupped my cheek and turned my head slightly. I wondered why he was doing so at first... but it was only a second later that I realized he'd turned my nose so it was much closer to his underarm, where a familiar spicy and earthy scent was waiting.
As my senses were bathed in his musk and I shivered a little from the pleasantness of it, I had a sudden flashback of him telling me that nervous or disturbed werewolves often did this to their loved ones in order to comfort themselves during stressful situations. Perhaps this was his way of telling me to seek comfort in him, that I was going to be fine.
An instinctive response to my anxiety.
The thought calmed me, and I admit, I was surprised to learn that his scent actually did work that way. I wasn't a werewolf, of course, but I did feel a little calmer breathing in that heady aroma. Maybe because I'd come to identify it as his... knowing he was so close helped.
Knowing he loved me, that he would guard me, that he cared enough to want me to be comforted by the shroud of his body's smell... well, in a primal, animalistic way, I was touched that he was giving me this comfort. It made me feel good knowing it was a tactic to help me.
The dark square suddenly lit up, and I was surprised to see Louise sitting in her bed, huge glasses on and a dim lamp lighting up her room. She blinked at me, then cast a quick glance at Sebastian before realization lit up her features; she schooled her face into a blank mask.
"You dyed your hair," she said simply. "I told you going auburn would look good on you."
"Yep," I sheepishly agreed, turning my face more into Sebastian's underarm. "You did."
"I also told you to keep in touch," she added. "You didn't do that."
"Sorry," I whispered, wincing. "Really, I am."
"You," Louise said in a chiding, irritated tone, and I winced again when she wagged her finger at the screen, "are four days late on your session, buster. You didn't pick up when I called you, too, so I'm charging you a hundred bucks extra for this particular session. That's your punishment for ignoring me and making me do this off schedule."
"Wow, that's a lot," I said, startled. "A hundred bucks more?"
"Um, yep. Be glad that you're even getting this special treatment, you troublesome old fart."
"Troublesome old fart?!" I squawked, ignoring the deep chuckle that vibrated Sebastian's body.
"I didn't stutter, Gramps, so you'd better go get those little old ears of yours checked," she snorted, petulantly sticking her tongue out at me; after a second, however, she paused and her gaze flicked up. "So, what'd I miss? Who's the guy behind you two?"
"Hm?" I asked, then twisted around to see that Woody had left the kitchen to come over and peer down at the hologram from directly above my head. "Oh, hi! Didn't see you there!"
The redhead grinned at me toothily, then nodded at her and signed, 'is this your Louise?'
"Yep, this is her, my therapist," I said, nodding at the dark-haired woman. "Lou, meet Woody Mason. He's the banshee hybrid who saved my life when things went sour with Cassidy."
"Oh. Pleasure, sir," she said politely, inclining her head when he gave a goofy little wave. "I have to say though, Aerin has a weird knack for getting himself mixed up with attractive people. I'm not really supposed to say this, but damn... you're definitely a cutie."
Woody immediately flushed as red as his hair before stiffly whipping around and speed-walking for the kitchen; I watched as he scrambled to put away his groceries, then quickly scuttled off to the safety of his bedroom. The door clicked shut within moments and all I could do was blink.
"Great job, Lou," I deadpanned. "You traumatized him."
"Who, me?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow. "How dare you! Who would run from this?"
To my shock, she ran her hands down her figure and wriggled slyly, showing off her slim body.
"Louise M. Bardot!" I squalled, gaping at her with my eyes bugging. "You're being naughty!"
"Honey, I'm hot and single, and you're surrounded by ridiculously handsome men," she deadpanned, raising an irritated eyebrow. "Stepping outside of the therapist bubble, can you really blame me for being a bit jealous of who you keep company with?"
"No," I admitted, then frantically scolded, "but Woody isn't like most guys! He's... he's a bean. A sweet little bean who's very shy and not used to people being brazen! Plus, he's also got this really good thing going with Tiffany right now, so don't be naughty, at least not to him!"
"Oh, can it, Gramps, I'm not half as naughty as you," she yawned, rubbing her eyes. "Anyhoo, now that the tension's been deflated... I admit, I'm a little mad at you again."
"Again?" I pouted, sagging. "Sorry..."
"You better be," she snorted. "I got really scared all over again when you didn't pick up. I thought something bad might have happened, but seeing how you look and how you're behaving, I take it that things have, in fact, worked out between you two."
"You could tell?" Sebastian lowly inquired, raising an eyebrow. "What gave it away?"
"The fact that you're sitting so close together," she chimed, waving a dismissive hand. "Not to mention, I can clearly see that Aerin is literally nuzzling your bushy armpit hair... although, I don't know why. It's kind of gross for me to watch."
I flushed and instantly opened my mouth to tell her that it was a werewolf thing.
I never got the chance since Sebastian used his hand to fully bury my face in his pit.
"Since last he spoke with you," he rumbled, fingers twining into my hair, "he's changed his looks, gone dancing with me at a club, and sung his heart out to me. We've kissed under the stars in front of a beautiful oceanic city nightscape, and I've even put my mark on his throat."
Louise stared at him with slightly wider eyes, but aside from that her face was blank. "Is that so?"
"Nhn."
"And what else has happened between you two?"
"Many things," he growled, licking his teeth as he eyed her. "Because of him, I opened up to my... family... about my... previous lover, Jasper. I'm sure Aerin told you all about that, didn't he?"
"He did," she confirmed. "What of it?"
"Let's just say, I'm making changes," he rumbled, and with a wicked little grin he shifted his body again and used his grip to drag my burning face against his hairy underarm. "Two nights ago, Aerin and I made love for the first time. He's mine now... you have my word and my promise that I will never, ever hurt him again if that makes you feel better."
"You... made love?" she asked, tilting her head; a stray curl of dark hair fell across her glasses, but she pushed it away as she studied me rather than him. "Aerin lowered that barrier for you?"
"Oh, he most certainly did," Sebastian darkly chuckled, stroking the top of my head. "We've been dating officially since the night I took him dancing, and we're making huge progress. I've claimed three of his firsts during the last few days. Every second of it was... intoxicating."
I pulled back and stared at him with a frown, wondering what he was doing. His expression, his attitude, the superiority... it felt more like he was cockily showing off what he'd achieved with me than addressing the problems that had come along with that success.
The point of therapy wasn't to flaunt assets, it was to discuss issues.
"You're uncomfortable, Sebastian," Louise said quietly, and I felt an abrupt jerk on my hair; I winced, watching as his face changed from arrogant to something sharp and attentive. "I know that this may be jarring for you... some people have trouble with it at first, but if you want me to be able to help you solve your problems... first, you have to tell me what you think they are."
Oh. Ouch. Louise really wasn't pulling any punches.
I knew she'd seen right through him when his eyes turned bright yellow; he took a deep breath, and I half expected him to go off, but instead all he said was, "I knew from the start that you were a very cunning woman. I find myself highly irritated by that part of you yet again."
"Yep, I get that a lot," she sighed, pushing her glasses up her nose, "but I'm here to help you, so just... talk to me the way you would to someone close to you. Maybe someone from your pack--"
"You are not a werewolf," he spat, "and you are not part of my pack! The biggest problem I'm going to have with you, woman, is that I don't trust you... and if you know wolves..."
He trailed off, leaving whatever innuendo he was getting at hovering up in the air.
"They're always on their guard," she quietly finished, letting out a dismayed exhale; then her gaze sharpened. "You know what, though? Even from that I was able to discern a few things about you. First, you don't trust people even if they mean you no ill intent. Why is that?"
He stiffened against me, fist digging into my scalp.
"I've lived long enough to see repetitive behavior patterns in human beings," he replied in a calm voice that mismatched his body language. "Your kind don't live long enough to develop past a certain point, but you all deceive others constantly."
"That's your opinion on humanity," she pointed out, and I blinked. "Not your experiences."
"Hn," he acknowledged, then closed his eyes and said, "I, too, was young and naive once."
"Elaborate," she said, interested.
"I was... fooled... by terrible people, many times over," he said in that clipped, aggressive tone, angrily wriggling his jaw. "You never grow... numb... to being hurt by the people you trust, but with enough time you do learn to recognize the type who'll do it. People are deceitful by nature, and when you've lived as long as me, you can get very tired of underhanded bullshit."
"Interesting way of thinking," she said simply. "So, that's why you don't trust humans? Or is it trusting anyone?"
"Aside from a few specific blips of life on this world," he slickly retorted, "the rest of you humans are about as formless and worthless to me as smoke. I won't trust what I don't want or need."
Louise, to my surprise, actually smiled encouragingly and pulled out a pad with a pen attached to it so she could scribble something down.
"That's a good start to this," she told us, nodding. "Still, you seem very tense."
"Only a lot," he sourly joked.
"Do you trust Aerin, Sebastian?" she asked, and he froze, hand going still on my hair. "He's a vampire, as we've established, but the way you treated him when you first met him was beyond aggressive and cruel. I'm curious about this very drastic change in you... what brought it on?"
Sebastian was silent for a long time.
So long that I had to glance at him to make sure he was all right.
He looked pissed again, but not at me, or even at her.
He was refusing to meet her eyes.
"I was always attracted to him," he eventually muttered, "even when my mind was screaming at me to kill him, that he would attack me or hurt someone if I didn't take him out, the animal in me wouldn't let me do it. My wolf wanted him, craved him, lusted for him... long before I even knew what sort of soul he had, long before I saw the true nature of his heart."
"Oh?" Louise asked, raising a delicate eyebrow. "So, only two months have passed and... hmm, let's see, you've tried to kill him, stolen his home on a death threat, abused and mistreated him, deprived him of basic needs, and then you took him away from his home after pretty much changing it into something completely unrecognizable only to have him be abused some more by your mentally unstable and psychologically unsound pack mates. Then, when some of his most precious belongings were destroyed, you finally felt guilty and apologized. Correct?"
His eyes turned almost blinding, flaring to a yellow so intense they were almost white.
"Yesss," he nastily hissed, sounding vehemently pissed. "That is... correct."
"So, on the night he almost drowned," she continued, writing in the pad again, "he opened his heart and shared it with you. You fought, you insulted him, and then because you kept treating him like he was worthless, you caused him to fall--"
"I was trying to keep him from falling!" Sebastian roared, and I stiffened when I saw a vein pop out on his flushing forehead. "Watch your tongue!"
"He still fell," she said, and he tensed viciously; alarm swept through me. "After that night, you had a change of heart... seeing him at his worst brought out the guilt because you finally realized how helpless of a creature he was in the face of your own strength. You then realized just how wrong you were and decided to make it up to him so you wouldn't feel so guilty. Correct?"
"I... yes. Among other things."
"Well, from what he's said, I fully believe he had a psychological and emotional break," she said in a tone of bland pleasantness. "The whiplash from everything happening left him so unstable that he acted on pure instinct and kissed you that night. He was showing symptoms of having Stockholm syndrome long before you two eased yourselves into this."
"I won't let him believe he's obligated to stay here!" Sebastian immediately snarled, lunging forward with his lip curled back into a feral expression of rage. "Never! He was right in telling me that I had to let him go before we could be together! I hated it, but he was right! That's why I agreed to do it! No matter how much I want him, no matter how hard I love him, I cannot and will not force him into being with me! That is a choice he must make himself!"
"Good... progress," she allowed, smiling. "However, do you truly believe you know his heart?"
"I... yes."
"Hm," she drawled, tapping her chin before she continued writing, "well, no offense, but I don't think you do. Not after only two months."
"Who are you to--"
"Someone with a degree in mentally picking apart people's minds," Louise coldly interrupted him with a dead fish stare. "Your relationship has just barely become positive, and considering I've been talking with him for three years and I still don't know much about his heart, I'm sure you can understand my opinion on the matter. You two are basically strangers to each other."
I heard a chuffing nose and swallowed in discomfort.
Louise was being rather aggressive towards him, but I didn't have the courage to intervene.
"That is true," Sebastian suddenly agreed, and I turned to see that he no longer looked upset. His face had been schooled into that familiar bored look. "However, probing my psyche isn't going to change things. I love him, woman... I fucked him, too. He's mine now, so get used to me being in the picture. I'm not leaving anytime soon."
She raised an eyebrow and I made a face. "If you weren't part animal, I'd call you an asshole."
"Oh, I am an asshole," he snorted, sneering at her in disgust. "I never claimed to be otherwise... but you know what? I'm an asshole who feels and loves very deeply. This budding relationship Aerin and I have isn't some flimsy little thing that could be torn down by the first obstacle we run across. I fully intend to have him on my arm, writhing beneath me in my bed, and buried in my life and heart for the rest of eternity if he'll fucking have me."
Louise blinked, looking genuinely surprised. "You feel that strongly?"
"I do," he said without skipping a beat. "Aerin is mine. I'm not a fickle man. I know what I want, and I want him. Whatever true problems we have or need to work on shall be worked on, but as of right now I'm not even sure if anything needs to be addressed. At his request, I have chosen to leave the past in the past and wipe it all away with happier memories that he can treasure."
"After only two months," she deadpanned, seeming a little disbelieving. "Really."
Sebastian, however, turned so he could lean down and press his lips to my hair.
"Is it so hard to fathom?" he chuckled darkly. "This creature... he's just that fuckin' lovable."
I felt my skin grow hot and my heart started palpitating from a wash of embarrassment.
I shifted shyly, fiddling with my hands as he pulled my head against his underarm.
"Be that as it may..." she sighed. "Your violent side still concerns me."
"I'm a violent creature by nature," he bluntly shot back. "It's in my DNA. I'm more animal than man sometimes, particularly when it comes to things my mind perceives as a threat."
"If you hadn't said so, I wouldn't have known it, which is another issue," she told him flatly, and for whatever reason he glared. "You need to realize that the foundation for a relationship comes from the two people involved. Knowing things about you will help me and my ability to understand what course of action you two should take to be the best you can be."
"Then, what do you suggest?" Sebastian sarcastically demanded, rolling his eyes. "One on one therapy with you?"
Louise paused for a second, hand stopping with the writing.
"Actually... that wouldn't be a bad idea," she said slowly, mulling over it. "Would you be open to the idea of one on one sessions with me? I spoke with Aerin about this already, but considering how long you've been alive, you've definitely seen a lot of fucked up shit."
"Oh? And what makes you so certain?"
"Your ability to kill on command," she said, and I blinked. "You were alive during some of the worst wars this world has ever seen, so I'm sure you got the ability to kill without remorse or hesitation from past situations where you were put in danger or forced to fight to survive."
Sebastian, to my complete bafflement, went so still that he didn't even breathe.
For thirty seconds, he looked into her eyes through the screen without blinking.
"Fine," he eventually said, shaking his head with a twist of his lips. "You want to try getting inside my head? Be my guest. I'll even pay you to figure me out. I have a pack mate who's greatest gift is being able to read somebody just by looking at their eyes, and he still doesn't know me."
"Reading somebody's expression and body language isn't the same as talking with them about who they are and why they are the way they are," she smoothly informed him, and I watched as his face twitched in anger. "I want to know about you from you so I can help you become a better man than the one you are right now, Sebastian. That's what therapists like me are for."
"She has a point," I finally said, putting my hand on his arm; his eyes flew down to look at me, flitting across my features. "Maybe it might help you in a way you weren't expecting. You'll never know unless you try, right?"
His eyes searched my face, the irritation fading immensely as they did, and then he sighed.
Long, heavy, and full of defeat, he looked at Louise through the screen and tightened his lips.
"Fine, woman, you're hired," he said stoically. "I'll snatch your number from Aerin's phone and send you my billing and contact information. However, do not for a second take this as an invitation to try befriending me. It is nothing of the sort. I'm only tolerating you because of him."
"Fair enough," she chirped, folding her hands. "I look forward to working with you."
"Can't say the same, but... thank you."
As I sat there, Sebastian's free hand slowly slid down from my head and settled on my thigh.
"I have to get some rest," Louise said with another yawn. "I have an appointment with a client at ten in the morning and I need proper rest. Oh, Aerin, before I go... I have to tell you something."
"Hm?" I asked, snapping away from the way his fingers were patting my leg. "What is it?"
"Well," she said, hesitating. "Something sort of odd happened when I went to pick up those things you wanted from your apartment."
"What?" I demanded, instantly alarmed. "What happened? Are my things okay?"
"Oh, yeah, I got everything just fine," she instantly reassured me, then frowned a little. "It's just, while I was there this old woman showed up looking for you. She asked me if you lived in the apartment but I didn't know what to tell her so I was honest and said you'd moved out."
I frowned, puzzled, and carefully quipped, "an old woman?"
"Yeah... old, grey haired, wearing a cotton floral-print sundress and some very heavy old lady perfume. She was definitely a grandma, too," Louise told me, nodding. "She had two little kids with her. They were really cute. She asked for your phone number but I told her I couldn't give it to her without your permission and instead gave her mine. Told her I would talk to you."
"Who would come asking for me?" I muttered, genuinely confused. "I don't know anyone old enough to be a grandma, I don't think... I mean, unless you consider somebody from around Charleston. A few people there know me by sight and name, so it wouldn't be too far fetched if she'd simply come knocking with the hopes that I could babysit for her or something."
"Well, either way, I'll text you her number," Louise chimed, smiling; then she paused. "By the way, was the music box in your secret closet thing broken when you left?"
"Oh, that?" I asked, not really paying attention to the way Sebastian went rigid. "Yeah, it was broken beyond repair years ago and it can't be fixed. I only kept it because it was my mom's."
"Ah, gotcha," she said, frowning. "Be sure to send me the address you want me to ship this stuff to, okay?"
"Yeah, I will."
"Good," she sighed. "I'm glad to see things are going well, but the next time we do this, get ready for some uncomfortable questions because we're going to talk about the sex between you two."
My entire face went hot and I could only gape at her, unable to form words.
"You want details on our love making?" Sebastian deadpanned. "This isn't a three-person relationship, woman, and what happens in bed should stay between him and I."
"I agree with you," Louise immediately conceded, nodding at him, "but based on your history, it's clear that some of your future communication problems might come from how easily you can distract each other. There's obviously a strong physical connection between you two, but I feel like sex might turn into a coping mechanism for Aerin if you guys aren't careful."
"A... coping mechanism?"
"Yes," she chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Pardon my French, but I think it would be a good idea to have discussions on your emotions during intercourse, the way you feel before and after, and also the how of when you two... well..."
Instead of saying it, she made a very lewd gesture.
I blushed even harder, mortified, but Sebastian's glare slowly turned into a ferocious grin.
"How we fuck, you mean?" he asked, licking his teeth yet again; the hand on my thigh squeezed and I jumped. "We've only officially done it once, but tonight... well, let's just say if it's details you want, I'll make sure you have plenty by the next therapy session. How's that sound?"
Oh my God. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Louise seemed equally surprised, awkwardly squinting down at her pen and pad under the perverseness of his retort.
"All I can say at the moment is enjoy yourselves," she eventually allowed. "I don't know enough about you to make a suggestion on what should or shouldn't be done."
"Oh?"
"Yes. For example, the next full moon is tomorrow night," she said after a long time. "I'm not sure if your behavior becomes more animalistic near that night or if you simply behave the way you do all the time, but those sorts of questions can impact how well I'm able to help you."
"Hn... is that so?"
"Yep. I don't know how you behave, think, or feel, and I'm concerned that you being around for so long has heavily impacted your psyche. Doing therapy sessions with you will be a bit of a learning experience for me... if it goes well, I personally feel that maybe, someday, I might try to ease myself into the field of helping those who are supernatural... if it's possible."
"Wait, what?" I asked, startled. "You're thinking of becoming a shrink for monsters?"
"Perhaps," she said slowly. "When I look at you, I see someone who was literally lost for years and years with no visible end in sight and nobody to turn to when they needed help. It makes me wonder just how many other people like you are really out there. The idea of others being stuck in a similar situation makes me sick to my stomach. That's why I've been thinking about it."
I tried to find something to say, equal parts stunned and delighted by her words.
"You have a lot to learn, then," Sebastian grunted, dampening my mood. "Noble goal though it is, it'll take time to master... time that I don't think you have considering your lifespan."
"True," she droned, then smiled and cheekily piped, "but that won't stop me from trying. Now, I'm going back to bed. Hope you two enjoy the rest of your night and morning."
"Oh, we will," Sebastian promised, possessively slapping my thigh. "Believe me."
Louise rolled her eyes and promptly hung up.
Sebastian then took it upon himself to rise, pulling me to my feet. I swallowed hard as he slowly led me past the loft ladder, past the kitchen, down the hall, and right into my room. I stood still, staring at the bed when he quietly closed the door behind us.
Silence descended again.
Silence punctuated only by his breathing and my thumping heart.
And with that silence came the sadness I'd felt earlier, the heaviness of my sinking heart.
His breathing changed as my mood did, coming deeper, more aggressive and ragged.
"You haven't been the same since the ending of Castle in the Sky," he said quietly, and I felt a sudden warmth crest over my back as his hands pressed into my shoulders. "I can smell your sadness... and it makes me want to hurt whatever wounded your heart."
I could hear the rawness of his voice.
The frustration of his conversation with Lou hadn't left him, but I could tell he was worried.
I leaned back, letting my head thump against his chest. I stared bleakly at the wall, feeling the waves of depression undulating through me like poison, bringing my mood down, tearing away the joy that had filled me not even a few hours earlier, shattering through my optimism.
"I just miss my mom," I said simply. "Hearing her song... it brought back a lot of memories, that's all. I swear I'll be fine... and I'm sorry if my mood is upsetting you."
"Fool," he whispered into my hair, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss against my neck. "Don't apologize for feeling. Missing the people you once loved is something we all experience. I am here. I have you. I'll hold you tight and never... let go. I won't... leave you alone."
I sighed deeply, comforted by the feeling of his hot lips brushing the side of my neck.
"I love you, Sebastian," I murmured. "Thank you for putting up with Louise... I'm glad that you took this so seriously, and I'm glad you accepted her offer to help you in one on one therapy."
"Hn..."
He moved my long hair over my shoulders and my nerves jumped pleasantly when he nipped my nape, sharp teeth brushing against the ridge of my spine. He tugged my collar down, kissing, nibbling, big hands sliding to my elbows. The air suddenly changed and grew heavier, becoming charged with tension and something electric as his big, rigid groin dug into me from behind.
I could feel it through the fabric of the skirt.
I let him steer me over to the bed and remained still when he twisted me and gently lay me down on the mattress. I looked up at him, at those burning hellfire eyes, his heaving chest. Only, he looked angry... his eyes were blinding yellow, but there was a pained set to them.
"Please don't be sad," he breathed, huffing through his sharp teeth. "I hate that scent... I hate that look... I want to make it go away. Tell me what I have to do to make it go away..."
I stared at him, a little surprised by his words and overall request.
"Love me, Bash," I said without missing a beat, holding my arms out. "Just, come here and love me..."
He stared down at me, eyes glazed, but within a split second he turned into a blur and I jumped as his weight crashed down on top of me. I refused to look away from him when he straddled my thighs, snatched my wrists, and pinned them down beside my head, trapping me.
His head swung close to mine, wild chocolate curls framing his heavy brows.
Those eyes glimmered as our lips connected, sparking and tingling, and I trembled beneath him, toes curling as the heat pooled into my stomach. My depression was burned away under the force of his stare, melting under the tenderness of his lips.
The first kiss was gentle, promising even.
I could taste his dreams and desires for several moments after he let go of me to catch his ragged breath, coming hot and quickly and out of control. His eyes shone dimly, moving to and fro with something darker, pulling at me, trying to seduce me.
I shifted beneath him, trapped, my body framed by his.
It was impossible to escape him, but even if I could... his expression, the tone of his voice, his eyes, they all would have lured me right back in. A dark shadow crossed his face when I smiled at him... only to be replaced by an expression that made my breath catch in my throat.
He was hungry, full of want, but he looked like he wanted to savor me slowly.
"I love that you're mine," he spit through clenched teeth, placing burning kisses all the way from the corner of my mouth to my ear and sending shivers down my spine. "Love your taste... your smell... your feel, your beauty, I love it all. I want to mark you all over, claim you again, and again, even though you're already mine it drives me insane. I want to taint you with me."
His voice was deep, raw, fighting to explain how he felt.
"Taint me?" I asked in a small, dazed voice. "With you?"
"I want the world to know I've taken you," he uttered against my lips. "I want my essence on you, in you, all over you, my scent to sink into your body, to bury myself as deep as I can into you. I want a piece of me to always be with you no matter how far apart you go. I want to mark you all over again but in different ways. I can't... explain... how bad I want to fucking own you."
My stomach tightened into an aroused knot, and I could tell he sensed the change in my body.
When I shifted, he inhaled and those eyes slid open to look at me, his kissing lips smirking widely against my own. I felt his tongue brush me, tentatively, but then he pulled back and looked at my groin, eyes crinkling as he took in the effect he'd had on me.
I didn't tear my gaze from his roaming irises and simply lay still.
"I'm already yours," I softly reminded him, distantly, trying to wiggle out of his grip which only caused him to push down just a bit harder - acknowledging the difference in power between us.
Shaking his head, he leaned down again, nuzzling my hair with his nose.
"You can't even begin to understand how hard it is to keep my hands off you," he rasped, deep voice tickling my belly. "To not run my fingers through your hair and to kiss you senseless. To not snatch you away, to shove you against a wall and give you all of me, hard, rough."
"You've wanted to do that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Since when?"
"Oh, I've fantasized about giving it to you again and again in every single room of this cottage during all my waking moments since the night I first took you," he slickly informed me. "I've wanted to rut you so badly since then that it was almost physically painful."
His words alone were making my breath quicken, my heart almost exploding inside my chest. I could feel how hot our bodies were, pressed against each other, and yet there was still so much distance between us. His heart was racing against mine, searching to find a shared rhythm.
Swallowing hard, I replied, "then... do it. I'm already yours."
This made him look at me again, a strange expression on his face that I couldn't quite place, but most of all I could tell that it really took up his whole energy to restrain himself. It fed my already burning body, letting the flames consuming us burn even higher.
I wanted this. I wanted him. To feel him against me.
To see those eyes burning into mine as we became one yet again.
"I'm already yours, Sebastian," I whispered softly. "Body, heart, and soul... you have it all."
He licked his teeth yet again, looking me up and down like a lion sneaking in for the attack.
I was beginning to notice that he only ever did that when he was turned on or planning on being naughty, and I wondered if it was a habit of some sort. I had to admit, it was kind of hot seeing him eye me as if he were mentally undressing me with every intention of doing wicked things.
I had never been looked at like this, as if I were something that was wanted beyond reason.
His eyes took on a feral sheen as he leaned down.
The second kiss was just as gentle, but with a lot more force. Longing. Lust.
The moment he leaned in to press our bodies together, I knew that it was only the beginning. My head was spinning as he moved his lips against mine... he was just so close; his hands - finally freeing me - in my hair, on my back, supporting me, holding me, pulling me in.
And then, he pushed back and loomed high above me, sweat-plastered muscles rippling as he pulled his shirt over his head and exposed his broad chest. I swallowed and shakily tried to do the same, struggling to remove my knitted black sweater. Once it was off, I tossed it aside.
He looked at me, drinking in my body, and I looked at him, at the powerful shape of his torso.
Both of us completely undressed from the waist up.
Both of us staring at the other, as if unable to believe how hot what we were seeing was.
His burning fingers suddenly flowed over the massive bite scar on my shoulder, trailing against every divot and groove, and he paused for a moment, dark eyes landing on the scars from my childhood. I knew that they were ugly... and suddenly, seeing him see them, I felt ashamed.
I felt ashamed as his fingers followed the massive gouge from the center of my chest down in a wide curved line across my thin, pale stomach to the side of my right hip. His cuticles dusted the rough scar tissue, feather-light and gentle, giving my body a more thorough examination.
His eyes had narrowed, face drawn tight at the sight of my previously torn body.
It was the first time that he'd ever looked at my scars so thoroughly... they were as bad as they were because the surgical doctors had repeatedly cut me open and had peeled my skin back.
My lung had required a lot of work, after all.
Next, his eyes flitted to the spot directly below my left nipple where a deep, wide, very puckered line had been carved into my chest--a token of when they'd opened me to work on my heart. I took a breath, reminding myself that he knew I was scarred, reminding myself that he was, too.
My scars would never leave me and neither would his.
We were both broken people in our own way.
His fingers then moved to the line on my left side, just beneath my rib cage: one of the stab wounds William had given me. His Adam's apple bobbed as he caressed my scars, and it hit me that he was showing me love in his own way. Love that I wanted to reciprocate.
I wanted to show him that I loved every scar, every blemish, every imperfection on his body.
I would. I was going to.
Moving so I could touch his massive chest, I carefully sat up and eagerly placed soft kisses on each and every scar I could find, humming lowly against his skin. He rocked back on his heels, watching me shower love and attention on all the places he'd once been hurt, lips ghosting over previous places of pain.
He had more scars than me. Perhaps not nearly as big or disgusting as my own... but a lot.
He had been hurt many times.
It made my heart sink and ache to think that at some point, these had been gaping wounds.
I pulled myself out from between his legs, holding his waist tight, and once I was free I shifted to my knees so I could kiss a row of gunshot scars stretching below his collarbone, then a line from where he'd been stabbed by someone, and then a place where he'd been bitten by a vampire.
His hands warmed my spine, kneading my chilled skin as I kissed and licked every scar.
I don't know what came over me after that.
All I know is that I suddenly grew bolder, that I took control and gently tried to push him down on the bed, which to my muted surprise he willingly complied to. Seeing him lying on his back below me, massive chest heaving rather heavily, I had a hard time controlling myself.
I bit my lip, sharp fangs digging into skin as I fought to control my breathing, looking at him.
His eyes remained on mine as my pulse skyrocketed with desire.
"This is new," he suddenly noted. "You've never--"
"Shh," I soothingly hissed; when he slowly closed his mouth, I went ahead and tried to get him out of his trousers, which caused him to let out a grunt of surprise. He hadn't expected me to take the wheel, apparently, but it was happening. This was happening.
I was going to love him... to give him love.
Once the piece of clothing hit the floor, I shakily straddled his broad waist and put my hands on his shoulders. My hair slid around my face when I leaned down, covering our kiss like a soft brown curtain. My lips moved against his, setting the rhythm, but my pace became erratic when his hands clamped down on my butt and squeezed.
I pulled back, looking at him with my lips burning, as his hands balled in the skirt's fabric.
My face was hot and my ears were stinging as if I'd been slapped, but I watched as his gaze traveled all over my torso, getting darker and more possessive by the minute.
"You are so fucking beautiful," he hissed under his breath. "God... your ex was a lunatic if he ever made you think you weren't hot. I don't know why he never took advantage of you... God..."
"You're a better fuck than him, anyway," I numbly retorted, watching as his eyes abruptly widened in actual surprise; he stared at me, watching warily as I arched my back and tipped my head towards the ceiling, gripping my hair and exposing my throat. It was hard for me to think straight, to keep it together... the gravitational pull between us was unbearably strong.
I wanted him to know that I considered myself his.
I wanted him to know that this was real. That we were real.
That he did, in fact, own me the way he'd claimed to want.
Electricity ran through my entire body as he gripped my hips, squeezing them tightly.
"That pretty throat... so pretty..."
I breathed his name, and even to my own ears I could hear the longing and the need.
There was a short pause as he tensed up beneath me, eyes becoming almost black, and then he sprang faster than I've ever seen him move. One hand remained on my butt as he lunged upright, the other flying up to cradle my head, his fingers snatching my hair, making me gasp.
That gasp was silenced by his mouth, which caught mine and trapped it.
I felt the full length of his junk against my spine, forced there by the intimacy of our current position, but this kiss, our third kiss, had lost all its innocence. The dim light in my room was not able to hide the flickers of passion passing through it as our breaths came quicker and quicker.
Sebastian bit my neck only to be followed by a slow, languid lick, making me sigh involuntarily.
Every touch, no matter how light, sent a ripple of pleasure through my body.
Looking at his expression made my own passion gush up even higher and I reached out to him, cupping his face and pulling him down to meet my lips again.
When our eyes locked, every last breath escaped me.
Two dark stars, an expression full of love and lust... it was breathtaking. He took hold of me and held me against him, keeping me perfectly still. I felt his heart hammering against his chest, trying to outrun mine, when both of his hands slid to grip my thin belly, holding it tight.
His voice was calm and gentle, "this time... tell me if it... hurts."
I didn't know how to react.
I knew it was most likely going to hurt. You couldn't be his size and have it not.
But I was okay... I knew what to expect.
"I will," I weakly promised, closing my eyes. "Just... love me, Sebastian."
Without further prompting, he did just that.
And like before, his eyes never left mine, looking deep into my own.
Burning one message into my memory.
'I fucking love you.'