#CYECChapter1
Ciem
"I'M not crazy! It felt so real! She was f*cking crying in front of me! There's blood all over the floor!" My voice cracked as I wiped my own tears.
"I believe you, Ciem. But first, you have to calm down, okay? Take it easy," Calizo said, lightly rubbing my shoulders.
"Take it easy?" I scoffed in disbelief. "I haven't slept for months! I'm too exhausted! I want to sleep but I couldn't do it! I'm f*cking scared!"
Patuloy ang paghikbi ko pero wala siyang ibang ginawa kung hindi ang hagurin ng marahan ang balikat ko.
Inis kong tinabig ang kamay niya. "If you don't want to help me, I'll just go."
"No, Ciem. I will definitely help you. It's just that . . . I haven't been practicing for years so I couldn't offer you any professional help. But I promise you, I'll do what I can, okay? Just . . . tell me everything. No more white lies, just the whole truth."
Naging mapakla ang timpla ng mukha ko. Ano ba ang akala niya? Nagsisinungaling ako? Gumagawa ako ng kuwento? Sana nga ay gano'n na lang talaga ang ginagawa ko. Pero hindi. Totoong nararanasan ko ang mga ito.
"It's all true, Calizo. Everything that I just said was all true. These nightmares felt so real that sometimes I'm confused with reality and nightmares. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't want to sleep because it feels like something bad might happen to me. And you know that feeling?" There's a pause, then I continued. "That feeling sucks."
He's Calizo, a good friend of mine when I was still in high school. He's actually six years older than me. He was a psychiatrist, but for some unknown reason, he left his field.
He let out a deep sigh. "I know how horrifying your dreams are, Ciem. But I also know that these dreams mean something. Nightmares are always correlated with traumatic experiences. So, maybe something happened to you that you have forgotten."
"I haven't forgotten anything, Calizo. My parents filed for bankruptcy because it was the only option for our company that was drowning in debt. And because we're deeply in debt, my parents had to work so hard para makabangon ulit kami. Now my parents are dead. I'm all alone now. I remember everything, Calizo. How they died because of working nonstop para lang mairaos 'yong huling dalawang taon ko sa college, at para lang mabigyan ulit ako ng magandang buhay. They actually succeeded on giving me back a good life, nabigyan pa nga nila ako ng magandang bahay." Mapait akong tumawa. "But they ended up dying, Calizo. They're gone and I couldn't do anything about it. Kasi alam kong kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi ko na sila maibabalik. Dahil ang buhay, kapag natapos, tapos na."
Napatitig lang siya sa 'kin. Bakas sa mga mata niya ang pagkagulat. Hindi man niya nakilala noon ang mga magulang ko, I used to brag their success to him, kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit ganiyan ngayon ang reaksyon niya.
"I'm sorry for what happened to you and your family." There's a pause. "Still, we need to consider the possibility of you forgetting something," he continued.
Annoyed, I stared at him. "So, what are you suggesting?"
"We have to press on it."
Natawa ako nang mahina at tiningnan siya ng masama. "Are you f*cking kidding me, Calizo? Sinabi ko na nga na naaalala ko lahat! Bakit kailangan mong ipilit na may nakalimutan ako? Okay ka lang ba? Sino ba ang may problema dito? Ako ba talaga o ikaw?" galit na saad ko.
Hindi siya umimik at batid kong may gusto pa sana siyang sabihin, pero inunahan ko na siya.
"You know what? Forget it. I don't need your help," seryoso kong sabi saka ako tumayo at lumabas ng apartment niya.
Bakit nga ba kasi naisipan ko pang humingi ng tulong sa kanya?
Iritable akong naglakad sa gilid ng kalsada. May mga nababangga pa nga akong mga balikat pero hindi na ako nag-abalang lumingon sa kanila para humingi ng paumanhin.
Nagpunta ako sa convenience store na nadaanan ko malapit sa apartment ni Calizo. It has immediately shifted my mood to just fine. Going to the convenience store was considered a happy pill to me. In my eyes, the convenience store was a place in which magical things could happen. I was always amazed by the cute rows of stuff I've always wanted to buy.
Ever since our company went bankrupt, going to the convenience store was always a pleasure to me. Every time my mom and I went into the store, the smell of it greatly amused me. Like it's an addicting smell of books.
The color of all the rows were eye candy for me, and the first place my mom always went to was the row where junk foods can be found. I was overwhelmed; Pringles, Doritos, Chips Delight cookies, and all.
Back then, there were times that the convenience store would transform aisles into traffic jams of people, and checkout lanes would be fifteen people deep and counting. But now that I go alone to a convenience store, it's always peaceful and silent. Sinasakto ko kasi lagi 'yong punta ko sa convenience store kung kailan patay na oras. 'Yon bang wala talagang masyadong tao kaya maiisipian mo pang tumambay ng matagal.
The last thing that happened was the checkout. I hated this part the most because of the monotonous, shrill beep the scanner makes as it is reading an item's barcode. This sound would keep ringing in my ears until I get on my bed at night, and it would actually just add up on things that annoy me to hell.
After paying, I filled the cup of Shin Ramyun with a hot water and grabbed a vacant seat. Nakaugalian ko na yata 'yong ganito. 'Yong kakain ako sa lamesa ng convenience store habang nakaharap sa labas. Pinagmamasdan ko lang 'yong mga sasakyang dumadaan, pati 'yong pa-konti-konting tao na naglalakad sa labas. I just find it satisfying, watching them do their thing while I eat. May mga oras kasi na ang sarap lang nilang pagmasdan dahil sa isang kita mo pa lang sila, may ideya ka na agad kung paano sila mamuhay, o kung anong klase ng tao sila. Pero madalas naman ay mahirap basahin ang tao. Madalas ay hindi naman talaga natin malalaman 'yong kuwento ng buhay ng isang tao sa isang tinginan mo lang. Because not all the time, what you see is what it is. That's not how it always works.
Sa kalagitnaan ng paghigop ko ng sabaw, napaangat ang kilay ko dahil biglang may lalaking huminto sa labas at sa mismong harapan ko pa talaga. Hindi naman tinted 'tong glass wall ng convenience store, kaya sigurado akong aware siya na may nakatingin sa kanya mula rito sa loob. Pero grabe, talagang tiningnan niya pa 'yong reflection ng sarili niya sa salamin at inayos pa niya 'yong buhok niya na para bang hindi niya ako nakikita.
Nakawawalang ganang kumain kapag may ganitong walang hiya sa harapan mo. Guwapo siya, oo. Pero puwede bang isantabi niya muna 'yong pagiging GGSS niya?
Irita kong nilapag sa mesa 'yong chopsticks na hawak ko saka ako malakas na kumatok sa bintana dahilan para matigilan siya sa ginagawa niya at masama akong tiningnan.
Aba. Siya pa ang galit?
No'ng hindi niya magustuhan ang ginawa ko ay taas noo siyang pumasok ng convenience store saka agad na lumapit sa 'kin para umupo sa bakanteng puwesto sa tabi ko.
"What was that for?" aroganteng tanong niya sa 'kin habang nakapamulsa siya sa jacket niya.
"Kumakain ako tapos ibabalandra mo 'yong mukha mo sa harapan ko. Ayos lang sana, kaso . . . Grabe. Sobrang lapit," pagsasabi ko ng totoo.
"You're overreacting, Miss. Hindi mo ba nakikita na may salamin sa pagitan natin?" he argued, raising his brow at me.
I scoffed in annoyance. "Hindi mo ba nakikita na may tao sa harapan mo?"
"Pakialam ko?" Bakas sa boses niya ang pagkabastos ng ugaling mayroon siya. Ang pangit ng ugali. Can't he relay his statement nicely and calmly? This is our first encounter, but I hope this would also be the last. He didn't have to be rude, right? But he did, without any hesitations at all.
"You're unbelievable," I exclaimed, rolling my eyes.
"You're nosy."
Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang sabihin niya iyon. "Excuse me? How did I become nosy?!" I yelled in disbelief.
"I was just checking out my face on the mirror. You didn't have to knock too hard. My heart almost jumped off my chest."
Wow. "Now it's my fault?!" I yelled again, but this time, in frustration.
Ugh! This guy's really getting into my nerves!
"And for the record, it wasn't a f*cking mirror! It's a f*cking glass wall! Are you dumb?" dagdag ko pa. Nakakaimbyerna kasi talaga siya! Wala sa lugar 'yong mga sentimiyento niya!
"As long as I am seeing the reflection of my handsome face, I consider any glass as a mirror. Mind your own business, will you?"
For God knows how many times, I scoffed in disbelief. "You're f*cking crazy," napapailing na sabi ko saka ako tumayo at niligpit 'yong pinagkainan ko.
Muli ko siyang tinapunan ng masamang tingin bago ako tuluyang umalis.
That guy's overflowing with self-love and it's really f*cking annoying.