"There you are!" Wendy exclaimed, bursting through the door of Butters' basement with Bebe and Annie. Kenny and I were sharing a bean bag on the floor, and Butters was laying on the carpet eating the last of the pizza.
"What the hell are you doing here?? We've been trying to get ahold of you on the Walkie all day!!" She exclaimed.
"We're watching Breaking Bad," I said, "And I turned the Walkie Talkie off hours ago."
"Shh! We're about to get to the part where- he had to make that toxic gas to kill those guys in the RV!!" Butters said.
"Oh my god, he does what??" I grinned at the screen.
"Heidi told us about what happened with the boys, and the Pringles. Did you really have them hidden this whole time??" Bebe questioned me.
"Yeah, but listen, we were going to tell everyone eventually, when we thought it was the right time. You do know what will happen if the Pringles are known to the public..." I squinted at her, sipping some orange soda out of Kenny's half empty can.
"Whatever, that doesn't matter right now. What are we going to do about the boys?" Wendy questioned. Kenny and I looked at each other.
"Fuck if we know." Kenny shrugged.
"What?? What kind of answer is that??" She asked.
"A truthful one. Kyle and Cartman still want me dead, and now that they know where to look, they're going to get the new Pringles flavor. At that point, that's when we start worrying about it." I said.
"Are you serious?? We have to start worrying now!!" Annie shouted.
"Why? Just to start back at square one? So let's say we do get the Pringles back. And then what? The boys still don't trust us, and then the whole town will be after us too! The least we could do it let them have it." I said.
"They don't have to know it was us!!" She said.
"Right. And who will Kyle and Cartman think took it? The tooth fairy?" I gave her a look.
"So you're just going to let them have it? Let Cartman have the Damon's power??" Wendy repeated the words thoroughly.
"There's really not much we can do. We were going to start thinking about a plan after Cartman got ahold of them officailly." I said, focusing on the show again.
"He'll kill you, before we come up with anything!" She said.
"Well... Kenny said he'd protect me..." I mumbled.
"Yep." He agreed, watching the TV but still listening to our conveesation.
"Kenny, think about that. If Cartman were to hold a gun to Y/n's head, you'd actually stand in front of her and take that real bullet? And you'd accept the fact that you'd actually never come back because you'd be dead??" Bebe questioned him seriously.
"Yeah, it's not really that complicated, Bebe." He finally eyed her, crossing his legs.
"If Cartman sent the whole town to grab her and tear her into pieces, you'd actually sacrifice yourself in her place? Have your skin ripped open, and tendons torn??"
"I'd wear a wig that looks like her hair, and everything." Kenny proclaimed, making me giggle and blush at him.
"I'm being serious, Kenny!!" Bebe exclaimed.
"So am I..." Kenny glared at her.
"You guys. Do you know how powerful those Pringles are? Have you seriously given up that easily?? We'll never be able to stop him if they get into his hands!!" Wendy said.
"Guess we'll die." I shrugged. It went silent as we were finally able to focus on our show. We watched Walter being held at gun point, so he'd be forced to make the bad guys some more blue-crystal Meth. But then he throws some chemicals into some other chemicals, and runs out the door, locking the other guys inside the RV. They pound on the door for a while, trying to escape the fumes, and suddenly they stop...
"Holy shit!! That was awesome!" I grinned at the T.V.
"Yeah." Kenny giggled.
"You guys just don't care... do you?" We looked at Wendy again, "You don't care if our families die, or if the world ends? You just care about yourselves and this stupid show. You probably wanted this to happen!!" She said. Kenny finally looked over, and sat up from the bean bag.
"Stop it," He said simply, "Or else you can leave too, just like Stan and Kyle... I don't want to hear this again. Y/n doesn't deserve it."
"Yeah I'm tired of getting accused of not caring, when I've really been the only one trying to stop man-bear-pig. Kyle and Stan have been chasing their own tails for the Pringles, and Cartman's just obsessed with tracking me down. I did all that I could, and now I'M stuck at a dead fucking end!" I explained, starting to get kind of worked up. I jumped to my feet.
"I'm tired of this too!... I'm tired of this stupid, dependant, and ungrateful town trying to fuck me over, when I've been doing everything in my power to help you guys!" I told her.
"We know. Don't you see?? That's why we need you. You're the only person who's cared enough to get us this far! You had such a good plan until we wrecked it all! Well.... it was mostly Butters, but we can all take part of the blame, because I know it had to have been stressful dealing with us!" She said to me.
"Yeah, and besides... We still can't talk to the boys anymore than they can talk to us. They have no respect for us, and we have no respect for them! We're still counting on you to fix us." Bebe added.
"Come on, Y/n. We know everyone's been taking you for granted, but not us. We're saying this right here, right now. We need you." Annie told me.
"Wooh! I just got chills... did you hear that?" I smiled at Kenny. He gave me a sweet look.
"Okay, fine, I'm convinced. So uh... what are our options here? We could... kill Stan's Dad?" I wondered.
"No." Everyone said.
"Alright... well um... well what if we didn't do anything to stop Stan' s Dad?" I asked. They all looked at each other in confusion.
"You know. If Stan's Dad gets a hold on the Pringles, Cartman won't be able to do shit to get them back." I said.
"Actually, yeah. As long as Cartman can't use them against anyone in particular, we should be okay. If we can get the Mayor to keep them hidden again, locked up or something, they won't see the Pringles until the ceremony, and they won't be able to do shit by the time the town goes crazy." Kenny said.
"Right!!" I grinned.
"What will we do when the town does go crazy?" Wendy questioned.
"We'll just have to.... survive." I smiled.
"You seem way too excited about that." Annie told me.
"Yeah... I've always wanted to live in some post-apocolyptic version of Earth." I sighed, imagining how much fun it would be.
"Well, it's late so I think it's the perfect time to get going. I'll go to City hall, and you guys think of a way to keep the boys at bay." Wendy said.
"Rodger that.... But uh... can we wait until the morning? This is getting really good." I smiled at her, pointing at the screen with my thumb as I sat back down.
"Fine. But I'm heading to City Hall tonight." She said.
"Tear 'em apart, Wendy." I smiled, squirming deep into the depths of the bean bag, and laying my head on Kenny's shoulder.
"See ya." They walked back up the stairs.
Three Days Pass
"O-Oh god... oh Jesus!!" Tweek screamed, sitting up on the couch from his horrible dream. Craig's eyes groggily opened up after he started huffing and shaking. The TV was still on blairing the Cops theme song, from before they both fell asleep.
"Tweek...? What did you dream about? Did that crazy dude from episode twenty two give you a nightmare?" Craig rubbed his eyes, putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder.
"N-no!! I-I... I-... I-I..." Tweek's head was spinning. He looked around the room and finally started to take deep breaths as Craig rubbed his fingers into Tweek's back.
"It was... i-it was man-bear-pig..." Tweek said.
"Don't worry about that psycho bitch, Tweek. Just because she had city hall lock away the Pringles, doesn't mean we can't still stop her." Craig explained, sitting up as well.
"What?? Craig, no!!" Tweek said, "Y/n isn't man-bear-pig!! I've seen man-bear-pig!! He has razor sharp teeth and rips the faces off of innocent children!!! He's a monster- not some- some weird, out-of-town girl!!" Tweek screamed.
"Okay, Tweek, honey, you're just paranoid." Craig said.
"I SHOULD BE!! Valentine's day is in three days! Cartman said he'd have the Pringles by now- and the ceremony starts in-" Tweek looked at his phone and gasped, accidentally dropping it on the floor.
"TWO HOURS!! GAHAHH!!" Tweek was pulling at his hair
"What?? How long were we asleep?!?" Craig exclaimed, checking his own phone.
"Craig- Gahh! What are we going to do- we're going to die!! WE'RE GOING TO DIIIEE!!!" Tweek was hyperventilating.
"We're not going to die, Tweek!!" Craig told him.
"Yes we ARE!! The town's gonna go crazy!! There won't be anything we can do! Man-bear-pig's going to come around and kill us all!!" Tweek started to scream and tremble like he had hypothermia. Craig thought about what he said, and he didn't know what to say. So he just did what he knew would make Tweek feel most comfortable.
"You know what? You're right. The town is gonna go to shit." He began, making Tweek look over at him and grunt with fear.
"But God dammit, Tweek," Craig grabbed his face, "I will not let you die."
Tweeks green eyes began to sparkle.
"Come on! Let's go stalk up on supplies so we'll be prepared." Craig got up and started dragging Tweek to his house.
Meanwhile, I was standing around with Kenny watching them set up for the ceremony. They kept moving around boxes and stuff on the stage, and people were rolling into the area to watch someone eat a can of chips.
"What's been going on with Cartman?" I asked.
"He's still flipping out." Kenny said, lighting a slightly bent up cigarette from his pocket.
"Well, at least he's not taking over the town." I said.
"Yeah." He pulled his hood under his chin and set the cigarette in his mouth. I sat there staring at him. Watching him lift the cigarette with his two fingers, and let the smoke tumble from his perfect, beautiful lips. He looked over at me, making me realize that I was staring at him.
I wiggled my eyebrows with a smirk, before looking away. I heard him laugh, and I looked back at him. He had a small smile on his face, with an adorable gap between his two front teeth. I looked at the freckles on his cheeks and suddenly my face was getting hot. He placed a soft kiss on my cheek. I froze up and started to grin when he looked forward again, popping the cigarette back between his teeth.
God... I still couldn't comprehend the thought how spectacular it would be to have a real lover. Boyfriend thoughts, boyfriend thoughts, more, more, more... It's really weird how special it makes you feel... and how obsessed. I still felt bad about Butters, though. He was pretty convinced that we were together. But Jesus, I'd give up a million dollars to go on a real date with Ken-doll.
"Maybe Cartman will pull some crazy shit during the ceremony." I said.
"Maybe. But hey, we'll fuck up his plans when Heidi gets here. If she heard anything. He'll probably find some way to snatch them while it's on stage. We'll just keep an eye on them." He explained in clear, unmuffled speech. I kind of just gawked at him for a second.
"What...?" He laughed, looking over at me after I went totally quiet.
"Your... voice." I smiled at him.
"What about it?" His eyes shifted as he grinned at me with the cigarette still between his fingers.
"It's... turning me on..." I said, making him snort. We laughed until we were both immediately distracted when Tweek and Craig frantically ran past us with arms full of canned food, a bunch of weapons, and toilet paper and water bottles.
"Looks like they got the right idea..." Kenny said, pulling up his hood as he flicked the crumbling cigarette into the snow.
"I guess so." I shrugged, suddenly feeling something dark and kinda ugly crawling up my spine.
"HEY, TWEEK." I yelled. I wasn't expecting him to actually listen to me, but he turned around, which probably had a lot more to do with his constant paranoia than the fact that he cared about what I had to say.
"Hey guys. That looks like a lot to carry." I said, getting closer to them.
"Ngghh-- haaa!!!" Tweek responded as his eyes twitched to the point where he had to arch his neck.
"Uh... hey look, Kenny had a trash bag in his back pocket! He always does for... some... reason.." I smiled at his orange parka, sliding out the plastic bag that he stuffed into his pocket. Fanned it out and let him drop all of his stuff inside. He was trembling, but he looked up at me nervously, carefully taking the bag from my hands.
"You never know when you might have to deal with someone else's garbage." Kenny shrugged, making me chuckle.
"You're such a dork." I pinched one of his cheeks, making him giggle and push my hand away.
"Nggh... thank... you... GAAH!!" Tweek told us to the best of his ability.
"Tweek!" Craig ran up and stood right in front of him, glaring Kenny and I down.
"You guys gave some real nerve talking to my boyfriend at a time like this!!" Craig stared me down.
"Craig, chillax. We just gave him a bag to carry your survival gear." I smiled at him. He eyes Tweek, who seemed way less stressed about carrying everything.
"Oh... uh... thanks." He put all of the crap in his arms in the bag too, "But that still isn't an excuse! We're not going to let you steal our chances of survival."
"Oh. Dude..." I sighed, shaking my head in disappointment, "look if you're looking for a chance at survival... You should stay at my shed out in the woods."
"What? You mean that shitty little shack that Al Gore built out by Kenny's equally crappy house?" Craig asked.
"Hey, fuck you, man." Kenny glared. Craig breifly flipped him off.
"Yeah, sure." I smiled at him.
"Thanks, but we'd rather die than survive with the likes of you." Craig said.
"What?? We would?? Wait- Craig- Agh!! Hold on! I didn't agree to this!!" Tweek exclaimed as Craig started dragging him away with the black trash bag over his shoulder. I looked at Kenny with concern.
"Are you guys sure?? We survivalized it pretty good. No windows, make-shift barb-wire fence, enough food and water to last us all few months if necessary. We installed four different locks on the door, a heater and electricity generator... We also went out and stole a ton of blankets and pillows." Kenny listed off a few attributes of the comfy little abode we spend the past few days working on with Butter's and the girls. Craig stopped in his path to listen to him.
"There's a few people already staying with us, but it's not exactly a free-for-all. If it's security you're after, we really don't mind taking you in with all of your stuff, I'm sure you guys won't take up too much room." They looked at each other after hearing my words.
"Why.... take us in? Just like that...? After all we've said about you?" Craig asked me suspiciously.
"Oh, trust us, we don't have to let you go anywhere, dude." I smiled before Kenny nudged me, "We just thought you might like somewhere to go. After all, no one else but us is really worried about the outcome of this situation. Whether it's because I'm man-bear-pig, or because I simply don't want to be murdered by Cartman and a bunch of hill billys, we made my place how it is to help us survive." I shrugged.
"Tweek... do you feel... safe going with her?" Craig asked him.
"YES. Craig, it's such a- RHHNN- RELIEF that we actually have somewhere to stay!!" He explained in a quake.
"Okay... okay, we'll go... But if you try to double cross us, and pull some horrible shit on my Tweek--"
"Craig, the only thing I want to pull... is Kenny's dick. I wouldn't even want you to worry about your sweet little Tweek getting hurt. Staying with us is all. About. Safety." I spelled it out as Kenny's eyes popped open in surprise.
"Gross..." Craig said, which made me laugh.
"You guys can run over now, if you want. Scope the place out, and here." I pulled a random, pink crayola marker from my pocket and started drawing a dick on Craig's hand.
"Hey, what the hell!?" He shouted. I wrote my name in cursive as a little cum stream coming out of the top.
"There. Now Bebe will know I sent you and let you guys in." I smiled with a laugh.
"God I love you..." Kenny mumbled, staring at the dick-signature I drew.
"Uh... okay... come on Tweek, looks like we don't have to look for my sleeping bag." Craig took his hand and they headed away towards my shed.
"How many other people do you plan on taking in?" Kenny asked me with slight worry.
"I'm sorry... I can't help it that I want to help people. Especially if they're gay." I shrugged slightly.
"You're the sweetest, Y/n." He told me.
"Stooop." I grinned, squishing his face between my hands.
"Hey... did you really mean that thing about pulling on my dick...?" Kenny asked me, making me roll my eyes.
"....perhaps..." I answered.
"WHOO HOO!!" He said, shooting his hands in the air.
"Okay, okay, calm your tits, it was mostly supposed to be a joke." I laughed.
"Guys! Guys!! There you are!!" Heidi came running out of the crowd.
"Hey!! You found us!!" I smiled, hugging her when she got close enough.
"How's it going with Cartman?" Kenny asked her.
"Okay... it took me forever to get it out of Kyle, but I did it! It also took me a while to find an opportunity to find you guys, but they'll be here soon, so I have to make this snappy." She told me.
"Okay, spit it out!!" I said.
"So lucky for us, they haven't been able to get the Pringles out of the safe at city hall, but Cartman knows that Randy will be trying the new flavor on stage. His plan is to use a rope to swing across and snatch the Pringles can before he can eat it. Then he's going to eat it himself, and take control over the town." She explained.
"What a stupid plan." Kenny said.
"I know. Okay, so what rope is he using, and where are they right now?" I asked her quickly.
"Okay, the rope is hanging right up there on the roof of the stage, between those boards." We looked up at the rope just barely visible up on the ceiling of the construction, "They're heading over right now!! I had to pretend like I was running home to grab my watch, which, I just stuffed the one I was wearing into my pocket when I was standing around with them. But they could be here any-"
"Uh oh! Fatass, nine o'clock!!" Kenny said without pointing, allowing us all to look over at the four boys heading in our direction.
"Oh no... I'm sorry about this Heidi, I swear it's nothing personal." I said before shoving her back into the snow.
"I SAID NOT TO TALK TO ME YOU STUPID BITCH!" I growled at her, making her blink up at me in surprise. Then she sighed.
"Good call..." She told me, and almost instantly, Kyle was falling at her side begging to know if she was alright.
"LEAVE HER ALONE!! SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO SAY SORRY TO YOU OR SOMETHING, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A HUGE DICK!!" Kyle growled at me with glaring red eyes.
"Okay. Tell her to leave me the dick alone." I shrugged, and walked away with Kenny.
"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!" Kyle screamed at me.
"Who can we have cut those ropes?" I looked at Kenny when we were far enough.
"I think I have an idea." He told me.
Tweek and Craig made it to the shed clutching each other's hands. They stared, kind of perplexed by the big friggin wooden steaks burried in the ground, surrounding the entire shack with sharp, lethal barb wire fencing. They couldn't imagine how we even began to put this place together. The girls surrounding the peremisis with shot guns and hand guns, all came in on the two, aiming their weapons with hard, dirty war glares.
"State your purpose here, scum bags!!" Bebe shouted at them with a pistol aimed at their heads.
"GAH!!" Tweek yelled.
"Uhh... wh- hey!!" Craig yelled at two other girls pulled the trash bag away from them. Tweek grunted as he cowered behind his Craig.
"Looks like it's just a bunch of survival junk in here." Annie told her.
"Cool. Throw it all with the other stuff." Bebe smirked.
"What!! You can't do that!!" Craig exclaimed.
"Yeah we can. You're on our grounds. Anything on our territory belongs to us. Leader's rules. It's in the constitution we wrote." Bebe said.
"Yeah!!" The other six girls agreed.
"What?? Y/n made up those rules?" Craig asked.
"Our four leaders made up the rules, and it's none of your business anyway, you traitorous gay boys!!" Red shouted.
"Yeah, now scram before we blow up your eyeballs!!" Nelly told them.
"Ugh! Come on Tweek, I knew this was a waste if our fucking time!! We have to get out of here!!" Craig stared dragging Tweek away by the wrist in an even bigger panic than before, now that their time was split in half.
"B-but Craig!!" Tweek noticed the dick signature on his hand, "W-WAIT!!"
They all looked at him as he held Craig's hand in the air.
"We have Y/n's signature!! She said we're allowed to stay here, because we wanted us to survive too!!" Tweek exclaimed. The girls started to whisper in surprise, and Bebe walked up to them slowly, picking up Craig's hand.
"Yep... that's her signature all right..." Bebe said. She looked the two boys in the eyes.
"Sorry for the confusion. This changes everything!" She suddenly smiled as the other two girls handed back their sack if supplies, "Come on in, you guys."
They opened the gate for the two. They walked in, staring at each other as the girls securely closed the gate behind them.
"The ceremony starts really soon... you came at the perfect time. You can go get settled in, if you want." She said. They opened the door of the shed and walked inside.
"Yoo hoo- Timmey!!" Timmy happily smiled at them as he stirred a nice fat pot of tomato soup on the shabby camping-stove, while Karen moderately sprinkled some pepper and salt into it.
"Oh, wh- hey fellers!! Did Y/n let you guys survive with us too? She's so nice, huh? Well if you want you can help Timmy and Karen finish up supper, o-or you can put your blankets uh, wh- up on the sleeping loft." He smiled as he pointed to the piles of blankets on the designated sleeping loft.
"Thanks but... we're just going to settle down for a while, if that's okay." Craig said.
"Wh- sure!! Make yourselves mighty comfortable." Butter said, going back to loading a bunch of bullets into all of the big guns, as I assigned him.
"I.... I think I really like it here, Craig..." Tweek smiled.
"Really...? You've stopped shaking..." Craig asked, still holding his pale hand between his own.
"Yeah!... I think I actually feel... safe here." She smiled at his boyfriend, wiping the last of his stressful sweat from under his blonde hair.
"That's great, Tweek. We'll stay here forever if we need to." Craig grinned, taking both his hands. Tweek pecked him on the mouth, and hugged him tight.
"Thank you, Craig..." He sighed.
"Ok... don't miss." I told Kenny as he carefully aimed his ninja star.
"Don't worry, my aim is good... a little too good." He said, remembering the incident where he stabbed Butters in the eye with one. He tossed the star, and it skitted right against the rope, just enough to cut it, but not quiet enough to cut it in two.
"Bulls eye!!" I shook him with excitement as we watched the other three boys, and Heidi continue to distract each other a few yards away.
"Alright, let's get to cover to make sure this all goes down smoothly. Then we can book it back home when everyone goes crazy." He said.
"Right. Let's blend in." I agreed. So we maneuvered into the loud, chattering crowd and kept quiet as we watched. It wasn't much longer before the mayor stepped on stage.
"Gooooooood evening, South Park!!" She yelled, and everyone started screaming. I lookked around with a smirk, and I started cheering too.
"What're you cheering for?" Kenny laughed.
"I've always wanted to go to a concert or something like this!!" I yelled to him with a slight shrug, still jumping with the same excitement as everyone else. He laughed again, and decided to start cheering himself.
"WHO'S READY TO TRY THE NEW PRINGLES FLAVOOOR??" She yelled, and suddenly everyone was screaming like a maniac. So we joined in.
"Wait, dude... do you think cheering like this will make us brainwashed too?" I asked him over the yelling.
"Hm... okay, I have to be honest... I tried the Pringles... and.... They aren't really that good." He said.
"Wait a second..." I stared at him carefully, making him nervous, "You thought they were gross too? Me and Karen both hated it." I said.
"Yeah. So... how do we know the Pringles will even work?" He shrugged. We looked at each other as the mayor started preaching about politics, but then she finally cut to the chase.
"As you all know, the grand prize for finding the Pringles and bringing them back was a cash prize of a thousand dollars, and getting to be the first to taste the new flavor!!" She said.
"GOD DAMMIT!" We heard Cartman yell from somewhere in the crowd, most likely still super pissed off that he wasn't able to find the Pringles before everyone else.
"Everyone give a warm welcome to the finder and bringer of the new flavor... RANDY MARSH!!" She announced. Everyone started screaming again, but Kenny and I just watched intently. She started doing a thank you speech and we notice Cartman sneaking around backstage.
"Now, for the greatest honor this town had known in months... The reason we shut down our transpertation, and closed our borders. The moment of truth!! Randy, please open the Pringles, and give them a taste!!" She grinned, having two buff security guards carefully place the Pringles on the table. Randy happily began to open the can until suddenly...
"AHAHAHA!! THE PRINGLES ARE MINE!!" We heard Cartman yell before swinging down from the roof of the stage on the rope. But just as we planned, the rope snapped from the weight of his fat ass before he got even halfway across the stage, and he ended the short scene by face-planting on the floor. The crowd gasped. Kenny and I stared at him in surprise for a second.
"BWAAAAA-- HAHAHAHA!!" I started laughing hysterically, snorting in amusement as I pointed at the fat idiot on stage. Soon Kenny was laughing just as hard, and so was everyone else. Even Randy pointed as he laughed, and Cartman slowly picked up his face. Randy popped open the can.
"No!! WAIT!!" Cartman said as Randy took a bite of the first chip. He chewed it up, acting like he was exquisitely tasting the flavors. He seemed to gag slightly, and tear up as he swallowed. Then he just silently stared at the crowd.
"Well? How was it??" Some guy called out.
"Oh my god..." Randy looked at the Pringles container. Everyone stared in shock and anticipation.
"This.... is the BEST PRINGLES FLAVOR EVER!! YEAH!!" He cheered, and soon everyone else was cheering at the tops of their lungs again. I looked at Kenny, who shrugged.
Soon we were starting to notice though, that everyone started to mutter and wonder what flavor it was.
"Uhh, well, it's kinda like a salty.. garlicy, rotten meat flavor." He explained into the microphone, making them stare at him.
"I wanna try it!!"
"Me too!"
"New Pringles!!"
"New flavor!"
"I WANT TO TRY THE NEW FLAVOR!!" And like an angry victorian mob, everyone started crowding the stage, demanding a taste.
"Uhh-- sorry people!! But only one person gets to taste the Pringles today. But, based on if everyone likes it, we should be getting in a brand new shipment of the new flavor in about two weeks!" The mayor explaimed.
"TWO WEEKS??" Some guy yelled in outrage.
"That's too long!"
"Yeah, I want to try the New flavor now!!"
"RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!" They rabbled, except they were saying the word rabble instead of actually rabbling.
"Uh... we should get going." Kenny immediately took my hand.
"W-what's going on??" I questioned.
"Something bad..." He said.
"FUCK YOU BITCH!! I'M TRYING THE NEW FLAVOR FIRST!!" Some guy shouted before smashing a glass bottle against his wife's head. She turned around and stabbed in in the throat with one of the glass shards. And soon people were fighting, screaming, beating each other up, and more shockingly, killing each other!
So this is what happens when the town really freaks out. By the time we left, the whole crowd, which was made up of practically the whole town, was killing each other for the chips. And as we ran through streets, we noticed that people who hadn't even been to the ceremony were fighting for no reason, like it was some sort of disease they caught in the chaos of it all.
"Uhh.. huh-- K-Kenny I'm- I'm kind of scared..." I said, watching some dude kick a guy three times in the balls before dropping him to the ground and stabbing a Pringles-promoting, wooden-steaked sign through his head.
"Don't worry, we just need to get to the shed and we'll be safe! We're nearly-" he gasped as someone tried to jump at us. He had a crazed look in his eyes.
"Muhfukn- damn kids!! Gimme those Pringles!!" He said, hurling at me and grabbing my wrist. Kenny shoved him out of my face, clutching onto the dude's other hand. I yanked my arm back, socked him in the face, and that's when Kenny jumped up and kicked in in the head like some sort of fucking super hero. We watched him stumble and fall to the ground.
"Sexy." We both said at the same time, looking at each other in shock.
"JINX!! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven-" we started talking in unison again before he stopped us and lead us both to move forward again with a laugh.
We arrived, and the girls saw us.
"What happened, you guys??" Wendy asked us with the Walkie in her hand.
"It's worse than we thought... where's Heidi??" I questioned. The girls looked at each other with dissapointment.
"She... said she... wants to survive with Kyle." Wendy explained softly. I looked at Kenny with alarm.
"That's her choice... come on!! We all have to take cover!! They'll be coming here, we have to keep them out!!" Kenny said, immediatly pulling back the fence to get everyone in.
"Who's coming??" Wendy asked as the other girls rushed into the gates with their weapons in hand.
"....Them..." Kenny pointed to the angry mob fanning out to every side of town, including our direction. And boy were they coming in hot...
"HURRY UP, GIRLS!!" Wendy gasped all suddenly. Everyone was in, and our gates were locked up tight. Tweek, Craig, and Karen stayed inside while everyone else watched the mob of Pringle-craving adults surround our fence. Luckily for us, they got really whiny and bitchy when ever the wire poked them, but other than that they were just like zombies clawing at our walls.
"Priiingles... priiiingles..." they moaned like the living dead.
Kyle, Heidi, and Stan screamed as they ran around town, avoiding death in every direction as they searched for Kyle's adopted little brother.
"Ike! I see Ike!!" Kyle exclaimed, running towards his brother in the midst of the crowd. He punched the dude about to whack Ike with a metal pole, right in the dick.
"Kyle!!" Ike exclaimed.
"Come on, we have to get out of here!!" They ran all the way to Cartman's house. Kyle pounded on the door.
"CARTMAN!! CARTMAN LET US IN!!" Kyle screamed.
"What's the password, Kyle?" Cartman asked through the mail slot.
"JUST LET US IN, FATASS, WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!" Kyle screamed.
"Fine, Jew boy... But don't expect it to be so easy next time." Cartman opened up the door and they burst inside just before one guy could chase them up the porch stairs.
"Jesus Christ!! Dude this is insane!!" Kyle screamed.
"Kyle, what the hell happened?" Ike asked him.
"I-I don't know, Ike! Randy ate the Pringles a-and... s-suddenly everyone was just... killing each other!!" He ran his hand through his sweaty hair under his hat.
"I'll tell you what happened Kahl..." Cartman pulled Kenny's ninja star up from his pocket, "Does this look familiar, huh, Kahl?!"
"Kenny's ninja star from when we were nine years old...?" Kyle questioned. He knew exactly what this meant.
"That's right... I found this stuck in the roof of the crime scene. He must've thrown it up to cut the ropes. Sabatoge my plan." He explained.
"But... how...? We didn't tell anybody about the rope idea..." Kyle said. Heidi was starting to feel anxious, but she covered it well.
"She's a demon, Kahl. Of course she saw it coming. This means war, you realize that, Kahl??" Cartman questioned him, holding the star up to his face.
"Uhh... guys.. has anyone seen Tweek or Craig?" Token asked.
"No dude, I haven't seen them all day." Stan shrugged.
"Oh no... you don't think they were...?" Kyle asked. Suddenly the room went dark and silent.
"Well... they were brave soldiers... stuck close to the fight through thick and thin. Except for Tweek, he was a pussy. And Craig was an asshole. I guess together, they made up a perfect pair of lady parts." Cartman said.
"CARTMAN STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE, THEY COULD BE SERIOUSLY HURT!!" Kyle screamed.
"Yeah you fat sack of sun-dried cow shit!!" Heidi agreed with a smile.
"God DAMMIT SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLES!!" Cartman yelled back. Suddenly the back windows were being smashed in.
"Priiiingles... priiiiingleees!! O-ouch!! Aww! I got a piece of glass in my hand, dammit!" The guy groaned.
"Oh, shit!!" Cartman yelled, grabbing an umbrella and running up to beat the guy to death with it.
"CARTMAN!!!" Kyle shrieked.
"Quick!! Everyone start boarding up the windows!!" Cartman ordered. Everyone got to work.
We had some of our girl-soldiers stand outside to make sure everything was stable while the rest of us went in.
"Welcome, welcome, glad you all decided to make it!" I smiled at the little crowd of mostly other girls.
"Craig, Tweek, happy to be helping you survive the Pringle-pocalypse this fine evening. Timmy, Butters, Karen, you know we love ya." I winked at them.
"Wait, wasn't Timmy the one who caused all of this?" Craig asked.
"Yeah, but Timmy's cool. We're not just gonna let him die out there." I said.
"LIVALIE- TIMMEYY!!" He smiled around the room.
"As you guys know, we have everything we need. Weapons, food, water, shelter. It may be a little crowded, but that's the price you have to pay for survival." I said.
"Wh- I kinda like it!! It's cozy in here." Butters smiled.
"Me too, Butters. Questions, anyone?" I smiled at them. Tweek raised his hand.
"Tweek?" I said.
"Yeah... uh... why did you decide to help me and Craig and- everyone in this room?" He asked me.
"Uh... what does he mean?" I looked at Kenny, who shrugged.
"I-I mean... we've been accusing you of being man-bear-pig... even when you say it's not true. But you're doing all these nice things for us, and... I just want to be sure it's not a trap." He explained.
"Tweek.. it's simple. We established this place. Us four leaders, Kenny, Wendy, Heidi and Me. We made it so we can protect you, each other, and whoever else we may be able to save." I smiled.
"Y/n does things our of the kindness of her heart. It's not that complicated!!" Kenny said.
"Wait... Heidi' s one of your leaders? But I thought you hated her." Craig mentioned.
"Dumb-dumb, we were using her as a spy to make sure Cartman didn't fuck up our shit again. You know. Our plans to save the town, by making sure no one got ahold of the Pringles?" Kenny said.
"Wait... so she's just using him? Playing with his heart to get information?" Tweek asked in appal.
"What?? No, no. Their feelings for each other are completely real. That's why Heidi decided to stay with Kyle, and not with us." I said.
"Oh... Then I guess... you really are just a good person..." Craig said.
"Duh." I smiled at him playfully.
"I think he's finally starting to get it." Kenny said.
"Okay, well... Dinners ready, so Tim, start pouring the cups!" I smiled.
"Oooh! Timmy!" He said with a nod, pouring the first spoonful into a little styrofoam cup. We made sure everyone was happy and fed for there first night.
And even after the day grew dark, the adults were still moping around in the cold, groaning for Pringles, We made sure there was a fire outside, armed forces in case things went wrong, and plenty of comfort up on the loft.
"If we go out there... we'll die." I stared in awe as some guy ate the guts of some other dead guy laying outside the fence.
"Grrr- pringles- PRINGLES!!" He growled as he stuffed his face with flesh. He looked at his watch and blinked.
"A screw it... I'll miss work tomorrow..." He mumbled to himself, immediatly eating the man's guts again.
"Something is horribly wrong with this town..." I swallowed hard, wanting to cry at how fucked up it was.
"Yeah... let's go to bed." Kenny lead me away from the scene to join the rest of the group in the mountain of blankets up top the loft, while a few others rotated through the night, taking turns keeping watch.
Maybe the apocalypse wasn't as great as I thought... Or maybe it was just way beyond what I expected. I didn't care about it as much though, when Kenny wrapped his arms around my waist.
But I cared a little more again when Butters started cuddling me on my other side, too... It wasn't really a big deal. It wa kind of nice... just listening to their breaths alternate into each of my ears.
Peaceful...
Butters kinda smelled like pie anyway, which drowned out the smell of Kenny's dirty old parka. I loved both of their company. Kenny's was still better... But both of them, for the night, was fine by me.