I turned over in bed looking at the bedside clock it was 6 am and Ronnie still hadn't come home, i curled up into a ball under the covers i had spent most of the night crying since he left me here alone, not even a call or text messages from him, i still couldn't believe he asked me to get rid of Lil'Radke, i stifled back a sniffle running my hands down over my tummy feeling the loneliest i have ever felt in my whole life, not only was i in another country away from my family but my husband just up and left me because i was carrying his baby, i felt mad so mad but so sad all at once.
I pulled the covers down off my head when i heard keys scraping the front door and a curse, Ronnie must have hurt his foot walking in, i nuzzled my face deeper into the pillow and eyed the door, the handle to the bedroom door turned and i automatically closed my eyes pretending i was asleep, i wasn't up for facing Ronnie yet not now i was just to upset and angry, i listened to his breath as he walked into the room and sat down on my side of the bed i opened my eyes when i felt a feather brush of his fingers push my hair back off my face.
Ronnie was still wearing the shirt he wore to court and black jeans, he looked tired and his hair was a mess "Good Girl", Ronnie leaned down brushing his lips off my forehead.
i didn't say anything i just blinked slowly not sure what to do, his lips grazed down the side of my face along down to my ear where he caught my ear lobe between his teeth and i shuddered, no matter how mad i was my body always seemed to make me react to his touch.
Ronnie pulled the covers back off my body as his lips kept up there assault of my ear my whole south contracted i pressed my knees together from the feeling, Ronnie quickly kneeled up on the bed grabbing my legs pulling them apart, i raised my knees without thinking and watched as he undone his jeans to pull out his erection, Ronnie leaned down over me putting his hand above my head and his other hand holding his thick erection as he guided himself between my legs and into me, i arched moaning feeling every inch of his erection inside of me, it was a welcomed feeling there was nothing in the world i loved more then being this close to Ronnie, Ronnie gripped a hand full of the pillow underneath my head and began moving and circling his hips, the pleasure was unbearable i noticed since i feel pregnant that even simple sex was 100 times better.
"Uh-your so wet" Ronnie growled into my ear moving his hips faster, that was another thing about the pregnancy the sexual arousal intensified to, i ran my fingers roughly up his back causing him to moan out loud and matched his hard thrusts, every move made the muscles in the end of my stomach clench and tingle i arched back holding Ronnie's shoulder blades and braced myself for the organism that built and suddenly i let go with a cry out, Ronnie followed after me with a loud grunt from his release before pressing his full weight down on-top of me, i stared up at the ceiling feeling breathless and suddenly so emotional my anger and sadness flooded back and i chocked on the emotion.
"I'm so sorry baby", Ronnie kissed up and down my neck before looking up and searching my face, "Liisa I'm so fucking sorry", he trailed his fingers down my face wiping the stray tears away.
"You can be so cruel Ronnie", I chocked on the lump in my throat, Ronnie wasn't a angel he did have a side to him i didn't like, but there was the other side, the side he was showing me now that i loved i knew he wasn't perfect that his temper was somethings uncalled for but i loved him anyway.
"I Know baby, i shouldn't have left you alone but i had to get out", Ronnie kissed my cheek softly while his hand kept up the sooth strokes of my hair.
"Why, why would you make me choose?", I felt the anger rise up into my stomach and felt lightheaded from his tender kisses.
"Because" Ronnie shrugged looking ashamed of his actions he didn't know how to continue.
"Where were you?", i thought about alot of places Ronnie would go and i hoped none of them where girls.
"I went to Ryan's" Ronnie sighed shaking his head "I told Ryan about you and-" Ronnie looked down between us before looking back at me "He said things that really made sense", Ronnie rested his forehead against mine breathing calmly.
I stared into his deep brown eyes searching them not to sure what to think, at least he went to Ryan's and not a woman's house that was a relief, "What are you saying?", I whispered.
"I'm saying, i don't want to be like my mother", Ronnie tightened his grip on the sheets underneath me, "Liisa please forgive me i was out of line, I love you, I love you so much, i don't want this thing to ruin us", Ronnie's voice was pleading and his eyes seemed really lost.
"Thing?, you mean baby", I whispered feeling sick at the word 'Thing'.
"Our baby" Ronnie gave me a smile but it seemed off, "We ain't ready but we will manage", Ronnie kissed my cheek gently.
His sudden change of words were shocking it made me skeptical why was he saying this?, not more then 12 hours ago he was telling me to get rid of the baby, "Why have you changed your mind?".
Ronnie looked down at me his face not really giving much away "Because i love you, and your my wife, what kind of man would it make me if i up and left you", Ronnie sighed shaking his head, "I never want to be anything like my mother, i hate my mother", Ronnie fists curled into fists just talking about her.
I felt sorry all of a sudden "You wont be like your mother you will make a good Daddy", I whispered kissing his chin.
Ronnie didn't know what way to react at be called a daddy he just made a awkward 'hmp' in the back of his throat, "I can only try", his lips found mine and i kissed him back trailing my fingers slowly down his back.
"Everything you do Ronnie is perfect, like music you adapt quick so will this", I whispered against his lips.
"Maybe", Ronnie rolled off beside me pulling me into his arms "I will try baby, I'm going to try being a good dad", the words came out distorted and i still wasn't sure what he was really thinking, did Ryan's words really hit home to Ronnie?, if so i was going to have to thank Ryan for setting Ronnie on the clear path.
"Did you go anywhere else but Ryan's?", i had to ask it was annoying me.
Ronnie was stroking my back but stilled his fingers at my question, "No just Ryan's".
Suddenly i felt suspicious but dropped the question, i laid in his arms quietly thinking about why he acted so weird to my question, why would he react like that unless he was with someone else?, Ronnie's hand kept up the slow rhythm up and down my back until he feel asleep, looking up into his sleeping face he looked at piece and younger, this man was my beautiful husband but he was also hiding something from me, slowly i eased myself out of his arms and shuffled off the bed careful not to wake him up, i looked around the room not sure what i would find until i spotted his computer on the tabled in-front of our bed, quietly i rushed over and lifted it up without another word i walked quietly out of the room and into the kitchen, i wasn't sure what i would find but i had to do something he was keeping something from me, Storm and Charlie were quiet asleep out the back when i glanced out at the early dull morning, Storm had really grown now since i had got him he was nearly the same size as Charlie but he was going to be even bigger by the age of one, placing the laptop on the counter i turned on Ronnie laptop and waited for it to boot up then clicked on the Internet, Ronnie always left his Facebook and Twitter logged in so maybe there was a clue there, quickly i swiped my fingers across the keyboard looking off towards the bedroom as i typed in Twitter in the search engine and clicking onto Ronnie's twitter but there was no direct messages just tons of tweets from fans i opened up another tab and typed Facebook in it took me to Ronnie's Facebook page there was a notification on his private messages i hovered over the '1' new message feeling guilty but i had to know, i tapped it and the messages opened, i was shocked when i read the name.
Lexus Amanda
2 hours ago...
'Ronnie it was a surprise seeing you tonight and no I'm not mad at you anymore how could i be mad at you?, about the 'situation' it will be OK don't worry i wont say anything to anyone i promise. Lexus x.
My whole body felt cold, Situation? what situation and why in the hell did he go see Lexus?, suddenly i felt sick i rested my head on my arms on the counter shuddering, why would he lie about not seeing anyone else but Ryan?, unless something happened he wouldn't would he?, is that why he felt so guilty? so guilty that he finally decided being a dad wouldn't be that bad after all?, alot ran through my mind, but the one thing that stuck there was Ronnie and Lexus being intimate together my heart nearly exploded from heartbreak...
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I couldn't take it any longer i had waited hours for Ronnie to wake up but he didn't, i filled a glass of water and walked into the bedroom i was pretty sure my eyes were puffy and red from the crying i was doing, i stood near the bed and actually through the water into his face.
Ronnie shot up straight in the bed gasping, "What the fuck Liisa?", Ronnie looked at me shocked and confused, "Why did you do that for?".
"Your lucky it wasn't something hot", i slammed the glass down on the table it shattered i hadn't meant to use that much force but the shards accidentally cut my hand, i scrunched my nose up at the pain.
"JESUS Liisa", Ronnie jumped up pacing quickly to my side reaching for my hand.
"Don't touch me", I stepped back shaking my head angrily.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?", Ronnie stared at me his patients running thin.
"Like you don't know", I shouted, my palm felt wet from the blood coming from my wound.
"Liisa your insane, what have i done?", Ronnie raised his voice alittle but he wasn't yelling not yet anyway, he just seemed alarmed.
"Lexus, that's what, i checked your Facebook she left you a nice message", I leered at him, the images of Lexus all over my husband made me want to vomit.
Ronnie's eyes widen then he looked abit mad "You went through my messages?", Ronnie stepped forward clearly angry now.
"Did you fuck her?", I shouted in his face clearing the distance between us, maybe i was daft but i always stood my ground.
Ronnie flinched reaching out to me "No, Jesus your hormones are fucking driving you mad".
Hormones?, oh no he just didn't use my Hormones against me, "Hormones?, i will show you hormones", I turned picking up a small statue throwing it towards him.
Ronnie ducked out of the way staring at me shocked "Lis, babe calm down", Ronnie raised his hands up.
"Did you fuck her?", I shouted yet again all this stress lately wasn't good, my health was going to be affected.
"Lis, i did go to Lexus, but nothing happened", Ronnie straightened his posture staring at me then down to my hand "Baby you need to get that looked at, Please let me", Ronnie halted when i put my hand up stopping him.
"Why would you go there?", Tears began running down my face soaking my cheeks.
Ronnie ranked his hand through his hair "I don't know i just needed someone to talk to", Ronnie tilted his head searching my face.
"You had Ryan to talk to", the lump in my throat distorted my words.
"That was after i spoke to Lexus, Liisa please nothing happened Lexus just told me what Ryan told me", Ronnie glanced down again at my hand frowning.
"first Debra lying, now another girl", I shook my head exasperated, i hated the way girls always seemed to be around Ronnie and lusting after him, i felt deflated and tired suddenly, i should be relaxing and happy yet i was standing here crying and upset, my poor baby was probably feeling this stress, i reached my hand down to my stomach Ronnie eyes followed my hand movement, i didn't want to fight anymore "Ronnie just go", i breathed turning my back to him, i felt like i had enough.
"What, Lis-" Ronnie began but i spoke over him.
"I'm tired just leave Ronnie go to Ryan's, or maybe Lexus, see if i care", my words came out in a venomous way but i didn't care.
"Your hand, Lis i don't want to leave", Ronnie stepped close behind me touching my arm.
I shrugged his hand away stepping away from him, "Fine if you don't go i will", I rushed over to the walk in wardrobe pulling draws open.
Ronnie sighed rubbing his forehead, "Fine, Fuck i will go", Ronnie said sadly.
I kept my back to him but felt his eyes burn into the back of my head i said nothing i just waited for him to get the fuck out.
Ronnie stepped forward "I love you baby", Ronnie kissed my shoulder making me close my eyes and turn my head away he sighed "I will be at Ryan's, Not Lexus", Ronnie went quite waiting for me to respond but when i didn't he continued "I have never loved anyone the way i have loved you", Ronnie turned leaving before pausing at the door way, tears stung my eyes as i bit down on my lip, "Never! Good Girl", and with that Ronnie walked into the hall and out of the house for the second time in 15 hours, i lifted my hand up to my face watching as my hand bleed from the wound it wasn't that deep but there was a hell of alot of blood coming from it, i didn't think i needed stitches but i would have to stop the bleeding, sadly i walked into the bathroom and searched for anything to stop the blood flow, soon enough it began to ease i sat quietly for along time on the edge of the bathtub just staring at my reflection in the mirror, i looked like the girl from 'The ring' it wasn't attractive at all...