Sam goes to a shop and loves a lovely blue shirt (Disclaimer: Discrimination towards other colours is not intended). The fabric's great, the price's low. It looks damn pretty! However, Sam realises that there's no shirt of her size. Well, a very sad story.
But, my point wasn't to tell you this silly sad story but to tell you that sometimes, it's the same with people. Sometimes, people aren't bad, it's just they don't fit.
Recently, I've had instances where, well let's call the person A, A wanted to break up with B. When A communicated her feelings to B and how things aren't working out, B got furious! B went about cussing A, telling everyone how A is insensitive, immoral, how A used B, how A didn't care about the efforts B put in. Sounds familiar? Well, that's what happens.
It's so normal and frequent to watch two people, who were formerly in good terms with each other, fall apart for whatsoever reason and then the remnants of their feelings towards each other are those of bitterness. They try to put up a bad picture of the other person in their head, trying to justifying the breakup.
But here's the reality. It's not the shirt that's bad, it's just it's not available in your size.
Relationships are very fragile. They need a lot of efforts, communication, care, love, affection BUT most important of all, connection. Sometimes, no matter how much efforts you put in, it's not gonna work out. There's no reason why. It's just how things are sometimes meant to be.
We need to accept that.
Not for them, but for ourselves. When we accept that people aren't generically bad but it's just that they're not right for you, we learn to let go of so many negative emotions that come with it. We let go of the low self esteem we might have had, because of the failed relationship. We learn to accept and embrace ourselves a lot more, because now we know that it wasn't our fault, or their fault that it didn't work out. We forgive and forget and move on and expand ourselves to a wider range of people. And sometimes, if we do not carry around the bitterness, we might actually be able to connect with that person some other time in the future.
It's okay if we had put in a lot of efforts to make this work. Even if it didn't work out, guess what? You came to realise how much love, kindness and care you can give away without being reciprocated. It's okay if people aren't there for us. You are here. You are breathing. The only thing that is permanent is you. The living, breathing you. Learn to embrace yourself. Learn to look after yourself. You're the greatest gift. Learn to preserve the present.
Lesson noted: It's okay if the shirt doesn't fit. You can always find a new shirt.