After yesterdays events things just went from bad to worse, the sudden phone call i got from parents was terrible they both scolded me for not telling them sooner that i was married and in-fact expecting there first Grandchild, but now my mom had insisted that she was getting a flight straight to L.A to be with me, me being her only child made her want to protect me even more i thought about how i would feel about my own baby being across seas from me and i could kind of see her point of view, but thankfully i had years yet i just hopped i wouldn't turn out a overly protective mother like my mom, i wanted my baby to be free to do anything once it didn't risk there life's in anyway.
I sighed pushing my hair back off my face as i applied my black eyeshadow, i was sick of looking and feeling like crap all the time it just wasn't attractive, when i was somewhat happy with my work i sat back in my vanity chair and gave my self the once over, i looked the same i wasn't sure what i expected to see different but to my eyes i just looked normal expect for the fact that i was losing a awful alot of weight so much so that my once chubby cheeks were hallow looking against my high cheek bones, slowly i raised my hand up to my face trailing my fingers down my cheeks and neck before stopping to briefly linger my finger on my shoulder as the memory of Ronnie's kiss and words from last-night flooded through my mind, 'I have never loved anyone the way i have loved you', i closed my eyes tight as his gorgeous haunted voice drifted faintly through my mind and suppressed a shudder, I slowly opened my eyes as my stomach turned slightly reminded me of Lil'Radke presence, i smiled reaching down and patting my tummy "I know you're there Bubba", i whispered down feeling pride and love for this little person i haven't even meet yet, Even though it was still early days i hoped nothing unfortunate would happen, Doc. Fisher had warned me that the first 3 months of Pregnancy a miscarriage could accrue at anytime if i could do anything to prevent that i would even if it meant staying away from Ronnie for 3 months, my whole body collapsed in on itself as i thought that, A Knock on the door intrupted my thoughts i got up quickly and headed to answer the door.
Kasey looked me up and down as she stood on my door step holding up a big bag of marshmallows and chocolate, "Need company?.
I smiled broadly at her "I would love it", i had told Kasey last-night on the phone about making Ronnie go and Kasey like the brilliant friend she was, was here to support me, i stepped aside as Kasey made her way into the living room, "Kasey i really appreciate this".
"What are friends for", Kasey smiled at me as i turned around to face her before making our way into the kitchen.
"So he really went to Lexus?", she frowned as she set the marshmallows and chocolate down on the table, I Nodded keeping my back to Kasey as i worked the coffee machine, "What a idiot", she hissed.
I turned around pressing my back against the counter feeling the slight sting at her calling Ronnie a idiot but i said nothing i just gave her a small sad smile.
"Liisa you're looking after yourself right?", Kasey frowned stepping forward, "Its not just you anymore".
"I know that", I looked down to my tummy gripping the counter "See Lil'Radke your aunt Kasey is worried", i whispered jokingly.
"Lil'Radke?", Kasey shook her head smiling before continuing "Your aunt and hopefully god-mother if your mom is clever enough to choose me", Kasey added batting her eyelashes at me.
I frowned "Of course you will be, who else would make a better job?".
Kasey grinned and engulfing me in a big bear hug "Oh Lis, you know I'm going to spoil her", Kasey cooned.
"Him/her", i reminded her, it was way to early to know the sex of my baby, but i was planning on finding out the gender before the baby was born.
"What are you hoping for?", Kasey asked as she stepped away from me and over to the marshmallows
"Honestly?, i don't care once there healthy", which i didn't a boy or a girl would be a blessing.
"Imagine if it was twins", Kasey joked as she ripped open the marshmallow bag and popped one in her mouth.
"I'm pretty sure its just the one, i hope it not two", thinking about twins made me feel sick or was it just watching Kasey eat that made me feel queasy.
Kasey frowned at my green complexion, "Have you been eating?".
"Crackers and water is the only thing i can keep down", i shrugged but even that made me feel nausea.
"Lis, you need to be eating more your baby needs it", Kasey frowned disappointingly at me "Have you started your folic acid yet either?".
I was so new to this, i didn't know everything apparently it was good for the baby, "Not yet i need to get some", i said ashamed.
Kasey shook her head exasperated "See Lil'Radke your mom needs reminding", Kasey pointed at my tummy.
i laughed out loud it felt seriously good to be laughing when all i was doing lately was crying, "Thank god i have aunt Kasey to remind me bubba".
We both burst out laughing at each-other for talking to my tummy, it was so much fun i even got insults in at Kasey to Lil'Radke along with hers, we sat talking for along time while i sipped water and ate crackers all the time feeling horribly sick while i watched Kasey drink coffee and eat junk food but other then that i had fun i was smiling, i had the most supportive best friend ever i was so grateful for her.
"Have you thought of any names?", Kasey asked around a sip of her coffee.
I really wished i wasn't sick of the sight of everything because i missed drinking coffee i sighed inwardly, "Sort of", i whispered.
Kasey leaned forward resting her elbows on the table, "What are they?".
"If its a Boy Ethan Radke and if its a Girl Eva Radke maybe", I always liked them names especially Eva because secretly it was short for 'Evanescence' the band that i really liked.
"Aw there both lovely names Liisa", Kasey reached forward patting my hand.
I smiled softly and wondered if Ronnie would like them names suddenly i felt sad i didn't want my baby growning up without there father but what if we really weren't meant to be, tears started to form in my eyes "Kasey what if me and Ronnie aren't meant for each-other", i chocked back on my tears.
Kasey stared at me gripping my hand "You and Ronnie are so made for each-other Lis, the way he looks at you when he thinks no ones looking is like your a goddess", Kasey smiled reassuringly at me.
I bit the inside of my lip "Kasey i love him so much it hurts, i just want it to be easy", i couldn't hold back my tears now i let them flow.
Kasey reached into her bag pulling out a tissue handing it to me, "Love isn't easy, its hard Lis, it was never meant to be easy".
I looked up into my best friends face trying to smile, she looked Happy were she was in life now and i wondered how she and Aaron were getting on, before i could open my mouth Kasey spoke over me.
"Lis, have you and Aaron had a disagreement?", Kasey lifted her cup back up to her mouth staring at me.
I felt a pang in my chest remember the night he made a pass at me and shuddered in a bad way, i didn't want to be the one to tell Kasey that was Aaron's job, "Sort of", i breathed not saying anything else.
"About what?, is it something he said that i should know?, it must be serious!", Kasey hands stilled as her eyes playing out all scenes.
I sighed out loud "Kasey ask Aaron", i said it simply.
she stared at me about to say something but then shut her mouth and nodding she was slightly disappointed that i hadn't told her myself.
I felt guilty but Aaron should be the one to answer Kasey questions not me, the topic changed back to Baby stuff and the tension in the air turned back joking as we started bringing the baby into everything we were saying about each-other like as if the baby could even hear us, but i knew it couldn't not yet, i couldn't wait for when it did i was dying to play my baby awesome music while he/she chilled out in my womb from the greats like My Chemical Romance, Falling In Reverse there daddy's band and alot more, they say the music you play for your baby is the music they grow up liking it was seriously cool imaging my baby decked out in all cool clothes even the idea of him/her as a little baby Radke look alike, my heart let out a painful thud just thinking of Ronnie, i seriously wished things weren't so messed up and that he reacted differently to our first baby news, but what did i expect i did Marry Ronnie Radke after all, i knew he wasn't perfect but i still Loved him more then i ever did anything in my entire life time, but at least Lil'Radke love for me will always be life long and unconditional even if things between me and there daddy didn't work out, for my sanity i hoped it would...
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Ronnie slouched back in the computer chair his legs propped up on the desk his ankles crossed over one another while he spun his wedding ring around between his fingers, ever since last-night events he had been internally kicking himself for the veil way he had treated the love of his life, because that what she was his one true love, yes he had many relationships before her but non ever came close to the way she made him feel, she made everything OK even when they weren't, he felt he had really lost her now not only her but his unborn baby who up until yesterday he didn't know existed, Ronnie wished he hadn't stormed out leaving her to cry by herself he also wished he had never gone to Lexus even though nothing had happened not only was Ronnie married but Lexus was only newly married to, to Nicolas Matthews old lead singer from Get Scared, Ronnie just wasn't thinking right she only told him what Ryan told him, 'Don't be like your mother Ronnie, Liisa loves you don't screw up', but he had yet again screwed up, everything was so messed up not only did his wife kick him out but he was also up in charges for hitting that prick Craig Mabbitt, He deserved it Ronnie thought frowning, he deserved every blow he got.
"I'm so stupid", Ronnie whispered to himself rolling his wedding ring back down onto his finger back in place, "Liisa doesn't deserve my bullshit", Ronnie pulled his feet down off the table sighing, she deserves much better then him but he didn't want her to have better because he wanted her, he especially didn't want his unborn child hating him the way he hated his own mother, "I'll be dammed", he said more loudly as he got to his feet walking out of the room, he wasn't going to lose Liisa over his dead body.
Ryan looked up as he descended down the stairs, "Where you going man?", he asked curiously.
"To see Lexus, Liisa needs to know i haven't slept with her", Ronnie pulled his jacket on fixing his hair, he seen Ryan smile behind him in the mirror, the only one who could help him sort all this mess out right now was Lexus he had to go see her, in order to save his marriage...
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