For a few days, my home just felt empty.
We didn't really want to come home, but according to the nurses, staying at the hospital wasn't a choice. For as long as we were allowed to, we stayed there and then at night, Mum and I would return home.
That was pretty much my life for a bit, just hospital and my house. That was all it all revolved around and honestly, I couldn't even think of anything else.
But after spending many days in hospital, my Dad was finally allowed to come home yesterday.
His health had really improved. There was still a bandage wrapped around the area of his bullet wound, and every now and then, he would wince in pain when he made too much of a sudden movement, but apart from that Dad was okay.
I could finally believed that.
My Mum, however, was a slightly different story.
It was like something inside her changed.
She would still smile and laugh but every now and then, I felt as if I could see pain in her eyes. It was like when we were in that waiting room, and she was just waiting and waiting to hear something positive. Although Dad was okay now, Mum still seemed like she was stuck in that moment.
Dad was extremely happy and thankful to be out of the hospital.
Ever since he had woken up, he was just cracking jokes as usual, like nothing had happened. Like he wasn't just shot.
A part of me was angry at how he could act like nothing had happened, but then again it was better than the alternative. I didn't want to see him unhappy or hurt, I like seeing him back to normal.
After Dad came home from the hospital, Liam and his family came over to see him, bringing some food and flowers too.
After that night, Liam didn't bring up my whole breakdown. Even when he was at the house, he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he smiled and nodded at me, and I did the same.
There were no words that needed to be spoken between us, just a silent acknowledgment that everything was okay.
Everything was in recovery.
***
It used to frustrate me when we were basically ordered to read a certain book for our English Lit class. It would never really be something that I wanted to read, my mind was quite into the fantasy genre, but of course we were never told to read those.
Those books weren't bad, in fact, they were a classic. But I could never really get into the stories - mostly because I didn't want to.
We always had to find the inner meanings and analyse it, I much preferred to just lose myself within the imaginative world created.
Much like I was doing now.
I liked reading things that I wanted to, especially the books that would create their own entire world. It quite like to imagine myself living in one of these universes - to be something more.
"Serena."
The sound of my name being called, suddenly pulled me out of my fantasy world and back into reality.
I looked towards the doorway of my room and saw Mum standing at the threshold.
She smiled at me and then walked into my room, taking a seat in front of me.
Immediately, I began to think of all the things I had done wrong in the recently. It was just this reflex, assuming that I was in trouble. Although, with my Dad being in hospital, I'd like to think I was pretty helpful around the house.
There was the instance, where two nights ago, I sat in the kitchen eating ice cream at two in morning. But, that was only because my Dad wanted it too. We sat in the kitchen eating ice cream together, like a couple of kids and honestly, it was so much fun.
I thought we were careful enough not to make a noise, since we both knew the consequence of waking up Mum, but clearly that didn't seem to work.
"I need to discuss something with you," she said and the tone of her voice sounded a lot more serious than it should be, about eating ice-cream at weird hours.
"Okay...." I said a little cautiously, putting away my book on the bed-side table and sitting up a little more straighter to face her.
Mum smiled. "Before I say what it is, I just need you to listen to me. No interrupting, just listen."
This all sounded a little more ominous, but I still just nodded my head.
"You know when I met your Dad, I thought he was an absolute ass," she stated.
I'll be honest, that wasn't exactly what I thought she would say.
My eyes widened, especially after Mum uttered the last word.
It's always weird and surprising, when I hear Mum say a curse word. She was the same person who'd glare at me, when I'd accidentally say one in front of her, after stubbing my toe or something.
Mum obviously found my shocked face amusing and laughed.
"The first time I met him, I was walking home from work, and he just bumped into me," she then continued. "He was in plain clothes at the time and I had no idea he was a police officer. Instead of apologising to me, he told me to watch where I was going," she said and rolled her eyes.
I knew this story, hearing it many times before. However, each time I'm told about it, I still want to listen.
"He was definitely good-looking, I'll admit that, but I was so mad. I gave him an earful about how he was in the wrong, that he should apologise to me and how he was being so rude. During my rant, instead of having any kind of look of guilt, the idiot was smirking," Mum scoffed at the memory.
I smiled because that was definitely something my Dad would do.
"I got so mad, that I just huffed and walked away. Days later, I was walking with a friend and then I met your Dad once again, only this time, he was in uniform. He looked a lot more better," she said.
Parents admitting their attraction towards each other is a little weird.
"I was shocked that I basically yelled at an officer, but I masked my shock, with a look of annoyance. I was going to walk away with my friend, until he stopped me. He told me that he liked me and then asked me out. I was so startled by his confession. He literally just met me, I yelled at him, and now he wants to ask me out? I just thought it was some sick joke. I turned him down and walked away, but of course that did not stop your Dad," she told me with a smile on her face, as she continued to reminisce.
"He arrested my friend for littering and brought him down to the station. I went all the way down there, ready to give him another earful. But when I did get there, I saw my friend just sitting there. Your Dad told me it was the only way he could think to make me come to him."
"I was even more shocked, when he apologised for being an ass before and then went on to tell me, he really liked me. He told me how beautiful I was and that when I yelled at him, in some weird, twisted way, it made him fall for me. His confession, melted my heart and I agreed to go out with him."
"From that day, to this day, and every single one in-between, I've continued to fall for your Dad," she said.
Every time that Mum would tell me this story, she'd always have this smile on her face, as if she were saying it for the first time. However, now she just seemed to be staring into oblivion. She still smiled but it looked sad.
After a moment, Mum shook her head and turned to face me.
"You must be so confused as to why I'm telling you this story, when I know you already know it?" She asked.
I nodded. "Kind of."
I wasn't expecting to see her eyes brimming with tears. "Rena, seeing your father like that, it scared me to my very core."
She looked up for a second, blinking and trying to keep the tears at bay it seemed, before looking back at me to continue. "I've been with your father for a very long time and not once have I ever been so afraid. I felt like even if I were to blink, I may lose him."
I took her hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze.
"He's okay," I reminded her.
She squeezed my hand and tried to smile. "I know that he's okay now, but I still have this fear in me."
"I was in the kitchen that day, when the doorbell rung. I assumed it was your Dad and had probably forgotten his keys again, but when I went to go open the door, I found two officers on my doorstep, telling me he'd been shot. I felt as if my whole world just stopped moving in that moment and I couldn't breathe."
A small traitorous tear escaped her eyes and she brushed it away.
"Ever since then, whenever I hear the sound of our doorbell, I get scared. I'm terrified, as if someone is going to give me some bad news again." She then moved forwards and cupped my face in her hands. "You and your Dad are my whole world, but whenever you're not in front of my eyes, and I hear that doorbell, I'm afraid. I don't want to live in fear."
I looked at her in confusion. "Mum, what are you saying?"
She sighed and looked at me, with what I could only describe as a lot of emotion in her eyes.
"Rena, there is a magazine publisher in another city and they want me to come in and be editor," she said. "They have been asking me for a while now, but I've been turning them down, because you had school and I didn't want to uproot your whole life for mine. I didn't want to take you away from your school, your friends, your life all of a sudden."
"But now, you're eighteen," she continued. "You're going to be going away to college and starting a new life, I feel like now this won't be uprooting your life so much now. I've told your Dad about this already, and he supports me and whatever decision I make, but it's not completely up to me, it can't be."
I couldn't help but wonder how long Mum had this opportunity waiting for her, how many times she'd turned it down for my sake, and how much she probably wanted this.
From what I knew, Mum loved her job. Being part of that world, it made her happy and it was her dream. I just thought I was insane that all this time, she had been delaying further progress in her field, only so that it wouldn't disturb me.
"What happens if you say yes?" I asked her.
"If I say yes, then we would move. Away from this house, this town, to a different city. Your Dad said he'd be able to get a transfer and continue working there. I've already explained to them, that you will be going away for college during the summer, so they said if it's easier, we can do the whole move when you leave for college."
"And if you say no?" I questioned.
"If I say no, then they offer the position to someone else. Nothing changes for us," she said.
As soon as she said the words, I saw that look of disappointment on her face.
"You don't want to say now," I commented.
Mum smiled at me, but it wasn't one that quite reached her eyes.
"I've worked so hard to get where I am, Rena. This does mean a lot to me, but you mean so much more. If I'm honest, then yes I would like to take this opportunity, not only for my career, but also because I get scared being alone in this house now. I don't want to feel that fear anymore."
"I know your Dad well enough, to know, that his first love is his duty. He'd never stop being a police offer, it would pain him so much. I hate that he has such a dangerous job, but I could never ask him to leave it. I know that this fear may follow me to the new place, especially since your father will still be an officer, but maybe a new place may give me some sort of relief. I don't want to feel suffocated in my own home, Rena," she said.
It was obvious just how much Mum needed this. It wasn't really about the job, but more about her wanting to just breathe again. Being here clearly terrified her, she didn't want that anymore.
She was right. No one should feel like that in their own home.
I remember years ago, Sara's neighbours' house was broken into. That scared her so much, she had nightmares and sleepless nights too. I would be on the phone with her, till she fell asleep some nights.
It wasn't exactly the same, but it would still break my heart if I saw my Mum go through that too.
"I know this is a lot of information to throw your way and a lot for you to process. I'm not asking you to make a decision now, but I just want you to think about it. Your opinion matters so much to me and this isn't something I can just decide on my own, especially since it will effect all of us. Whenever you decide, just let me know, okay? She asked.
I smiled at her and nodded. "I'll think about it," I told her.
"That's all I ask," Mum said and then pulled me into a hug, placing a kiss against my hair. "I love you, sweetheart."
"Love you too, Mum." I replied.
I've spent eighteen years of my life in this town. It's been home for so long. All that I know, is here. Everyone I care about, is here. But when I look at Mum, someone who I love so much, I realised she'd not happy here...at least not anymore.
I was at a party when I got that call and occasionally, getting a call raised the hairs at the back of my neck. I know internally that nothing is wrong, but that night I picked up the phone assuming the same.
But this is home. This is where you're meant to relax, you're meant be comfortable, you're not supposed to feel on edge.
Eighteen years, but I guess that's only my life so far. Home, could be somewhere else.
I don't really need to stay here, but Mum needs to move. She can't be here. I love her too much to see her turn down this opportunity once again, to force herself to answer the door and hope that it's nothing like last time.
I just can't let her do that to herself. I love her too much to let her go through that.
It's because I love her so much, I've already made my decision...