"So, how is everyone feeling today?" Alisa smiled, joining our circle of damaged goods. Oh gosh, she really just doesn't fit in. She's got a caring family, she's privileged, she's popular, she's pretty, her father is our principal's buddy and she probably has her entire life planned out to the slightest detail. How tragic. For us, I mean.
"I see we're still missing a few newbies..." She looked around, after checking the list of damaged goods in her journal. We're the damaged goods if you haven't caught on yet.
The door opened and in strolled the smaller than average penis owner. Haha, I crack myself up sometimes. He plopped down onto a seat right across from me. I stared at him and couldn't help but notice how uptight he looked all of a sudden. It would be hilarious if he got offended by my little joke. I mean, come on! I would be embarrassed for him.
"Ok, one more minute for the latecomers! If they don't get here on time, we'll begin without them" Alisa informed everyone, but for some reason looked at me. What now? I swear that girl is obsessed with my tragic ass.
I rolled my eyes, for probably the hundredth time today. Yes, it's my signature move. Yes, I like to think that I'm an expert at it.
The door opened once again and to my surprise, it was our principal. He called Alisa out of the classroom and we all stayed seated. I could tell that I wasn't the only one waiting for the news.
Soon, the principal left and Alisa returned to her seat."Unfortunately, our other new members can't make it today. So we'll just have to begin without them" She said, uneasily. I smirked at my thoughts.I would kill to be those fuckers right now.
"How come they get to ditch this hellhole, but we have to go every week or else we get suspended or expelled?" Rachel (I think) asked. She flipped her emo bangs away from her eyes and stared at Alisa.
Alisa started to squirm in her seat, trying to find the right answer to the question."Well, umm he...one of them can't physically join us right now, Rachel. And as for the rest, I haven't been given any info on their reasons" She sighed, trying to smile so that we don't think too much of it.
Everyone fell silent. Considering the fact that he was scheduled to attend our shitty support group and knowing Willwood High's reputation, he probably overdosed, attempted suicide or committed suicide. There aren't many options here.
"What a wonderful way to start a support group meeting" Ethan spoke up, sarcasm dripping from his tone. I snorted at his stupidity.
"If you aren't aware, this shitty support group was started solely because of the excessive amount of fucked up kids in this fucked up school! And we talk about this fucked up shit! Imagine that? What was your idea of this support group?" I let my built-up anger out at last.
His eyes darted my way and turned to slits as soon as he recognized me.
"This isn't Bible study or some innocent shit like that" I added, slouching into my seat. Everyone was looking at me now and that was my best attempt at disappearing.
"Ok!" Alisa clapped her hands to get everyone's attention and most importantly, to shut both Ethan and I up. I don't blame her, though.
"Ethan, you're new to our group. Tell us something about yourself?" She asked, smiling like the idiot that she is.
"Whatever. My name is Ethan Summers. I have no idea why I was sent to this shithole" He muttered, also slouching in his seat. I snickered at his words. In denial, huh?
"Because you're a grade-A asshole who thinks rules aren't for him" Rachel shrugged, voicing everyone's thoughts. I smirk, mentally high-fiving her.
"Who even asked you?" Ethan deadpanned.
"Well, you had no idea why you're here. So she told you" I shrugged, getting bored of his defensive attitude. He stared at me, intently.
"You think you're so smart, don't you?" He asked me, still staring. I let out a loud laugh, never once looking away from him. I could practically feel how much I was getting on his nerves.
"And you think you're so badass, don't you?" I snickered, deciding to mess with him some more.
Alisa's eyes darted from me to Ethan countless times before she finally spoke up."Guys, let's all calm the atmosphere in here. This is a place of understanding and support, not judgment and negativity. We don't talk like that here..." She said, calmly. Wow, Alisa. You're no fun.
"I don't see the point of this whole thing. I mean, it's not like anyone here actually talks about the shit going on inside their head" Ethan grunted, taking out a cigarette and lighting it straight away. I watched as he placed it between his lips. What a dumb addiction.
"Ok, enough!" Alisa stood up. I watched as she made her way across the room to take the small pieces of paper from her desk. She then began handing them out to everyone.
"Now, everyone can write down anything that's on their mind, on this piece of paper," She lifted up one of the papers, making sure everyone could see. "Or just what you guys feel about something that's going on in your life at the moment..." She explained.
I took one and raised my eyebrow at her. Did she watch some online courses on support group activities or something? We've never done something like this before. All we usually did was talk shit about all the teachers and students. Okay, we also occasionally cried about our home life.
"It will stay completely anonymous unless you want to reveal that those are your thoughts" She added, sitting down gracefully.
I huffed, staring at the pen and paper in my hands. I guess if it stays anonymous, it wouldn't hurt to talk some of my shit out. I finished writing the short paragraph and cringed.Am I really going to let someone read this?
Before handing it to Alisa, I read over it quickly, feeling a wide range of emotions. I've never talked about this with anyone. Ever. I guess I'm technically not going to right now either, because it's anonymous.But I think it's a step forward.
I was never one to feel scared.However, when someone has their hands wrapped around your throat, it's kind of not a choice anymore.It's nothing like getting cracked ribs, having bruised patches all over your body, watching a cigarette burn through your skin, or anything else physically painful.It's way worse.It's like, knowing that someone has the power to end your life.Just like that. He's got your life in his hands.
I folded it up countless times just like everyone else did and threw it into the little bag that Alisa held out for me. "Now I'll walk around the circle and everyone will pull a piece of paper out. Then you'll read it. Keep in mind, this stays anonymous. We'll just talk about what's written and maybe we'll even try to analyze the given situation. Maybe even try to give some advice! But remember, respect the person who wrote the note. No negativity please!" Alisa explained thoroughly. Oh no.
She motioned for Rachel (the emo girl) to pull a piece of paper out of the bag.
"Sometimes, when I see him laughing or smiling...I wonder- Why can't I move on? Why is he living his best life without me? I still cry myself to sleep every night, remembering the words he used to say and the way he used to care about me. Yet there he is, happy as ever" Rachel read, cringing really hard. I looked around the classroom and found a very uncomfortable girl with light brown hair and square frame glasses. Oh this is easy. A nice game of guess who.
"Ok, some heartfelt words there. Anyone have anything to say? Maybe some words of advice?" Alisa looked around, hopefully. I looked around as well, knowing that everyone was too scared to speak first.
"I suggest acting like you don't care. He's probably enjoying how badly you're suffering. So don't mope around, waiting for the douchebag to care about you. Once you act like you don't care long enough, you'll trick yourself into actually feeling that way. Soon enough, you'll be questioning your sanity when you see how dumb it was to mope around over a dipshit like him" I said, simply. I specifically didn't look at the hipster girl who wrote the note. I didn't want everyone else to also figure out who wrote it.
"That was some very sweet advice, Melanie!" Alisa gushed. I rolled my eyes at her overexaggerated smile. Get on with it.
"What if he's acting the same way you just told her to act? What if he still mopes around too? Ever think that maybe, not all guys are heartless manwhores?" Ethan asked, once again shooting daggers with his glare. He just can't keep his mouth shut, can he?
"If you call sleeping around 'moping', then okay," I said sarcastically.
His eyebrows shot up with realization. "You wrote that didn't you?" He smirked. I rolled my eyes at him, again.
"I happen to know who wrote that because I'm a really good people-reader, dumbass" I stated.
"Ok, next!" Alisa interrupted us and walked up to the nerdy guy. I watched as he pulled out a piece of paper and I couldn't help but feel Ethan's piercing gaze on me. What's his problem?
"She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She's smart. but doesn't know it...she's funny, she's slightly dramatic and she's a little badass sometimes. I know that we're polar opposites. Yet somehow, she caught my eye and I can't stop thinking about her" The nerdy guy read uncomfortably. Oh, fuck. That's his note. He pulled his own note out...I'm cringing for him.
"So, any thoughts?" Alisa looked at me weirdly. Seriously, what is everyone's deal? I stayed quiet for this one. Mostly because I didn't know what to say. The truth is, people are too fixated on "cliques". So if she's out of your league, you can't get her attention? If she's not a complete bimbo, she'll give you a chance. All you need to do is show her you're serious about her.
"Oh come on guys! Let's help each other out. That's what all of this is for!" Alisa dragged, looking generally disappointed.
"Just tell her. Tell her how you feel about her, dammit" Rachel groaned, falling into Alisa's guilt trap.
"What if she makes fun of him...or breaks his heart?" An unfamiliar girl with brown hair spoke up, twirling a strand of her hair nervously.
"Then she's a stupid bimbo who doesn't deserve a sweet guy like him" I shrugged.
"Thank you for the effort, girls! Now maybe the boys have some advice?" Alisa turned to look at Ethan, expecting him to speak. He grunted, completely uninterested in the topic. What an inconsiderate pig.
"Ok, moving on..." Alisa made her way to the next person. A very short, petite redhead pulled out a piece of paper and sighed. How come I hardly know the names of all these people?
"I was never one to feel scared. However, when someone has their hands wrapped around your throat, it's kind of not a choice anymore. It's nothing like getting cracked ribs, having bruised patches all over your skin, watching a cigarette burn through your skin, or anything else physically painful. It's way worse. It's like, knowing that someone has the power to end your life. Just like that.In his hands. He's got your life in his hands" She read, frowning.
I stared at a wall across from me, already wearing my poker face. No one, and I mean no one, will think it's about me. I simply won't allow it.
"Okay, thank you Quinn" Alisa patted the redhead's shoulder."Now let's try help the poor soul that wrote this" Alisa shook her head sadly. Poor soul? My ass.
"I suggest shutting the fuck up. How can you complain about something like that? Why not just go to the cops?! Why is this even being discussed?" Ethan exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air out of frustration. Well, I didn't expect much more from him.
"Maybe he or she can't do that" Rachel shrugged.
"Yeah, okay. So let's romanticize it!" He rolled his eyes. My blood boiled as I stared at him.
"I don't think they're romanticizing it. I think that he or she has just accepted it and has chosen to live with it" I shrugged, calmly.
"Bullshit!" He scoffed.
"Why?" I questioned, keeping my cool.
"Don't act like you know what you're talking about! You're sitting here, all righteous. You're constantly pretending that you're some sort of therapist here with all your answers to people's issues. You don't know shit! You don't know what those people are feeling" He shook his head, sending all of his hatred through his glare."I bet you wrote about daddy not getting you a pink Lamborghini" He added.
I stared at him with as much hatred as I could shove into a single facial expression.
"Guys! Ethan, no-no-no! That is not the kind of talk we have here. Even if she did write that, that is her issue. Everyone has different problems and we have no right to belittle them!" Alisa exclaimed, a horrified look on her face. It's fine. I'm used to people losing their sanity with me. I must give off a certain vibe that makes people yell at me or beat the living crap out of me.
"I think the person is close to giving up on life. I feel pain in the words he or she wrote. Perhaps, they're thinking of ending their life sometime soon" Ethan spoke up again, much calmer than when he was speaking to me. How ironic. He just said the most thoughtful words, to the same person he belittled a second ago.
"And how do we help?" Alisa encouraged others to join the conversation.
"I think the person just needs a saviour. Someone who can come in and rescue them from everything going on. A knight in shining armor, like in fairytales" The redhead, Quinn, sighed. I don't need anyone to save me. Heck, maybe I don't want to be saved. Maybe I'm fine? Why doesn't anyone think I might be absolutely fine? I'm used to it. It's part of my life now.
There's no point in fighting back, it only gets worse that way.