MADISON'S POV.
"You sure you're allowed outside ?" Tobin asks at the gate. I don't know him well, I just know him to see around Alexandrea.
Fangs sits patiently at my side like always.
"Sure I am." I reply with a simple shrug.
Carl slides the gate open for us and I take a step toward only for Tobin to reach out and stop me with a stern hand on my shoulder.
I don't even look at him, I keep my eyes locked ahead and grit my teeth.
A bark rips out of Fangs mouth so loud that even I jump a little and Tobin releases me instantly.
"If Rick finds out I let you two-"
"Rick isn't the boss of us." Thats kinda a lie.
"But his son-"
"Carl's a big boy now. I think he'll be okay." I remark.
When he doesn't move I turn my head and stare at him dead in the eye.
"Tell them we'll be back in an hour. If you follow it'll be the last thing you do. I'm in a mood today." I warm.
"Yikes." I hear Carl mutter under his breath.
Carl reaches forward and grabs my hand, hauling me forward.
"Best not mess with her if she's in a mood, trust me."
I slide the gate closed and walk down the narrow path, taking the usual off track into the trees.
Fangs trots along beside us. He's probably excited to be out here, instead of trapped behind those gates. Poor guy, all he's ever known is entrapment.
"So will you tell me where you're taking me now."
I smile and shrug. "I told you, it's a surprise."
I grip my bow a little tighter. It's the first I've had to use it since I got back.
"Are you showing me where you were? We could've taken the car." He perks up.
"No." I answer irritably.
His face falls and I feel bad for being so snappy at him lately. So much guilt, and not just because him but because if others too. It makes it so much harder because that other person is someone I've been dying to talk to, but I'm too ashamed to look at them in the eye.
"We're going somewhere happier. Somewhere I've literally been dreaming of coming back to."
"Where?"
"Patience."
"Wow, that's rich coming from you." He teases, I just smile and roll my eyes.
I follow the familiar path but notice how icy the grass is, stuck up into straight lines, like picks on a comb, and how the usual summery green has turned dark and off color. The ground is now damp yet rock solid from the freezing cool air. The trees have lost their leaves and stand lonely and vulnerable. Nothing is how it was. Everything has changed.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothings wrong, just different."
"A lot has changed since you left Mads."
"No kidding." I mutter under my breath.
I pause, stopping dead in my tracks.
"Not one walker."
We both look around and listen but all that's heard is the crisp breeze that nips at our noses.
"Isn't that a little odd to you ?" I ponder.
"I wouldn't read to much into it, Mads."
"It's never this quiet." I note.
Carl shrugs. "Maybe they went into hibernation. Maybe walkers hate the cold too."
I stare at him blankly. "That was an awful joke."
He just laughs and grabs my hand again, pulling me along. Except this time he doesn't let go.
We walk tighter as I silently guided us to where I wanted to go, until we reached the a wall of bushes that formed in a rounded structure.
"We have to go through the bushes. It's not as bad as it looks, honest." I promise him and he gestured for me to guide the way.
I push the branches out of the way as I push through the bushes until I reach the other side. I wait for Carl there.
"Jesus Mads, half my face just got scratched off," he complains as he pushes through to stand next to me.
I laugh. "I must have gotten used to it."
I turn around to look at the flowers but when I turn around it looks different. It makes me shudder.
My small little meadow by the river sprinkled with every color under the sun has vanished, as if it never existed. The ground is too damp to lie down on and the Lillys are dead, colorless and dead. They slump down as if their stems are too weak to hold them up anymore. I look at the river which is almost completely frozen.
How silly was I to think it would look the same in the middle of winter. It's been months since I was here. The Lilly's also went through trauma, the trauma of winter as the cold took over them, ice setting in their leaves and shriveling them up, killing them.
"You weren't supposed to see this." I whisper. I don't trust my own voice not to break, not when I've seen this massacre.
"Didn't you bring me here to see it?" He asks confused.
I shake my head. "You were supposed to see sun and flowers, color and the sound of the river passing the rocks.... not this."
"Madison, it's Winter." He points out.
I nod. "I wasn't thinking ...."
"Hey." He pulls me in and I just stand there. I don't even have the energy to wrap my arms around him too.
"It'll come back, Madison. We can come back in a month or two and I'll see it all then." He assures me.
This is different. Carl usually never babies me and I would never let him. But it's different now and I'm not sure I like it.
Fangs, who has remained quiet the majority of the journey here, lays by the river, drinking from it.
"C'mere" Carl ushers me to stand next to the stream while he takes his jumper off and lays it on the ground for us to sit on. Even when I sit in it I can feel the dampness from the grass creeping in. I lie back and he copies me, taking me hand and not letting it go.
"Tell me about it." He whispers softly.
His voice is like satin and almost gets lost in the wind.
"Well... the grass was long and soft so when you lay down on it, like this...it felt like you were lying on a cloud, softer than my own bed. I often just slept here. It's so serene, so untouched. That's what I like about it. And the river used to trickle down past the rocks and the sound would make you drift into a deep sleep. And the flowers, they were my favorite. Wild flowers. We used to have them at home when I was young, in the field behind my house . You were there once, when we found my bow. Anyways, when you looked at them it's like...like you never seen color before. Carl, they were every color of the rainbow and they just swayed in the breeze. Pinks, yellows, blues, purples, white, red.... the list goes on. They were all there. The sun made the color look vibrant. It was amazing. I wish you could've seen it. For the longest time, this was just my place and I didn't want to share it with anyone. But if I had to share it with someone then it would be you."
He smiles.
"You recognized the flowers?"
I nod. "My mother used to talk about them all the time. Her mom told her about them too. She told me a story about them, I don't think it's true but I still liked it."
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and reciting the story like my mother had to me.
"It was about a soldier who went into war so that he could provide for his family. He left when he was young and never seen his family again but he wrote letters all the time and they would respond too, but one day he sent a letter to tell his mother that said he was assigned to go into dangerous territory and that it would be a while until he could write again. The truth is, he didn't know if he would be alive to write again so he told her he loved her and he went to war.
He was in a wooded area, everything had been overgrown and wild much like the war and the bullets that we're being shot at them. He had been with a friend of his that he made in the army but he got shot and the soldier knew he couldn't leave him to die, so he left his base and carried his friend through the woods until he found the small infirmary that was set up on standby by a woman who had lost all her children to the war.
He begged her to save his friend, to use or do anything she had to do so she could save him. She had nothing else to do and no money and nobody else to provide for so she helped the injured in the war. She was the someone she wished was there to saved her children during the war. Anyway, the nurse saved his friends life with the last of the medical supplies that she had.
On the way back to his base the soldier got shot and he was bleeding heavily, on the brink of death until the nurse found him. He was hidden by long grass that almost covered him but still, she found him, unconscious under a tree. She dropped to her knees and prayed to god for a way to save him. She had nothing left to save him with because he had begged her to save his friend. The wound has deep on his side. She tried to think of home remedies to save him but she had nothing of use. When she finally looked up she noticed wild Lily's gathered around the trunk of the tree. Different colors, different sizes. She tore them from the ground and squeezed them, gathering the moisture from the plant at the roots. She rubbed the extracts onto the wound and like magic, he healed. Life after death. They say that's why the Lilly represents innocence after death. But this wasn't just any lily. It was a Kara lily." I smile.
Carl looks at me with a small smile. "Kara?"
I nod.
"That's an ironic name."
"Huh?"
"Life and death and all that."
I roll my eyes. "Ha-Ha."
He smiles. "No, I like it. I always wondered where that name came from."
"When I was in the sanctuary all I wanted was to come home and see the flowers. I dreamt about it a lot. And when I was giving birth all I wanted was my mother. I wanted her help. I wanted her to tell me everything was gonna he okay and that when I was finished I could lie with the lilies. I guess the name kinda just stuck with me. It's all I could think about."
We lay there silent for a while. It's cold and damp and disgusting but somehow with him I still feel warm, safe.
I look over at him. He lies down with his face looking at the sky. His eyes are closed and he looks so peaceful. His now short hair is riddled by the breeze but he seems unfazed by it.
How did I get so lucky?
"Carl?" I whisper.
"Mm" He mumbles, lifting one brow.
"I love you."
He smiles and his face relaxes. He reaches out and curls his hand around my waist pulling me closer so my face lies on his chest. I listen to his heart beat.
"I love you too, Mads."
"You have no idea." He whispers more quietly but I still heard.
"Carl?" I call again.
"Yes?"
"Can I see your bruises ?"
"What?"
"Your chest. I need to see it's healing?"
"Why?"
I just shake my head, unable to explain my answer.
"I...I just need to see that you're okay."
"I'm fine, Mads." He opens his eye briefly just to roll his eye at me.
Frustrated, I try something else.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." I compromise.
He turns his eyes and looks at me more seriously. I watch as the curiosity eats away at him until he finally sits up and nods his head.
"Okay."
He lifts his shirt enough for me to see the bruises that are splattered across his chest like art work. The bruises are turning from purple to a yellowish color in some places. They look painful and before I get the chance to ask him how he feels he lets the shirt fall and he reaches for my shirt as part of the compromise. Looking at me in the eyes for permission first. I nod.
He lifts it slightly to look at the large, angry, red scar scribbled across my waist. I grab his hand and pull it away. He frowns in confusion.
"Actually, ... I wanted to show you something else. A different scar."
He cocks his head in confusion and I can see a slight panic in his eye.
I take a deep breath before sitting up and turning away from him, moving my hair out of the way as I expose the back of my neck.
I hear his intake of breath as his fingers trace the carvings on my neck.
"20399" he whispers.
I feel uneasy telling him this. I don't want him to worry or ask more questions but I couldn't hide it from him forever.
"Madison... what do those numbers mean ?"
"Me. That's my number. That's all I was there, just a number, another test subject. Subject number 20399."
"In that hospital place?" He asks.
I nod.
"Who done this to you Madison?" He begs for an answer.
"I just wanted you to know. But.. I'm still not ready to talk about it. Sorry."
I turn back around to him.
He looks so upset. I groan.
"I shouldn't have shown you-"
"No. I needed this."
"Why?" I ask curiously.
"This is the first you've told me anything about that place. Or anything at all about why you were gone. Sometimes I worry because you hold it all in. Dad worry's too. We all do."
"I know."
I try to turn back around to him. It he stops me.
"What's this?"
"What?" I panic.
He pulls the hem of my shirt at the neck down looking down my back.
"Oh my god ! Madison!"
He frantically pushes my shirt up and exposes the scars. I can't see them but I know what he must see. A back covered with angry, grooves marks, lashes, slithering down my back like uncontrollable snakes in every direction. Big ones, little ones, each one redder and painful as the other. His hands trace one and I hiss in pain, repulsing away, moving my entire body alway. The shirt falls back into place as I scramble off the jacket and into the wet grass, soaking me. I scowl at him.
"Madison, I'm sorry."
I try to control my breathing and most of all my anger. I'm so angry I can't decide if I want to cry or hit him over and over.
"You went too far. You had no right." I say through my teeth.
"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"I'm going home. I want to see Kara." I interrupt.
I stand to my feet and grab my bow and arrows before taking off towards the bushes and into the familiar path home as I hear Carl scramble after me.
"Fangs!" I call.
Fangs rushes to my side in high alert, ready for action.
"Madison!" He calls after me.
I'm too annoyed.
Relax Madison, in fairness, if you were in his position you would've done the same because you're a nosy bitch.
But the thing is, Carl isn't nosy. He never pries. I think that's why it annoys me so much. I try to shake off the irritation but I just can't.
"Madison ! Wait!" He shouts again.
He attracts two walkers that come in my direction. I grab an arrow and set it in my bow, pulling back on the string, I let the arrow fly and pierce the walker in the temple. It drops to the ground instantly in the same moment as the other walker grabs me. I wrestle with it, trying to reach my knife while holding back it's head as it's teeth get nearer and chomp loudly in my face.
Carl catches up and quickly grabs it, tossing it onto the ground before reaching behind me and grabbing an arrow and slamming it in its head. The walker goes limp and he pulls the arrow from its head. He turns back to face me.
I snap the arrow back off.
"Don't touch my shit. You know the rule about my bow, same applies for the arrows." I growl.
I bend and collect my other arrow, shoving them both back in the quiver.
"You're welcome." He snaps.
I roll my eyes.
"For what? Shouting and attracting them?"
We both walk back in a fuss, full on tantrums between us. Fangs paws at the walkers, making their rotting skin peel from their bodies.
"Come on boy." I pat his head and he follows behind us on the way home.
When we get to the gate Carl pulls it open for me.
"I'm sorry."
"I know." I sigh.
"I-"
"Just... give me a second to cool off. Go talk to Jenna. That's well over due. I'm going back to Kara."
He nods.
I rub my temples, trying to sooth the headache that's growing by the second. I walk back to the house and open the door to Rick, Michonne and Kara.
"There you are. Where were you? Where's Carl?" Rick asks.
"Uh... Carl's at Jenna's house." I answer.
Fangs rushes into the house and sits by the lighted fire.
"I've already told you not to have that dog in the house."
"I like that dog, I think with everything he's been through he can sit by a fire."
Michonne raises her brows. "And where were you?"
I feel a small smile creep across my lips. I feel like a child after doing something they know they shouldn't have done.
"Madison Smith! I told you not to go outside the walls."
"Well, I'm here now." I chuckle.
She smiles only slightly, knowing she's trying to scold me.
"And a good thing too." Rick says.
"Why?"
"Because we're meeting with Daryl, Maggie and Carol. We need to discuss our next step. We need weapons, ammo, other resources if we want to win this war." Michonne explains.
"Okay, well. Who else is here?" I ask, nervously.
"Just you now."
I take Kara from Ricks arms and cradle her gently against my chest.
"Oh."
"You'll be fine."
"Y,yeah."
"We'll see you later. Judith is in her bed. You know the drill, if she wakes, read her a story and tell her we'll be home soon." Rick explains as they both hurry out the door.
The door shuts and I'm left all alone with Kara.
As much as I know that should put me at ease it fills me with terror. It's never been just me and her. I've always had help.
"Just you and me Kara."
And on cue she wakes and starts to cry.